Eighty! You’re eighty? Eighty’s really old, right?
That’s how I used to see it when I was younger. Maybe you, too.
But now that I’m around 60, and involved with writers and writing groups, I have friends that age. Girl friends who will sit with me, drink wine, and whine about whatever. We discuss our writing, our dreams, other people, sex, wanting to lose a few pounds…
Here’s the news: Age is irrelevant. It truly is “just a number.” People age differently these days. We’re all over the map. You cannot stereotype based on a number, because people differ so substantially at this point in life.
One of my friends, MJ, is 82 and her hair’s on fire. She’s working on her second novel. Another friend, Ray, will be 90 next May. He’s published thirty books so far and there’s no end in sight. My mom is 88. She attends exercise class three times a week, has tons of friends, and loves the novels I recommend. (We had the best discussions after Water for Elephants, Cutting for Stone, and Two Old Women).
What’s going on? Weren’t these people supposed to be in rocking chairs, gazing vacantly into space? Whether due to better nutrition, changing societal expectations, or something else, elders have kicked it up a notch. They’ve been places, they’re doing things and they aren’t done yet.
And I think they have tons of information we’d all benefit from hearing.
The people who really have something to teach us are in their seventies, eighties, and beyond.
Mary McPhee
Mary McPhee, 87, wrote a book based on her blog. The book, called “Code Name Nora” is about moving to a retirement home. She is sharp, productive and independent, with her own apartment and car. Very unusual, I think, to move to a home under your own steam while you still have choices, but she did so because it was a nicer place to live at the same price as her mortgage, for one reason. I suppose the Midwestern winters had something to do with it. Mary is thriving while enjoying the security and comfort of the home. In Nora, Mary reproduces her blog posts, most of them funny or lighthearted. However, she occasionally makes an observation that reveals the thoughtful elder behind the comedic persona. For example, this is a reflection on a couple of her neighbors who are aging faster, mentally, than others:
It didn’t take much to amuse them. They were on leisure time; holding-pen time; lame duck time; they had no cares or worries in the world. Which of course was not true because they still had plenty – their families and their own health – but nature had relented a little, softening their brains so these things weren’t so sharp for them anymore. Or they had the ability to forget their cares and worries for long periods, if forgetting can be called an ability.
Mary has written twelve books so far in her life, and she’s still writing. Here’s her story.
“As a child, I fell in love with words. I read constantly and collected words which I inflicted on helpless people, often mispronouncing and using them incorrectly. When I was nine, I started ‘publishing’ newspapers for my father, who traveled Monday to Friday, to tell him what had happened during the week.
“I got a degree in Journalism from Oklahoma State College, but lacked confidence in my writing so mostly did secretarial work before marrying. Five children later, in my mid-thirties, I began to write. I wrote casual, humorous pieces about raising children. Over a hundred of these were published in newspapers and magazines, each earning between $50 and $150. An article on the women’s liberation movement in the 1970s was featured in the Chicago Tribune’s Sunday magazine. $250 for this. But all the time I wanted to write fiction.
“I churned out twelve novels, but I couldn’t get an agent. Then I discovered blogs, and by this time, widowed and my children grown and gone, I moved to a retirement community, and began blogging Code Name Nora. I was eighty. Some readers thought I was a fraud, a much younger person. Writing the Nora blog helped me adapt to community living. I am somewhat shy, preferring mostly to observe, but living in the Twilight Zone, as I called it, helped me to be more outgoing. I moved to my new retirement home because it’s much nicer and the rent is the same as before.
“Then I discovered self-published ebooks on Amazon. It was difficult to learn the technical aspects but I finally managed to put eight novels on Kindle. I wrote several new novels and dusted off some old ones.
“I write early in the morning for an hour or so. I used to write by hand but now on the computer. I belonged to Rocky Mountain Fiction Writers, a large group in Denver that offers critiques, but I don’t any more. I don’t have any beta readers but wish I did because writing is lonely.
I think existential angst is part of the creative make-up. Art of any kind is a way to deal with it.
“Despite what we might have to offer, people my age are frequently left out of discussions with younger people, which is hurtful. This is ironic for me because
I have never felt as creative as I do now at the age of 87.
“But then I remember when I was young and felt older people wouldn’t understand or would be accusatory. And of course, many older people have trouble hearing. (I do, and wear hearing aids.) I mostly listen but when it seems a good time to speak up, I do. Sometimes younger people laugh at what I say, and I’m not always sure what that means. Older people appreciate being listened to but they shouldn’t talk too much or about their ailments.
