Ronni Bennett
I never expected to feel as alive and vibrant and spirited and vital as I do at this time of my life.
These are the words with which my friend, elder blogger Ronni Bennett of Time Goes By, began a recent post. It seemed so powerful I asked if I could reproduce it for Any Shiny Thing. The following words are Ronni’s. Enjoy.
“There is little if anything in our culture that would lead me to believe I would feel this good about being an old woman. The media relate to old age almost entirely via health, poor health – and mostly about dementia.
“There are more news and feature stories about Alzheimer’s, for which no prevention or treatment exists, than reports on all other elder health issues combined.
“The New York Times publishes what is now a long-standing, daily blog about and for elders titled The New Old Age. Day in and day out over several years now, it is exclusively about being sick or frail or demented or all three at once as though there are no other states of health in “the new old age.”
“Someone ought to tell The Times that 80 percent of old people live independently until they die.
“Then there are the politicians. Elders are a big topic for them because we are more frequent voters than younger people and our numbers are ballooning.
“But the pols see us exclusively in economic terms, wringing their hands over how expensive we are, a bunch of greedy geezers who they would rather starve than allow a Social Security cost-of-living increase.
“Is it any wonder nobody likes old people?
“The only positive words about us involve freaks who jump out of airplanes at age 85, reported by the media either as a joke or as an object lesson to all other old folks to get off our duffs and climb Mt. Everest.
“As regular readers know, I think about these things a lot and frequently rail against them…
But that doesn’t stop me from being amazed at how good old age feels. This is the most interesting time of life I have known.
“It seems to happen when I’m not paying attention that a lot of former imperatives fall away, making life easier and far less fraught with shoulds.
I am done improving myself. Self-help be damned. I am what I am and so I shall remain.
“My ambitions these days are about how I might be able to contribute to my community and not the next better, higher-paying job. I’m not competing for work or recognition or awards anymore and that takes off a load.
“My concern about myself has shrunk to little more than a daily mental checklist on well-being rather than how I compare with others. I have less to prove to them and to myself.
“I’ve almost learned that there are good days and bad days, good and bad moods, and that’s all right. Each is as much a part of living as the other.
“And, as I’ve mentioned here before, I have lost my younger sense of urgency, the need to do, do, do. I still find it odd that as my days dwindle down, I more frequently say, “I’ll get to it tomorrow.”
“I still don’t understand that but it sure feels good and for a bonus, I suspect it helps keep my blood pressure in check.
“There is time now, finally, to be. Time to follow my interests and instincts, to investigate those avenues – internal and external – I was too busy for in the past. Or not. I get to choose and the freedom I’ve arrived at to do so thrills me.
“Whatever the rest of the world thinks about being old, from my vantage point of 72, it is unexpectedly better and more exciting than I ever guessed it could be.”
Lynne again: Are you surprised to find yourself happy at an age when we expected to be bummed out?
I LOVED readin this–thank you so much for sharing it. I will definitely check out her blog too. I think the more of us who can share the news of the many advantages that come with a long, well-lived life are so very important. I happen to live in the Palm Springs area of CA where we are so fortunate to see so many people in their 80s & 90s who are still active, happy and mentally sharp. They are so inspiring to those of us on our way. Let’s all keep spreading the news! ~Kathy
Kathy, thanks for the affirmation. We really do need to celebrate the positive, challenge ourselves, and keep living – and inspiring each other! BTW, I live in Hemet and am a member of the Palm Springs Writers’ Guild.
Oh wow! Small world huh? I live in La Quinta (I actually grew up in this area) and have heard about the Writer’s Guild for ages (literally 🙂 !) Then you too know how many great role models we have here in the Coachella Valley. Who knows? One of these days our paths may cross in person…something tells me we have a lot in common! ~Kathy
I’ll keep an eye out!
Thanks, Lynne…you do too.
Thanks to you I have read and enjoyed DAKOTA BLUES, BENEDICTION and PLAINSONG…and I am still reading (and enjoying) IN THE COMPANY OF WOMEN, FIERCE WITH AGE and EVENTIDE.
That’s like a trip down memory lane for me, Sue. Thanks. I loved them all (yes, including my own!)
