So sad to think of this poor man suffering with the almost-insurmountable problems of addiction and depression (LATE ADD: and possibly also Parkinsons’.) He also had medical problems (and we’ve seen that heart surgery can bring on depression). On top of that, he had money problems, and Robin Williams wasn’t in his peak earning years anymore.
His death has prompted important conversations. According to this story in the Washington Post, white males die by suicide more than any other group by gender or racial demographic. The number is four times as high as for the next highest group, and it dwarfs every other demographic on the chart.
…Aging may take a larger toll on the male psyche. Older men who value their self-reliance may find themselves less able to cope as they age, when they are no longer in their prime physically, sexually and at work.
“I often refer to them as being developmentally unsuccessful, because they’re not equipped to handle the challenges of getting older if they are so tied into their masculinity . . . and making a lot of money,” said Christopher Kilmartin, a psychology professor at the University of Mary Washington.
“Things aren’t the way they used to be,” said Dost Ongur, associate professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. . “The power you knew, the control you knew, aren’t the same.”
I want to tread carefully here; what I say next is not meant to minimize Robin’s physiological and psychological burdens. I’m not qualified to offer an opinion, but want to use the statistics as a starting point for discussion.
Many of us, particularly men, are unable to accept have a hard time accepting the aging process and our own mortality. We’re swamped in a noxious wave of cultural messages that, at a certain age, we’re worthless, stupid, pointless…and we buy it. We look in the mirror and see the work of time, and it’s not flattering. We retire or get forced out of jobs. We wonder what the point is. What good are we?
After a lifetime of being brainwashed to believe bad stuff about old people, there’s new research that says people who believe negative things about the aging process die, on average, 7.5 years sooner. What a self-fulfilling prophesy.
Yes, physically, we’re on the losing end, but mentally and emotionally there is much to be grateful for. Here are a few tidbits worth celebrating:
- Myelination doesn’t peak until your sixties. Myelin is a substance that coats the brain circuits and improves neurotransmission. I wrote about that here.
- Positivity increases later in life, and you have greater control over your emotions – even though older people feel them more strongly. Something about changes to the amygdala. That’s in the same blog post, linked above.
- Bilateralization occurs later in life. It means you use both halves of your brain all the time, instead of just the right brain for art/left brain for analysis. This adds up to deeper, more creative, more out-of-the-box thinking. Have you ever heard this before? More here.
So we’re on the short end of the mortality stick, but from what I hear, the older you get, the more at ease you are with the prospect of death.
Robin Williams was a generous benefactor to many causes, and even now, he’s helping humanity by raising difficult subjects. I ask that you consider the positive aspects of aging, and talk about them. Give your kids, and the rest of society, a reason to feel good about the last third of life, because there is good. Why not celebrate it?
Rest in peace, Robin.
I was very saddened to hear about Robin’s passing. My mother and I were watching the news and we were stunned when we learned about it. I think you’re right that his passing is opening the door for many discussions regarding depression and other very serious issues. I also agree with you that our society is obsessed with all things young, and that ageism is definitely alive and well.
Lynne, once again you have touched on such an important, often overlooked issue. I had no idea. I will keep this in mind as my husband struggles to accept his upcoming 60th birthday.
Pat, for perspective’s sake, tell him to consider my mother. At 89, she is generous, curious, thoughtful, reads and discusses current events and books, drives herself all over town, has friends, and is working on losing a few pounds so she doesn’t “have that gut.” In all ways she is as vibrant as your husband, only 29 years older. How would she react if one morning, she awoke and found that by some miracle, she was his age? Let me tell you, she would be shouting naked from the rooftop of her house!
In traditional eastern cultures (such as the environment I grew up in in Saigon, Vietnam during the 50s, 60s, and 70s), it wasn’t all that uncommon for many generations in a family to live under the same roof, no matter how cramped it was. Even though that might have posed its own set of issues, there seemingly wasn’t time — or space — for severe depression to take root or go unnoticed. The older generation didn’t just fade away out of sight and forgotten, but they remained very much part of the family’s daily life.
Goodnight, and may you rest in peace, Robin Williams.
Oh, Jim. I am too moved by your comment to even respond. Would that we had such closeness in our American families now.
I am reading much of Jung. A creative man all his life, prolific into this eighties. May it be so for you and your readers, and that includes ME.
Amen to that, Bob.
Lynne, I appreciated this actual information about the cognitive aging process. Nobody will appreciate life more or actualize or appreciate or embrace aging because they’re told to. But if you know what your brain is doing to help or hinder the process, it means more. Thank you, I’ll be reading more about this.
