I was shocked that she was shocked. My young friend was riveted as I explained history to her. MY history, which was only from about 40 years ago.
She’s a Millennial, and had no idea why the designation “Ms.” was invented. When I told her, she was surprised and intrigued.
In case you have young people in your life who don’t know, before the invention of the honorific “Ms.,” women were either Miss (maidens; i.e. never married), or Mrs. (married or widowed).
While men have always been called Mister regardless of marital status, women were denied this privacy.
To my warped way of looking at it, it seems this was intended to designate who was or wasn’t virginal/available, regardless of the woman’s preferences.
During marriage, women lose their names completely. Thus, if I, Janetta Dos Flamencos, marry John Smith, I become Mrs. John Smith. Every trace of my brilliant and colorful “maiden name” is erased.
This realization led to the popularity of hyphenated surnames, but if you’re just linking your dad’s name with your husband’s, what’s the point?
Later, if John dies, I get my first name back: the designation “Mrs. Janetta Smith” indicates widowhood.
During the feminist awakening of the 1960s-70s, we resurrected “Ms.” as a counterpart to Mr. It is neutral as to marital status, thus giving women the same privacy as men.
Not everybody fell in love with it. I remember being mocked, as in:
“Will Mmmiiiiiiiizzzzzzzz Lynne Kuswa please come to the office?”
Now it’s accepted, and used as the default, unless, per the Emily Post Institute, a woman specifies her preference for Miss or Mrs.
Remembering this change, which happened just as I reached adulthood, makes me sigh with weariness. Like so much about feminism, the reasons for its necessity are forgotten. The fight is forgotten. So it was gratifying to see the young woman’s eyes widen in disbelief when she found out that this all occurred.
A few years ago, I happened to mention to my 30-something son that there was a time when women couldn’t get hired as firefighters or police officers. He is very bright, but he was shocked. And I was shocked that he hadn’t known.
This isn’t ancient history, folks.
My mother was 5 years old when women got the right to VOTE in this country! And that was after a long fight in which women were jailed, went on hunger strikes, and were force-fed with tubes for the right to vote! In case you’ve never seen it, watch this trailer for the unforgettable, triumphant, Iron-Jawed Angels with Hillary Swank.
We really have come a long way, and sometimes it saddens me that young women take equality for granted. On the other hand, doesn’t that presumption of equality make them stronger?
Good as usual, Lynne.
While I was reading, I thought of my daughter who is a single mom saying that men hired doing the work that she does still get paid more. Not supposed to, but think it is still happening.
According to numerous sources, it sure is.
Sadly there is still inequality for women when it comes to pay for jobs, dry cleaners charging less for men’s shirts than women’s blouses, etc.
Now this comment is a pet peeve for men as well as women…What about the forms we have to fill out and check if we are married, single, divorced! Divorced???? If divorced then we are single. Why does anyone have to know someone is divorced as opposed to single?
Great question!
🙂 Will be interesting to see what others think 🙂
Wonderful reminders here for our age, and good to give young ones a grip on how things “used to be”! Fun article, Lynne.
Thanks, Cheryl!
Another one that amazes me is old job ads that specified gender (as well as Protestant religious affiliation and other now illegal requirements).
I just wish this younger generation of women wouldn’t disparage feminism, since they are profiting from it in a way we couldn’t back in the day.
A tangentially related anecdote: in the mid ’80s, when I was in my mid 20s, I joined a local chapter of a national organization comprised almost entirely of women. Members were listed in the directory as “Mrs. John Smith.” Really? In the 1980s? I fired off a letter to headquarters and pointed out that since husbands were not members I found it strange that their names appeared in the directory and on the magazine labels but not those of the members themselves. I asked if they were aware that not everyone took her husband’s last name. Shortly thereafter they changed the policy! They were probably already considering this change so I can’t claim that I was responsible, but maybe I helped nudge them along.
Janice, go ahead and take the credit, and thanks for bringing it to their attention. When I was in my late 20s, I noticed that the employee contracts for teaching and non-teaching groups (I was in the public sector) included 3 days of paid paternity leave, but nothing unique was offered for the woman who bore the child! When I brought it to their attention, they changed it. I was always proud of that.
“…doesn’t that presumption of equality make them stronger?” YES…I belive it does…and what a great way to express that notion, Lynne! I know I had lots “presumptions of equality” that helped me to be the woman I have become. I was the only girl between two brothers. My parents said I was “one of three”…and even though there were some ways they “protected” me because I was a girl, I was encouraged and sent to college for an education…just like my brothers. It may frustrate us that younger people take these changes for granted…and yet the fact that they do, shows us how far we have really come. Although, seeing how far we have to go inspires us to keep teaching and writing and talking…(job security).
Yes, it’s the silver lining. All of our hard work is paying off if only we can see it.