I treasure the Internet because I live on a farm. I LOVE the space and the peace…but it’s also great to be able to have meaningful and inspiring conversations with intelligent, open minded and mature women like you!
BTW…Have you read QUIET…THE POWER OF INTROVERTS by Susan Cain?
No, but I’ll check it out. You’ve got so many interesting ideas, Sue.
I’ve been watching Marti’s videos for years: http://youtu.be/xZ_V7_u-hgU. She is so smart. And as for that isolation? As an introvert, I treasure the Internet.
When you mentioned marketing to a mature audience, it made me think about some videos I found a year or two ago on YouTube by a woman named Marti Barletta. What I found especially interesting was she was discussing marketing to older women, and her videos had very few “views.” Our generation of women is the best educated and most economically solvent generation of American women ever. The reason marketers are not taking us seriously is because we have participated for so long in endless/mindless consuming, shopping and spending with our eyes on the ethereal “prize” of staying “forever young.”
You are right on the money when you mention technology and the ability to “access” each other’s thoughts. This particular “conversation” could not have happened ten years ago. We need to keep thinking and talking and sharing ideas. That’s how we find out that we are not alone, even though we may feel at times that we are living in a pocket of isolation.
Just a “head’s up” on another book that relates to this topic…NATURE AND THE HUMAN SOUL by Bill Plotkin. It may be that the ability to embrace one’s age has something to do with maturation. I started reading a “sample” of the book last night and couldn’t put it down. He makes a strong case regarding how industrial growth societies “grow” when people do not mature beyond adolescence. “Arrested personal growth serves industrial ‘growth’ … industrial growth society engenders an immature citizenry unable to imagine a life beyond consumerism and soul-suppressing jobs.”
Sue, what an intriguing comment. I’m curious to check out Plotkin’s book. Advertisers have known for years that if we feel dissatisfied with ourselves, we will buy. The front cover of any “women’s” magazine demonstrates this truth. I suppose to extrapolate that to his adolescence theory is a natural leap, but I’d like to think that with our new widespread access to each others’ thoughts (due to technology), something more exciting might be on the horizon. Like what happens if we as a society actually DO mature? What new products might we wish to consume? BIG thinkers might want to consider this potential as they plan for midcentury commerce.
Thanks for sharing Ronni’s treasure trove of wisdom about aging, Lynne. I love it–” I am who I am and shall remain.” What a wonderful attitude to embrace!
I know. Ronni is a very together broad.
Great post! Thanks for sharing Ronni Bennet with your readers, Lynne.
My pleasure, Pat.
I am looking forward to my old age….. it sure beats the alternative 🙂
Ain’t that the truth.
I agree entirely. I wrote a blog post recently about how good it is to be 65.
Why not share the link here? Write us back with it.
Isn’t it nice to be able to do the things that you want to do and to retire from the things you don’t want to do. I’ve really been enjoying that.
To the extent we can, that is really one of the luxuries. The challenge is not to retire from everything. I’m dropping off and picking up my granddaughter from preschool a couple days a week now, and I have begun trying to look more presentable and interacting with the young mommies standing in line with me. It’s kind of exciting to blend in with their “culture.” I can do research, too, asking them questions about such and such aspects of their lives. Very cool!
Thank you (and Ronni Bennett) for this delightful post. I completely agree with everything Ronni mentioned. What a great way to start my morning! I’ve linked it to Facebook’s “OC Boomers” page for everybody to enjoy.
Sandy, can you send me that link? I tried to find it on FB and couldn’t. Glad you enjoyed it!
THIS Is what I need to hear. 80% live independently. Leave it to the media to exaggerate the negative…I should know better. Thank you for reblogging this. I am so afraid of aging, and the stupid thing is that fear of aging robs me of youth. Stupid.
I started following you because of your frank and positive take on aging and how we value ourselves and others as we age. I still read your posts regularly and appreciate your perspective and all the things you share. This is such a positive message.
Thanks for all your kind words, Meg. Re fear of aging, that’s why I started this blog. I needed, for my mental health, to reject that fear and rebel by finding something not just good but outstanding about getting older. And I have.
