Dory by Sallie Bailey
I asked my friend Sallie Bailey that question because I think the more we know about aging, the less chance we’ll waste a lot of time being freaked out when we get there. Sallie is an award-winning artist and writer (here’s a link to her website). She’s practical and smart, and she said I could quote her, so here goes.
Frankly, it’s a pain. Literally. Arthritis has taken its toll. Joint replacements help but there’s a lot that brings me up short, limiting my mobility. I’m very fortunate that I’ve dodged all the major bullets – no serious health problems. The brain still functions. I firmly believe that creativity is the answer – I think we writers/artists have an enormous advantage. It’s my opinion that our ceaseless brain activity keeps that organ healthy – keeps it young. I have more ideas than I can carry to fruition. Time can be a problem there – but it’s always been a problem.
That brings up another facet of aging well – curiosity. Many of the normal occurrences of aging surprise me. Physical changes – some small, some more pronounced. I observe and reflect on them.
I consider myself very fortunate to have been gifted with a fine sense of the ridiculous. Laughter certainly helps. My father, mother and brother lacked that. Our youngest son and my brother’s oldest daughter have it. (The niece, knowing I’m partial to art glass, sent me on my 80th birthday an art glass marble on a little base along with the note that it was to replace any marbles I might have lost!) My husband has it – actually both arthritis and a sense of humor.
Death? I don’t like the idea of dying at all. I don’t don’t believe in an afterlife and I don’t like the idea of missing anything. On the plus side – people like us leave footprints. They may be lost but they’ll always be there to be found – art, writing, whatever. Another plus – at least someone else will have to clean out our dresser drawers………
I love what Sallie said about being curious and having so many ideas that time is a problem. As long as we’re hungry, life is good. I have another friend who’s in her early eighties and when we get together to talk about the novels we’re writing, we get so excited we talk over each other. We drink wine and rant about our ambitions and dreams.
Want to feel inspired? Here’s a short video interview with a 94-year-old artist who’s making money on his paintings. Thanks to David Kanigan for the lead.
Readers, I’m curious. What is it like being your age?
I am turning well….not 80 but getting there. What does it feel like to be entering the 70’s? I look in the mirror and ask who is that older person. I don’t feel my age. I am as young as I was when I was at my peak. Now the problem is, I don’t remember when I was at that peak. I hurt a bit more in the morning and exercise a bit less or not as strenously; but I still feel young and in my prime…now all I need to do is figure out where I put things. I think I have gremlins! Thanks for the blog!!
And thanks for coming by, E. I love your attitude. It just occurred to me that I hurt more when I was younger – in my heart and soul. I was lonely, married badly (twice!), felt aimless and discouraged, and had other problems of youth, but my body worked better and my skin was prettier. Now, I’m happy, productive, in love with husband and family including adorable grandbabies, and as busy and excited as a heart and soul can be, but my body – well, you know. Which age would I rather be? Oh, this one, for sure.
Enjoy your blog very much. I plan to follow you. I have just recently retired and am blogging – humorously I hope – about how it feels to give up a career after 40 years, how it feels to age, to have an empty nest, all of those things baby boomers are now dealing with. If you are interested in checking me out, you can find me at http://rosythereviewer.blogspot.com/. rosy
Rosy, I’m very interested in exactly that transition. I’ll check your blog out right away. Thanks for mentioning it and best wishes.
OH Lynne — thank you for this. It was a treasure for me to read Sallie Bailey’s words of wisdom. Curiosity and creativity with a splash of physical limitations (my take away message on aging). I try to have both Cs and take ibuprofen for the latter.
Great post. Words like yours help me remember old age doesn’t have to be a time of utter helplessness.
Oh, far from it, TWD. In fact, I’m thinking of quoting Marianne Williamson: “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be…Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you…And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” My mission is to encourage older folks to let their light shine, to accept the truth of their own power, and in so doing liberate not only themselves but the next generations. Thanks for stopping by.
I’d love to inspire someone! Heh. Actually we are most aware of how lucky we’ve been–and still are.
Lynne, what a great post. And inspiring.
