There it was again: another supposedly independent thinker crowing to the world.
“I don’t think of myself as old…”
The woman in the photo, Connie Britton, was 49 when she said that. I admire her determination, but it’s foolish. Here’s why.
When you say, I don’t think of myself as old, or I don’t act old, etc., you’re judging “old” in a negative way. Fine, that’s your prerogative.
But one day you won’t be able to deny it any longer. When you can no longer reject the proof in the mirror, what will you think of yourself? After a lifetime of teaching yourself to reject old, to negate its signs in yourself because apparently it is something bad…there it is. There you are. OLD. And OLD=BAD.
What a pity not to spend the years of your young old-age learning to value yourself in the second half. Growing more powerful mentally.
If you can’t embrace old, at least become neutral about it. It’s a word related to a number, a quantity. Why do we run shrieking from it? I mean, we all know the answer, but think about it.
We color the word with a certain value judgment, and then we protest that we’re not that. We’re not that thing. Even if we are, we try not to act it, so we can still live in denial, which makes us feel safe. But what if we were stronger than that? What if we weren’t afraid?
To be defiant about age may be better than despair – it’s energizing – but it is not progress. Actually, after fifty, aging can become an exciting new period; it is another country.
– Gloria Steinem
What if you grew beyond that childish, western-culture, fecundity-is-all mode of valuing human life?
Then instead of stamping your pretty little foot and declaring you’re not old, you could be old and it would be no big deal. And you could go about enjoying your life.
Without fear.
wrote comment, but it all disappeared before I could post it. and you have no like button!!!
I will work on the like button, Ann. Sorry about that comment disappearing.
🙂
Interesting your posts don’t have a “Like” button. Well, guess it is a great way to make readers actually WRITE SOMETHING, or keep their “Like” to themselves … hahaha!
ok i will keep writing…I am older than I believe, feel, or think of myself to be. I am who I am because of the life i have lived so far; and, i plan on living a long time yet.
I wish you and everyone a happy fearless life of living.
Amen
Spot on, Lynne! I have a friend who’s constantly trying to deny her age for “professional” reasons, she says (she’s a writer). She’s on her second facelift at age 62 and uses filler in between. It consumes her. I just want the time to be consumed by creative projects. Aging truly is a blessing.
Hi Debra, I feel bad for your friend. I shouldn’t, because she is using her free will and making her own decisions, and I guess it makes her happy. But I can’t believe that her way is better than just feeling safe to be who you are, and that is something that I’m trying to preach about. With any luck, our viewpoint will prevail, and everybody will be happier! Thanks for stopping by.
After what I have been through this summer, enduring another day to grow older feels like a blessing. Life is all about perspective and how strongly has ours been warped by media and our youth crazed culture. Your post always puts a positive spin on a natural part of the life process that we are conditioned by society to deny rather than savor.
“Another day to grow older feels like a blessing.” That may be the greatest difference between our perspectives and that of youth, Pat. What a wonderful statement.
I must not be getting email notifications of your blog posts anymore. I’ll go check, since your comment makes me realize I’m not up on what you’ve “been through this summer.” Sounds ominous. I’ll see you over there in a sec.
UPDATE: I read your post, Pat. Now I know why I haven’t gotten any posts lately. Wow, you’ve been through hell! But I’ve seen you go through things before and I know you will come out the other end as powerful as ever. Sending love and prayers, my sister.
Hi, sis. Liked this. But I don’t think I ever even thought of ‘being old’ at 49. Or at 59 for that matter. And now that I am 72, well, I guess some would say I am old and at times I sure feel it, but I think that if people dwell to much on age numbers they have way too much time on their hands. Look around at the world. So much evil and destruction going on. For those of us lucky enough to even live past 60+ it is a blessing.
Your perspective is refreshing. That’s one of my points. Who cares how old we are as long as we are alive and well.
I love this, Lynne! Embrace our aging for what it is–a sign that we are still on this earth, reaping the benefits of all our youthful mistakes and not sweating the minutiae 🙂
I know, Kathy! I’m just happy to be walking around.
Your post is oh-so timely, Lynne. Just yesterday I found myself googling doctors who do laser skin resurfacing here in Maine. I’ve been discouraged by the “old” lady with the wrinkly skin around her eyes staring back at me in the mirror. Then I think, “Well, this is what 63 looks like. Own it.” The on-the-surface stuff remains a struggle!
I had lunch yesterday with a friend who is her in her middle seventies, and she’s artsy and attractive and a wise person. But she admitted that there are days when the effects of time on her body are discouraging to her. We both agreed that that feeling of sadness or regret was natural, nothing to be ashamed of, as long as it was temporary and didn’t affect your overall happiness or love of life. Also, I have sympathy for women who are in professions where their appearance may affect their ability to make money! I can’t imagine anything more cruel, but in that case I might shift my advice a little bit, and, as my therapist used to say, “if you’re in the game, play to win.” I feel lucky that my game is life, and not a job as a model!
Words of wisdom, Lynne! I hear the phrases you mention more and more often, as the boomer women age. Thanks for asking us all to pay attention to our language, once gain!
Awareness is 95% of moving forward and growing. Thanks, Diane.
Another wise post. Thank you.
My pleasure. Thanks for saying so, Mary.
YESSSSSSS!
🙂 🙂 🙂