Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
As I read Lean In, I was intrigued at being able to get inside the head of a dynamic, smart woman who is one generation younger than me, and see the corporate world through her eyes. One of the cultural questions she answered for me was this: why are younger women so averse to the terms "feminist" and "feminism"? Apparently, Sheryl Sanders and her contemporaries believe(d) the following:
1. Equality having arrived, there's no need for feminism anymore
2. Feminists are man-haters who resist makeup and the shaving of one's legs
Okay, #2 was a bit tongue-in-cheek. However, having observed conditions in the real world for a few years now, Sanders has come to see that the playing field is not and will not be level until more women occupy positions of power in the corporate hierarchy. She doesn't suggest that this is due to any malicious intent on the part of men, but rather it's simply a matter of ignorance.
To illustrate, she describes having to park far away from her office door when hugely and uncomfortably pregnant. When she designated preferred parking spots to accommodate pregnant workers, no one complained. It was seen as logical. But prior to her taking her place in the C-suite, the issue hadn't been raised.
Sanders talks about not slowing down out of consideration for what might happen in the nebulous future. The example she gives, now famous, is of a young woman confiding her fears of not wanting to accept a job with a lot of responsibility due to the impact it might have on her family. The woman was planning ahead - she didn't even have a boyfriend yet.
With this example, Sanders makes the point that women, having been highly trained and educated, are waving off promotional opportunities. The jury is still out as to why, but she suggests, and I agree, that part of the reason is this: in corporate America, a woman's decision to go through pregnancy, childbirth, lactation, and child-rearing is viewed as a private matter that should not impact her ability to work long hours and irregular schedules, including lengthy and frequent travel as needed. Rightly fearing this may drive her insane, a woman who wants a family may leap off the corporate ladder at a very early stage.
Sanders argues that if a young woman stayed on it long enough to secure a more powerful position, she would be able to exert more control over her work life (a perspective the young woman must trust will happen, since at her current low place on the corporate ladder she can only see her lack of power and control.) After a few promotions, she will be able to delegate some of her work to subordinates, afford more help at home, and influence workplace policies that unfairly impact women and families. Who can find fault with this argument?
Sanders is honest about her own mistakes, and I found that charming. For example, I was amazed that, for all her intelligence and education, she didn't originally intend to negotiate her starting salary with Facebook. Luckily a nice man (her husband) set her straight, and she made a counter offer to Zuckerberg. Reams of guidance have been written about how this error could have impeded her in later years, both at Facebook and with future employers, yet she didn't know. For other women who have not yet made this horrifying discovery, please read Ask for It by Babcock and Laschever (http://www.amazon.com/Ask-Women-Power...) which in addition to being enlightening and entertaining, offers tons of strategies for preparing yourself to negotiate. And not just for salaries. After reading that book I saved $150 on furniture I was going to buy anyway, by asking one question.
But back to Lean In.
I was also surprised that she wasn't well informed about how women can sabotage other women in the workplace, particularly women in power. This is an unfortunate truth with roots in biology, and is brilliantly explained in the amazing book, In the Company of Women by Heim and Murphy (http://www.amazon.com/Company-Women-I...) which I reviewed here:
http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/... This also suggests the reasons Sanders was hit with such a backlash for the well-intentioned Lean In.
There is so much more to say about Lean In, but let me close with this: I enjoyed learning how this stellar corporate executive struggled, made mistakes, and ultimately learned some strategies that will enable her, her family, and the women (and men) in her corporation to thrive. It's not perfect, and sometimes it's not even pretty, but part of the lesson is to let go of the need for perfection.
The other message, younger women, is to get as far and as fast as you can before starting your families. Don't opt out just because it looks too hard from where you're sitting now. The view improves with each rung on the ladder.
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Dr. Bill Thomas suggests there are two phases of the adult stage: adulthood and elderhood. He’s a geriatrician, one of only six thousand in the USA at present. (Yes, I’m worried about that number, too.) But anyway, he started out as an OB/GYN guy, and says he’s so lucky to have had a career that began with welcoming little humans into the world, and now helping them when it’s time to leave.
kathrynjordanapricots
/ February 8, 2013My mother’s cousin, Helen, remarried at the age of 90. She’s had 7 happy years with her new husband, and how did he celebrate his 100th birthday? He went sky diving! We have the video. His hundred year old jowls flapping in the wind, having the time of his life. Helen flew the plane.
Lynne Spreen
/ February 8, 2013Holy crap! That’s awesome.
Arlee Bird
/ February 8, 2013I think the categories depend on what you’re doing with them. I agree with yours, but I can also see the viability of Bill’s.
I’ve been doing a series on my memoir blog Wrote By Rote that proposes we have 4 stages of life for the purpose of writing memoir. Those are Infant/preschool developmental years, school days, the adult years of career/family, and the senior/retirement years. From my standpoint I guess I fall more into Bill’s school of thought. But I’d definitely subcategorize the adult years as you describe them.
Lynne Spreen
/ February 8, 2013Anything more than one (“adulthood”) would be appreciated!
Barbara
/ February 8, 2013Our lives seem to be described and defined by stages of development – and I like that into adulthood because we, hopefully, keep developing. I like the categories you’ve listed – I think I’d change “grown adult” to , mature or seasoned adult. Because we’re always growing- lagtely more around the middle is the growing I’m noticing – suddenly I look like I remember my grandmother looking – skinny legs and stout through the middle.
Or, I don’t know, in my case – at 55 – a confused adult. Seriously. Menopause, last of my kids having just left the nest, a new grandbaby, another on the way, feeling some aches and seeing more wrinkles, aging parents who may soon need help and yes, looking at a second half of life and redefining or reassessing.
Yes, that’s it – I’d change Grown Adult to Confused Adult.
Happy Valentines Day to you too Lynne
Lynne Spreen
/ February 8, 2013I like it, Barbara. For sure we grow until we die, if we’re sentient and curious. I always wonder, where does all that knowledge go? Death seems like such a waste. But about the middle still growing…I chase after one or both grandbabies most days of the week, and I can eat about anything and not gain. But oh, man, do I ache.
womanmdsguide
/ February 9, 2013I was laughing at your description of Middle Adult. Very true!
Lynne Spreen
/ February 9, 2013Kristin, you probably see these gals a lot in your practice, right? And they have so much in front of them, for all their impressiveness at present.
Susan in TX
/ February 9, 2013I like Jane Fonda’s life divisions with my definitions . . . Act I (0-29–growing up), Act II (30-59, getting it done), Act III (60-???, what a ride!).
Lynne Spreen
/ February 9, 2013Susan, such spirit that woman has! What a ride, indeed.
Donna
/ February 9, 2013I watched the whole thing and took notes! Thanks for great post and great link.
Lynne Spreen
/ February 9, 2013Donna, he’s awesome, isn’t he?
fictionfitz
/ February 11, 2013Great talk Lynn. I find that I am breaking down elderhood even more because I have been called early old. This from those in their eighties and nineties. Maybe we should find labels for each decade of our life.