At 67, I’m about half way through writing my first novel. First Husband, age 70, rocked the house on his Stratocaster at church this morning. Keep moving, keep growing, keep learning, keep laughing, and especially keep loving.
Susan, that sounds real good. You two are inspiring.
Thanks for the post. I think you’re on the mark with using the wisdom of those who are a little ahead of us on this journey.
For myself, I realized just the other day that I don’t think I’ve gracefully or fully made a transition into a midlife mindset. I still struggle against the losses of physicality from appearance to ability and energy. Of course I’ve blamed a lot of the way I feel lately on grief, and that may be valid. But underlying it all is a resistance to acceptance of aging and mortality that I still wrestle with.
Good post.
Your feelings are logical and natural. We see getting old as a precursor to death, and the annoyances and indignities that go with having a body that’s got 150,000 miles on it – well, it ain’t easy or pretty. So my strategy is to root out the good stuff and focus on that. But you should give yourself time to grieve your mother. This is no small thing! Nurture yourself; grief takes energy and can rob you of what you need to get through the day. Rest, veg out. Read. Talk. Eat too much. Sleep if you can. You get the idea. Best wishes.
Thanks for your kind words. I actually lost both of my parents in January of this year– Mom on the 12th and Dad two weeks later on the 26th. I’m still trying to patch myself back together.
CM…becoming an “adult orphan” so quickly may play a part on how you are feeling right now. Once our last living parent transitions, we are thrust into a new role…ready or not. Now we are the “elders of the tribe”…when just a short while ago we were someone’s child/daughter.
It may feel “disorienting.” “Nurture yourself”…as Lynne has suggested…as you walk this path of healing toward peace.
Senior, you are right in every way. Two years ago, I wrote about my friend Iris who was in her 80s. She’s still doing the life learning thing, social media, and a ton of other activities (and she looks great.) Here’s a short post about her: https://anyshinything.com/2011/05/21/dare-to-dream-after-middle-age/ Also, my mom who is 88 just decided to start making plush animals for the local firehouse to give to children in the event of trauma. At times she gets tired and discouraged, but she says “you have to fight it. Otherwise life’s not worth anything.”
I think that physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health is very important in addition to Lifelong Learning for an active, creative and productive longevity. It’s predicted that increasingly more people will live to be 100+. How many of us will be prepared to live up to 40 more years of retirement age? Like Lydia whose very close to the 100 mark it will probably take some new ideas by Boomer/Elders to make the path to 100 somewhat easier. Whether it’s good habits like Lydia s riding a stationary bike every day and marching in any peace rally that comes along OR maybe working on something in Liberal Arts such as being a writer (that’s me), a painter or maybe even a candlestick maker. Everyone of us has some dominant talent(s) that could be discovered and through Lifelong Learning they will be able to produce a new book (that’s me) a new painting or maybe a new candlestick idea to be marketed to new customers.. GO 50+ Seniors Go!
As a Type 2 diabetic, staying healthy is a major focus. I’ve controlled diabetes now for over 10 years by diet and exercise alone and have no long-term damage.
Among the highlights this past year were turning 73, returning to Seattle from the east coast (never to move again), starting a book about how to manage your own health, and getting married to my long-term BF The Engineer at the top of the Space Needle, A sense of humor helps a lot, and he and I find much to laugh about every single day.
Congratulations, Madeleine! And yes, laughter – so good. Thanks for stopping by.
I’m sending this to my writer friend who is 73. Although she laughs like a school girl and has won numerous writing awards, her body is starting to betray her. She will love this enlightening post by your delightful friend, Sallie.
Kathleen, my body has betrayed me off and on since I was in elementary school. At 59 I now know to expect it will happen with some regularity, and that when it does, I plow through it as best I can. Then when I recover I celebrate – usually by rejoicing so much in my mobility that I mess myself up. Recently I started walking every morning. On the fifth morning, I got a case of sciatica that stopped me for 3 days. No matter. I wait, take care of myself, and let it pass. Then do the max with what I have. It’s all I know.
