Grayer and shorter than ever.
Remember I told you about the decision to go gray? It was about something way more important than hair color.
I never knew my nose was this pointy.
I started this journey back in March. Here we are almost five months later, and I’m almost at my goal. The only color is toward the front, where my bangs are longer than the rest of my hair.
Bill took this picture of the back of my head. I’m happy about all the color variations.
Maybe for some people, it’s a simple decision to stop coloring their hair and be whoever they naturally are. Oops. Did I just say that?
Does color change who we are?
Why was I sitting in the salon for two hours every five weeks spending $130 – what was the importance of the color treatment? It should have been as easy as a finger-snap to decide to stop. But it wasn’t. Somehow, the decision to go gray carried freight. It was about the deepest questions of self-acceptance.
I had to examine why it mattered so much–what did those few strands of blond mean?
What did they do for me? I can only answer for myself: they held back time. To go completely natural was a way of saying to the world that I am old. I am sixty one. Quibble if you want, but old it is, or oldish, but definitely no longer young.
If you are going to rush to reassure me that I’m not old, please don’t.
That’s like saying old is bad, but wouldn’t it be fantastic if “old” was just old, and not a negative? Could we even imagine oldishness as something fine? We could if, instead of worrying about what we lose, we got excited about what we gain, like the dazzling power of brain bilateralization, for example. Or the freedom from having to curtsy and ameliorate, placate and nurture.
Now is the time to nurture ourselves.
This is my declaration of independence.
I’m rocking the porcupine look, right?
Yes, I want to look good, and I want to be slender, strong, and healthy. But I refuse to compete with someone my daughter’s age, or younger, for society’s approval. Because there is richness in the second half, and I intend to cultivate it. Occupy that territory. Own it.
A very influential, smart, well-educated person in my life said, “Well, it’s only hair.”
I jumped for his throat. “It’s way more than that!” I said. “It’s about society telling me I’m not worth anything, now that I’m old, and me telling society to go f*** itself.”
“Whoa,” he said, rearing back. “I understand. Good for you.”
I’m in full-on rebellion. Again. Just like in the 1960s.
You know what was really cool about getting my hair cut that day? The salon was playing songs popular from my first major life-change: puberty and high school, which for me, hit at the same time. As Cassie, my stylist/spirit-guide, prepared the way for this new stage, I traveled through my memories of cutting school, dropping acid, falling in love, winning a speech contest, getting my license, buying my first car (a very used 1961 VW Bug), and getting in all kinds of trouble with my Norte Vista friends Fran Smith, Lisa Forte, and Kathy Richartz. Kathy and I are still friends, forty years later. Actually, we’ve decided we’re now sisters.
God, we humans have a long lifespan, don’t we? When will we stop apologizing for that?
Hi Lynne I love reading your blog. I feel encouraged to love and accept my oldness. You are an inspiration. You always look lovely. Thank you Love Dixie
Excellent piece of writing, filled with gems of wisdom. I love your new do and your new website look. I could never sit still long enough to color my hair. Anyway all my hairdo fees go into purchasing medicine to beat this disease. I keep telling my stylist to cut out all the gray and my hair keeps getting shorter and shorter. Isn’t it liberating that as we let go of all those societal expectations, we gain the freedom to be our authentic selves. With my pixie cut and feisty spirit, I feel like I am a 10 year old again, alas trapped in my 90 year old body. ha ha
The good work you do with kids will always keep you young, Pat. Your fighting spirit ditto.
Your haircut looks great and makes me want to cut mine. Very nice. About the songs playing in the salon. I might have read it on your blog or somewhere else, but if you haven’t already, look up Ellen Langer and the counterclockwise study. Listening to music that was popular in your youth and other “reminiscing” exercises reduced numerous signs of aging.
Donna, thanks for that. I remember reading something about a group of seniors who lived in a setting reminiscent of their youth, as a study. And that it had that effect.
I was really happy that day in the chair, running through the highlight reel in my mind. Maybe I should listen to oldies more often. One day I made a “Pink Floyd” channel on Pandora, and the songs it offered me were just mindblowing. Tremendous. Almost heartbreakingly nostalgic.
Powerful! Wise! So fantastic that you stuck through those awkward length transitions. Determined! Beautiful! My white has a touch more body, too, but not a lot of shine. I found Miessence Organic Hair Repair puts a sheen in gray. The basic ingredient is vinegar, which I remember using as a teenager to shine the locks. You look wonderful, Lynne.
