I’m reading “Inventing the Rest of our Lives” by Suzanne Braun Levine, and this part resonated with me:
“We know what ‘middle age’ used to be about: cutting back, scaling down, giving up. And we know that isn’t for us. At the same time, we sense that doors are closing, that a chapter is over. We are no longer fertile; we are no longer the trend-setting generation; and we are now less likely to make a major mark. So we are torn between those ‘facts of life’ and what we fear are ‘unrealistic expectations.’ Can I really learn a new language? Can I really start my own business? Can I fall in love? Get a divorce? Close up the house? Do I have what it takes to make changes in my life?
“We are restless and curious and ready to get to work. The doubts and the ‘zest’ create crosscurrents that can cancel each other out and leave us stymied by a sense of aimlessness.”
I can’t tell you how much that speaks to me. Here I am, on the verge of marketing my debut novel to agents, at a time when the publishing industry is being nuked and our society still very much values youth over maturity (and I have more to say now than ever!) – and yet, there are times when I think I am foolish for racing around with my hair on fire in pursuit of this passion, because I am 56 and my sweet husband is 63, and we are in our prime of midlife, and I should spend every vibrant moment I can enjoying his company…the actuarials are not kind. I expect I’ll have fifteen years of widowhood; time enough, solitude enough for writing. So I race, and then I stop, and wonder, and I go back and hold him and ask him to reassure me that I’m not leaving him behind, and then I hurry back to my office.
Thanks for all the kind words about my books. I wouldn’t have been able to figure out what I have figured out (so far) if it weren’t for conversations like this. My next book (about love at midlife!) is almost done, and let me tell you…. there is plenty of juice in the old broad yet!
Hey, Suzanne! Good to hear from you! Let me know when your book is available. Got a tentative title yet?
Lynne, I couldn’t have said it better! I feel exactly the same way about cherishing my sweet husband while we still have each other. Yet this passion/obsession/frenzy/whatever..is a force to be reckoned with..so in the words of St Theresa of Avilal.”.Do whatever most kindles( pun not intended!) love in you” and somehow it will all come out in the wash..so Write On and be happy!
I so relate to the aimlessness part of Levine’s words. I feel like there could be so much ahead and yet feel confined in some odd way… of course I am still working long hours and it might change when I’m not. Still, people don’t listen to me as intently as they did and a friend is aghast because she doesn’t create the sensation with men that she had in the past. It’s about RE creation … trying new things on for size. You, my friend, are so fortunate to have already found your next burning passion. I am still wandering in the wilderness, but excited about the possibilities…. In regards to the husband, I expect it is much more engaging to be in relationship with someone who is vibrant and passionate about life than one who is stimied…. You go girl… I have been waiting to read your book for a long time.
Nanci, so great to hear from you! And although I am focused now, it took me such a long time to figure things out. In Levine’s book, she talks about us Boomer women picking up and then discarding lifestyles, employment decisions, relationship decisions…it’s such a weird and fertile time, and it just continues throughout the rest of our lives. I love talking to my 85-year-old mom to get an idea of what’s going to happen next.
Don’t look at the statistics, sista! Who knows, by the time our generation gets to be OLD (and “old” is always about 20 years older than we are!), maybe somebody will have invented a pill that would let us live that much longer! Of course, I don’t imagine many would choose to take it, unless it also promised “quality of life.” You’re blessed to have your wonderful hubby to provide comfort and reassurance — he must be bucking for sainthood to put up with a WRITER, ha!! And yes, I imagine that, after the kids are raised and out of the nest, that would be an ideal time to re-invent oneself, to try the things one put off before, to dust off the old and start anew!
Thanks for sharing; at 55 and also writing with the intent of being published, both you and Suzanne Braun Levine let me know I’m not alone or crazy! Onward.
Well, we’re all probably crazy, but at least we’re in it together! Thanks for your comment.