Sallie’s words of wisdom strike a chord with me. Even though various ailments like arthritis have cramped my athletic style, my mind soars with ideas. As she says, creativity just may be the answer and I love her idea of savoring “fine sense of the ridiculous.” Laughter does help ease the pain and the human connections heals the soul. So, so grateful to have connected with you, Lynne. Every week your postings inspire me to keep on, keepin’ on.
Oh, no, Pat, it’s the reverse. After reading your book, Home Sweet Hardwood, I don’t think I’ll ever complain about my maladies again. And thank God we don’t need much body to write.
Great video about the 94 year old artist. I liked what your friend Sallie wrote. So glad you had a fun time with your mom. I’m a 65 year old retired teacher. My husband is 74. We lost our parents and aunts and uncles to heart disease, cancer and strokes. They were not examples of successful aging. You are right we must remain curious and keep learning! I also think what we eat and how much exercise we get is important to successful aging. We began eating the whole foods/starch/plant based way 3 years ago. We were semi-vegetarians who ate dairy products and eggs and fried foods. Since we began the WF/SPB way of eating we both have more energy, better mood, clearer thinking and we sleep better. Our aches and pains went away! Hubby lost 40 pounds – without ever being hungry – and got off his all his Rx drugs and got his blood sugars under control.
I read about an inspiring woman doctor who died last year at 114. Here is some more info on her:
Life Lessons from 114 Year Old Doctor
“No milk after the baby is weaned! No juice, no tea or Cokes. Only water. That cow out in the pasture never had a drop of milk after she was weaned, and look how strong and healthy she is.”
By the time Leila retired in 2001, at the age of 103, she had cared for thousands of children through a career that spanned seven decades. She began practicing medicine before there was baby food and before many immunizations were developed. Yet as medicine progressed over the next 70 years, Denmark remained true to an early belief: good parenting, good nutrition, and common sense afford a child a good chance at a healthy life.
Dr. Denmark’s most famous simple prescription for longevity is “love what you do and eat right.”
Drink only water
We need to think about everything we eat and drink
Children and adults should eat fruit instead of drinking fruit juices
“Let’s do” is easier than do
Anything you have to do is work and anything you love to do is play
During the Great Depression, 11,000 of America’s 25,000 banks closed (Save what you can, appreciate what you have.)
Never raise your hand or your voice to a child
Parenting has gone out of style
http://www.sparkplugpeople.com/dr-leila-denmark-turning-112/
http://www.georgiahealthnews.com/2012/04/georgias-famed-dr-denmark-dies-114/
Shelley, there’s a lot of wisdom in what you shared, thanks. I recently stopped using artificial sweeteners because I read that sucralose kills beneficial bacteria in the gut, and the result of THAT is a reduction in serotonin. Serotonin helps with sleep, depression and anxiety. As a person who had C.Diff. for five months (a few years ago) I am VERY excited about nurturing good bacteria!
I loved your post. Aging has been an interesting phenomenon for me. I am much more curious about the process than ever before. ‘Every time I get a new ache or pain, I wonder if it’s “normal” for a fossil of my age. One custom that I have initiated in my family is the custom of doing something memorable on your “Big O” birthdays (50, 60, 70 etc. are Big O birthdays). At 50, I bought myself an anniversary band (I am single) with 5 diamonds…one for each decade. At 60 I rode an elephant. Next year, I will be 70. I am open for suggestions for celebrating this milestone. Sky diving and hot air balloons are out because of my fear of heights.
My friend Lydia will be 100 in September. She still lives on her own. She rides a stationary bicycle every day and marches in any Peace Rally that comes along. Just this year, she sold her car. She decided on her own that she shouldn’t drive anymore. I can’t even imagine myself living to be 100, but if I do, I’m certain I will not be as well preserved as Lydia.
That’s a good call about skydiving. It’s riskier than people think due to the possibility of equipment failure or other mishaps. There are many other ways to celebrate turning 70.
MK, I live by a jump school near Perris, CA. Somebody’s always dying.
Natur, next year I’m going to spend a week with my friend of 43 years when we both turn 60. We’re going to Jekyll Island to hang out on the beach, drink wine, and talk. Oh, and check out the history of the area, eat well, and talk. And did I mention wine? That’s enough for me. Plus skydiving scares me.
