At the White House Correspondents’ Dinner, also called the Nerd Prom, President Obama finally caught up. He’s tuned into an idea I blogged about several years ago. It’s so handy for combating stress. I want to thank him for giving me an excuse to talk about the benefits of this useful tool: the “F*** It” List.
The F*** It List is a thing of beauty. It’s the opposite of a Bucket List, and on it you put all the things you’ve been planning to do but now realize you probably won’t and that’s okay. For example, on my list is learning to play the piano or speak Spanish. Although both would be nice, they are never gonna happen. F*** it.
Here’s another example: I was cleaning out my inbox, and I had all these marketing ideas I was planning to try. But they were a monkey on my back; the pile kept growing in inverse proportion to the possibility of me ever trying one. Remembering my new philosophy, I wadded ’em up and tossed them in the trash. Could’ve sworn my shoulder muscles loosened up right then. Almost as good as a massage.
F*** it!
Another example: I’d been trying to finish Imagine by Jonah Lehrer. Don’t remember why exactly – it was so tedious I doubted my local library would even want it as a donation. I kept feeling like I had to read the rest of it, but I had so many other books waiting, and all that life to live. One day I walked past it, remembered my new philosophy, and tossed that sucker, with my notes, right into the recycling.
Man, that felt good! Better even than finishing the actual book!
A really neat aspect of this list is that it frees you from the pressure you – insight! – put on yourself.
You learn to let things go. You don’t even have to put them on the list. Once you get in the habit, adding things to the list will become second nature. You might even stop before you add them to your to-do list in the first place.
- Clothing in your closet you’re hoping to fit into one day? Eff It!
- Recipes to try in a neat stack by the phone? Eff It!
- Magazines stacking up under your coffee table so you can check them one last time before being absolutely sure you’re not missing anything? You know what to do!
I’m clowning around here, but there’s a deeper theme going on: you don’t have to do everything. Some of the pressure we feel is self-imposed. If we stop and think about it, the tasks we add to our To-Do list might not really be mandatory. Switch it over to your Eff It list and feel happy, powerful, and free. Kinda like Obama on 1/21/16.
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Well you can tell from all the responses above this was a great post! It is funny, all i want to do is putter around the house and garden, take a walk and swim a few laps, watch good movies. No more “have tos” – no more college or homework – no more home that looks like a magazine or dinners that are gourmet gorgeous — i am tired of achievements. . . and it seems as if i will never catch up to the younger ones — i don’t even want to any longer, and i am letting it all go!
Heather, my husband this morning sighed and said, “I’m so glad I’m retired.” Me, too! I had a nice breakfast, rode my bike to do an errand, came home and meditated, fed my roses, and now I’m talking to you. Sweet life! (after 30 years of getting up at 5am and commuting).
I have actively been practing F*** It for almost a year now and I love it. I like to say if it doesn’t make me happy, if it stresses me out, or if it doesn’t serve my purpose then F*** It. It has been one of the most freeing experiences in my life.
That takes guts, Evelyn. Your last sentence inspires me.
I left a remark on facebook, but will say it again. Well done, loved it and where did you ever find that picture of Obama. Missed you at the guild meeting today. It is so hot out here. Miserable. Talk soon. Judy
Judy, we were in Atlanta visiting family. Back now.
What a great idea. I going to start my second list and it might end up with more entries than the Bucket List.
And you will feel like a genius, Barbara. Anyway, I would.
Your post really spoke to me. Like you, I have that long collection of emails, touting brilliant marketing ideas, that I’m definitely going to try … someday. I think it’s time to delete them. And then there’s my closet …
Thanks for the good advice!
Sandy, I was looking at my burgeoning number of emails, thinking, hmmm, I wonder how many of these are Google Alerts. So I did a search. I had over 50 waiting to be read. And each Alert contained from one to about 10 articles. When did I ever think I would read them? And do I not get enough information every day without them? I deleted them all! I am so happy!
Great post, Lynne. And oh, so true!
Great to hear from you, Martin!
This is simply wonderful, Lynne. You had me laughing out loud.And to think I actually finished IMAGINE even though it was tedious! Now I need to tackle that inbox and my closet. Thanks for the nudge!
I wasn’t the only one, Kathy? I couldn’t even believe I brought that up – Imagine.
But anyway, now go be free!
Brilliant! Simply brilliant!
Fortunately, I only have 2 items on my mental bucket list; see Stevie Wonder live in concert, and go to the Masters golf tournament.
The idea of a f***it list is awesome. LOL
Gwen, it’s awesome because it’s funny on the surface but it goes so much deeper. See, with every recipe I throw away, every blouse I admit I don’t really like that much and can give to the Goodwill, and every marketing strategy I delete from my computer, it’s like looking at life, mortality, and the whole cosmos differently. You realize with every F*** It Decision, you are answering the question, what am I here for? In some small way.
PS I joined the Silver Sisters and am awaiting confirmation of my request. Thanks again for that.
I like that! I’ve never liked the bucket list idea – it’s too special for everyday life and I want to live fully every day. As I’ve been unemployed (and considering retirement instead of going back to work), I’ve worked through a list of local things that I’d like to do but haven’t gotten around to it. Stuff like visiting Pier 1 and Crate & Barrel because I never go there. Exploring side streets on the way home from my walk at the park. Because I wanted to see what’s there. Going to the museum in the middle of the day – that was really fun! It was so empty.
So I need to work on this – what all am I NOT going to get done and that’s okay.
Nancy
Oh, Nancy, it is SO okay. Frighteningly okay. I sat and watched 3 hours of Outlander the other day, just because I could. And the stuff I didn’t get done? You know what list THEY got added to.
Oh Lynne, this is exactly what I needed to hear today. I’ve been going through some job related stress… And , he’ll, I don’t really need this job, I’m RETIRED! Ef it!
Release neck muscles, pan to ocean view! Thanks friend”
Nanci, sounds intriguing. Email me?
Oh Lynne, I had a similar experience when we moved last year. I am a spinner, knitter and occasional rug hooker. Well, I can spin faster than knit the stuff up, so needless to say I had quite a stash of yarn, not to mention all the fleeces, other materials and gear purchased for these hobbies. So, I donated everything except the spinning wheel and my knitting needles. I spin for the local Pioneer Village and they keep the yarn! I was never going to use all that yarn and most of it I didn’t even like ! Then, of course there were those half finished projects……..Yikes!
Dumping that stuff was a huge relief and Lynne, you are right, I felt like a huge burden was lifted off my shoulders. Did the same with my clothes closet, books I’m never going to read, dishes I don’t use, it truly is liberating. My new approach; I’m not keeping stuff I don’t like or want and don’t feel a bit guilty about those unfinished projects or that blouse I hated but was keeping because, it’s like new! I should of had a f***it list years ago! Good on us! Now, I need to learn to apply this same theory to some of the relationship dramas in my life!
Lynda
That’s the funny thing about it. Once you start, it can be addicting!
Oh, Lynne…where have you been all my life? I’m so glad we have finally “met”. It’s so good to find another kindred soul in this vast world of…well, you know…NOT-kindred souls!
Peggy
Peggy, so glad to hear from you! Comments like yours make it all worthwhile.