I just realized I’ve been applying hair color for almost 45 years. That’s a lot of goop and money.
I have a new hairdresser (okay, stylist. That’s what we’re supposed to call them now) who wondered about the work, time, and expense involved in maintaining the color situation (highlighting with foil). Yes, it’s a huge time suck, but I’ve been female for 60 years now, and I’m used to putting in the hours. In this case, I’ve resigned myself to sitting in that chair for 90 minutes every five weeks.
Anyway, the new person made my hair slightly darker and more monochromatic. A few days in, I realized I don’t care for it. It’s too youngish, and I feel ridiculous going to such lengths to not be what I am, which, I think, is completely gray. I don’t even know my own hair color. That strikes me as pathetic. Such a slave to fashion, hey? Well, no more. When I go back, I’ll tell her to start the transition to natural. Frankly, I’m a little nervous. Am I ready to walk the talk about aging joyfully, powerfully, and authentically?
Jamie Lee Curtis
It’s a rite of passage. Just like puberty, marriage, career, menopause, and retirement, this is a big spot on my timeline. I’m excited, because I’ll be the first of my sisters (and mother) to go fully gray. Think of all the time and hassle I’ll save!
But I’m late to the party. Recently, I told a group of friends I was sick of coloring my hair and thinking of going natural. They looked at each other with bemusement. They were all gray. How embarrassing to realize I’d been thrashing around in my own myopic perspective.
My problem is, I’m habituated. Isn’t that how it is – the gate’s been locked so long you don’t even notice when somebody leaves it open. If Bill doesn’t care, and I don’t care, who the hell am I doing this for?
So that’s my big news. I’ll keep you posted. I’m a little nervous but excited. So now here’s my question: what change did you make when you realized the gate was open?
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Oh, good for you! You can still change your mind at any point – the beauty of choices is in switching them up! I swore I’d find a better use for the time it took to maintain color, first, the Scandalous Sienna, and then the Irish Creme, and maybe I am but I don’t notice it. It was a little iffy when I had half and half hair, but my hairdresser helped with some low-lights to ease the transition. I remembered my mother, who kept her long hair until she was in hospice, and then had my sister cut it. My dad said “that looks nice!” and Mom wondered why she thought she was keeping the long hair for him. Life! It’s still grand, with whatever foliage is on your beautiful head!
Linda, what a fabulous comment. I love what you said about your mom. It just proves something I’ve been thinking hard about lately: we allow ourselves to become trapped by incorrect ideas. If we can only see this, how free we could be, particularly in later life!
Best wishes.
Lynne,
Yep, Support you fervently. And there is a beautiful young (35 ish?) pharmacist in our neighborhood Safeway store, and her thick mane of hair is completely whitish silver-gray. She takes my breath away every time i walk by. I am impressed with the fact she let it go naturally white and did not fight mother nature but also how lovely the light reflects off her hair and makes her eyes sparkle. You go woman!
Wow, she must be beautiful, Heather. Thanks for the support. I can’t wait to tell my Hair Person what I want to do. Will report back!
Hi Lynne, I recently read one of my other blogger friend’s post about choosing to go gray. Here is the link to her post, which I hope you will enjoy 🙂
http://www.robininyourface.com/choosing-to-go-gray-a-turning-of-my-soul
Thanks, Ann! I look forward to checking it out.
You are welcome Lynne. I think you will enjoy it 🙂
Ann, I just clicked on it and realized I just read it in Sue Shoemaker’s link below (which includes that one and several others.) But that post spoke for me so deeply that I’m including it in a followup post on gray hair, tomorrow. And I clicked on Robin’s Twitter follow button to keep in touch with her. She’s a wonderful writer and I’m glad you and Sue shared her post with me.
So glad you like it, and Robin as a writer. I have her book Soul on the Run and it is awesome…reaches my core and so much of it resonates with my life.
I will check out that book. Her words spoke to my heart, just in that post.
So glad. Blessings to you Lynne.
How exciting! I don’t know if you can see my Google profile, but here’s the link:
https://profiles.google.com/102170004885425653098/about?hl=en
I am the same age as you are, and I love my hair. I get compliments on it all the time. And it’s so low maintenance. I have a high-level corporate job, and my hair hasn’t gotten in the way yet.
