What if there is no meaningful difference between people of different age groups? We tend to stereotype based on age, [Read more…]
Living Well in the 2nd Half
Do you sometimes feel that your time is past? It happened as I read Scott Adams’ new book, How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big. It’s funny and informative, but some of his advice is geared toward younger people; for example, how to persuade more effectively, overcoming shyness, and the importance of good grammar. (Before you question the value of the entire book, he also talks about the impact of social biases; tracking your personal energy level as the most important metric in your pursuit of a successful life; and his belief that the mind is a “moist computer you can program.”)
But back to my original problem. We, the People of the Second Half, have harder questions that I rarely see addressed, certainly not in popular best-sellers. Here are a few:
- How do you cultivate a happy, productive life when half of it (or more) is over? How much work do you put into this effort? Should you speed up or slow down?
- How do you feel confident in your maturity when you’re denigrated for it?
- Where do you go to find answers in this youth-obsessed society?
Luckily, I have answers for you, because I found a teacher.
Last Friday, at a writing retreat, I sat with a wise friend, Dorys, and asked about her life at eighty-five. She admitted that sometimes it strikes her hard that “I’m fifteen years away from being one hundred!” And yet, her eyes danced with humor and kindness as she answered the pathetic questions of this 59-year-old.
One was about being alone long-term. In response, she told me about a day she spent recently in which the phone did not ring, no one knocked on her door, and she had no reason to get in her car and drive anywhere. Instead of feeling lonely, Dorys reveled in the solitude. How lucky I am, she thought, to have one entire day all to myself, where I don’t have to go anywhere or do anything, no obligations, a whole landscape to explore without interruption, free to do whatever I want. With just her kitty for company, she had a day of golden solitude.
A therapist once told me that to live happily alone, we must first become ALL ONE. Whole. Dorys says that is a major prescription for life. Here are the highlights of her advice to me:
- Stop overthinking the aloneness question. We expand what we focus on, and thus might give too much power to the fear. With maturity, this and other issues won’t seem insurmountable.
- Don’t underestimate the power of distraction when the blues or loneliness hit you. She might escape into a movie or two. Usually, by the time the movie ends, her attitude has shifted.
- “Give of yourself to someone, or fill a need,” Dorys says. “I volunteer in a hospital one day a week; I also volunteer at the community theater, and I’m a political advocate working with our local politicians to make improve our community. I participate in an annual variety show. I am learning Spanish.”
- “My philosophy is to choose where you want to spend your time and with whom. The minutes we are given are precious.”
- And along those lines: “Wasting (time) worrying about what might be is like preparing yourself for it to happen.”
- “Find your authentic self or seek out your passion, embrace it and learn to fill the void you are consumed with.”
- “Keep your life in perspective. You may be having a blue afternoon, but there’s someone out there who’d kill for your blessings.”
I appreciate Dorys. She’s an inspiration and a source of comfort. Life is complicated, but if you find a good teacher you might feel happier and more at peace with the unknowable. Manage what you can and develop the confidence to leave the rest alone.
Do you have any suggestions for living well in the second half?
I Love / I Hate “Progress”
Today I read that the entire amount of knowledge we accumulated in history doubled in the last two years. I can believe it, because recently, I bought a new DVD player.
I was unhappy with the old one because the colors were distorted. It looked like somebody threw a red shirt into a load of whites. Pink clouds, pink walls, pink socks. Bleah. So I bought a simple model from Target. Plugged it in, but it looked like we were watching the movie through a window screen. Took that back, too. Decided I was going to have to spend more than thirty bucks.
For eighty, at Best Buy, I got a sleek model with Internet capability. I asked the clerk why I needed Internet on my DVD. She said it would download automatic updates, and we could also watch YouTube and Netflix instant streaming.
I like Netflix, so I bought it and tried to connect it, only to discover I’d selected the wired model when in fact I needed wireless. Took it back and exchanged it for a more expensive model. At that point, I was in it for several hours, a hundred dollars and lots of driving.
I now have a TV with a DVD player that’s actually a kind of secondary modem that interfaces with the Verizon modem in my office. It connects with Netflix, YouTube and Pandora Radio, but nothing else. So now I’m thinking, why not the whole Internet? And can my wireless keyboard interface with it? How about phone calls? Texting? Voice recognition? Come on, Samsung, don’t leave me hanging.
All this to watch frickin’ TV. Life is so complicated now. Don’t even ask me about my car. It’s like a rolling iPod or iPad or something. The other day I was trying to show my son a video on my smart phone. We were standing in the driveway next to my car, which was running. Because my phone and my car are connected by Bluetooth, the car overrode the phone and we couldn’t hear any sound. The car had turned my phone’s audio off. I had to turn off the car to restore the audio!
This is life in 2013. I shudder to think what it’ll be like in another two years. I’ll probably need a master’s degree to flush the toilet.
Goodies for You
Fun stuff for your entertainment pleasure! [Read more…]
Free! Dakota Blues Download
Great Saturday morning to you! If you haven’t seen the news, I’m offering a free download of my award-winning novel, Dakota Blues, today through Monday (9/28-9/30/13). If you don’t have a Kindle you can read it on your computer – or most other readers have a Kindle app. Rock out, my friends! I’m doing this in honor of my sweet grandbaby’s birthday. Since midnight 225 895 almost 14,000 people have taken advantage of this gift. I hope you do, too. Enjoy!
Click on the image BELOW to go to the free download page.
The New Work of Age: Deep Thinking
My friend Dorothy Sander responded to “I Don’t Want to Live Forever”. I felt empowered. [Read more…]
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