Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
As I read Lean In, I was intrigued at being able to get inside the head of a dynamic, smart woman who is one generation younger than me, and see the corporate world through her eyes. One of the cultural questions she answered for me was this: why are younger women so averse to the terms "feminist" and "feminism"? Apparently, Sheryl Sanders and her contemporaries believe(d) the following:
1. Equality having arrived, there's no need for feminism anymore
2. Feminists are man-haters who resist makeup and the shaving of one's legs
Okay, #2 was a bit tongue-in-cheek. However, having observed conditions in the real world for a few years now, Sanders has come to see that the playing field is not and will not be level until more women occupy positions of power in the corporate hierarchy. She doesn't suggest that this is due to any malicious intent on the part of men, but rather it's simply a matter of ignorance.
To illustrate, she describes having to park far away from her office door when hugely and uncomfortably pregnant. When she designated preferred parking spots to accommodate pregnant workers, no one complained. It was seen as logical. But prior to her taking her place in the C-suite, the issue hadn't been raised.
Sanders talks about not slowing down out of consideration for what might happen in the nebulous future. The example she gives, now famous, is of a young woman confiding her fears of not wanting to accept a job with a lot of responsibility due to the impact it might have on her family. The woman was planning ahead - she didn't even have a boyfriend yet.
With this example, Sanders makes the point that women, having been highly trained and educated, are waving off promotional opportunities. The jury is still out as to why, but she suggests, and I agree, that part of the reason is this: in corporate America, a woman's decision to go through pregnancy, childbirth, lactation, and child-rearing is viewed as a private matter that should not impact her ability to work long hours and irregular schedules, including lengthy and frequent travel as needed. Rightly fearing this may drive her insane, a woman who wants a family may leap off the corporate ladder at a very early stage.
Sanders argues that if a young woman stayed on it long enough to secure a more powerful position, she would be able to exert more control over her work life (a perspective the young woman must trust will happen, since at her current low place on the corporate ladder she can only see her lack of power and control.) After a few promotions, she will be able to delegate some of her work to subordinates, afford more help at home, and influence workplace policies that unfairly impact women and families. Who can find fault with this argument?
Sanders is honest about her own mistakes, and I found that charming. For example, I was amazed that, for all her intelligence and education, she didn't originally intend to negotiate her starting salary with Facebook. Luckily a nice man (her husband) set her straight, and she made a counter offer to Zuckerberg. Reams of guidance have been written about how this error could have impeded her in later years, both at Facebook and with future employers, yet she didn't know. For other women who have not yet made this horrifying discovery, please read Ask for It by Babcock and Laschever (http://www.amazon.com/Ask-Women-Power...) which in addition to being enlightening and entertaining, offers tons of strategies for preparing yourself to negotiate. And not just for salaries. After reading that book I saved $150 on furniture I was going to buy anyway, by asking one question.
But back to Lean In.
I was also surprised that she wasn't well informed about how women can sabotage other women in the workplace, particularly women in power. This is an unfortunate truth with roots in biology, and is brilliantly explained in the amazing book, In the Company of Women by Heim and Murphy (http://www.amazon.com/Company-Women-I...) which I reviewed here:
http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/... This also suggests the reasons Sanders was hit with such a backlash for the well-intentioned Lean In.
There is so much more to say about Lean In, but let me close with this: I enjoyed learning how this stellar corporate executive struggled, made mistakes, and ultimately learned some strategies that will enable her, her family, and the women (and men) in her corporation to thrive. It's not perfect, and sometimes it's not even pretty, but part of the lesson is to let go of the need for perfection.
The other message, younger women, is to get as far and as fast as you can before starting your families. Don't opt out just because it looks too hard from where you're sitting now. The view improves with each rung on the ladder.
View all my reviews
There are a good number of youngsters who read AnyShinyThing, and I’m guessing this next quote is going to make them feel a lot more excited about getting older:
Jim Parrish
/ July 20, 2012For me the magic number was 30, until that point when anyone asked my age I had an instant reply. After thirty for some reason I had to go back and count the years when asked. Educators today emphasis the importance of life-long learning. If we remain active and continue to learn as we age, we retain a sense of youth and whatever age we are feels younger.If we are one of the lucky ones without serious health age I feel we grow younger with age.
Jim
Lynne Spreen
/ July 20, 2012Or freer, which is how I feel, Jim.
Linda Hoye
/ July 20, 2012I’m fifty-three and these are the best years hands down! That’s an interesting thought from Northrup about us being like our eleven year old self after menopause, isn’t it?
Lynne Spreen
/ July 20, 2012Yes, Linda, and I’m trying to find her. She’s in there. I remember she liked to read.
Vonnie
/ July 20, 2012I was very devilish at age 11 and now that I’m 59, I believe that side of me is coming back. I spent years as a disease to pleaser. So glad those days are over.
Reading this post has inspired me to look forward to the fun I’m about to have.
Thanks, Lynne.
Lynne Spreen
/ July 20, 2012Good to hear from you, Vonnie! Hope your decision making is clearing up, re to move/not move.
Debbie
/ July 20, 2012Anna offers some wonderfully hopeful thoughts on the aging process. I believe that, as long as you have your mind and your health, as long as you continue to be interesting and interested, you can indeed have a rich “old age.” Sadly, too many retreat into cocoons, wrapping their fear, anger, and hurt around them like a blanket when they should be reaching out.