I remember your look. You are probably in my subconscious as a source of inspiration!
Have you seen this list, Lynne? (Robin Korth, who is on the list, has just recently made the hair change.)
http://goinggrayblog.com/2015/02/25-gray-hair-bloggers-who-rock-2015-edition/
When I began to get silver, I would tell my sons that it was “platinum.” I have loved my platinum from the start…I was in my early 50’s.
As far as your question about the “open gate”…for me it leaving a 38.5 year career in education. The gate “opened” years before I walked through, and I had to be “nudged” with a slight financial incentive. Once “outside”…I’ve never regretted the decision. I experienced a “freedom” I had not known since the age of 4, and I have embraced the change in my life.
To quote a fellow teacher (Dave Johnson) who retired many years before I did…when asked about retirement, he said:
“Every day is Saturday, and every meal’s a picnic.”
Sue, your entire comment makes me smile with happiness. From platinum hair to open gates to Dave’s wisdom. I have a tendency to overbook my time, and then I stress out and pine for simplicity. As I get older, I’ve gotten better at saying “no.” I love looking at my calendar and seeing a whole day with no appointments written on it. Sometimes I even lie on the couch and read, right in the middle of the day. But it’s still a challenge not to get overcommitted.
Thanks for the link! Lots of good stuff there. Going to paw through it now.
I grew up with Grandma that had the brown hair and Grandma with the white hair. Grandma with the brown hair didn’t turn gray until after 60; Grandma with the white hair turned white in her early thirties following a hysterectomy. And I take after Grandma with the brown hair. YES!! I have a lot of silver in my hair, but I’m still mostly brown. You didn’t see it until you get up close and then unfortunately, you get to see that my hair is thinning.
I was laid off before Thanksgiving. I asked the gal who does my hair (have known her > 6 years) if she thought I should color it to look younger and she did not. She’d love to make the money, but she agreed it looked pretty good the way it was.
Having said that, I liked your comment of who were you kidding that you’re not 60. I say go for it. Many, like Jamie Lee Curtis, do look good with it.
While some of it’s vanity, it also speaks to our core of who we are. If your core has moved on to where that is no longer important to you, let it go. Reading over some of the earlier comments, I can understand when a woman goes gray early, she wants to color her hair. But at our age? It becomes a choice of what’s important to us.
I’m in the top row of these pictures and yes, I’m the same age you are.
http://livingtheseasons.com/2015/01/04/happy-all-year/
Nancy
Nancy, how cool to see your pix! Thanks for sending. And for the reminder that I can go back.
You are right that it is so incredibly individualized…I think if my mom had to give up on coloring, she’d give up on life. She’s always been very stylish and this is one of the elements that resonates for her.
I’m as vain as the next person, and how I look is very important to me. What’s motivating me is that I would like to feel more natural. I’d like to see what I am now. Curiosity is a big part of the mix.
BTW, my elder sister, 63, has rich brown hair with a little silver at the temples.
Thanks for stopping by and sharing your world with us!
Ha! My sister can relate to you because I’m the older sister too. She started going gray in her 30’s and still colors her hair. Thanks for checking out the pix and the nice comment back. I encourage you to try it and see.
I cut my long hair short way right after college graduation and have worn it short ever since and never looked back. Though everyone I know colors their hair, I have never considered it cause it is so NOT me, but then I always did march to the beat of a different drummer. And I could never sit still for 90 minutes to undergo the process at the stylists. Life is so much simpler without the curlers and colors. Lynne, you will love the blessed freedom in going gray.
I’m very excited about going that route, Pat. I was more of a closet rebel than you, but just as passionate. I guess that’s why I’m doing this blog!
I made the change back to all gray about a year ago and am very happy that I did. The time and money it saves is only part of it, though. I actually like how white it’s gotten and I can enhance it with shampoo to make it even more silvery. I get compliments. I think it’s important to keep an updated style with gray hair, though.
Jean, what do you mean by “enhance it with shampoo”? But thanks for the encouragement. Just today somebody advised me, “Don’t do it! You’ll regret it.” Bleah.
