When I showed my DIL my gray roots, now about two inches, she thought I was brave. She said, a bit wistfully, that her mother still colored her hair, and I thought about the going-gray-divide.
Coloring or not coloring is personal, and there is no one right decision.
For me, it’s a social experiment. For example, I’ve heard that this whole issue of invisibility comes screaming to the fore when one goes gray. I’m curious to see if that happens, and if so, if I can offset it with a counter-strategy. If any good stories result, I’ll share them with you.
It’s also rebellion. I don’t enjoy sitting in a chair for an hour and a half while my hair is colored, over some vague idea about societal expectations, like wearing a bra in public. “They” kind of expected it, and I complied.
But I’m old enough now that society is telling me I’m not worth a shit anyway, so going gray is a matter of personal freedom. I am pushing back. I am making a statement.
I don’t care what or IF you think of me.
Yeah, I’m calling my own bluff. Luckily, there’s nothing to risk but ego. I don’t have to look good for a living.
So I started the process:
It’ll be fun to see how it ends up. I don’t even know what my “real” hair looks like!
Going natural is a way of reasserting my belief that “old” is fine.
This blog, my novel, and my book of short stories are all about aging powerfully and optimistically. I believe getting older should be a nice easy cruise. With all the challenges of aging, you shouldn’t have to worry that you’re not good enough. That you don’t measure up because of one thing: your age.
My hair will be a gray flag. It will attract a certain kind of bull.
Opinions on graying vary. I see it as passage into new country, or volunteering to run a gauntlet. To willingly take that path, for personal satisfaction in spite of the cost.
On the other hand, when I held up a picture of my mother, who is at 89 a gentle auburn, another person said, “She still colors her hair? Good for her!” I then saw the other point of view: Mom still caring enough to make the necessary sacrifices to improve her appearance. Still a fighter. Still powerful.
There’s no right or wrong stance on going gray. It’s personal.
For me, aging has just opened an exciting new avenue to freedom. I’ll report back periodically and let you know how the transition goes.
By the way, if you have curiosity about life after 70, or if you’re there and you want to interact with people your own age, check out 70Candles.com. The good stuff is in the right-hand margin. Click on any month, any blog post, and indulge.
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I agree with you completely! If you want to let your natural, (gray) hair show, that is perfectly fine and you’ll still look great. If you want to color it instead, you will still look just fine. It all depends on personal preference and what makes you feel the most confident!
Thanks, Susan, for the shot in the arm! Going gray as we speak.
Lynne, I’ve been meaning to get back to this post to congratulate you on your decision to “go gray”. I had decided a while back not to even start with the coloring, to grow older gracefully and it has worked out fine. Rather than think of myself with gray hair (which I have plenty of), I think I now have “wisdom highlights”, every one earned and honored. Enjoy your “new avenue of freedom”! 🙂
You know, Kathy, it’s a bigger deal to the individual – almost embarrassingly so. So many of my contemporaries have gone gray that I’m beginning to feel like the last one on the boat. Maybe that’s why you have wisdom highlights and I don’t yet! (or maybe they’re hiding under the fakey blond color).
Oh they’re there,Lynne, just crying to be claimed and honored!! I do appreciate your reluctance though because it represents a drastic change but I do think you will get used to it in time. That’s why I’m happy I never started in the first place. Good luck!
I did this a couple of years ago; one of my better decisions ever. If you want to become part of a GREAT community, go to:
http://w11.zetaboards.com/Cafe_Gray/index/
Good luck! Stay strong! You’ll be so glad you did this! 🙂
Thanks for the support and the link, Gwen. Going to check out the community. Stop by again soon.
Did you see this article in Huffington Post, Lynne?
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/04/29/granny-hair-vogue-women-shades-of-grey_n_7170234.html?utm_hp_ref=fifty&ir=Fifty
No I did not, Sue, but since I just read it, I have to chuckle! My God, they sit through hours and hours of process to look like us. Didn’t see that one coming!
Yep…and besides the freedom for us…it’s FREE!
