In this article, Ellie Williams says New York police have started warning girls with too-short skirts that they could attract sexual predators. Williams is annoyed, because she feels the police are blaming the (potential) victims.
I agree with her that we shouldn’t assume sexual assault is the fault of the victim, but I do think people don’t always think about what their clothing says about them. Like the underwear models in the picture above. Maybe I’m old, but I don’t get what the girls in the thong panties are trying to say. Any ideas?
We love laughing at the “People of Walmart” pictures, and HR people always have a half-dozen funny stories about people who come to an interview in appalling outfits. Appearance matters.
This prom dress got a lot of attention a few years ago.
Believe me, I rebelled against this as a young woman in the 60s and 70s. I thought it was superficial to judge people based on appearances. I’d go into a nice clothing store in faded jeans and feel offended when the clerks treated me like an unserious customer, which I was, in view of the fact that I was poor, but I thought they were snotty and elitist.
In my thirties, I was waiting for a guy to come by the house and pick me up for our first date. I saw his car from the bathroom window. It was an old, faded, Fiat with torn upholstery and bald tires.
I should have stayed in the bathroom. Instead I ended up marrying and supporting that man. We divorced seven years later. The first impression I got from his car said everything, but I had been taught not to judge by appearances. Now that I’m older, I realize that humans really don’t have any other way to draw first impressions.
We respond to visual cues
We humans respond to visual cues. While dressing like a streetwalker – or going naked – doesn’t entitle a criminal to use your body, at the same time it’s wrong to say that people don’t look at what you’re wearing and draw conclusions. Those conclusions might turn out to be wrong, but the chance to demonstrate that fact may never come.
What do you think the young woman in the cowboy hat is saying with her choice of clothing? To me, it says I’m sexy and fun. Let’s play. That’s her decision – she’s a grown woman – but I’m hoping she’s also a martial arts expert.
Ah, well, she’ll probably change as she gets older. When I was a teenager, I applied for a job. The prospective employer called my current boss and asked for a reference. Vick praised me to the hilt. The prospect kept pushing. “Come on, she can’t be perfect. Tell me one single flaw.”
Finally Vic relented. “I had to be honest,” he said later. “I told him your skirts are too short.”
Kindle readers can contact me at Lmspreen@gmail.com.
Raised 4 girls…..
Go in your room and take that off PERIOD!! That’s how I roll!
Camary, your comment made me laugh. That’s what my parents would have said, no ifs ands or buts. You come back anytime, hear? Happy Thanksgiving.
I think girls dress suggestively these days for the same reason they always have. They don’t value themselves as much as they should. They also have celebrity ‘role models’ who behave irresponsibly…and don’t respect themselves. If you have talent use it, and not your assets, to promote yourself.
It doesn’t help that most young girls and women are boy crazy. If they don’t compete with the girls who dress provocatively, they might not get a boyfriend (their reasoning, not mine).
Good thought, Kristy, re competition. That part has probably been true since we lived in caves. But the lack of self-respect — where the heck does that come from? I think most of us go through it. I have two granddaughters and fear for their self-esteem. Thanks for stopping by.
LOL with the comment from Bill!! Based on the much more widespread and open sexuality in our society I wonder if it would take a mere mini-skirt to cause the same reaction in a group of HS boys.
Regarding the teacher with the thong… I think she was surprised and annoyed to be called on it…. and yes, she WAS something.
Surprised and annoyed, hah! I once had to tell a worker to pull up her neckline. She was proud of her giant bazooms and I guess she thought the Personnel Office was an appropriate place to show them off. You know, what with all the traffic coming in the door. She acted like I was a pervert for noticing.
This is a great discussion,Lynne. I do Sport’s Physicals in middle and high schools and am continually amazed how these 12-18 year old females dress, with cleavage,midriffs and butt cracks showing. I have to admit, I am old-fashioned. I feel offended and I wonder what they are thinking or if they are thinking. I suspect that many are probably just trying to fit it I want to tell them to go get dressed, they are sending the wrong message! I remember rebelling against authority and not wanting to be labeled by my appearance or what I was wearing. Then I remember that whole”dress for success” era where first impressions based upon your appearance were crucial for job interviews. For me, the truth is, we do send a message by how we present ourselves both in appearance,clothing, mannerisms and conversation.Personally, I think inappropriate clothing is a distraction that may give a negative first impression.
