I stopped coloring my hair about five years ago. After half a century, I was finally able to reject what I felt as societal pressure and go gray. Reject ageism. Accept mortality. Yes, I have been accused of overthinking. But still.
It shouldn’t be this hard, but deciding to let my natural color come through turned out to be a very difficult decision.
Motivating me was the uncomfortable fact that, every five weeks, I’d spend $140 plus three hours of my time (including commute) for a two-layer cut-and-color job. It looked great, but under all the color, I was completely gray. What was I fighting? Why all the effort? Bill didn’t care what color my hair was, and I was tired of the fuss. So then who was I doing it for?
For me, going gray was like saying, okay, there’s no more hiding it. I’m old. Oldish, anyway. I accepted it. Proclaimed it to the world. Thumbed my nose at the culture of youth we so worship in this country. Said, “I don’t care if you know my age.” But even for me, a feminist and age-positive person, it was still hard.
Nevertheless, I made the decision. In a long, expensive process, my hairdresser fixed my color so it could grow out without looking two-toned. I went completely natural. That was six years ago. Here’s two months in:
Now, I spend $25 and a half-hour (including commute!) to get my hair cut at a nearly salon. No coloring necessary. I miss the color sometimes–and it’s weird not to be in control of it!–but it’s so convenient, I will never go back.
My author friend Lynette just let it grow out. Her beautiful, flowing hair is two tones.
I asked Lynette if it was a difficult decision for her, or in any case, why she decided to do it.
Lynette:
My running joke is that this is my “Covie-do”. We went into lockdown on a Friday and the following Wednesday was my next hair appointment, so the decision to go “natural” (LOL) was forced upon me!! I found my first gray hair at age 18 and by the time I was in my 30s, I was coloring it “back to its ‘real’ color”. I have always loved being a brunette! So that’s about 30 years of denying it was going gray.
One of my biggest challenges has been being okay with being gray with a teenage daughter…vanity plays a part here because the other girls’ moms are, of course, quite a bit younger than me.
In my 20s, my hair went down to my butt. I finally shortened it up when it got caught on a car’s door mirror when I was walking through a parking lot. That was embarrassing. “Help, I’m stuck on this car!” Another comic moment. I have had my hair cut as short as a chin length wedge, but have always come back to longer hair.
Having said all that, I am loving the fact that gray hair is currently a fashion statement and now my two-toned head gets compliments! At this point, I’m thinking of keeping the brunette ends going forward. We’ll see how that works out.
It’s been growing out since March of 2020. I’ve had it trimmed twice in the past 60 days, mostly because I no longer have bangs (due to the grow out) and it was time to get rid of the damaged ends. I think we’ve cut off about 4 inches in total. I need to get into the habit of curling it, because it does look better than when it’s just straight. I have a lot of hair!! (My mom said I was a very bald baby and didn’t have much hair until I was about 2 yrs old.)
Thanks, Lynette! Going “silver” or “natural” was such an empowering rite of passage for me. I hope that is true for you as well.
Did you see that I published a new book? In this one, middle-aged Kim, divorced and struggling, decides to return to her childhood home in Florida to save money, help her mother, and start a new life. Only thing is, Mom has a masters in manipulation, and Kim might now be stuck. Has she learned enough in the last fifty years to break free–again?
Get your paperback or ebook copy of We Did This Once Before by clicking this link. And if you’ve already read it, a brief review would be greatly appreciated!
At 68, my hair is slowly turning silver from the natural strawberry blonde, naturally curly it has always been. From having it as short as 2″, to down past my waist, it has given me joy to donate it 3 times, for wigs. Never having had a perm, nor coloring, nor straightening, I am definitely in a minority!
Each silver hair coming in is praised, and tells me of another battle won. They have promised me the chemo will not take my hair, let’s see if my body listens!
Ginger, you have shared so much of yourself, the pristine, perfect hair that served so many. You are a gem. I wish you health, a speedy recovery, and courage.
I haven’t yet made the leap. In the pandemic I let it go for a year. The new growth has even less body than my naturally straight flat hair. In addition, it hasn’t gone totally gray. There is still lot of mouse in the color. My sideburns have been a nice almost white for a decade, I’m hoping it all eventually goes that color…then I’ll stop coloring it.
I only get my hair colored about twice a year, so it hasn’t been a hardship….we’ll see.
That’s the thing, Nanci, for the first time since I was in high school, I don’t have control over what color my hair is (if I let it be natural). And for some people, the color isn’t great, or the texture. It’s a crapshoot. Thank goodness for chemistry.
Hi Lynne, You have spoken for a lot of woman “of a certain age”. I made the decision when I started seeing gray hairs to just let it be.and go natural. My hairdresser calls them wisdom highlights! I imagine once ove gets started in coloring, it’s hard to stop. I prefer a. no-hassle, short do.wash, shake out and go about my day! Interesting post .
Kathy, I’ve actually considered, very briefly, going back to coloring. Although the hassle wouldn’t be worth it, it’s not like so much else in our lives where we have no choice. Isn’t that interesting? We could go back if we wanted.