I’m with you on this, Lynne, and am transitioning from “frosted” (weaved?) hair to …whatever color, with the option to go back to blond highlights at any time. Like you, I’m curious about what my real hair color may be, but I’m concerned that my un-colored hair may not have as much body as my colored hair had. Who wants to look at flat, dull hair in the mirror every day? So, we’ll just have to wait and see what emerges. It’s no big deal, no matter what. After all, it’s only hair!
Hey, that’s cool that you’re in the same process, Sandy. Let me know how it goes. In a couple weeks I’m getting mine cut quite short so it’ll be about half-natural, whatever that is!
I’m 84 and my hair does not have much gray. (My maternal grandfather died at 66, I’m told – with jet black hair). I DO have some gray but something about flash photos turns it jet black – light diffraction whatever. Outside in the sun – definitely salt & pepper! Whatever – I would not bother coloring it.
It’s the “whatever” I like about you, Sallie. Thanks for the inspiration.
When my dear Mother died she had about 20 grey hairs in her beautiful head of brunette curls. My Dad on the other hand was completely white at age 42. I wish I had your nerve to do what you are doing…..Keep us updated! You are beautiful!
mo
Mo, see, you prove my point: it takes nerve, and why? Because it’s more than just hair color, right? But as to your parents, wow. How interesting is Mother Nature, to engage in such whimsy! And thank you for the sweet compliment, but it’s the magic of cinema. I wouldn’t show you the bad shots!
I think you are going to end up with a very pretty gray. It sure looks that way to me. If you don’t like it, do as I do and go in every 3 or 4 months and have a few highlights put in here and there. I feel better with that and my springy hair behaves better and none of the dyes are touching my scalp except for a few min. when they tone it. Anyway, your gorgeous no matter what you do. you can’t change that. Judy
That’s a good tip Judy. And thanks for the compliment!
Lynn as you know I have been grey for 7 years now. What I discovered on this adventure is that, being grey gives you a personal feeling of authenticity. I have realized that the experience has given me an insight into those I interact with daily. The interaction with people reveled much more than I expected. Their reaction to me gives me a real insight as to how they perseve aging in general. I use these cues to better relate and interact with the public.
Exactly what I am looking for, Louise. I want that authencity. And insights about human behavior will be the icing on top!
Great article. I have went natural. It wasn’t such a shock as I thought because I dyed my hair a light blond and my natural hair is this white and silver. My natural hair blended in well with the blond and many people still don’t realize its grey and not blond. I’m thinking about purple tips now as I have always wanted my hair to be some wild color.
I also saw that gray is the new cool hip color for hair, many celebrities are dyeing their hair gray.
That’s true Evelyn, gray hair is very similar to blonde. The big deal really is all about age, not the actual color.
Hi Lynne,
I stopped colouring my hair about 5 years ago. My natural hair has grown in a silver white and I’ve had many compliments. My dear Aunt who’s 85 and still colours her hair said “well it doesn’t make you look any older” I think she meant it as a compliment LOL! So I’ve been going along thinking why didn’t I do this earlier, think of the time and money I could have saved? I thought here I am 70 and still looking pretty darned good white hair and all. Of course my ego was about to be shattered . A few weeks ago while getting coffee in the local mall, a 55ish looking women insisted she help me carry the hot coffee to my friend waiting at a nearby table. My friend and I laughed, I was even wearing my beautiful new red coat and Franco Sarto heeled booties! Joking aside, I was actually stunned! It’s the first time since I was pregnant a million years ago that anyone has assumed I needed assistance. So was it the hair or have I just physically aged more than I think I have? Who knows, it is what it is. Good luck with your adventure!
Lynda
Oh, Lynda, what a story! You’d want to refuse the help and straighten her out for thinking you needed help, but that would be uncool. Plus, maybe she was doing it for some other reason (her shrink told her the day before that she should try to be nicer) and you got lucky. Isn’t age fraught?
But on another point, I’m DRIVEN to not go through my life sleepwalking, and that means realizing when I’m going down the wrong path for some reason. For me, spending the time and energy on coloring is the wrong path. For you, too. What freedom! And see, your aunt’s comment reaffirms the cultural belief that old is bad. I think the greatest freedom is to be able to say “I’m old” with pride and maybe a shrug. Like, what difference does it make if I’m old. But like I said, the subject of age is fraught in this country.
Love your comment. Thanks for stopping by.