It’s a minefield, Kathy. I know all the good reasons they should be allowed to express themselves, explore identity, learn about group behavior, etc. but with those two girls in the top photo with the thongs? I just want to stand in front of them and say, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING!!!!! My husband told me that when he was in high school (back in the days of mini-skirts) if a girl came into class dressed really sexy there was no way he could learn anything. A classroom full of guys holding their jackets in their laps 😉
Excellent article, Lynne. My story was much like yours in my younger years. Now I work for a school district. I see way too much. It is unreal but real. I now have a different attitude toward appearance. Like you, I believe in the freedom of choice. A sex offender should be held accountable. On the other hand one needs to respect themselves and other by dressing appropriately. Why ask for problems when one can maybe help prevent one.
And Ann, what do these young girls think about the way they look? I think 99% of them are innocent of the message they’re sending, except of course Ms. Cowgirl above, who is old enough to know better. But dang, I sound like a crank, don’t I?
Yes, Renee, I have a granddaughter who is 11 today, and I fear that she will eat that junk up, the fact that women are still seen as things. I never quite got it as clearly as when, in my 40s (!) I was driving down to the keys and saw a guy photographing his boat, with his girl on it. Beautiful setting, Boat (on trailer) with islands in background. Girl (in red bikini and tumbling waves of dark hair) posing on bow of boat. And CLANK! it finally fell into place in my brain. With his picture he was saying “My boat, My girlie.” Things. Of course, it might have been her boat, and she asked him to take it, what do I know. But as a visual to the lesson of objectification, I could see how it worked. It was profound.
I had a discussion with several people a couple days ago, triggered by another blogger who included a video in her post about how women ar presented in advertising. I think we live in a world of sensory overload, and because of that, those in the media have to push the limits farther and father out to get people’s attention. The objectification of women is the fallout. And that, in turn, is internalized by young women. What saddens me is that women in so many places on the planet are denied their power. Many young women in this country, give their power away.
Appearances make a huge difference. Anyone who doubts it should watch What Not To Wear. They choose people with schlumpy or inapproprate clothing, bring them to NY with $5000 and teach them how to dress themselves. The amazing thing is the difference in posture, body language and personality at the end. They don’t do anything to change those things, just the clothing and grooming make a huge difference.
While no one would want to blame someone’s clothing choice for their victimization, the fact is that clothing is viewed as a come on for some neanderthals. Laura Croft may not need to worry about that, but most mortal females do. Thanks for the post, Lynne and thanks for the reminder that we were once the ones with the provacative clothes. I once had a teacher who came to school with overalls and a baby tee with her thong exposed through the sides. She couldn’t understand that this was not an appropriate clothing choice for a professional. All the 4th, 5th and 6th grade boys liked it!
Nanci, that teacher must have been something! Was she embarrassed? I remember “our guys” (when we were in high school” wore their Levis about 3 inches below their belly buttons and let their boxers hang out the top. I’m sure our parents were scandalized, but at least we weren’t looking at ass cracks!
Marla, Debbie and Linda, I appreciate your thoughtful replies. Marla, it’s too bad but we do have to look out for the wackos. I’ve told my husband that in certain instances it’s best not to make eye contact, and we’ve learned to recognize situations where it’s better to stay under the radar. Linda, Karzai makes me sick on so many levels. This is yet another.
It’s still part of the patriarchal world we live in, and I still don’t get all of what that involves. Robert Heinlein (definitely a science fiction writer) wrote often that the reason there’s sexual violence is that we all wear clothes. Hide something, and it’s more interesting. Don’t know about that either. Watching Women War and Peace on pbs, and U.S. Ambassador-at-Large for Global Women’s Issues Melanne Verveer was talking to Afghanistan president Karzai’s advisor about bringing more women to the peace conference table. Karzai’s minister responded in a way much like the police officers offering wardrobe advice. It was a backhanded way of blaming the women. Listen to what he had to say on that episode and hear if it doesn’t ring the same. How many steps from warning females about their wardrobe to stoning them for men’s behavior? I’m with you, Lynne. Dress with your navel hanging out, you’d better be able to knock a guy out with your left pinkie finger.
here’s what I’ve always told my 3 daughters: there are wacko guys out there who think that women in hot clothing are inviting them to be wacko–
we will never be able to control the wackos….
ergo….
thanks Lynne-hot topic…so to speak..:)
Points well taken, Lynne! We all tend to make snap decisions about others, based in large part by what we see and hear. That’s particularly evident when it comes to job interviews and first dates. Nobody should condone the “she was asking for it” rationale for sexual abuse, but neither should women (or men) dress to convey the impression that they are!