Sometimes we perpetuate our own victimization. Cultures promulgate Big Lies. We tell each other a certain thing, repeat it endlessly and it becomes true. We don’t even hear our words anymore.
Let me provide an illustration. It’s extreme, but it makes the point about culture – in this case, thankfully, not ours.
The people who live in Afghanistan today believe that the current status quo represents reality, the natural way of things, but do they know any different? Some women are probably alive who remember the days when they could put on a skirt and heels and head out for university to continue studying to be a doctor. I fear that the majority believe the converse: that women are ignorant beasts suitable only for breeding and domestic labor.
Like I said, it’s an extreme example. Here in America, we have in the past chosen to put youth on a pedestal. We chose to imitate them, and we chose to say things like “senior moment,” “60 is the new 30,” and use the word “old ” as a description of something bad, negative, unworthy. We did this voluntarily. Nobody held a gun to our heads. We were so far into the Kool-Aid we were in danger of drowning.
But that’s changing. Judging from your comments, you’re as sick of it as I am, and you’re mad as hell and not going to take it anymore. You’re standing up for yourselves, refusing to spend the next thirty years of your life bowing, scraping, and apologizing for being old. You’re not as willing to emulate the young. You’re incensed by the ageism that’s so acceptable today, refusing to ignore the profound cruelty in what ignoramuses consider humor.
We have begun to celebrate the glory of the second half, and we’re excited about our potential. For an uplifting view of turning eighty, check out this essay by famed neurologist Oliver Sacks. And notice the title: “The Joy of Old Age (No Kidding)” – as if you have to be KIDDING to think there’s anything good about old age. Good article, stupid subtitle.
I beg you: don’t accept a low ceiling. With our numbers, we can make headway on this. I hope you will continue to spread the word about empowerment after age 50. We are free thinkers, we’re experienced, and we are deeper than we’ve ever been. We have to talk about it, with joy or anger. Too many of us are on the verge of myopic despair when we could be on the verge of enlightenment.
So keep talking. Keep asking why we use the word “old” as a pejorative. Because old is one of the most lovely things I’ve been.
Late add: It’s 7 a.m. and I’m happily reading your comments when this appears in my inbox from Huffington Post: 7 Easy Ways to Avoid Looking Old. *sigh*
Lynne, I’m a little late to the conversation, but I just read your blog this morning. My! You did spark some lively conversation! Since you’ve read my Mutinous Boomer book, you know exactly how I feel about getting older. It is literally a state of mind and, yes, we are more powerful than we know. I had an online discussion a few months ago with a fellow Boomer who had blogged about accepting the fact that she was getting old physically and mentally. I told her that I respectfully disagreed with her approach. I believe that thoughts and words are extremely powerful. I shared with her a habit I began several years ago. Every day I thank God (out loud!) for giving me such a strong, healthy and beautiful body. I do this as part of my daily routine. I also thank my body for being strong, healthy and beautiful – out loud. And guess what? My body responded by becoming stronger, more healthy and more beautiful! Amazing. To this other bloggers credit, she was fascinated with the concept and we emailed about it for several weeks.
As Boomers we rebelled against the system when we were young stuff. We believed we were never going to “get old.” Let’s stick to that! A line to a song that was popular in the 1960s comes to mind, “Fairy tales can come true, it can happen to you, if you’re young at heart…”
Thanks for a terrific blog Lynne. I’m with you, kid!
Marsha
What a testament to the power of positive thinking! Thanks, Marsha. Stop by any time.
Yes, we are “mad as hell and don’t want to take it anymore.” If it wasn’t for Maggie Smith and the Miss Marple character (both British) proving older women to be both brilliant and sardonic — i do not know where i would find this appreciation of older women in the U.S. culture.
I am so glad to hear Oliver Sacks being quoted. His is an amazing story, not just of professionalism, but incredible insight. I am a jazz musician of 50 years, and got to know him after his book ‘Musicophelia’ was written. After having brain surgery in 2007, I found I had a brain block when it came to the bridge for ‘Cry Me a River’. I emailed Oliver and he suggested I play what I knew right before bed, then first thing up in the am, play it. Darned if it didn’t work! I am so glad I found your blog. Thanks for the insight! Kathy
I’m thrilled that you’re here, Kathy, and that you’re well and playing again. Stay in touch, girlfriend.
