Where does all this negativity about old age come from? I have a surprising idea.
Our American culture is more youth-centric and ageist than ever, in spite of the rising number of older people. Why is that? Here’s my hypothesis:
Ageism is rampant in the workplace, especially in media and tech. It’s the hardest form of discrimination to prove, and the most common. So after you, Corporate People, run off or choose not to hire older folks, and only youngish people are left to run things, what’s going to happen? One point of view will dominate. Youngish people will decide which stories have value and should be broadcast or published, which films should be made, and whose voice or perspective should be heard.
As a result, their decisions shape our national view of ourselves. We’re all brainwashed, even if we think we’re impervious.
However, young adults are the most unhappy of all age groups. This has been proven scientifically across the globe (see Happiness U-Curve).
So if they’re painting the picture of how we see age, it’s going to skew negative.
I give the kids the benefit of the doubt. They can’t help it. They see life through morose-colored glasses. To their thinking, old age could only be worse!
Knowing this, we can rise above the negativity about our age group. We can stop moaning about our looks, and celebrate positive brain changes, for example.
Photo by Walt Denson
We can stop awarding gold stars to old people based on how young they act, and instead, let every age group radiate goodness based on its particular outstanding qualities of the moment.
As a kindness, you might educate the young people around you. Tell them it will get better. Express your appreciation for their labors, because they’re working their asses off even though they think it’s going to go downhill from here. (That’s pretty heroic. Do you remember being in that place? I do. It was tough.)
The kids are burdened now, but all science points to a mood upswing at about age fifty. So love them, but don’t believe them, because their viewpoint is kind of messed up. That’s my hypothesis, anyway. What do you think?
Hey there. Thank you for all the positive views you give on your blog, it made me feel a little better. I turned 30 this year and for some reason I’ve been feeling terrible about it since. I have crippling self-improvement obsession and unhealthy fear of aging. I hope it will pass.
Cheers!
Hi Minya, I’m no shrink, but self-improvement and fear of ageing just sound like natural although somewhat intense reactions to the uncertainty and sometimes negativity of life. It’s just a way of trying to control your life, And keep yourself safe, which makes sense. And to some extent it will work, self-improvement for example isn’t a bad thing. Maybe it would help if you found one thing that you really like doing and you did that whenever you feel like diving into the self-improvement or fear of ageing pool. Never underestimate the value of distracting yourself! You know that expression fake it till you make it? So much of what we feel in our emotions is subject to the movement of our bodies, the music we listen to, the things we read, and the stories we tell ourselves. For example, have you read or watched on YouTube anything about power posing? You can actually change the emotional chemistry of your body by how you sit and stand. My point is that there is so much you can do to have a good life that doesn’t involve being a self discipline not see! Find something fun and enjoyable to do and then do that whenever you feel constrained or unhappy. Eventually, I think the compulsion will fade. And if you are hanging around with people who reinforce the negativity, find some new friends! I hope this helps. I wish you well.
I will bear that in mind, thank you 🙂
Hi Lynne! You offer an interesting perspective. I too have read (and write about) how we become more optimistic and happy as we age and that younger generations are less happy. But I never put it together before that that might be a big reason why they all see aging in a negative light. Perhaps because I’ve always been a very optimistic person, I’ve never seen aging as a problem–only as a new adventure. Plus, I agree that far too many of us talk about aging as a “less than desireable” experience and if we want others to see it differently we have to turn the tide on that as well. I think the more of us that speak and write on the many benefits that come as the years add up the better. Thank you for this ongoing work that you do! ~Kathy
And thanks for your optimism, Kathy! We can always use more of that.
I believe we can also help by simply being role models. My family only sees me being active: writing and publishing books, giving talks, etc. I’m fortunate to be healthy at my age, but neither do I talk about or focus on any aches and pains I might have at the moment. I honestly don’t think about my age unless someone brings it up for some reason. And it does surprise even me that I’ll be 80 years old next year. I was placing an order on the phone the other day and got into a conversation with a young woman about writing. When I mentioned my eight-year-old great- grandson, she couldn’t believe I was old enough to have a “great” grandson. She said “you sound like you’re thirty years old.” Since we were on the phone, she couldn’t stereotype me. Let’s not stereotype ourselves.
I agree with everything you said, Libby. Except when she “complimented” you for not sounding 80 years old, and congratulated you for sounding younger, she was reflecting the culture that youth is preferable to age. Not that I would turn aside a compliment, but if you sounded your age, would that be less desirable? My point is that we mean well, but we need to start looking at these things more closely.
I agree with Bernadette, in that our bad-mouthing ourselves and talking about getting old in a negative way helps to reinforce the stereotypes. We have to adopt a different attitude, in addition to doing the things you mention.
I try to use age-appropriate examples on my website and to talk in a pro-aging way when talking about my work. And, I think there is more I can do–more each of us can do.
I agree with Bernadette, in that our bad-mouthing ourselves and talking about getting old in a negative way helps to reinforce the stereotypes. We have to adopt a different attitude, in addition to doing the things you mention.
I try to use age-appropriate examples on my website and to talk in a pro-aging way when talking about my work. And, I think there is more I can do–more each of us can do.
And building awareness is the first step. That’s what we are trying to do.
I am trying hard to understand Millennials (under 30s), and am discovering there is a plethora of information out there. It seems young people are depressed about environmental damage, eroding resources, overpopulation—noble concerns. Although many of them find good jobs in the tech field, the range of work has narrowed, and the opportunities in other fields, apparently, are non-existent. Baby Boomers are evidently not retiring in the expected numbers, and those that do are double-dipping as consultants. So there’s a lot of anger and resentment around. Of course, they need perspective, and of course things will get better for them, but right now, they are kind of mired in a very bad mood!
I’m sympathetic to that, and that’s why I said at the end to be sure to love them, because they are greatly burdened by the realities you mentioned.
I think you could be right, Lynne! It is up to us to model what older age can be, and revel in all the positives that living this long reveals. The young ‘uns will be here soon enough!
Exactly right, Roxanne. I will be doing a talk tomorrow on exactly that thing, to a group of 50 year olds who probably think life as they know it is just about over!
I think that it is a very interesting hypothesis. I also agree that if as an age group we did less moaning about aging and talked more about the positive aspects of our life, we would all be happier.
There are so many positives to talk about, but you have to sort of hunt to find them, because the negative dominates.