A long time ago, in high school, I memorized part of the poem Ulysses by Alfred, Lord Tennyson. In 1842, Tennyson imagined the mythical king suffering a kind of midlife crisis. I was a teenager. I didn’t know anything about midlife (and didn’t care), but I couldn’t get the poem out of my mind.
Now that I’m in my sixties, it might be one of my favorite poems because it speaks of one man’s view of aging. Ulysses is bored with civilization. His wife is aged and happily settled, and his son is a public administrator. The hordes are behaving themselves.
Ho hum.
Ulysses itches to get back out on the ocean, find new lands to conquer and kick some behind. Rally the old warriors for one last escapade. He’s willing to make terrific sacrifices for one more shot at glory.
That’s one view of how to age. Facing old age, the king wants to speed up, pedal to the metal, launch the fleet and do battle. His wife is happy to relax, content with hearth and home.
There’s no right way. There’s only the right way for you. And what is that?
I go back and forth. I crave the idea of having nothing on my calendar. My happiest mornings are the ones where Google’s daily email says “You have no events scheduled today.”
Lordamighty, I love that message. But it doesn’t happen very often.
Do you ever ponder this question of whether to speed up or slow down, now that you’re the age you are? Maybe you’re thinking, well, I work still. I don’t have that choice. But in a way, you do. You can choose not to rally behind your employer’s new initiatives. You can choose not to expand your business. Etc.
I’m constantly torn between speeding up and slowing down at this point in my life. I could argue both sides.
We should speed up because we have less time. Fewer grains of sand in the hourglass and all that.
But on the other hand, haven’t we done enough by now? Aren’t we enough? We’ve been running hard all our lives. Now might be a good time to stop and smell the rose’.
Sometimes we keep doing things out of habit.
Sometimes it’s fear. Of poverty, of free time, of loneliness, of not keeping our brains sharp.
Maybe it’s good to be conflicted, because you’re actively weighing both sides. Thinking, always thinking. Which means you’re not settled; you’re aware. You’re not sleepwalking.
I kinda/sorta plan to run hard for five more years, building my media empire–ha ha! I mean, raising my visibility as a writer–and then, once I have a lot of devoted readers, simply blog and write for the rest of my life. Like the picture above, only without the wine. I can’t drink it anymore, unfortunately.
Luckily, my dream of old age won’t involve climbing aboard an ocean-going warship and kicking behinds. Ulysses was a pretty hard case, but you have to admire his drive.
Here’s the poem. As you read it, enjoy the existential crisis imagined by the author, 175 years ago. Afterward, maybe you’ll share your thoughts about this issue, what your decision is (if you’ve made one) and why.
PS Thanks for being on this journey with me. I appreciate your company.
Ulysses
by Alfred, Lord Tennyson
There are so many decisions to be made between, “Hurry up and catch up” and “Stop and smell the roses”! I had several years of a fairly sedate and contemplative life before I started my blog almost three years ago. Since then, I have been in a ‘hurry up’ mode, juggling all the things I need to do with my writing. Once in a rare while, I just stop, go for a long, slow walk with Bob, or spend a half hour on the phone with my sisters…I guess those qualify as ‘smelling the roses’! But wait, I do have a garden, and when I stop obsessing about the work I have to do to maintain it, I stop and just breathe in the beauty! Thanks for this wonderful post, Lynne. You really got us all thinking!
Glad it resonated, Diane. I have two businesses in my life: my writing and my writers’ Guild. Both are fantastically enjoyable, but I do plan to cut back after things are more on autopilot. You know, I remembered something just now: I used to feel conflicted about my job when I was in my 30s. It was very challenging, and I enjoyed it. But it wasn’t writing. It wasn’t what I DREAMED of doing with my life, but it paid well and there were many rewards. Still, I pined for the writing life. Such conflict. I was both discouraged and excited. Since I was seeing a great therapist at the time, I asked him about my confusion. After acknowledging it, he said, “bottom line, if you’re in the game, play to win.” That has stuck with me for 30 years!
I enjoyed your post, as I always do, and it made me think. I’ve decided that I’ve been speeding up in some areas (hiking, walking, exercising, writing, spending time with my family and friends) and slowing down in others (going to functions I “should” attend, keeping the house pristine). So far, it’s a pretty good balance.
That sounds like a really good balance, Sandy. All the good stuff and none of the bad!