Susan, I recommend The Secret Life of the Grown-Up Brain by Barbara Strauch. She was (is?) the science editor for the NY Times, and the book is a compilation of research and interviews. It’s compelling, enjoyable, and even funny in places. Very highly recommend it. Here’s the link: http://www.amazon.com/Secret-Life-Grown-up-Brain-Middle-Aged-ebook/dp/B0030CVRU2/ref=sr_1_1
Thank you, Lynn, as always, for your thoughtful look at life issues and events. You’re in my blog for August 15, 2014.
Thanks for letting me know, Carol. I’ll run over and check it out right now.
Hi Lynne… I think it is normal for all of us to ask questions and reflect on the passing of anyone we know–or even celebrities–because the death experience always seems to shake up our comfort zones. I don’t think any of us can ever really know the true reason that Robin Williams made the decisions he did–but what we can do is get more clear on our own lives. For that reason I completely agree that it is wise for us all, as we put on the years, to consider where are lives are going and what comes up for us. I also VERY MUCH agree that we need to spread and share that there are many advantages to aging in spite of what our culture teaches. ~Kathy
Hi Kathy,
It IS complicated, especially with this morning’s news that Robin Williams was dealing with Parkinsons’ on top of everything. Mainly, I was saddened to see the suicide statistics, and I think we might be able to help people feel not quite so desperate about aging if only they knew more about the good. Not that this would obviate brain chemistry or the psychological impact of a serious health diagnosis.
But I want my adult kids to feel at least a little optimistic about getting older. Talking to them, and others, about the good, would help.
I appreciated this reminder so much Lynne. As a writer who has just, in the last few years, been working on launching a career, I’ve often had this pesky voice (that I listen to over and over) tell me I’m too old, why bother, no one wants to hear or read what I have to say, etc. And I grumble about the aches in my ankles and/or knees on any given day. I’m only in my mid-50s. I’m working on turning that around and embracing it. In fact it’s part of why I started blogging a few years ago – to find my voice again and be a positive example to my grown children (daughters especially) of living a full life, embracing joy and finding strength at any age.
Barbara, you are launching the best career for aging! I just turned 60, and I hope to write and publish for the next 25 to 30 years. With voice recognition, at some point we won’t even have to type! As long as our thoughts are intact, we are good to go. Glad to hear from you.
I think you have made some valid points
Thank you, Elizabeth.
I take it that you meant it more as a springboard than a link. Part of that “deeper, more creative, more out-of- the-box thinking” in action.
Yes, Linda, a springboard. Thanks for putting it that way. I checked with a couple of smart friends before posting it, not wanting to appear to be trivializing Robin’s very complex situation. For that reason I tried to tread softly.
Like Carol said, they made not relate totally, but you brought up some great points.
That was my mission, Janie. Thanks.
Lynn:
I completely agree! Few of us are well-prepared by our culture to face aging, and European-American males get the worst of that rap. Women can also get taken in by the beauty myths that plague many of us. The truth is aging is not for the depressed or negative types.
We are seeing ever growing numbers of boomers suiciding, and I fear these numbers will continue to increase as we all draw nearer to our inevitable end.
Thanks for talking about a subject most don’t even want to think about, but denial does not make it so.
Laura Lee, good to hear from you! We haven’t talked in a while.
But to your point about boomer suicide, I’m sad to hear that. I assume in some cases it’s health issues that spark that reaction, but maybe believing we’re old and good for nothing is a factor, too. My thing is, I want us to start getting mad about the pervasive cultural message that we’re only good for procreation and as soon as we don’t look taut, juicy and fertile anymore, we’re pointless. I refuse to accept that, I refuse to play the game, and I don’t want my kids to labor under that burden.
These are important points that I hadn’t considered before. But I don’t for a minute think they relate to Robin Williams’ case and I think connecting the two really does your important points a disservice. Robin Williams was dealing with a serious mental illness that ups the ante far more than any other issues, in my opinion.
I’m going to dig into your other posts to learn more about the subject.
The reason I thought about it and linked them was because in one article he lamented being older and not able to command “A List” income anymore. But that was the only link.
Agreed. I don’t think aging in itself was the issue, but declining physical and mental health and very very serious issues possibly affecting his brain that put him over the edge and made going on unbearable,
Hi Barbara, you are probably right. I was reading about him in Time magazine, and the narrator pointed out that, when a person is depressed to the point of suicide, we often say, “How could he do that to the people who love him?” and the fact is (per the article) he doesn’t feel anything for anybody – including himself. A deep, pervasive numbness; a nothingness. Horrific to sit with and think of that. Makes me sad to type it.