Most of you know that Bill and I spent the last school year babysitting two of our grandchildren. Our “assignment” ended a week ago, and I’ve enjoyed time to reflect. This past year has been as fabulous as it has been draining, and now that it’s over, I feel a bit lost, as if the babies are leaving us behind.
Each one of the benefits is worth the whole year to us:
- We know the little ones almost as well as do their parents.
- They act excited when they see us.
- We were privileged to spend each morning with our son and DIL, getting the day off to a good start. I’ll never forget arriving before dawn, letting ourselves in, hearing the baby fussing as he awoke. Then a few minutes later, us four adults chattering in the kitchen as everybody rushed about. I’d get the toddler to the table for her breakfast while Bill gave the baby his bottle. Dan and Amy got organized, prepared lunches and did minor chores. We felt like the extended family of yore, when multiple generations worked together for a family’s success.
- Dan and Amy appreciated our contribution to their family’s welfare.
- We have a new understanding of and compassion for parents of small children.
The challenges have been significant:
- The toll on our bodies, most of which is temporary. Not temporary are the surfer’s knots I acquired on my knees from crawling (happily in and out of large boxes turned into forts, for example. Or changing the baby on the floor, because he’s so wriggly and strong we don’t dare change him on an elevated surface.)
- The time away from marketing Dakota Blues, and from the world of writing in general.
- Finding time for doctor, dentist, and other appointments – just like working people!
- Concern that, as parents, we shouldn’t be so intimately involved in the lives of our kids. Our son and DIL benefitted, for sure, but they gave up a ton of privacy for the duration.
In spite of it all, the babies came through okay. They are now 14 months and two-and-a-half years, bright, happy and healthy. Dan and Amy completed another year as elementary school teachers. Bill and I are already feeling like our old selves again, although we feel guilty for being so free, and we wonder almost every minute how the little ones are doing. We miss them! But fulltime parenting is for younger bodies than ours.
Professionally, I’ve managed to keep up with our Friday visits here at Any Shiny Thing; sales of Dakota Blues have been fantastic, thanks largely to good reviews and an award for women’s fiction from Next Generation Indie Book Awards. I also found time for five public speaking gigs and three book signings during that period. I’ve drafted some short stories and put together a compendium of my best blog posts for an ebook, Sometimes You Feel Like a Sandwich: Reflections on Caregiving, that I hope to release by Thanksgiving.
I wrote this post today to celebrate a milestone – that Bill and I are returning to our normal life after taking a one-year detour for the good of our family. We feel so blessed, but we’re also sobered by having lived the life of young adults trying to balance career and child-rearing. As a result, our lives are fuller and we have much more appreciation for the younger generations. We are back to being retired and the skies are a brilliant blue.
I have cared for two granddaughters, a shorter two days a week, since the oldest was born nearly 4 years ago. Exhausting and wonderful, all at once! How much faster time passes than when my sons were young. We are lucky grandmothers to have these connections.
Bella, I felt remorse one evening recently, remembering how I rushed through the book-before-nap reading. I was exhausted and just wanted my little granddaughter to go to sleep. Later I thought how precious was that little face as she listened, and how in years to come she’ll be big, and I’ll remember that irretrievable moment.
If not for an occasional detour in life, our route would be boring. I’d say this detour was a gift.
You bet it was, Joyce. Thanks for stopping by.
Hi Lynne,
Sounds like you have had your hands full! What a wonderful gesture I’m sure your grandchildren benefited from having your input.
You may or may not remember me Lynne but I read your book ‘Dakota Blues’ and wrote to you saying how much I appreciated your writing as well as the wider work you do for people in their latter years.
The last time I wrote I said that I was planning to go travelling for a year. Well that time has come as I have resigned my post as a teacher in the UK put all my stuff into storage and have “hit the road”. I am currently in Spain walking the Camino Santiago after which I will continue travelling. If you are interested I have produced a blog that you can access and follow my travels both internally and externally. Here is the blog address:
http://www.beyondthea64.wordpress.com
Hope to hear from you…
Paul Cleverly (UK but currently in Spain then….who knows!,)
Paul, how wonderful that you’re able to go after your dream, actually making it come true! I have nothing but best wishes for you, and will go to your blog now and register for updates. Thanks so much for getting in touch. I’m eager to see how a fellow Boomer pursues a personal quest. GREAT for you!!
What a beautiful post capturing the highlights of a very selfless year. Your son and daughter-in-law are so lucky to have had you and Bill there for childcare. I remember how difficult it was raising my children abroad with no family within 1000 miles and most an ocean away. Congratulations on a shiny year, keeping it together, grandparenting, writing, publishing, marketing and connecting to friends and readers around the globe.
Pat, after this past year I wonder how working parents do it with more than one child. We were blessed to help, but we know how much of a benefit it was. Thing is, it was NECESSARY. So, back to point one!
Oh my gosh, how has it been a year already. WOW! Many changes have happened over the past year and it’s just a few months shy of when we e-met and you guested on my B&N forum. I’m happy that you got to experience the little ones so closely almost like parents with benefits you know :), it ‘s a time you’ll never forget and even as the kiddos grow up they’ll also never forge the year they spent with grammy and gramps.
The older we get the more reflective we become, I guess it’s that old mortality song that starts playing in our heads. And yet this is really a time in our lives to really start to enjoy all that we’ve accomplished whether it’s successfully raising a family, a company or what ever.
