Research says older people are happier after fifty, that there’s an upswing starting there and going up until forever. I wonder if there’s a moment when you start to notice it?
I’ve had this weird feeling of contentedness lately. Not that life has suddenly gotten so easy. California’s drying up and by all accounts we’re about 30 years overdue for a life-shattering earthquake. And that’s if climate change or a superbug don’t do us in first.
In spite of that, every now and then lately, I feel a soft flutter of joy, a wave of peacefulness.
It’s elusive and hard to describe–can you imagine trying to convince someone of déjà vu if the world had never heard of it? It’s like the happy feelings you get when returning to your old elementary school, or looking through photos of the good days in childhood. This feeling is evocative and nostalgic, but without the pain. I’ve never heard anyone talk about it. Am I alone in feeling it?
There are plenty of studies saying older people are happier, that somewhere north of fifty, things start to change. “They” don’t know why. It might be chemical or physical. It may be that our amygdalae are less on guard, because after a lifetime of experience we know what will kill us and what probably won’t.
With the amygdalae backing off, the prefrontal cortex can reassert itself. Older peeps are less reactive, more mellow. Maybe that’s why we’re said to be happier.
Have you felt it when you’re just going through the motions of your day?
We’re quick to agree we’re happier when a researcher asks us, or a group of friends get together to discuss it. But how about when you’re not thinking about it. Does it pop up for you?
It does for me. Unless it’s some kind of brain flare before I go all Phenomenon.
You could start watching for it. We knew to watch for signs of menopause. We’re totally on alert for dementia–admit it, you are. You knew to watch for gray hairs, and wrinkles, and sagging flapping skin.
Why not be on alert for signs of this midlife surge of happiness?
Younger people could look forward to it. There’d be a sense of fairness about getting old, a trade-off between what you lose and what you gain. People might even start to think, Damn, getting old might be okay.
How about you? Have you felt it, this older-age sense of contentment, peace, and even joy? Let me know.
Another movie for old peeps!
PS Sue Shoemaker told me about this new movie starring Robert Redford and Nick Nolte. Here’s the trailer. It looks like fun! Remember to give the movie makers encouragement in the form of “liking” their page on Facebook or tweeting about it. See ya Tuesday.
Okay, one last thing, really. My friend Walker Thornton posted this really great empowering essay about aging on her FB page today. I so recommend it.
Yes! I’ve definitely felt that “flutter of joy, surge of happiness.” You described it perfectly. I like the idea of looking forward to this age of contentment, rather than dreading the negatives that may come with aging.
By the way, I just finished reading A Walk in the Woods and thoroughly enjoyed the story. However, in the book those guys were in their forties! I think Redford and Nolte will be great in the roles (I imagined them as the characters while I was reading), and I’m looking forward to seeing the movie.
Sandy thanks for the affirmation. As I said to Walker, it’s so cool to think it’s not just my imagination, that my peers are feeling it, too! And me too, re the movie. Forty-year-olds are great but they can’t tell me what’s ahead of my 61-year-old self.
Yes, you tell truths. Not so much responsibility now, and I get to take care of ME. I can go where I want to and do what I like, and can pass it off as old age, haha.
I love the suggestion that we watch for midlife happiness. Shifting the focus to the positive and not expecting gloom and doom when it comes to getting older. Thank you.
One of the things I’m doing is to end my day with naming my ‘daily joy’–it’s become automatic. As I get into bed I pull up things from the day that brought me joy. Now I need to start the day with a similar focus on positives!
Walker, this is one of the most exciting things to happen to me in years, this paradigm shift from dread to “Hey, what IF?” I’m as high as a kite at the prospect, and to get validation from others is just fantastic. Best wishes on your positive starts.
Lynne,
I remember way back in the 1950-60s there was a column in a newspaper called “Freedom After Fifty” and unfortunately, I cannot remember the author. I thought it might have been Erma Bombeck, but i just checked on Wikipedia and it does not seem to be hers. Anyway it dealt with the freedom and opening up of life after 50 — the kids are grown up or almost grown up, the 24/7 demands are lessening, and being in the workplace for decades gives one a sense of knowing what they are doing. Also, i found that there is a book from the late 90s called “Freedom after 50” by Sue Patton Thoele, which may be fun to look at (no she didn’t do the column i mentioned above). Anyway, food for thought.
Heather, I do believe we can learn from others who’ve gone before. I feel comforted thinking I’m not unique, to be honest it’s a relief. So I’ll check out her book. Thanks!
Growing older definitely has it’s rewards just as being young does. Maybe we lose that feeling that we are indestructible as we get older and appreciate life more. I have learned as I grow older that the bad times will turn around. It will not be that way forever-just gotta hang in there and wait it out. When my kids are going through life’s ‘bad’ stuff, I tell them that.
I totally resonate with this…. What has happened to me is that I FINALLY accept and even sometimes like myself. The moments of joy and contentment that, in the past, hit me when I saw a beautiful sight or experienced something monumental, have turned more inward. I feel them much of the time as a sense of contentment with the life I have and the places I am. My life isn’t perfect and I am the same flawed person, but I experience those things as part of a pleasant journey, rather than something awful or painful that can’t be fixed.
I have always thought my life has gotten better the longer I lived… I don’t look back on childhood as being especially good. I guess the really great part is that so far there hasn’t been an end to the increased contentment. Our society seems to assume that old age is something to be feared or reviled. Maybe we can begin to paint a rosy picture for upcoming generations as aging as something has huge benefits.
I enjoyed every word of your comment, Nanci, because now i know it’s not just me. Yes, we should talk about this more! What a cool thing for kids to anticipate! And here’s a wonderfully empowering essay along the same lines: https://www.themonthly.com.au/issue/2015/may/1430402400/helen-garner/insults-age
Loved that essay. That seize life by the balls attitude really appeals. Bet Helen is a hoot as a friend.