I think we Boomers sometimes use our age and our self-perceived wisdom as an excuse for not learning anymore. It feels safer to tell yourself you have all the answers, and the only way to find out otherwise is to ask, engage, and learn, which can be risky. However, I’ve found a cover story, an alter ego. A fake ID to use in such a pursuit.
I think of myself as a cultural anthropologist. I got the idea from my 85-yr-old mom, who freely plays the “old person card.” If somebody’s trying to rip her off, she’ll complain, saying, “You think just because I’m old you can take advantage of me.” (She’s a feisty 4’11” and nothing gets past her.)
So, in pursuit of current cultural awareness, I’m starting to play the older-person card. I’ll sidle up to young people, and ask questions. I was at LA Fitness the other day and really liked a song that was playing over the sound system. I asked these two boys, maybe 18? 20? who it was. You could tell they were thinkin’, “Granny wants to rock!” But then they got into the spirit, answered my question, and yakked with me a minute. Nothing bad happened.
I used to help out at an elementary school. At breaktime I sat with the young women teachers. Talk always turned to family. To excuse my prying, I’d play the old lady card: “Are husbands still like that? Are you ladies still doing most of the housework?” Oh, boy, that was a hot button. Let’s just say, very little changes. But they were eager to fill me in. I’m just curious, and people seem to like that.
Here’s another example: have you noticed that when you thank a younger person, they’re likely to respond, “No problem”? It bugged me when it happened at a store when a youngish cashier handed back my change. I felt like saying, right, it shouldn’t be a problem, because it’s your job. But when I opened my mind and asked my Gen-Y friend about it, she said that it’s a way of shrugging off the appreciation, because the young person feels it was nothing. As in “de nada” in Spanish. For nothing. No problem.
I felt kind of stupid. Peevish, even.
So be brave, Boomers. Get out there and ask. You might learn something.
YES! there are many, but “Glad” comes to my mind.
I took a class in reiki at a local community college. At the time, I owned a skin care salon and wanted to offer something more than just facials/massage, etc.
As I entered the class, I perused the room to find mostly YOUNG nursing students, a 30 something, sophisticated looking blonde and a large, white haired lady who seemed out of place in the “mix”.
Gladys, a lady in her LATE 70’s, introduced herself and said “Call me Glad”…she went on to tell me that most of her lady friends who spent their afternoons playing cards, did not understand her interest in reiki OR any of the many “adventures” she felt the need to experience!
She owned a large home, took care of her ailing husband and at the same time, enjoyed weekends filled with kids and grandkids!
When I put it all into perspective, I felt guilty! I had immediately judged this woman who I didn’t know, basically “wrote her off” as someone who wasn’t capable, SIMPLY because of her age!! EEK!!!
Five years later, I am still in contact with her, not only listening to her about her many new accomplishments, but the fact that she went on to take advanced classes in reiki and has passed those benefits on to her husband and lady friends, facilitating balance and pain management in their lives.
Rae, I meet into so many women who are like Glad, quietly living heroic lives, and I think people would love to read about them. I’m going to run with your idea. You’ve done a nice thing today, Sis. Thanks.
Rae, what a fantastic idea!! Thank you. I am going to do that. We’ll all feel better for it. Is there anybody who springs to your mind?
I cannot remember how I found this sight BUT I am so happy that I did!! I am still “catching up!” but I wonder if there has ever been a topic about a particular woman that we have admired and why.
The use of “no problem” as “you’re welcome” has always struck me the same way it struck you: “Who suggested it was a problem! It’s your job!” I wouldn’t want anyone in my employ to answer my customers with that particular line, no matter how well-intentioned they were. But when I naively posed a “Does this bother anyone else?” question about it on a (rather volatile) message board I frequented, I was practically tarred and feathered. So I learned two things: One, it sounds worse to me than it does to many others. Two, it is possible to keep a New Year’s resolution; I decided to break my addiction to that message board and not so much as peek in at it for an entire year, and so far I’ve done it.
Yikes! I hate that about the Internet – that people can be so volatile, protected as they are by virtual anonymity. Glad to have you here, though. My commenters are always sisterly! And I hope you’ll stop by again. Any future comments you make will go online immediately.
“Oh snap!”, said the young woman behind me in line at the Post Office. I had heard it before, but this time I played Granny/cultural anthropologist and asked her what it meant.
Apparently it’s sort of a zen-ish ‘oh darn, yeah right’ statement.
Oh. Snap.
I’ll get it right. Maybe.
Thanks for the post Lynne!
Thanks for that, Sophie. I always wondered what that meant. Next time you want to comment you won’t have to go thru any approval process, so I hope you’ll stop by again. PS loved your women dancing video. I did a tiny post with it here.
Exactly! I want to be like Aunt Betty, too. I’ll bet she and Mom would get along famously.
I have a really cool Aunt Betty, who I want to be like when I grow up. She is in her eighties and she saw a young woman with many tatoos. She siddled up to her and asked if she could question the young woman about her tats. Somewhat defensively, the woman agreed. Aunt Betty asked her which was her first tat and which were her favorites…. she made a friend that day and raised the respect level older adults….
I find younger people surprisingly accessible at times. All they want is a little respect so asking them questions makes them feel good. One of my pet peeves since I’ve gotten “older” is having a waitress or clerk call me sweetie. It doesn’t matter how old she is, it just feel condescending to me.
BTW, you couldn’t have chosen a better smug face, in my opinion. ; )
A cultural anthropologist, huh? What a clever idea for connecting, engaging, and learning, Lynne! And you’re absolutely right — we never stop learning (or at least we shouldn’t) until we’re dead. This sounds like just the right “excuse” to satisfy our natural curiosity — good for you!
I use the “short woman” card. I’m 5’1 and can never get anything off the high aisles. I struggle for a bit because I’m quite proud, and then I ask someone taller to help, men and women both. I also use the “I don’t bake” card, which I don’t unless it’s really easy — everything is pre-packaged for me. “Excuse me, is there a purple icing out there, or is my kid’s teacher trying to trick me into coloring this crap myself?” Women Bakers love helping me out at the supermarket.
Really funny voice you got there. Love the smug shot, too.
That’s the head-slapper, Arlene, that the culture HAS changed but not all bad as we Boomers sometimes tend to assume. And the way to engage is to ask; the way to ask with confidence is to play anthropologist. It’s very cool because in my experience it makes me feel part of things again, and the kids appreciate the respect of being asked. WIN/WIN!
Thanks for sharing these insights, Lynne. Things to roll around in my mind rather than taking my first thoughts and letting my ego run with it. I have been annoyed by that “no problem” thing, too. Wow – the difference in culture and language ——right next to me 🙂