So what’s first on your finally free agenda?
take care
deb
It’s always good to hear from you, Deb. I’ve had a facial, a massage and 3 acupuncture treatments! I went to Weight Watchers this morning and then on a lunch-and-a-matinee with my sweetie (we saw Star Trek. Snore.) Catching up on sleep. Doing some gardening. And babysitting tomorrow cuz I just can’t stay away!!
Just love your post! I love your description of coming into your son and DIL’s home while the family was just stirring for the day. Wonderful experiences, wonderful memories, thank you for sharing. I’ve been told that grandparenting is a joy and I’m looking forward to the possibility of finding that out someday, myself.
Thanks, Karen! It’s been a blast.
I enjoyed today’s lovely post. I’m lucky enough to be able to babysit my two-year-old granddaughter one day a week, and we have a great time. But I’m wiped out by the time she leaves! So I can really appreciate your five-day-a-week duties. Like you, I’m grateful for this opportunity to really connect with a grandchild. What a joy!
Congratulations on the success of DAKOTA BLUES. I’ll be watching for your upcoming publications.
Thanks, Sandy. I have to admit we only did four days, but 10 hrs each. It’s funny; the first few weeks are really killers, physically, but then you adjust. I was amazed at how strong and limber I became. It was pretty cool.
What a true win-win situation, Lynne! Kudos to you and Bill for helping out. The little ones always will carry a special bond with you because of the time and love you invested in them, and your son and DIL will be forever appreciative. Glad you didn’t have to “suffer” from taking time away from your writing, either — that’s a nice bonus!
No, Debbie, I got it done somehow, although you have to picture me with a 12-month old trying to crawl up my leg as I steal 30 seconds to work my laptop on the kitchen counter. “Just a second, honey,” was probably burned into his little brain.
I’m impressed Lynn. I know I couldn’t do that at this age. Of course, that’s maybe because I did it for ten years starting when I was 51, becoming a first time mom to my older brother’s two kids that he and his wife adopted from Honduras when they were babies–adorable twelve-year-olds, severely traumatized by the loss of each of their parents eight months apart from cancer. My brother died last from Agent Orange exposure during three tours in Vietnam (read more about him here http://bit.ly/11oW5ep).
Anyway, after ten years of helping with homework, driving them to events most every night and weekend, building on an addition so they’d each have a bathroom (and Greg an office so he could be around more to help me) teaching them to drive, giving them each a gently used car (that they pretty much destroyed), shopping for prom dresses and guitars (I loved that part)–well, my body is pretty much destroyed, along with my finances. Don’t get me wrong. I wouldn’t change a minute of it (well, maybe one or two when I raised my voice a bit too much) but I know I could never do it again for grand nieces or nephews.
So, my hat is off to you. One question. What happens when school starts again and they have to return to teaching?
Deborah, I’m sorry for your loss. As hard as it has been for you and your husband, you’ve got this: you KNOW you’ve done the right thing. Come what may for the rest of your life, even lying on your deathbed, you’ll know you earned your keep. It might sound crass but that’s my sense of it. I think we owe God or the cosmos some kind of repayment for this great gift of life, but how often do you feel like the deal is square? And you know those kids are grateful, and they deserved your love, etc. I could go on but I’d get all mushy. XOXOXO.
My middle name should be loss, between family members and horses that I’ve buried (dogs and cats too, but that’s not so unusual). I’m grateful for all the great stories I have to tell. As for the kids, it will take a few years yet before I receive any kudos, though my friends say it should happen sometime after 30 years old. I think I learned more about myself from caring for them than they did from me, though I did try my best to teach them well. Twelve is a tough age to go through what they had to go through and then be shipped a thousand miles by people they only knew a little. It’s not what I planned, but that’s life for you. I had to let go of my art (mostly) but now I have my writing. By the way, congrats on the success of Dakota Blues. You go girl!
And you, too, Deborah. Best wishes.
Oh, PS Next school year, we’ll split duties with a good childcare provider and, for the toddler, a few hours a week of preschool. So we’ll only do 2 ten-hour days a week, but the babies will be older, too, so it’ll be easier. I have visions of me or my husband dropping off/picking up the preschooler and then the four of us enjoying lunch before naps. Very Normal Rockwell, in my mind.
I love the image of a toddler crawling up your leg as you write. I hope you kept a journal. I’m sure you have lots of new and hilarious stories to tell. You’re a great Mom and Grandma. The world needs more just like you!
Sounds like a great life, Lynne. I don’t have any grandchildren yet and not sure I ever will, so I’ll live it through you for the time being. 🙂
Congrats on all things “Dakota Blue”. You’re the ‘it girl’ in my book.
I’m only half the equation, Vonnie. It would be nothing without you and the rest of my buddies to enjoy it with me.
What a gift you’ve given your children too, Lynne. The peace of mind and vast but intangible value. Those babies benefitted hugely from your loving participation, too. Wow. Congratulations on completion of a giant and meaningful project! And I agree, there’s a reason we have babies when we’re young…
Thanks Adrienne. My son and DIL were very gracious and appreciative, so that felt good. We do feel we did a very good thing that we can always remember, no matter what stupid mistakes we might make in the future!
If our daughter ever asked us to do same, I say to myself, after reading your tribute, would I say yes? I know I would say what Susan says, but in my heart, would I say yes? I think I would, says the little engine that would. Or was that could?
I think there is a cutoff date for this kind of help, Bob. I believe I’ve reached it. I know Bill has. And it depends on the age of the kids. At a certain point it can hurt you. There’s a reason Mother Nature favors the young for procreation.