Lynne Spreen
/ July 20, 2012Debbie, I think part of that is fear, and part of it is that we’ve been raised to believe that there’s no second half, that after a certain point, you’re pointless. Maybe our generation can turn that thinking around, and people can start dreaming again.
nwkickstarters
/ July 20, 2012Lynne, you’ve become my new guru to aging gracefully.
To be frank, I would have loved to recovery the first ten years, but after that I was a rebellious dink head. But somewhere inside I’d determined that life would begin at age forty…and it has. Except for the redistribution of certain features, I’m likin the journey even better than I thought I would.
Lynne Spreen
/ July 20, 2012Hey, Kickstart, welcome to AST. Thing is, we have to stop obsessing about the bad stuff – it’s there; I’m not trying to say it’s not – but there’s a lot of good, too. Anna Quindlen, in her book, quotes a Gallup Poll of almost 350,000 people about their satisfaction about being certain ages, and there’s a curve upward (in happiness) from age 50 thru the 80s. So you have a lot of satisfied company!
Pat
/ July 20, 2012Lynne
I have been at my folk’s cabin in Wisconsin where I have everything the writer needs for inspiration except internet, (maybe that is a good thing) I have been missing reading Any Shiny Thing, so I headed to local library to reconnect. Loved this post, love anything written by Anna Quindlen, love the way you make the aging game glorious!
Lynne Spreen
/ July 20, 2012Pat, my dad was born in Wisconsin. I probably still have relatives there. Enjoy your solitude, and don’t let the mosquitoes carry you off.
Joe Wasylyk
/ July 20, 2012So, I’m wondering what women are striving to become eg. Alice in Wonderland? I think that it’s more than just making yourself happy. We need to reach out especially to those Adults 50 Plus (both women & men) that are searching for some meaningful things to do in their pre-retirement or retirement lives. I believe that without having a purposeful passion in your later years it will be very difficult to get an upward curve (in happiness) for the 50 Plus demographic. Let’s start with Lifelong Learning and go on a self-discovery journey for the purpose of finding what the right fit is for you to be a part of our active, creative, productive and useful society. More consumption will not achieve happiness but ‘productive longevity’ has a great chance to startup a new paradign for Adults 50 to be increasingly happy for themselves and others. Thanks for listening.
Lynne Spreen
/ July 20, 2012Joe, I think it’s about being aware and mindful. Even if a person only wants to sit and think quietly for the next ten years, my wish is that they do it with full commitment and understanding. Don’t sleepwalk thru your life, in other words. Thanks for stopping by.
Leslie James
/ July 20, 2012Lynne,
In the first place, I don’t think of us as “getting older” – I have as much energy at 64 as I did at 18, and am way more interesting (just ask me, I’ll tell you!) I believe that as each new generation inhabits their winter years, the idea of “old” will fade away – it is simply a number. Most of the people I know that are my age or even a decade or two older are still vibrantly interested in learning new things, sharing what they learn, and savoring their stroll through life’s journey. As you say, even if I choose to sit and meditate rather than be actively productive, if attuned to my passions I am NOT old! Life is way too precious to fritter away ‘striving to become’ anything…we are already quite something
Lynne Spreen
/ July 20, 2012Leslie, re “we are already quite something.” LOVE IT. Very true!
Teresa Cleveland Wendel
/ July 20, 2012Anna Quindlen has a new book!!! I heard it here first. Thanks for the review.
Lynne Spreen
/ July 20, 2012Yes, Teresa, I definitely do recommend it.
ziggityboomer
/ July 21, 2012I wrote a blog post a couple of years ago titled “Being 10, Being 60″ and am delighted to read that it feels like that, because it is like that! Thanks, Lynne, for finding and showing us such lovely affirmations. Always.
Lynne Spreen
/ July 21, 2012Hey, Zig, good to see you back here! I’ll look for your post. Thanks for mentioning it.
krpooler
/ July 21, 2012You’ve really struck a major chord here, Lynne! I love what Anna Quindland, Christine Northrup and you have to say about the beauty of making it to our age in one piece! My 11-year old self was painfully shy so something transformational has happened between now and then -therein lies my story. But I must say,that 11-year-old loved to read and hang out with her family and friends so that part is true. I’m not dying my hair. I’ve earned every silver strand and I’m loving life at my age! Wonderful post. Thank you!
Lynne Spreen
/ July 21, 2012Thank YOU, my friend. We’re in this together.
Eileen Williams
/ July 21, 2012You know how much I agree with this post and your own unique brand of menopausal wisdom. Thanks for putting it all so beautifully. Your blog is a delight to read: rich, informative, and inspirational.
Lynne Spreen
/ July 21, 2012What a nice thing to say, Eileen. I enjoy yours, too. (www.feistysideoffifty.com).
Barb
/ July 22, 2012So glad I stopped in this morning…can’t remember exactly from where. You’re just the kind of voice I love to hear. So I’m subscribing….you know, so I won’t have to figure out how I got here in the first place. Do I sound like one of those lost women standing in a mall parking lot, keys in hand, desperately lost, very confused?
Lynne Spreen
/ July 22, 2012Barb, it’s just that at a certain age, our RAM is so full. If only there was a way to dump now-useless data (like the name of our kid’s kindergarten teacher) and free up more space. I’m glad you’re going to be a regular. See you next Friday.