Oh, Linda, thank you. Cassie said there’s a purple shampoo you can get to make white hair white again (she warned me it would fade). And thanks for the Miessence recommendation. Mom used to add a little vinegar when she rinsed our hair, when we were all blond little girls. Also, she caught rainwater to rinse our hair in. Can you believe it? What a great mother.
Love the color variations from the back – custom color! Your comment about not wishing to compete with women our daughters’ age rang true to me. My daughter is at a totally different place physically, mentally, emotionally, socially then I am. I would not want to be back in her turbulent years, with society’s expectations, mysogenistic expectations, energy expectations. It’s nice to be on the sidelines pulling the strings instead of the puppet expected to perform on stage. It’s nice to be older and have a seat offered to me on the bus by a kind respectful men, instead of being my daughters age and being hit on due to age/ perky looks/smaller kind stature. My silver(ing) hair is freedom. My laugh lines allow conversations reflecting the content of my character. Life is better.
Well said, Barb! You really laid it all out there. I am grateful to be my age for exactly the reasons you say.
You rock! Gray looks perfect with your coloring. Thanks for sharing your “coming of age” experience.
Thanks for being there to share it with me, Sandy.
You are beautiful and so is your hair. I don’t have a single gray hair yet and wonder if I ever will…but if I do, I want it to look like yours! Glad to find you and will be following.
Thank you for your kind words, Carol. I am glad you found us too. Looking forward to hearing more from you in the future!
Thanks, Carol! See you again soon I hope, and thank you for the nice compliment.
Well done Lynne! You make the phrase “old” just old, not negative by your independent spirit. Keep leading the way for us!
Oh, BTW, I’m writing this on my birthday. I’m celebrating ME today, not the chronological number society would like to define me by.
Happy, happy, happy birthday to the sunniest of friends! Very best wishes, Sunny.
I love it!!! You are blessed to have the grey hair that looks great. You look beautiful! I think I told you I did the same thing a few years back and my hair cut was like yours except my bangs were really short. Loved the ease of stepping out of the shower and all I had to do was shake my head a few times and the hair just fell into place. But I have almost always had long hair so I grew it out eventually. If my grey was as nice as yours, I definitely would not do the foils. Would learn to train the unruliness that mine gets and love it. Am thrilled for you and can’t wait to see it in person.
Funny you should mention that, Judy, because in my most egotistical fantasies I would have a head of hair like yours: long, full, and GSW. I’m just too lazy to manage it. Thanks again for guiding me through this. Look forward to seeing you again at the Guild in fall.
Looking forward to seeing you, too. As for the full head of hair, except for when I go out, it is in a ponytail. I do love my hair short but to keep it up means I need to get it cut too often because my hair grows fast. This is just easier for me and I can let it go for months if I have to. Love your ‘new’ look! But you are so dang pretty, anyway, you could dye it green and you’d still look good.
Hey, green!
Oh Lynne you are such a role model! You look great! I’m not quite there yet. I keep thinking about letting it go, but haven’t taken the plunge and it is a plunge. it’s not just hair like your friend said….
Nanci, I hate to admit it, but Bill’s support meant a lot. If he’d had a problem with me going gray or so short, I might have needed a few more years to grow a pair. And if I worked in an industry where age made me vulnerable, I might not do it. So it’s not always a simple decision.
I love the white/gray hair (way better than the blonde streaks) — it is stunning. You rock Lynne.
Heather, me too! I like the new color. Or lack thereof. And it’s really kind of fun to see what my natural look is.
Love the look and love how you’re owning it!
THanks Linda, it’s so freeing!
Your wisdom highlights are sassy and stunning, my friend. Love it!
“Wisdom highlights” – WOW. I love that! They are like silver strands emanating from my grey matter. Great way to put it, Kathy.
You go girl! Silver foxes rock!
We do, we do! So happy!
I agree. You look great.
I have never coloured my hair and am still naturally blond at age 61.
It is my one saving grace and I am not sure what my reaction will be when the colour eventually turns.
Thanks for the compliment, Elizabeth. But this is one of the interesting things about my decision: it involved the question of how different is gray from blond. They’re not that different colorwise, although the cultural implications are vast.
In fact, ever since Cassie gave me my “transition color” (3 hours to strip my hair and then recolor it with highlights to match the gray as it came in), the gray/silver/white has come in without much notice. So you won’t probably notice much of a change, when and if your GSW comes in. Thanks for writing.
Thanks for the update…you look great!
I feel it, too, Sue. And I’m saving so much time and money!
A true win-win-win!