Amour is a difficult film to watch, but worth it. If you’re feeling discouraged about mortality, Amour will put things in perspective.
It’s a stunning film, one that stays with you. Depressing? Actually, it didn’t hit me that way, maybe because I was a bit confused about the ending, so went online to gain clarity. There I found an essay asserting this isn’t the way most of us will end our days, and the film is ageist in painting elderhood with such despair. I hope so.
The rest of this post contains some spoilage, so you might choose to stop reading here.
Anne and Georges love each other deeply and in spite of their advanced age enjoy a rich life. Then she has a stroke, at which time both of them reveal their strength and in his case, heroism.
After the first stroke, Anne reveals to Georges that she would prefer to die. She tries and fails to refuse food and liquids. Then she has a second stroke and loses the ability to enforce her decision. This is one of the main aspects of the film that resonates with me, what most of us fear – that we’ll wait too long to make the choice, or that we’ll have no choice and will have to live out our final days (years?) regardless of the impact on our loved ones.
The upside of Amour was that it put things in perspective. My aches and pains seemed laughable and my existential fears no more than childish superstitions compared to the reality portrayed in this movie. I was also left with the determination, should I ever be struck by a horrible terminal affliction, to move immediately to a state that permits me to end my life when I chose.
Did you see Amour? What did you think, and/or how did it make you feel? If you haven’t seen the trailer, here it is.
POLL RESULTS: If you’re interested in the poll results from earlier this week, click here. Thanks again for your input.
Watched the trailer and 1 of the videos. Sorry, but this is just wrong. It is murder. You are either murdering yourself or helping somebody else to murder themselves. Plus, it’s a good way to “get rid of the old lady” so you can move on. I hope my husband never encourages or helps me to do this. I am glad it is still illegal in most places. What’s to stop us from getting rid of anybody who is a bother, or who is unwanted? This is where godless socialism ends up. As for Barbara, if she didn’t overdose her father, but he took too much morphine himself, why is she being arrested?
Ellie, I’m sorry you feel that way. There are differing opinions on this subject, and I think all of them are passionately held. As to your last sentence, that is definitely the question!
Lynn, thought based on your review of the movie Amour subject matter you might be interested in this….. Sue Gaston
This a legitimate issue which needs support. Pls see the numerous articles about this case on the internet! When you read them you will be angry about this charge and concerned about your rights to make your own end of life decisions.
Sept 2013
Pennsylvania nurse and loving daughter Barbara Mancini faces up to 10 years in prison for allegedly “assisting suicide” in the death of her 93-year-old, terminally ill father, Joe Yourshaw. Joe was receiving hospice care because he wanted to die peacefully at home. Barbara was caring for her father in his living room when he took morphine to relieve his severe pain. An ambulance took Joe to the hospital, and a police captain arrested Barbara.
This is a chilling example of government authorities criminalizing a most intimate, personal decision. Would you want them to question yours? Sign the petition and stand with Barbara. That’s why I signed a petition to Kathleen Kane, Attorney General, which says:
“Stop the unjust prosecution of Barbara Mancini and drop the felony charge against her.”
Click here to add your name: http://petitions.moveon.org/sign/attorney-general-kane?source=s.fwd&r_by=8749942
Sue, I checked out the story. Here’s more: http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2013/07/31/207364127/nurse-charged-with-assisting-in-her-fathers-death
God I love you Lynne. You put those BIG important issues right out on the table. I want to have that choice if I have a stroke or affliction that diminishes my quality of life. AMEN sista!
Thanks, Heather! These are the things that rivet me, so I have to talk about them. I’m so grateful I’m not alone in this.
I’m sorry – the wrong youtube got posted twice.
Here are the 2 I thought I was posting:
I haven’t seen the movie – it’s sounds like it would be worthwhile but I’m feeling like some prior posters- it’s perhaps too disturbing for me. I know what you mean about fearing the end. I’m not afraid of dying – but of lingering on and on. And I am fearful of waiting too long to make the choice, or that I’ll have no choice and will have to live out my final days (years?) in a decrepit condition.
Don’t those states that allow suicide require you to be a resident of at least 6 months? What state beside Oregon allows suicide for terminal people?
It was good for me to learn about the “Zurich cocktail”.
An American man was suffering from ALS and becoming more and more dependent on his wife for shaving, bathing, feeding. he went to Zurich because they allow suicide tourism.
I saw his story on tv on kpbs [ FRONTLINE ] but you can watch this suicide tourist program on-line :
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/suicidetourist/
(LMS: I deleted the two videos you said you posted in error, Shelley.)