When you say this fear robs you of your youth, I’ve had that same concern! I so identify. Sometimes I wonder if by obsessing about “the good in old age” I am missing “the good in being 59.” But I counter that by trying to be mindful, and grateful for the here and now. And reading Ronni’s blog, http://www.timegoesby.net, is a kick-ass antidote. She’s so real.
Take care.
I tell people that retirement is like being a kid again…but with money and a car. At 62 I feel great, Sure there are some things I am not as good at as I used to be, but there are also things I never had time to do before that I now do. That means I am now better at those things than I used to be. I don’t spend much time thinking about becoming older. I like to concentrate on who I am and what I can do today. All stages of life are great if we make see that way.
That last line should be “if we see them that way!”
And it was a good line, regardless! Good to hear from you, Nanci.
There’s that dang word again: old. No-body’s calling me by that silly word because I’m NOT. Heck, I haven’t even grown up yet and maybe never will.
I began my retirement almost seven years ago, taking it easy, but now I am busy, busy, busy. Can’t sleep in, haven’t time to read, always into something. Maybe I’m so busy because I can’t MULTI-task anymore. That’s one failure I’m well aware of these days. 😀
Tess, I’m calling you old, because it’s a compliment in my world. Old means free to reinvent, to charge forward, to be busy, busy, busy by choice. Congratulations on being old. You’re awesome.
I wasn’t saying you called me that, I only meant to hack that word to bits. If we start thinking of old as old, it might be depressing and I’m not about to be depressed.
;-D
Reblogged this on 11315 Miles and commented:
I’m no youngster, but I don’t consider myself old either. I liked this article because I’ve been wanting to expand on age (specifically mine) and running. I hope you enjoy – reblogged from Any Shiny Thing.
I’m just 2 years younger than Ronni but am routinely taken for being in my 50s… maybe because I don’t ‘act’ old? Unlike Ronni, I still aim to improve myself – but just for myself, not to prove anything or because I’m dissatisfied with myself. Rather, I love learning, trying new things (I celebrate turning 70 by starting a new job), funneling everything through the filters of my spiritual practice and enjoying just Being.
Chela, acting old is a good thing, so I don’t understand that sentence. And I think Ronni meant she’s happy with who she is and doesn’t feel any compulsion to change. She enjoys just Being.
At 51 I’ve just begun to feel this way – sometimes. I’m inspired by this and look forward to feeling this comfortable and self-contained at the author’s age.
Sharon, the 50th birthday can be pivotal…it’s saying goodbye to youth and experiencing the uncertainty about what comes next. Then you have a period where you realize, hey, I could be only halfway through my adult years, and you catch fire. At least that’s how it is for me. Think about it: from 20 to 50 is 30 years. There’s no reason you shouldn’t be vibrant right into your 80s, so you’ve got another 30-year lifetime to live. Kick butt, girlfriend!
Right on! I’m 70, about to be 71, and I love it. Never knew I’d experience such freedom!!
Jzrart, I think we are going to see a lot more chortling in the years ahead as more of us speak openly about this feeling. One of my friends described it as “glee.”
This was terrific. Thanks for sharing. I sent to NH State Committee on aging, of which I am a member.
You’re welcome, Bob. I hope they’ll all go visit Ronni’s blog, too. It’s at http://www.timegoesby.net/
I feel much the same way and am still somewhat alarmed to be 61! I was walking with a colleague from work (an energetic 24 year old) who elated “I want to be as active as you are when I’m your age!” I find it very rewarding that I have started to become the kind of woman I always admired when I was young. Not sure when the whole aging thing started happening as I haven’t been paying much attention to it. Thank you for a wonderful reminder.
Mindy, the whole aging thing started when you were an embryo! But seriously, Ronni is awesome. And thanks for writing.
Reblogged this on Change is Never Ending.
Thanks, Duke.
No problem. Anything we can do to promote women’s issues is a good thing regardless of age.
What a terrific perspective!! I share this view most of the time, feel lousy less of the time, and I don’t think that’s any different from how I felt at any other time in my life…
Good morning, Mimi. I feel more challenged physically, but much more joyful mentally. Somehow the culture has decided the only good human is a young human – but not necessarily so! We need to talk it up, cuz older age has many wonderful aspects to it.