What a great story, Kathy. Oliver Sachs is one of my true heroes. And stories like this, that is, how he helps people so much, always remind me why. I’m happy for you.
Great post (as usual). Thanks
I adore you Lynne, your voice is crisp and your perspective is sharp and on target. I just launched my own blog, not on aging, but on “being fabulous @ any age”. I have always known my life would improve with age and it has. and I think it is our responsibility as the leaders [in years] of the boomer pack to pave the way for a new transmission of thought. I am personally not heading into my “golden” years, i am heading into my future with my arms wide open to an expanded future of being ageless!
thank you for all your insight, you’re the best…
Brain candy, Kate! I love this: we need to “pave the way for a new transmission of thought.” BTW is your blog private? I tried to glance at it but wasn’t successful. In any event, have fun with it. See you soon.
http://www.platinumboomer.com/
this is me, fresh out of the blog hatchery…the transmission of thought is also called a “Meme”. which is an idea, behavior or style that spreads from person to person through writing, speech and various forms of communication. in one writing Memes are referred to as a “cultural analogues to genes”, in that they self-replicate and respond to selective pressures. it all sound so sci-fi, but when you think about it, how does a trend really begin, where does the first thought come from? anyway, read more about the “mystery of the Meme on my blog post next week.
and thanks for trying to find platinum boomer, I am honored.
thanks Lynne
I have found a kindred spirit! I, too, am on a mission to give this phase of my life an identity with as much value as the previous one. I don’t want 50 to be the new anything. I just want to experience it for what it is. Great essay! Glad to have found you!
So glad to hear that, Lisha. Thanks for the affirmation.
Thought-provoking photographs and words. Ageism is an old fashioned attitude that boomers are smashing to pieces in the way that we tackle each day with vitality, curiosity and courage. Thanks for leading the way, Lynne, with your musings on Midlife Magic. Now if the naysayers in the media would only stop to listen, they’d hear OUR voices roar.
Pat, if we roar loudly enough, they’ll hear us. Or even if we quietly narrow our eyes with disdain.
“. . . quietly narrow our eyes with disdain.” I like that!
I’m having a hard time with this comparison. Age-ism in the U.S. is nothing compared to the hardships women face in Afghanistan, and I imagine most women and men there DO remember the culture they had in the ‘6Os. Even the youth who can’t remember it, are probably told by their elders. The extremists shown in the second set of photos are just that, extremists. Recently they’ve been shooting women police officers. Who even knew they had women police officers in Afghanistan? But they do. So much for rampant sexism.
How can we congratulate ourselves that this is not, thankfully, our culture when mass shootings happen here more and more frequently, and in the last 12 years we’ve fought two wars, one completely unnecessary which left Iraq a ravished country from infrastructure to a failed government. The other war, twelve years in Afghanistan – a decade after the Russians invaded… And we wonder why their culture has gone backwards?
Sorry to get on a soap box, but I do have “senior moments.” I can’t hear as well as I used to. My ears ring, and my neck aches when I spend too much time on the computer, but I have a house I love and a decent retirement, and I feel so lucky to be born in a country with big oceans on both sides and a system of government that works better than most – despite our penchant for using our military to mess up other countries.
Still, we Americans are blessed in so many ways. How dare we whine about the “ageism” of trivial phrases like “senior moment.” 100,000 Syrians will not grow old. Two million are in refuge camps, half are children. That is “profound cruelty.”
Thanks for putting things in perspective. It’s something that’s badly needed in all aspects of life. You weren’t on a soapbox (does anyone know what a soapbox is anymore) you were just talking sound, common sense.
Kathryn, I “dare whine about ageism” because I think it’s important. Is it as important as Syrian children in refuge camps? Nope. Should I stop talking about it because there is greater cruelty elsewhere in the world? No. But I admit after your impassioned comment I feel depressed.
I’m 65 and like others have said, I never have felt freer or more grateful for all the things I have had and still do! Our culture genuflects at the altar of youth & beauty!
Yes, we do, and we are misguided. I was going to say “stupid” but that would have been harsh. I want us to genuflect at the altar of being healthy and happy. And alive.
