I have always doubted that “adulthood” is one amorphous blob of a stage. How could I be identical to my 30-something kids? Haven’t I moved further along in my development? Aren’t those miles worth something?
Turns out, the answer is yes.
A hundred years ago, children were considered miniature adults. It was only with the arrival of pediatrics that childhood was understood to have distinct and necessary stages. Parents were now able to anticipate the stages, and work better with their kids to help them become max functional adults.
Well, guess what?
Science now tells us that adulthood contains its own developmental stages.
Adult development as a subject for scientific study is a very new field, and the research is intriguing. We’re learning that, just as successful childhood involves developmental tasks like independence and individuation, successful adulthood appears to involve six developmental stages.
In a fascinating book called Aging Well, George E. Vaillant, M.D. and his team studied three groups of men and women over sixty to eighty years to learn how they were developing. The data were analyzed and recorded.
Researchers discovered:
- The stages of adult development.
- The factors that predicted whether a person will age well or badly over a lifetime.
- The coping mechanisms that we develop as adults; these mechanisms are usually beyond the reach of younger people.
This study data is groundbreaking, because it’s gathered over decades. In contrast, our usual way of finding out how to age successfully is to ask very old people how they did it. “I drink a shot of whiskey every day,” says the beaming centenarian, but this isn’t helpful.
Truth is, the elder doesn’t know. Whether due to denial or failure of memory or who knows what, the only way to know the answer is to track a bunch of people over many years, control for variations, and look for commonalities. Which Vaillant did.
By tracking these people from childhood (including observations of their home environment and family life), interviewing people who knew them well, and scrupulously adjusting for bias, researchers unearthed patterns. That information has profound implications for you and me – not just what stages to expect, but what factors predicted a long and happy old age, and what (surprisingly) didn’t.
There’s so much more to this that I’d like to post more in upcoming days, but without further ado, here are the six stages. They typically happen sequentially but may not.
- Identity – a sense of one’s own self separate from family of origin
- Intimacy – the task of living with another person in an interdependent, reciprocal, committed, and contented fashion for a decade or more.
- Career Consolidation – expanding one’s personal identity to assume a social identity within the world of work (this includes homemaking)
- Generativity – demonstrating a capacity to unselfishly guide the next generation (without parenting them; involves giving up control of outcomes) Personal note: Bill and I are here.
- Keeper of the Meaning – similar to Generativity but less related to individuals and more to broader society. Focus is on conserving and preserving “the collective products of mankind – the culture in which one lives and its institutions.” Concern for a social radius extending beyond one’s immediate community.
- Integrity – acceptance of oneself in existence; wisdom of one’s place in the larger scheme of things, of one’s uniqueness, of where one fits in the cosmic order; acceptance of mortality (my words).
As I said, there’s so much more, which I’ll share in upcoming posts. For example, adults tend to develop mature coping mechanisms, which are interesting when you notice yourself engaging in one! And also, there are elements of healthy aging that you may want to focus more on. We’ll continue the discussion next Friday, but for now, I hope this gives you a feeling of comfort about your own development.
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Thanks for sharing this information, Lynne! This is the first time I’ve heard of the work of Dr. Valiant in AGING WELL, and I appreciate you sharing this with us.
I truly have a fascination with learning about “life stages” and their impact on adulthood.
Probably the books PASSAGES and NEW PASSAGES by Gail Sheehy were my first introduction to the “concept.”
When I read FROM AGE-ING TO SAGE-ING by Rabbi Zalman Schachter-Shalomi, I really embraced his idea of “viewing” our lives in 7-year segments of time. He suggests that the first seven year segment (from ages 0-7) represent January…the second segment (ages 8-14) is February…and so on. When I turned age 64, I stepped into the “October” of my life. According to Reb Zalman on pg. 23:
“As we approach the October, November, and December of our lives, the time for harvesting arrives. This involves reflecting on our achievement, feeling pride in our contribution to family and society, and ultimately finding our place in the cosmos. Unfortunately we have no model of elderhood to encourage such harvesting. So we either fall into disuse through retirement, or else we strive valiantly but foolishly to compete with younger men and women in the July, August, and September periods of their lives. We cling to the unrealistic dreams of our youth culture and recoil from the door marked ‘elderhood’ looming before us. If we viewed elderhood as the crowning achievement of our lives, we would open the door with reverence and anticipation.”
Anonymous, I have two strongly competing feelings about your comment. One, gratitude. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I was very moved by what the rabbi said about “if we viewed elderhood as the crowning achievement of our lives, we would open the door with reverence and anticipation.” Oh, I long for us to achieve that frame of mind, that wisdom!
The other thing, though, is the weird feeling of not knowing who I’m talking to. I hope one day you’ll feel safe identifying yourself.