Never considered this movie to be a “horror” flick…and yes, I agree with Joan that many of us are afraid to think about or “look at” dying. Since I am a Hospice volunteer, I get to consider what it means to die “in real life.” I don’t need a movie to help me get that understanding.
Now…back to what I was was saying before…the last scary book I read was PET SEMATARY…and I was parenting two little boys at the time, and something awful happens to a little boy in the book. THAT WAS IT…I was done.
As much as I love Meryl Streep movies…never did, never will see SOPHIE’S CHOICE…which came out almost 30 years ago. Again, with two little boys at the time, I knew enough about the movie to know that it wasn’t for me.
Yes, a very tough film, but I liked it. The acting was great and it made me use my brain to find my way through its ins and outs. If a film, or a play for that matter, makes me think beyond my own limitations, I consider it successful. And in no way did I consider it a “horror” film. It’s simply about dying. A part of life that many of us are afraid to look at.
Joan, it was a horror film to me in the sense that it sensationalized the worst way to go. Agreed, it was well done.
For some reason, I was not “compelled” to see it like I was with THE BEST EXOTIC MARIGOLD HOTEL. Maybe it’s because I am kind of “picky” about the movies I permit my brain to see. I stopped watching horror movies around the time that the Freddy Krueger movies came on the scene. I had read or heard at some point that our brain doesn’t know that what we are viewing in a movie is not “real”…that’s why we have physiological reactions when we watch something that “disturbs” our brain. About the same time I stopped reading Stephen King books…for the same reason. I am one of those people who has such a good imagination, that if I put something into my brain, I can’t help but think about it at times when it’s least helpful. As a result…only what I deem to be “the good stuff” gets in, and AMOUR didn’t make the cut.
Sue! I can’t believe you’re the same as me! For the same reason I never saw Schindler’s List, Saving Private Ryan, and even Hunger Games. I can’t differentiate pretend emotion (movies) from reality. To this day I wish I’d never watched Sophie’s Choice, and that was what, 20 years ago? But on the positive, it’s a great characteristic for a writer to have!
I saw the movie and after processing it one of the things that struck me was how isolated they were and wondered how that came to be. Further thought took me to how their love for each other was isolating keeping others out, perhaps even their daughter. I believe a core theme was how devoted this couple were to each other, however the negative side of that was that they were alone with their suffering and I don’t think it has to be like this.
An astute observation, Linda. Also, the film maker chose to film most of the scenes in the most depressing light imaginable. However, he made his point. For example I thought he really captured the horror of a nightmare, and it seemed logical the husband would have them, under the circumstances. But yes, I agree, for all her prominence and their sophistication, why would they have isolated themselves so? A very good point.
I haven’t seen it – and I’m not sure I will. Having watched my father deteriorate over years is too close to the movie’s subject matter and my memories are not yet blurred or emotion-free..
Don’t, Mimi. See the one I suggested to Fitz: http://youtu.be/wAs-B9Hos4o. Or Marigold Hotel. No sense rubbing your nose in sadness.
I really enjoyed Marigold Hotel (I have yet to see anything with Judy Dench in it which I don’t like, and the whole cast was really a treat)..
This movie looks GREAT. Has it been released in the US?
Sue, the Jane Fonda one was in 2012, so it probably was in one or two art-house theaters before going to video. Because there is not ONE damn car chase so what the hell good is it? But seriously, it’s on Netflix. You could watch it on your computer since it’s one of their “Play Instantly” movies.
Thanks, Lynne! I still haven’t gotten into Netflix…but I know that’s in my future… 🙂
Lynne, I saw the movie. And I was also confused about the ending. I found it to be a movie I’ll never forget. But far closer to depressing than inspiring.
David, it represented a very small example of How We Die. I think the originators were just starting to deal with their mortality and freaked out.
Another Spreen blog that makes me think. I checked every other to help you, but you want to know the truth? I like Fridays. Amour was one of those that Susan and I couldn’t get through. I said to her, this is the pace it is going to stay. I must have been convincing because she dropped it too and often doesn’t. Now, reading your post, I kind of wish we hadn’t, well almost. I try to ramp up the guilt, but can’t. Glad your read that what happened in Amour is not the future for most of us. Still, while not guilt, fear.
Fear is appropriate in proportion. You don’t know how it will end so why give any energy to the negative? Which is what this movie is. It won awards for the acting, and rightly so, but it also paints a picture of the most extremely horrific way a couple of people could die. I wouldn’t recommend it to anybody just because of that. A person would be just as happy watching this one: All Together with Jane Fonda speaking French! yes, subtitles. But still. Much more upbeat about aging. http://youtu.be/wAs-B9Hos4o