Yes, and the more older adults realize how powerful they are as a demographic, and how rich later life is as a developmental harvest, the better off our whole society will be. Here’s to growing older, with the emphasis on growing.
I like that, Gaea. “An emphasis on growing.” Thanks.
Every moment is a new beginning for me. I love that I can live life as I want to . I no longer care what people think. As I wrote on my blog yesterday. Tell me I can’t do something? WATCH ME!!!
Beautiful blog and post, Laura. (Everybody, here’s the link: http://www.imsovintage.blogspot.com/2013/09/transformation-on-thursdaywatch-me.html) I’ve heard some elders say when it hits them, how happy they are, how unfettered, they get a rush, a feeling like a surge of glee! I am almost afraid to tell youth about this as they will hate me.
I’ll be 71 in November and am loving my life. I have more freedom than I’ve ever had before. I’m more relaxed, tolerant, interested, and ready to be open to the adventures I have yet to live. Here’s to being an elder!
Tell everybody you can about this joy, JZR, especially the young ‘uns. Let the world know it’s at LEAST no better or worse than being young! Stupid to denigrate and waste the happy times.
The difference in life now in Afghanistan makes me want to cry. I’m not an accepting person especially now that I am mature and feel entitled (because I worked for it) to live the life I want to now.
Amen, Sistah! And those contrasting photos speak volumes, don’t they?!
They’re heart-stopping, aren’t they, Debbie. Tragic.
Truly moving pictures of visible hope and hidden despair. So many people take pride in things they have received by chance including youth and beauty and close their eyes to experience and lessons that have been learned over the years. We created the culture and worship of youth and now we have to figure out how to become more inclusive… Anita @ No Particular Place To Go
You said it perfectly, A&R. But implicit in your comment is that we DO have that power. Life would be better for all of us if we started exercising it.
Awesome! I’m 62 and looking forward to the next 30-40 years.
Glenda, one day as I celebrated that my son had become a fully independent man, with kids, family, and job, I realized I still had (according to the actuarials) exactly as much time left on earth as the amount of years it took me to get him to this point. Holy crap, I sez to meself. I could write dozens of books! And you could hear the “WAHOO!” all the way to China.
Agree – completely. Stop saying things like, “It sucks to get old.” Stop comparing yourselves to the younger workers among you. Celebrate your value.
Jean, to your last sentence, we are such a “grass is greener” society. Striving and ambition is beautiful, but not if we forget to celebrate what we have. That’s another thing older peeps are good at – gratitude. Because we’ve got front row seats to what could be.
Great set of contrasting pictures!
Martin, I read Atlas Shrugged about a dozen times in my teens, and while I don’t agree with Rand’s extreme libertarian views, I took to her theory of “the sanction of the victim.” We have to ask ourselves if there’s any way we are condoning the action. Maybe we can’t fight back (Afghan women might be in that category today). But I think in this question of ageism there is a lot of low-hanging fruit.
In my teens I read The Fountainhead about the same many times. Then, eventually, I got to the point that when I heard her name I wanted to throw up. But also, eventually, I became an expert (professionally) on Soviet affairs and Russian history, and it became easier for me to understand where she came from and to understand what was really informing her philosophy. Our politicians who espouse it, unfortunately don’t have the excuse she had.
I’m really impressed, Martin. I think my sharing this with you about my childhood must have been ESP. The victim sanction thing appealed to me because I needed a way to deal with my father’s violent behavior, and it’s why I went to work early. I also like the line in War Games: the only way to win is not to play. Atlas Shrugged shaped my character. This blog, you could say, is an outgrowth of it. But to your point about the yay-hoos in Congress who cite Ayn Rand? I think they’re clueless.
I love your emphasis on aging. Yesterday I spent as an ombudsman in a nursing home. Far different experience than as a chaplain. I will be writing about the darkness and light of the experience on newsfromthenursinghome.com
Bob, I hope you’ll send me the link when it’s up. I might share it here, too.
Reblogged this on Change is Never Ending.
Thanks, Duke.
No problem. There are advantages to growing old. I told a female friend of mind who is going through a brutal divorce the other day that if there is anything I can do to help her anytime night or day just call. I said to her I really don’t care what others think anymore. That may sound cold but I really don’t.
Which demonstrates beautifully just ONE of the many strengths of older age: confidence in our own judgment.