Lynne
It is me, Lynn!
I forgot to put my “identifying” info in…and when I posted my comment, I thought it was “lost forever!”
‘Tis you, Sue? What a relief! Always great to hear from you.
Thanks, Lynn! This particular topic really “resonates” with me.
Another book that takes a look at the “life stage” concept is NATURE AND THE HUMAN SOUL by Bill Plotkin.
He has developed a chart entitled: “The Eight Stages of Eco-Soulcentric Human Development.”
Stage 1…Early Childhood (The Innocent in the Nest)
(TASK: Ego formation and the care of innocence)
Stage 2…Middle Childhood (The Explorer in the Garden)
(TASK: Discovering the natural world and learning cultural ways)
Stage 3…Early Adolescence (The Thespian at the Oasis)
(TASK: Creating a secure and authentic social self)
Stage 4…Late Adolescence (The Wanderer in the Cocoon)
(TASK: Leaving home)
Stage 5…Early Adulthood (The Apprentice at the Wellspring)
(TASK: Learning delivery systems for embodying soul in culture)
Stage 6…Late Adulthood (The Artisan in the Wild Orchard)
(TASK: Manifesting innovative delivery systems for soulwork)
Stage 7…Early Elderhood (Master in the Grove of Elders)
(TASK: Caring for the soul of the more-than-human community)
Stage 8…Late Elderhood (The Sage in the Mountain Cave)
(NONTASK: Tending the universe)
I see myself at the end of Stage 6 and heading into Stage 7.
Sue
Sent the book sample to Kindle Fire. I loved the stages you published from the book. I am in all of them with one exception, the one you and Bill are in. I have one child, a step daughter who I have known since she was three. Now, at sixty-eight I might be ready for more. Wait, I have two granddaughters. They live in Minnesota. It is enough. When I complete all the stages, then I will have more children. Next life. Or will I have to start all over again. I think the umbrella over all of the stages should be called patience.
Hi Bob, so many “authorities” opine on stages or causes or reasons for successful aging, but this one seemed highly credible. I say that because it was based on a study over the years, which mitigated the subjectivity of which we’re usually unaware. One of the interesting things this method uncovered was the cause and effect of alcoholism. In every case the conventional viewpoint was that a person had problems which led to alcohol abuse, but a review of earlier notes/observations/interviews revealed that the abuse predated the problems. A solid example of the usefulness of this method. So I think I’ll adopt Aging Well as my aging well bible. Happy Sunday.
Lynne, this is right on target for what I am going through. I am going to have get a copy of that book, but in the meantime will wait for your next installment. I am going through a stage of feeling lost. I imagine it is in preparation for the next act of my life, but right now I am floundering in the in-between-what-am-I-supposed-to-be-doing stage. I always find your blog giving me guidance just when I need it most.
I’m glad to hear that, Pat. Based on the lack of comments I am wondering if this post resonated, but maybe people are still absorbing it. You’re a little younger than me, and I went through a “lost” stage…actually, several in my life. I think people do, when there’s a need to rethink things. Almost 40 years ago, when I was pregnant and learning everything I could about the delivery process, I learned that there is a stage called transition, just before the baby is born, which is characterized by nausea. Funny, but through the years, I’ve remembered that and tell myself that transition states are nauseating! So probably you are in a transition state. The good news is, there’s so much information now about older people getting happier. Partly that’s about changes in the amygdala; some researchers theorize that as you get older, you have more information about what’s going to kill you and what isn’t, so you can stop worrying so much. Also, there’s this encouraging essay by David Brooks: http://www.nytimes.com/2014/12/05/opinion/david-brooks-why-elders-smile.html
I hope you feel more settled real soon, and that it’s because you’re changing your path just enough to feel re-energized. In the meantime, you are in the generativity stage, for sure. Best wishes, Sis.
Thanks for all the insight into the transition process and also the encouraging article. Sharing our uncertainty lightens the load. Somehow I don’t feel so lost knowing my Big Sis leading the way.
<3 :)
Your review of Dr. George E Vaillant’s book Aging Well is intriguing. It has reminded me that there is an amazing difference in the personalities of my husband, age 71, and his sister, age 81. They are as different as two individuals can be. She has had a challenging life and is now in a nursing home with dementia. He is one of the most caring individuals ever. She is fortunate to have him as her primary caretaker. Did Dr. Vaillant and his team study siblings? I am looking forward to reading what you will share with us in coming weeks.
Barbara, there were a few siblings but they didn’t focus on them specifically. I remember him mentioning one or two cases where siblings aged differently, but it was almost more incidental than purposeful. This is one of the most interesting and informative books about aging I’ve ever read.
Great and interesting post. Thanks Lynne 🙂