You really can’t imagine what your future holds. Flexibility and resilience are such important qualities when life throws you a curve ball.
This is what I wrote in May:
For the past four months, I’ve been off-kilter, dealing with my mom’s situation. I’ve been having heart palpitations, but got all the tests and my situation is pretty minor and no big deal. Mom moved out of her house and into a board and care facility (group home), so we’re clearing out her stuff, which is wrenching and maddening. She had a hundred years worth of craft supplies in about a half dozen different media. Fabric, paint, yarn, every other thing. 20 lb of buttons, sorted by color and neatly labeled. We gave most of it to charitable organizations, friends, and neighbors.
Plus she saved a lot of sentimental stuff, like two aprons that her mother used to wear. Then she gives them to me and says here, maybe you want these. What am I supposed to do with them? Throw them in the trash? I can’t say that of course, so I smile and take them. It’s a heartbreaker. Also, she was a clothes horse, so we had to get rid of tons of clothes. My guest room closet is now full of the stuff we didn’t have the heart or nerve to get rid of.
My writing has really suffered, I’m fat and behind deadline, cancelled the editor and cover designer, but I’m optimistic about the future. She’s in a good place, they treat her real well, and now I just need to catch up and return to normal.
On the plus side, it has awakened in me a drive to clear out everything I don’t use, need, or love. If I keel over, I don’t want my son to have to wade through my s*** like this! So I’m practically on a first name basis with the people at Angel View donation center.
What a cheery post, huh? Will you be happy if I never write again?
Hopefully it gave you a laugh. You know I’m a control freak and my life is out of control so this is kind of amusing in a cosmic way.
UPDATE TWO MONTHS LATER
The board and care was good until it wasn’t. After two months, I brought Mom home to live with us. I rearranged my furniture, got rid of even more things, bought shelving for the garage and shoved stuff out there. My office is now the office/guest room with sleepage for two. It actually looks more stylish crammed with furniture. Shows you what I know.
I lost five pounds right off the bat, not driving all the time back and forth, eating fast food. Those heart palpitations turned out to be PVC and PAC both, which isn’t life-threatening but does make me uncomfortable, and bonus, I can’t drink anymore, because that makes my heart go nuts. So I’m back down to my all-time best weight and feeling pretty good.
It’s so convenient having Mom here. If she’s getting low on portable oxygen or Ensure or whatever, I now know about it BEFORE SHE RUNS OUT. And she’s not getting share germs and illnesses from the other residents like before when she nearly got pneumonia from a bug that was going around the B&C. Also, she’s not bleeding money paying for a room in a somewhat scruffy private home. Where they fed her everything covered in ketchup at dinnertime.
But the best part of all? She’s happy, she’s thriving, and Bill & I don’t feel depressed anymore. The grandkids love that she now lives in their old (guest)room, and I feel like we’re the dang Waltons.
It was the decent thing to do.
Life is good.
I enjoyed reading about your experience in caring for an aging parent. You have such a positive, can-do attitude! Like you, I’ve been inspired to eliminate many of the “treasures” I’ve accumulated over the years. I’m culling, little by little, and donating where I think they’ll do some good. The rest gets recycled. There’s nothing like confronting a parent’s accumulation of stuff to make a person clear out their own clutter.
Congrats on the weight loss, too. I’m glad things are working out for you and your mom.
Thanks, Sandy! Great to hear from you.
Lynne, I love your sense of humor about all this. I’m going through something similar. It makes you realize things could change in a minute and we have to be ready to take care of ourselves, too, and maintain a sense of calm so we won’t become useless! Carry on, Lynne! You’re an inspiration!
Lynne,
Quite an adventure!
With the heart and Mother and the group home and the real home.
It was hard, and yet, probably also grand, beyond imagination!
Enjoy her—they leave us far too soon.
PS Did you keep the “old” aprons?
Lynne,
Quite an adventure!
With the heart and Mother and the group home and the real home.
It was hard, and yet, probably also grand, beyond imagination!
Enjoy her—they leave us far too soon.
PS Did you keep the “old” aprons?
Hi Danie,
As with the 2 locks of my father’s first hair cut, no. And I don’t know where they went. Maybe one of my sisters got them. Maybe the sister who got Mom’s wedding dress, along with the veil that crumbled when we opened the ziplock bag; Mom swept up the crumbs with her hand, shoved them back in the bag, zipped it shut, and put it back in the suitcase.
When we occasionally lament the giving away / loss of this or that item (usually clothing), I’m candid and so is Mom: we acknowledge that we thought she was going to DIE, twice, back in the early months of her illness. I focus on the fact that her stuff is gone but she’s here, and she graciously goes along with that, without complaining about the losses. She’s a champ that way.
Good to hear from you, Danie. Hope you are well and enjoying life.
Lynn, you’re living my life! Glad things are working out for you (and that you have Bill, kids, and grand kids to pinch-hit now and then!). I’m sorry the group home thing didn’t work out for your mom, but not a bit surprised. My mom never would go — not in a million years. But living under the same roof with a senior who sometimes acts like a two-year-old has its own challenges. On the plus side, pat yourself on the back for doing “the right thing” and making your mom’s golden years as pleasant as possible. Still chuckling over your reference to the Waltons (here, of course, it’s Dallas without J.R.!)
Debbie, you too? Wow, how cool to know that. I’ve read that our generation is doing this a LOT, plus taking care of grands. If they ever say Boomers are selfish, I’ll just think of you and me and all the other Boomers who are providing this important service. So good to hear from you!
So happy things are working out for you and your family. I think the only thing that scares me is the fact that I’m getting older and will be in your mother’s shoes sooner than what I want. Hopefully my kids will be as kind as have been. Take care of yourself.
Joan, you are beloved. I’m sure they’ll take real good care of you. (If they don’t, you call me!)
Thanks for sharing this, Lynn. So pleased things have worked out well for you all.
All the very best to you, Bill and your Mom.
Thanks so much, Mary. We are counting our blessings.