“I have ideas for new books but none coming out just yet. I’m busy promoting the eight books I have on Kindle. A Fresh Start in a New Place, my memoir about dropping out of big-city life at age 53, to live in a tiny Vermont hamlet, is my next promotion at which time the price will be discounted.
“My blog is MaryMac’s Booktique and my Facebook page is here. The cover for A Fresh Start uses a picture one of my daughters painted when she was eighteen and spent the summer with me in Vermont. The other image is one of the front pages of two of my childish newspapers, yellowed with age. You may need a magnifier to read them. I just include these for fun. Oh, and my blog is kind of a mess. I need to work on it.”
Lynne again: I’m 59. I admit, sometimes my sisters and I feel anxious about getting older, but then I remember people like MJ, Ray, and Mary, and I relax. We have these awesome trail-breakers forging the way for us. They are powerful role models from whom we can draw strength. I am grateful for them.
Two of my best friends are gals I met in college … 34 years ago; when I was 29 and they were 40+ and 56 respectively. We just meshed. On her 90th birthday this year, Jo is still painting, traveling, attending AND contributing in all sorts of events. Her “kids” bought her a complete computer set-up, JUST LAST CHRISTMAS. She loves it!
One more note and I’ll go. Those gals and I have an acquaintance who is 92 and just recently moved to a senior care facility. She is a wonderful artist, still paints. Someone asked her why she didn’t join the groups in the common lunch room. She said “They’re just too old. They don’t do anything!”
Just found your blog today … you have a new follower!
So glad to hear from you, Cheryl! Your story proves we’re changing, why I don’t know, but older age is a more fruitful, productive time now. By productive I don’t necessarily mean we have to create something tangible, although more of us than ever before – like Jo – are doing that. I mean we’re aware, curious, and living an active intellectual life, at minimum. Thanks for the testimony, and I’ll look forward to seeing you around AnyShinyThing.
I may be out of my league here– but I agree!! Age is just a number- I have friends from age 23 to 65 and they are all beautiful and insightful people. I studied gerontolgy and age is just that. Age.
Thanks for writing, V. The older I get, the more I see that age does not divide us. Or shouldn’t, anyway!
Mary is an inspiration to folks at any age. How I would love to sit down with her offer a cup of coffee. Reading her work may be the next best thing. Thanks for introducing us, Lynne.
Pat, she’s happy about it too. Synergy.
My husband and I spent a few days last week visiting his 80-year-old mother – she has a ton of energy and many interests. In her neighborhood live several others who are 80+. They are active, engaged, and living life on their own terms. It was wonderful!
Janis, it’s reassuring, isn’t it? To think we might have such a bright future, too. Thanks for writing.
Thank you for this uplifting post. Like you, I’m lucky enough to have older friends–in their 70s and 80s–who I enjoy immensely. (I’m 66.) I met most of them through a writing class. Yes, a couple have health problems, but they have wonderful stories to tell and are all amazing writers. I see a bright future for us!
Lynne, you’ve done such a great job on me I’m in danger of believing my own press clippings (a famous old saying)! For some reason I don’t feel so old, so that when I see comments about how wonderful it is to be writing or doing something else when one is in their eighties, I have to look around–figuratively–and see who they’re talking about. Thanks so much for your post today, and I also wish to thank your readers for their kind comments. It’s all really made my day! Mary
Mary, you ARE an inspiration (12 books!) I appreciate that you let me borrow your words for my blog. See you around. Keep writing.
Mary is my kind of people. 😀
Yep, she is.
😉
🙂
Hi Lynne…what a great post and excellent reminders for us all. I think we are both fortunate to live in areas (I’m in the Palm Springs area) where we see such awesome examples of people who are living well at all sorts of ages. My husband, who is a commercial real estate broker) has been working with a man for the last 20+ years who just turned 90 this year. This man lives in Santa Barbara and just about every single week flies down (commercial) to Palm Springs routed through LAX….no small feat for anyone at any age. He is as sharp as a tack and LOVES his work. By watching him, and others who live in our region we have a really strong realization that “age ain’t nothin’ but a number!” Thanks for tell us about Mary and her life…she’s amazing too! ~Kathy
I loved reading about the 90-year-old (although the thought of LAX every week *shudder*). Things are just plain different now. We are so lucky. The future is really bright.
