Frances McDormand (Gabriel Bouys/AFP/Getty)
Frances McDormand despises our culture’s intolerance of aging. It goes beyond frustration. She’s pissed off. In a recent interview with the New York Times, she said, “There’s no desire to be an adult. Adulthood is not a goal. It’s not seen as a gift. Something happened culturally: No one is supposed to age past 45–sartorially, cosmetically, attitudinally. Everybody dresses like a teenager. Everybody dyes their hair. Everybody is concerned about a smooth face.”
McDormand is aging with confidence and pride. She’s my idol.
I started this blog about five years ago because I don’t believe in sleepwalking. I’m not going to negate the last half of my one precious life trying to be something I’m not. Okay, I promise to brush my teeth, shower as needed, and wear clothing in public. For the good of civilization I’ll try to be polite and courteous. But apologize for my age? (I’m clapping my hand over my mouth to stop the blue streak.)
Makes me wanna holler. And not in a good way.
Frances McDormand is 100% on top of this. Here she is being interviewed by Katie Couric last spring. As you watch, notice how infrequently she smiles. FMD is dead-ass serious.
Some people are vehemently opposed, as is McDormand, to plastic surgery; some aren’t.
I tried Botox and Juvederm, but I felt fakey and stopped.
For me, it came down to personal authenticity. I’m a child of the 1960s, and after a 30-year period of rule-following, I’m done. Going gray, wearing makeup almost never, donated my high heels. Might even take up macrame’ again. (Okay, not that.)
No matter where you come down on the issue, we really need to start pushing back against the American cultural disrespect for age. Maybe even have fun with it. As famous author/photographer Deborah Copaken says in this month’s More Magazine,
“I actually take pride in showing up at parties as an increasingly rare representative of a bygone, natural aesthetic.”
Baby Boomers used to fight for authenticity. We laughed at our elders for their devotion to rules and conventions. Now we carve skin from our faces and inject toxins or commercially developed non-organic material into our bodies. All this to emulate the children we raised. What happened, people? When do we get to be real again?
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I noticed Francis’s age isn’t listed anywhere. Oversight? Or on purpose?
Funny, I didn’t notice that. She’ll be 58 in a couple weeks.
Ms. McDormand, in my opinion is turning into a grumpy old lady. She looks horrible and is deteriorating in front of us, right before our eyes. She looks tired and worn out. Perhaps late menopause? There is no reason why she just can’t put on a bit of face makeup, a touch of mascara and some color on her lips. What is she proving? That she can be as ugly as the next person? Personally, she gives me absolutely no inspiration for anything. No one is asking her to botox or go under the knife (God forbid) but unfortunately, she is turning into some of the very bitter characters she has been playing (perfectly) lately, such as Olive Kitteridge, which is a very far cry from the character she played in ‘Somethings Gotta Give’. (which I am told, she took that part just to tell Jack Nicholson’s character off).
Sorry, but McDormand is turning into a bitter old woman and to me, she is someone to avoid. Like the plague, should her unhappiness wear off on me.
Cindy, I was put off by the Kitteridge series, enough that I only watched the first episode. But I enjoyed the book.
To your point that she should act or look happier or better, maybe the degree of her negativity is in proportion to her disappointment. In that sense, I think her personal appearance and behavior is like a billboard, conveying a message. She’s an actress, after all, and that’s her talent.
You’re right to avoid her if she brings you down. One of the prerogatives of maturity is knowing what we want, and effecting that.
I appreciate hearing your opinion, and thanks for writing.
Wonderful post, Lynne! I am reminded (every time I look in the mirror) of a woman, many years ago, who told me, “You need to stop smiling so broadly and laughing with so much gusto because it will cause huge wrinkles when you get older.” She was right. And I can’t imagine spending the last 60+ years worrying about how enthusiastically I was expressing my joy.
That’s the rule that Kim Kardashian and Victoria Beckham are following. What idiots. How many lives do they think they get?
Lynne, thanks for being one awesome authentic woman leading us forward in accepting ourselves as we are…sags, bags, wrinkles and all…society be damned. It is time to be real women.
“Time to be real women.” No damn kidding! Thanks, Pat.
Great post! I have recently started to watch the NetFlix series Grace and Frankie. I was more Grace in my working life, definitely more Frankie now (except for the chanting and incense) that I’ve retired. I just don’t have time for all of “it.”
I would like to think that people like Frances McDormand will become the new-normal, but I fear it is going the other way.
Janis, I think people, as they age, will get real and stop spending so much time and money on unicorns and rainbows. This is just the last gasp of our generation before the wrinkles win. Anyway, that’s my hope. And Frankie is me too, except for the peyote and pot!
Inspiring post. I’ve shared the link on Facebook with the “Fantastic Ageless Boomers” group. Thanks for posting this, Lynne.
And thanks for sharing, Sandy. I’ll go look for the group.
Amen to this philosophy — thanks Lynne. i am needing to see and hear more of this sentiment. I don’t want a facelift, or whatever i may need, i am tired of it all. And honestly it won’t matter a damn. I do promise to go to the dentist twice a year and exercise 4-5 days a week. Does housework count? I am more concerned with working on my arthritis and being okay with losing my once strong hands. There are greater loses than looks — this i know
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Wow, Heather, your last sentence says it all. Profound.
Oooh, timely post for me. I am working my Weight Watchers plan effectively but suddenly I noticed that I’ve lost a few ounces that used to hold my cheeks in place, apparently: there are sags where there used to be apples. Came to my computer to find this article, and since I adore Frances McDormand (and you, Lynne, too), I embraced my jowl lines instead of running for ice cream to fluff my face (thighs, belly, upper arms) once again. I keep my weight in place not to try to look young but because “they” don’t make the clothes I like to wear anymore so I dare not grow out of them (and to make my knee joints happier). Thanks Lynne!
You’re very welcome, Jan; good to hear from you. Did you ever hear that old saying, “your face or your ass – you can’t have both”?
I just saw the film, MISS PETTIGREW -Lives for a Day, starring Francis McDormand and Amy Adams; a film worth seeing and unfortunately feels true for many older women today. I loved it!
I’ll check it out, Susan. Thanks for the tip!