I happen to think my appearance should only matter if I personally care about it, and not because society says I should look as hot as possible until I die, because otherwise you are worthless.
So anyway, I was over at Boomer Cafe where a 50+ woman wrote about learning to accept the changes that the years have etched on her body, and as long as she feels happy and healthy, she’s not going to worry about how she looks, and one reader commented “…and YOU LOOK GREAT!” Thereby negating her entire brave speech.
I guess the complimenter meant it non-ironically.
At least it was well-intended. I hate when they tell you that you look great for your age.
But the point was, our looks shouldn’t matter, and this becomes even more important as we age. If you’re happy and you feel good, that should be enough. I’m not saying we shouldn’t compliment each other on our looks, but as you get older, it’s more fraught. Tell a person she looks great and leave it at that.
Here’s another example of people saying stupid stuff: I was reading a Boomerblog that was all about how to land a guy. (No, it’s just research. But thanks for asking). Readers were advised to play the field, because if a man finds out you’re only dating him, he’ll be less interested. If he sees a lot of other men are after you, he’ll want you more. (My husband, a former car dealer, calls this the “Take-Away Close”. As in, you can close the deal with a buyer if you can make him think that somebody else wants the car under consideration.)
(You’re welcome.)
But anyway, I was thinking, How Junior High! So I commented on the blog: “No offense, but that sounds like too much trouble. If I ended up alone I think I’d try to learn how to be happy living by myself.”
The author wrote back, in essence, “Cool! More for us.”
That kind of bothered me.
What about you? What dumb comments about life have you run into lately? Spill it, Sister.
Marina! My thoughts exactly! I hope women will open up their conversations to more than just looks, home…beauty!!!…and on…
Let’s be part of what’s happening in the world!!
It’s weird how the pressure to look good, meaning “hot,” doesn’t let up as women get older. In some ways, it gets worse because people may see women as Letting Themselves Go as they grow older. No longer getting one’s hair dyed is a sure sign.
I use diet and exercise to stay as healthy as I can. So I probably “look great for my age.” (I hate that expression too!)
I think the way you look and feel about yourself depends on who you’re around. I’m always on myself to lose that 30 pounds I gained years ago. but part of my angst comes from working with women (and men) who strive to be as thin as they possibly can be! (South Florida has that mentality) I do care about how I look and truly enjoy clothes, makeup and accessories, but I also enjoying eating and having the occasional cocktail(s) so I know I’ll never be my high-school weight again. Losing the double-chin would be nice though. But like my friend from Jamaica always says, you need a little meat on your bones in case you get sick when you’re older. Who can argue? 🙂
Another great post, Lynne!
Vonnie, I used to live in Palm Desert CA, where you kinda were expected to get a facelift before going to the grocery store.
Hey, thanks for stopping by! Any future comments will go right up on the site without waiting.
That was a great rant Lynne and I loved the comments it generated, like let’s look beyond the looks and to the substance of the person, what are their thoughts and dreams? Their accomplishments?How we make a difference to one another is so much more important than how we look. On the other hand, how we look may be a direct reflection of how we feel about ourselves so I do think there is a balance here that must be struck. I do agree that obsession with looks is totally overrated. Thanks for the post and I do love the picture. She obviously is expressing herself in a very colorful way!
Love your comments, Joan, Marina and Java (Satan- hah!) So much wisdom in what you say. I feel like I’m in this cool sisterhood, that we can share our experiences this way. Thanks for dropping by.
I rant and rave everyday, Lynne about what society expects for you to be according to some list of perfection. You grow older, look younger. You gain a few pounds, get thinner. Straighten your teeth, flatten your stomach, erase laugh lines, get a firmer derriere, dye your hair, etc. If someone came along and said “we appreciate and love you just the way you are”, I’d probably drop to my knees, start spewing praises and look for a way to nominate them for a Humanitarian award!
My former spouse, Satan, would tell me that he would stay married to me as long as I kept my height and weight ratio within the guidelines. One reason that he is ‘former’. My present husband after seeing that I had gained some pounds and my hair had some stark silver streaks remarked “I love you because you are my ideal woman – round, outspoken, intelligent and a coffee slut.”
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If you can’t see the other beauty, then you are personally blind to all that life has to offer.
I hate it when I go somewhere with my husband and everyone is talking about what they do, but no one asks me what I do — they all assume I’m a stay-at-home mom. Ask me damn it! I’m not his freakin wife or the mother of his kids — I teach, I write, I have an agent, I have an MS and thirty credits into a PhD. I’m more than you think.
Love your rants. Instead of looks, I wish women would discuss what they do, what they have achieved. Men talk about their jobs. Women talk about their looks. It’s sad.
True beauty comes from within … everything else is superficial. Life is just to precious to spend time trying to “measure up” to what we’re being fed by the mass media as to how “hot” we should look!