Lynne – so what if you regret it? You can always go back in and color it back again. It’s not a big deal if you tried it and didn’t like it!!
Nancy
I have gone silver. Gray sounds old, silver sounds sexy and special. And I love it! Its scary at first, and there were a few times I found myself standing in the hair color aisle at the store. I let it just grow out triming as I went so it wasnt always pretty…But I reminded myself about why I was letting the silver out, the cost, time spent touching up and I was able to stay on course o on. I got a new shorter softer style and that helped. I
Very encouraging, Lynn. Thanks for that. You paint a pretty picture. I’ll say “silver” from now on. Much more appealing.
Okay, so here we go! I was coloring my hair from age 16, off and on. Would go years natural, which was a light brown even though I was a true blond up until I was maybe 8 or 9. My hair was also naturally curly when I was a toddler. So what happened! Either my parents traded the real me for some gypsy child moving through the area, or my gene pool took over. Any way, I colored my hair for years; I was a blond, then a redhead, then a blond again. When I reached fifty eight I said enough!! and let it grow out. I didn’t mind it and scoffed at my friends when then suggested a few foils etc. Mine was not a pretty gray but I didn’t care. It was easy. Then the ‘cork screw’ gray hair syndrome caught up with me and no matter what I did, it stuck out like it was actually trying to escape my head. Maybe if I had cut it real short, it would have been better, but having long hair that I can throw into a ponytail or bun has always been easy. So I started the coloring again and my hair once again became obedient. At 70 I guess I am still vain, but if that darn gray hair would behave itself, I would gladly let it come back. Judy
Judy, as a control mechanism I totally get it! In fact, now that you mention it, I remember when I first began coloring it, in high school, doing it myself at home – anyway, the texture changed instantly. At the time it felt thicker and more lush. Interesting how I haven’t thought of that in 45 years. PS your hair always looks great.
Like you, I’ve been going through the foil “weaving” for years, and I’ve just decided to try to go gray. It’s daunting. I don’t want my hair to look dull and OLD, but I also don’t want to look brassy or unnatural. Only my hairdresser knows for sure? I wonder! At 68, it seems silly to continue to try to pretend I’m a blonde.
So, good luck to both of us. If it doesn’t work out, we can always go back to being blondes again!
Isn’t that the truth, Sandy? I’m hoping mine will be “silver” (see “Lynn”, above) with dark undertones.
Hi Lynne….as someone who is turning 60 this year I’m not ready to go gray yet. I think some women look really gorgeous with gray hair but I don’t think my complexion will ever look that attractive with it. And while I definitely don’t think of myself as vain, and never plan to go under the knife to look younger, my hair color helps me feel like myself. When that changes then I’ll probably join you. About the only thing I ever promised my husband is that I will never, ever go blue! ~Kathy
Kathy, it’s really individual. For me, I look good in black and white, so I think it’ll work. If I look hideous, I’ll change my game plan. But I want it to be about a nice color rather than “because society says I’m not free to be my age.” So that’s my first move.
Lynn, I’m only (only?) 56 and am not quite there yet. It’s not that I mind going gray it’s that I’m not loving the the way my hair is graying. Maybe when it’s all gray I’ll take the plunge. I mentioned it to my daughter a few months ago and the stricken look on her face nipped that conversation in the bud. I have extremely curly hair and about four years ago I decided to let it grow. Did I mention it was extremely curley? Well, four years and too many tubes of product to count later I cut it again. Short. Jamie Lee short. It was just too much work long and what’s the point of having it long just to wear it in a ponytail that gives you a headache? I forgot how great wash and wear hair was. It will be easier to go gray at this length when I finally decide to. Thanks for your great blog I look forward to your posts all week.
Kris, a few years back, I mentioned this to Bill and he wasn’t quite ready, either. Now he is. I don’t think we should bow to others totally in our lives, but there’s something to be said for everybody involved being on board! So now that he is, it’s easier. Maybe in a few years, I would do it anyway regardless of his wishes, but it’s easier that he’s in agreement.
And thanks for your kind compliment; that’s what keeps me going!