Hi Lynne,
Thanks for this post on Mary. It is uplifting and life-affirming. Although I live in your little Hemet community, we have not met yet. But I’ve heard great things about your novel, “Dakota Blues,” and can’t wait to download and read it.
I got the writing bug through my passion for genealogy and personal family history stories. Last year I published my 99-yr old Dad’s boyhood memoirs along with my paternal family history (cobbled together from a 50-yr archive of very old pictures, family Bible entries, letters, family records, albums, and scrapbooks dating back to the early 1800’s). Published as “Wishing Stones and Rubber Ice,” the book was my gift to him on his 99th Birthday. He died three months later knowing that his legacy would be passed on.
I don’t consider myself a “real writer” yet, even though I spend most of my waking hours working on a second book about my mother and her side of the family. So thank you again for telling us about Mary. I already feel a shift in how I think about writing “at our age” and “about our age.”
Lindy, what a precious gift you gave to your dad! I think my mom got the same feeling from Dakota Blues, although she is still a little nervous at the fact that, since I chronicled the experiences of her and her family in the book (fictionalized), she may have given up her privacy. “They won’t be able to trace us, will they?” is my favorite comment of hers right after I published Dakota Blues. I looked at her in mock horror and said, “Mom! What are we hiding? Is there something you haven’t told me?” Then she laughed.
I’m a little embarrassed that we haven’t met in person. You’ve just exposed me to my readers as the recluse I am!
Love this post!
Ruth Heidrich is one of my inspirations. She is close to 80 years old and she still runs!
Ruth Heidrich received her Ph.D. in Health Management in 1993 and is the author of A Race For Life (Lantern Books, 2000) and The Race For Life Cookbook. She is a certified fitness trainer and holds three world records for fitness for her age group at the renowned Cooper Clinic in Dallas, Texas. She still actively competes in marathons and triathlons, having won more than 800 trophies and medals since her diagnosis of breast cancer in 1982 at the age of 47. With Terry Shintani, M.D., she co-hosts the radio show “Nutrition & You” on KWAI-AM in Hawaii. She is the founding member and past president of the Vegetarian Society of Hawaii and past president of the Mid-Pacific Road Runners Club. She has won eight gold medals in the Senior Olympics in Hawaii, Arizona, and Nevada.
http://perfectformuladiet.com/blog/
http://ruthheidrich.com/
Wow! Shelley, thanks so much for sharing Ruth with us. Although I personally couldn’t run across the street to the mailbox, she’s an inspiration. I appreciate that you included the links.
This reminds me of Roger Bannister breaking the 4 minute mile. Once a sub-four-minute-mile was accomplished, it became an accepted FACT that runners knew was humanly possible.
As we become more aware of the achievements and dreams and visions of people who are in their 70’s…80’s…90’s and beyond…the more we are able to envision a healthy/active/interesting future for ourselves that is expanding right before our eyes!
Thanks, Lynne, for sharing Mary with us!
My pleasure, Sue. She’s an inspiration.
Absolutely amazing. I feel a little embarrassed at all the silly things I’m letting hold me back! Great story and wonderful testament to the power of the spirit—undefined by age.
Yes, Walker, you and me both re your second sentence.
Great post and Mary is a testament to age truly being a number and spirit being timeless!
She’s wonderful, isn’t she, Mimi?
She really is!!
thank you for this perspective–I am about your age and I too have friends in their 80s who are smart and vibrant and still writing–gives me hope
You are welcome, HomeFront. Glad to have you stop by.
thanks Lynne – LouAnn
Great post, Lynn. I was just researching a post about perceptions of old age, and surveys and interviews show over and over again that other than being laid low by illness, most older people are able to live full, productive, and excitingly rewarding lives — and many of us do, as you’ve shown here.
Hi Martin. We just need to share their stories with each other, so we know what’s possible. You’re doing that too, and I appreciate you for it.
Age is irrelevant as you say. It’s how we think of ourselves and the passion we have to do the things we love doing. Like anything else it’s a choice as to how we live our later lives. We can sit in a rocking chair and wish we had more time or get up and start doing what we’ve always dreamed of doing.
Amen, Jzrart.
I just wanted to say thank you for the free download of Dakota Blues. It was a delightful read, full of thought provoking wisdom and was a story that left me wishing for a sequel. Having reached ‘a certain age’ and lately been looking at my life priorities, the story hit home, Again, thank you!
Thanks so much for saying that, Endless. My very latest review on Amazon was disheartening so your comment lifts me back up!