Remember these two? There was a time when TV censors wouldn’t let you portray a married couple sleeping in the same bed. That was around the time we Baby Boomers were children.
Then we grew up and boy, how things changed. Sex, drugs, rock and roll, baby.
But now we’re getting older, and things are changing again, particularly in the bedroom. There’s a lot more snoring going on, from both sides of the bed. More tossing and turning. More sensitivity to temperature, noise and movement. More aches and pains everywhere. Sleep is becoming more elusive.
Well, that’s okay, we used to think, because older people don’t need as much sleep. Right?
No. We now know that isn’t true. Older people need the same eight hours as any adult. It’s just harder for us to get it, largely because we produce less melatonin and whatever else it is that brings on sleep. And that’s a problem, because we’re learning that sleep is more important than we’d ever realized.
For example, did you know that your brain cleanses itself during certain sleep cycles? Not having a lymphatic system to carry out the trash, our brains shrink during the night, allowing spinal fluid to wash the area and remove the detritus of the day. When we don’t sleep well, this process, one of many, doesn’t run optimally.
And getting up in the morning after an unrestful night is depressing. Nobody wants to do that. As a result, in a highly scientific survey consisting of asking myself and several friends, I’m learning that some of us are moving away from the customary one bed/two people construct. For example, my friend and her husband agreed to have separate bedrooms. She even went out and bought herself a brand new bedroom set. He got her old one. Hey, he’s happy. He still has visitor privileges.
Mom and Dad moved into separate bedrooms, when Dad began tossing and turning and snoring and getting up to use the restroom a hundred times a night. Mom’s a light sleeper, and she had trouble going back to sleep once she was awake, so that solution worked for them.
Then there’s the option of changing rooms in the middle of the night. I do that sometimes if I get restless or achey. I’ll go sleep in the guest room just for a different mattress. It’s wonderful. I’m trying to make sure I get as close to eight hours of sleep each night as possible, and it’s a joy to wake up and see the clock reading six a.m. What a luxury! I couldn’t do that as a younger person, and if you’re still raising kids or working fulltime, I feel for you.
For more information on the power and necessity of sleep, click here.
Lynne, since we boomers produce less melatonin in old age, have you read any studies about using melatonin as a sleep aid? I have used it for years to combat jet lag.
Pat, I know a couple of people who swear by it but I’ve never felt it does anything for me.
My husband’s CPAP machine creates white noise and that’s usually enough to lull me to sleep. But when that doesn’t work, my solution is the same as yours — go to another room. That way, I can turn on the light and read for a while, pile on more blankets, remove all the blankets, or do whatever it takes to get a good night’s sleep. It also helps to get some exercise during the day so I’m physically tired by evening.
Sandy, same here. When I go into the other room it’s such a treat. Usually around 2 or 3 am. Suddenly a brand new feel of the mattress, and all the freedom to do the things you say. And thank goodness I don’t have to get up at 4:30 am anymore.
We started the separate bedrooms arrangement years ago. HAD TO when I was still working. Beyond the normal snoring and squirming issues, I worked days and Hubs worked nights. We both needed consistent sleep to function. Once switched, we felt more comfortable and rested so have continued this set-up. People actually asked about, or told us “This would damage our personal relationship; the closeness and snuggle times.” Let’s just say … NO PROBLEM. We still get together just fine – and being well rested HELPS that too 😛
Lynne: Loved the ‘brain cleansing’ information. I linked to your post today from my site at http://www.lindabmyers.com giving you credit for such an interesting blog. Keep it up!
My husband and I have been married for over 50 years and we still sleep in the same bed and still argue about who is snoring the most. Occasionally he will get up and go sleep on the couch in his office, so maybe, just maybe, I win the loudest snoring award. But here’s the thing. I love it when he does that and I can stretch out across the bed and totally enjoy the moment until he decides the couch is more uncomfortable than my snoring and sneaks back into bed.
Judy, that makes me laugh. It’s like a dance, all night long. You prove my point exactly!
If you have an extra bedroom, why not? I was so fed up with my husband’s loud snoring that I asked him to do a sleep study. Reasonable, yes? He did and they told him to get one of those masks to wear at night. He refused. His choice, my pleasure. Bye bye, neighbor!!! Now we both sleep comfortable, one room over.
Laurie, you found a solution that works. I heard one person say the mask made him feel claustrophobic. Luckily you have two rooms. Sleep is critically important! Isn’t it amazing that snoring doesn’t wake up the snorer?
I couldn’t convince my husband to get separate beds, but a good compromise was getting a split king size that we could raise & lower the head and feet. It’s helped a lot and since we each sleep at different angles, it’s not been a whole lot different than having separate beds!
Nancy
Nancy, we have that too! My only mistake was showing the remotes to my toddler grandkids. Once. Then after that I had to hide the remotes when they came over, and say “They’re broken.” They wanted to play on the “magic beds”.
WE are on vacation. First night we didn’t sleep so well. It was hot and Susan felt hot. So, what did we do about it? Next night we used the air conditioner. Slept eight hours through, even with a fly in the room. Susan felt wonderful. I rest my case.
Bob, I’m all over that. When a hotel is noisy, leaving the AC on is great for making white noise. I’m lucky Bill is such a great sleeper, and noise – including the AC – doesn’t bother him.
I enjoy my sleep and generally do it alone. AND I think that sneaking out of my bedroom and climbing into someone else’s bed in the middle of the night sounds very cozy and fun!
Right, Mindy!