I’d love to do this too. My time in the chair with goop on my hair is time resented EVERY six or seven weeks. (I let the grey roots linger a while each time, my version of living large.) My husband does not mind that I’m aging. It’s visible in my face and neck and other points to the south of those, for sure. What he DOES mind is seeing someone completely different from the me he knows. The hair color he’s familiar with is what he wants to see. So…he’s the resistant one, and I can’t overcome that yet. My mother, at 86, still dyes her hair a lovely auburn and looks tremendous. I think my father, with failing mind, would not recognize her if she were silver on top! … Stay tuned. Good luck! My opinion about you as that you will be PHENOMENAL (as always).
Jan, it’s going out on thin ice to say this, but I don’t want to be 89 and still dyeing. As with my mom. She looks great, and it makes her feel good, so it’s none of my biz. But for myself, who grew up in the days of letting one’s freak flag fly, I’m excited about going natural. And how different can gray be from our “ideal” of blondness? Here’s Kim Kardashian, trying to look older: http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2015/03/05/kim-kardashian-s-blonde-ambition-the-power-of-a-new-do.html
You are a braver woman than I, Lynne! I toy with the idea of going gray, but am having a hard enough time dealing with the tired-looking woman I see in the mirror without washing her out completely with the mousy gray-brown hair that’s underneath the color I have applied every four weeks. Call it vanity or whatever, I’m just not there yet (and not sure I ever will be!).
Roxanne, your words make my point. I get the thing about “tired looking” and I’m as vain as the next gal. But true power in aging means we’ll feel happy and confident in spite of our looks. Is that even truly possible? I’m going in, ladies. Cover me.
Lynne, I’m going to share this post as I feel it is an extremely significant issue. Beyond a personal choice, this is an issue of the underlying ageism in our country. Brace yourself for how certain members of society will respond to you now that you’re going to be weak and not very smart. I tell my students regularly that I’m 80 and there’s a walker underneath my podium so that I can get back and forth to my desk. They absolutely believe me–because my hair is gray. Right? I mean, you’ve seen me in person; I’m a pretty spry chick at 60. But one only has to watch commercials for e-insurance to know that anyone with gray hair is doddering and demented. Keep fighting the good fight. I love your words, your blog and your courage! And P.S., Lady, you’re absolutely gorgeous regardless of your hair color.
Well then it’s settled, Kay. Your powerful positivity makes me feel even more determined. But to the serious issue of ageism, that’s a somewhat frightening subtext. I’m going to put myself out there and face the monster. Earlier this week, I was buying some clothes and mentioned something about being 60 to the clerk, who complimented me for not looking 60. And I wanted to say, that’s not really a compliment, Miss. But I kept my mouth shut. The fact that your students believe you’re 80 (funny!) is more a comment on their youth and naivete than the stupidity of society. But yes, in a culture where actresses can mostly only get work if they’re young-looking enough that the executives want to “do them,” (per Tina Fey, Bossypants), anyone who goes gray is in for some pain. Let it come. I’ll keep you posted.
I am sixty-one and this is the ONE thing where I have a truly positive genetic gift. The days must surely be counting down. Everything else is falling apart; my eyes are fading; I am becoming deaf; I can no longer control my weight… yet I am still naturally blond.
(nevertheless, you look great in grey. Congrats!)
Elizabeth, you crack me up. And what an amazement, to still be blond at 61. All of us four kids were towheaded toddlers, then blonde in elementary school. My elder sister doesn’t color her hair and she has a nice shade of brown, with only a bit of gray near her ears. Funny how hair ages.
At 49 , I decide to let my hair go gray for my 50th. It wasn’t easy to let go of the last vestige of youth, but really, who are we kidding? Dye does NOT cover jowls. I almost caved when job hunting, fearing it would age me too much but decided if they were ageist jerks, I didn’t want to work with them anyway. It’s been 8 yrs . Not only does my husband, and close friends, think my shoulder length silver hair is beautiful but I feel more authentic than the last few years of dying my hair. And that, I think is the key – do what makes you feel most authentic.
Anon, that’s what’s bugging me, the lack of authenticity. Like I’m pretending I’m not 60. The inventor of this blog about aging with confidence and power. Time to take the big step. Thanks for sharing. (“shoulder length silver hair” SOUNDS beautiful).