Hi Lynne! What a great question. Even though I have never been one to do anything slowly, I find myself pausing more and more these days. I do see that as a good thing. Fortunately, my “rush” didn’t have much to do with work, but more with my FOMO (fear of missing out). Gradually through the years, I have learned how to give myself permission to slow down. And now I value those times (almost!) as much as the times I am going full-speed ahead. Will that change? Probably. I’ve noticed that like it or not, things change. I’ll bet even Ulysses slowed down some eventually. ~Kathy
He probably did, but only when no one was looking! I have a constant battle with the question, because I love the absence of obligation as much as I love the race!
Haha! I believe this post was written for me! “I cannot rest from travel”…that’s my post-retirement experience in a nutshell. When I retired in 2010, “the PLAN” was to become a Tour Director. It took five years to “break into” the world of adult travel. (My experience up to that point in time was working with students.) Even though I work “part time”…when I do work, I “hit the ground running.” I started slowly with three 5-day programs the first year (15 days total). The second year I did three 5-days, two 8-days, and one 13-day program (44 total). This past summer, I did three 5-days, one 9-day, and two 13-day programs (50 total). (Luckily, two other programs that I had committed to were cancelled!) NOW, I am “re-evaluating” my goals for 2018. When I am HOME…I live on a farm. One of my co-workers this summer asked me what my favorite “destination” was, and without a pause I said HOME. When I am HOME…I live on a farm. My husband is a very fortunate and contented farmer who works for one of our sons. Our four young grandchildren live within 5 miles. The only “regular commitment” that I have on my calendar is my haircut (and that’s even flexible). Other than that, my schedule is open and unstructured, giving me lots of “down time” to read, think, contemplate, exercise and dream. When I am not “working”…I “dream” about personal travel. Apparently, “I cannot rest from travel.”
Sue, I love the description of your life! No, you cannot rest from travel, but when you do, you are in a beautiful environment surrounded by love and family. What a lovely life! Thanks for writing.
Boy you hit the nail on the head with this post, Lynne. I am also torn between speeding up and slowing down and have yet to find that perfect balance. Sometimes my body decides for me. After a kick butt day, I am usually flat out for a day recovering.
So in that sense, Pat, it’s almost like the decision is made for you. You mix both, and that’s what I’m seeing here. It’s gratifying to know this topic
After working for 45+ years full time plus, in a wide variety of fields, I retired. Complete stop, no gradual slowdown. That was nice, but bewildering. Within 3 months I was back working part-time. It helps keeps my mind sharp, and adds structure to my weeks. My creative endeavors also now take more of a presence in my life. But the pressure of forced work is no longer there, allowing me to breathe and make my own schedule. By golly, I deserve that!
Hi Ginger, I wrote a nice long thoughtful answer, and then it was lost when I did the mathematical equation wrong in the captcha question. I guess it’s too early to know what 17-11 is. That was the last straw. Going to get rid of that stupid thing!
Thank you for this, Lynne. I thought I was all alone with the war going on inside of me between “Hurry up” and “Stop.” I think you’re absolutely right about doing both, and am currently trying to wrap my own head around that. Appreciate the encouragement!
You too, Sandy? What a relief. Sometimes I write these posts because I wonder if anybody else feels the same way I do, so like you, I’m gratified to know I’m not the only one! By the way, have you figured out an answer?
It is a strange feeling to slow down on work…. I actually completely stopped this year. But I am speeding up on the things I didn’t get to do when I worked. Art, walking, golf, travel, pickleball,relationships, becoming part of groups, being political, etc, And I wonder what else might be out on the horizon. It is really an awesome time.
As always, Lynne, you give me something to think about. Thanks.
My pleasure, Nanci. Great to hear from you. Glad you are enjoying your well-earned retirement.
Another wonderful post, Lynne–and one that certainly captures where I am in this journey. I’m definitely in the “torn” category…compelled to make hay while the sun shines on the work front, but fantasizing about retirement and living without deadlines (and knowing that I’ll likely be bored silly without some structure to my day and commitments/engagement (whether social, mental through writing, etc.). And it IS nice to have a choice, even now–I really don’t have to take on all the projects I do! As I ponder it, it’s really not an either/or–we can do both, right?
That’s what I’m trying to do, Roxanne: both! Some days I veg, some days I kick butt. I think that’s a pretty good formula.