I’m climbing the stairs to 70 and have never been as busy or curious as I’ve become since my retirement. So far, I’m still limber, wear high wedgies, volunteer at a bookstore, and read and write a lot.
Tess, you’re an inspiration – keep it up. Nothing teaches like example. And if we’re going to change the perception of aging in this country, people like you will be the teachers.
Nice words but the truth is this is my second childhood. I’m afraid I missed the first one. Ha-ha.
Reblogged this on Sixty and Single Again.
Great Post Kudos to you Sally. Hi Lynne 🙂
Hmmm, being 59 is sort of a holding pattern, it’s too early to retire (for me financially) but I’m lusting after it.
I like my life I’ve finally learned how to say no. Life’s too short to do something you hate.
Now if you get wind of something a reviewer/blogger could get rich on let me know and I’ll quit this day job. 🙂
deb
Oh, Deb, if it existed, we’d all be doing it! Good on ya for learning to say no, BTW. Signing on for half as much is like being twice as fast – you get done at the same time and can relax and enjoy life.
You mentioned “musical references” in your review of GOODBYE, EMILY. The tune that is playing in my brain these days is “When I’m 64” by the Beatles. In just over two weeks…I get to reach that milestone birthday…and to me the coolest part is I have three little grandchildren…not “exactly” Vera, Chuck and Dave…but close…Emma, Ryan and Jacob. Since they are 4, 3 and 2 it’s a bit difficult to get all three “grandchildren on MY knee”…but I may have to make that a 64th birthday photo request this year.
I loved in the video when the artist, Hy Snell, shares his age…94…and then he changes that to 94 and a half! He embraces every bit of his age! That stands out to me because I embrace my age too. My mom died at 61 years 10 months…and now I have outlived her by more than two years. I am fully aware that every day is a gift…and every year contains the potential for creating and sharing more love, relationship building, joy, learning, growth, experience, adventure, friendship, peace and opportunities for making beautiful memories.
When I turned 50, I began taking tap dancing lessons again after a 30 year absence. In September I return to my 15th year of classes…tap, jazz and clogging. I LOVE clogging! I am not an “artist” like Hy…I am a dancer…and my prayer, my hope, my intention is that I am dancing when I turn 94…I mean, 94 and a half!
Sue, there is so much of beauty in your comments. I could reply for paragraphs, but I can’t add to it. Just, thanks for writing. How uplifting.
I love the idea of humor as we get older. I’m lucky that rarely does a day go by that my husband and I don’t laugh about something. It cleans the soul.
Cathy, I accompanied my mom who is 88 to the Midwest the past few weeks, and I think she might have been feeling bored and insular, because her old happy self returned. We laughed so hard we almost had accidents, and we’d lie awake late at night, talking for hours. We shared a room w double beds, and it was so fun. I told her it was like being away at camp.
Sixty two is awesome. I finally feel like myself. I can pick and choose what I want to do…how much I want to participate. My skills are still appreciated and now I can actually see why!!! My earlier life was so filled with self doubt. I can be productive or lazy and I am just fine BEING. In fact, for the first time I have the opportunity to just be. I love where I live and the people I know. I feel more connected than ever in my life.
Sure I hurt some and I am not nearly as physically strong as I want to be and not as athletic as I used to be or want to be, but life is good, I am happy and content , curious, active and wondering what is next. I just read a headline that 69 is supposedly the most happy age. WOW, can’t wait!
Nanci, thanks for that. There is plenty of research that says people are happiest at the first and last thirds of their lives, and the most difficult is the middle. So we’re in one of the better times of our lives. Why don’t people talk about this? What a cool time to be alive.
We definitely have to remain active and curious. Great post. xo Laura
Your friend sounds lovely! My boyfriend’s grandmother is 87 and very lively. She is a great company and very much into computers and techonology lately. I thought about her while reading your post.
Oh, and the video really impressed me… what a wonderful spirit!
Cristina, I read that seniors who spend time on the Internet are up to 28% less likely to be diagnosed as depressed. Good for her.