- Engagement is the one most critical path to fulfillment in older age. Successful agers are “…still thinking about the world and the future. They’re keeping up with current events. They’re excited to tell you about the book they’ve read. They’re thrilled about the way the garden is coming in this year. They’re engaged.” (Robert Waldinger, researcher.)
- Loneliness is a biological warning signal that “motivates you to care for yourself so you can leave a genetic legacy.” It is a sign that the “social body” is in need. Loneliness can raise blood pressure and stress hormones. It reprograms genes and attacks the immune system. It may raise your risk for diabetes and neurodegenerative disease like dementia. It may enhance risk and virility of cancer cells. So don’t let loneliness get the better of you. (John Cacioppo, professor of psychology at the University of Chicago.)
- It’s better to be good than happy. The body reacts more positively (less inflammation, better immunity) when the mind is engaged in pursuit of long-term meaningfulness than short-term pleasure. (Steven Cole, professor of medicine, psychiatry, and behavioral sciences at UCLA School of Medicine.)
- Hardship creates resiliency. “…the happiest, most resilient, and most mentally healthy people (have) suffered two to three stressful events in their lives.” Having experienced no stress in one’s life is almost as damaging as multiple traumas. A divorce or the death of a parent can help inoculate a person against future stressors. People learn how to cope from these experiences. “They learn their own strengths and weaknesses, and they come out stronger for the next event.” (Roxane Cohen Silver, social psychologist, University of California, Irvine.)
- You can force your brain to make changes. Although the brain prefers stasis, it will choose risk over ambiguity. Thus, feeding it information about the potential change will move it closer to accepting the change. “…the more data I feed my brain about where I want to go, the more likely the brain is to come up with the way to get me there.” (Srini Pillay, professor, Harvard Business and Harvard Medical Schools.)
Finally, this quote from Haggerty nails the whole book:
“Every idea in this book runs against our natural tendency to want to relax, take it easy, reward ourselves for decades of work and child rearing. Our default mode at midlife is entropy. But…the research is unequivocal: For every fork in the road, you are almost invariably better off making the harder choice. Harder in the moment, that is, but easier over the years, as your body and mind remain strong. By resisting entropy, by pushing through the inertia that beckons us to rest a little longer, to slow down just a notch, until your life has narrowed to a pinprick—by resisting those forces, you dramatically up the odds that your life will be rich to your final breath…”
Great writing, and great subjects. Now I will have to check out your books.
Hardship sure does create resiliency. It also helps you put day to day “mini dramas” in perspective. Life Reimagined looks like a good read for my retirement. I am choosing to remain active, engaged and playful in my next chapter.
Resiliency: you would know if anyone would, Pat! Congrats on your retirement after a successful and inspiring career.
I can relate to number four. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Been there and it’s true.
That’s the silver lining!
That is so right, sis!
I’ve seen this with my father. He retired because his legs hurt when he was 62. He’s now 89 and he still hasn’t moved much. I’m encouraged that we can stay engaged, active and intellectually curious long into our elderhood. Thanks, Lynne! I’m going to tweet your blog post.
It sounds like what you are saying is that even though he can’t move much he is still intellectually active. I hope I am reading you right. And this also points out the fallacy of judging people based on how much they are able to be physical in older years. Nobody can tell how active we are with our minds!
“It’s better to be good than happy.” The license plate on my little green convertible is “4Good.” It’s borrowed from the song entitled “For Good” from the musical WICKED. If you have not heard it, it’s worth a listen:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=uzrGFQysfYU
(I’ve heard it said,
That people come into our lives
For a reason
Bringing something we must learn.
And we are led to those
Who help us most to grow if we let them.
And we help them in return.
Well, I don’t know if I believe that’s true
But I know I’m who I am today
Because I knew you.)
Thanks to the Internet…I believe you have come into my life for a reason, Lynne!
Sue, you know that I feel the very same way. The Internet is a miracle.
It holds true to my belief that we must “retire like a shark – you have to keep moving or you will die!” Perhaps some of those “hard choices” is simply choosing the option to learn more, read more, do more, try more, rather than sitting static in relaxation. I, too, worry about a younger generation who has never had to “fail” – yep, everyone must get a participation trophy. Doesn’t appear to bode well for their futures, does it. Thanks for the tip. I’ll be looking up this book!
I like that, Lynn. We should all adopt the shark as our spirit animal for aging well. Thanks for the idea.
by resisting those forces, you dramatically up the odds that your life will be rich to your final breath…”
The temptation: taking the easy way.
It’s hard at the moment of struggle, but worth it, every time.
Absolutely true: the three basic areas to remain ACTIVE in, lifelong:
1. Physically (as in fit)
2. Mentally
3. Socially
Then we will be able to live more purposeful lives and continue inspiring others wa..yyy into our eighties and nineties.
Thanks for sharing, Lynne!
I had to laugh about the social part. Bill and I often have to force ourselves to follow through with a social commitment, but we do it because we know it’s good for us! In fact comma I have read that socializing is one of the three things that assist in the development of new brain cells even into older age. The other two things are exercise of course, and learning something new which is challenging.
This is the affirmation I need right now! #1 and #4 spoke to me, since I appear to be engaged every minute of every day whether I like it or not, and what can I say about the hardship part—I didn’t go looking for it, but it found me! The book seems to be very well researched, which counts with me, but I can see that her life philosophy shines through. Looks like a very good read! Thank you for bringing this to us, Lynne!
I know you’re as immersed and fascinated about the second half as I am, Diane. There was one flaw in the author’s thinking/writing that bugged me. In the beginning, she says there is so little research as to “our forties, fifties, and sixties,” that it’s practically uncharted territory. But I bridled at her stopping there, as if people older than that don’t figure into her musings. I often wonder how it feels to be in one’s seventies, eighties, and nineties, and to be unthought-of by even thoughtful people like this author. My mother will be 91 in a few days, and she’s just like me intellectually. Physically, it takes her longer to get stuff done, and she’s way more limited as to mobility. But brainwise? She’s as curious and into learning and self-improvement as any of us. I don’t buy the crap about “well, she’s unusual.” So is my 93-year-old friend who just published his thirty-second book. (I feel a blog post coming on.)
Lynne, I agree with you about the seventies, eighties, and nineties. My mother, too, will be 93 in a couple of days and follows the principles (be engaged), etc. But she’s not unusual or an anomaly, as I have four other friends in their low to mid nineties, three former teachers and a nurse, who live in their own homes, are active socially and intellectually, and are my role models as I age. I still want to read this book, but as more of us reach 70, 80, and 90, it’s going to be “dated.”
Yes, Mary, I want to read about people who are mid-sixties to one hundred. When I accompany Mom to her doctor appointments (the more complicated ones, where 4 ears are better than 2 no matter what your age), they act like she’s some kind of hero. She said to me after one of them, “How low are their expectations, anyway?!”
Love this affirmation on so many fronts! Thanks for sharing some high points…will definitely get the book.
She also wrote of the transition from her life at NPR to freelance author. Wove that into the research, applied it to herself. Very much on point for our age group.
Thank you so much for this post. I will definitely be looking up this book. This is probably the first time I have read about major life traumas actually being good for your health.
Bernadette, that chapter told of a kid who’d never lost anything, (grades, competitions, scholarships), until one day he did. And he about lost his will to live over the sense of failure. Anecdotal, sure, but I’d rather be tough than lucky.
On my to-read list. Thanks for pulling out the salient points!! I’ve made more deliberate hard choices in the last 3 years than in most of my earlier life–some have been tough, others are about getting me in a better place.
And now you know those hard choices might even have boosted your resilience for future challenges. What a silver lining, right?