Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
As I read Lean In, I was intrigued at being able to get inside the head of a dynamic, smart woman who is one generation younger than me, and see the corporate world through her eyes. One of the cultural questions she answered for me was this: why are younger women so averse to the terms "feminist" and "feminism"? Apparently, Sheryl Sanders and her contemporaries believe(d) the following:
1. Equality having arrived, there's no need for feminism anymore
2. Feminists are man-haters who resist makeup and the shaving of one's legs
Okay, #2 was a bit tongue-in-cheek. However, having observed conditions in the real world for a few years now, Sanders has come to see that the playing field is not and will not be level until more women occupy positions of power in the corporate hierarchy. She doesn't suggest that this is due to any malicious intent on the part of men, but rather it's simply a matter of ignorance.
To illustrate, she describes having to park far away from her office door when hugely and uncomfortably pregnant. When she designated preferred parking spots to accommodate pregnant workers, no one complained. It was seen as logical. But prior to her taking her place in the C-suite, the issue hadn't been raised.
Sanders talks about not slowing down out of consideration for what might happen in the nebulous future. The example she gives, now famous, is of a young woman confiding her fears of not wanting to accept a job with a lot of responsibility due to the impact it might have on her family. The woman was planning ahead - she didn't even have a boyfriend yet.
With this example, Sanders makes the point that women, having been highly trained and educated, are waving off promotional opportunities. The jury is still out as to why, but she suggests, and I agree, that part of the reason is this: in corporate America, a woman's decision to go through pregnancy, childbirth, lactation, and child-rearing is viewed as a private matter that should not impact her ability to work long hours and irregular schedules, including lengthy and frequent travel as needed. Rightly fearing this may drive her insane, a woman who wants a family may leap off the corporate ladder at a very early stage.
Sanders argues that if a young woman stayed on it long enough to secure a more powerful position, she would be able to exert more control over her work life (a perspective the young woman must trust will happen, since at her current low place on the corporate ladder she can only see her lack of power and control.) After a few promotions, she will be able to delegate some of her work to subordinates, afford more help at home, and influence workplace policies that unfairly impact women and families. Who can find fault with this argument?
Sanders is honest about her own mistakes, and I found that charming. For example, I was amazed that, for all her intelligence and education, she didn't originally intend to negotiate her starting salary with Facebook. Luckily a nice man (her husband) set her straight, and she made a counter offer to Zuckerberg. Reams of guidance have been written about how this error could have impeded her in later years, both at Facebook and with future employers, yet she didn't know. For other women who have not yet made this horrifying discovery, please read Ask for It by Babcock and Laschever (http://www.amazon.com/Ask-Women-Power...) which in addition to being enlightening and entertaining, offers tons of strategies for preparing yourself to negotiate. And not just for salaries. After reading that book I saved $150 on furniture I was going to buy anyway, by asking one question.
But back to Lean In.
I was also surprised that she wasn't well informed about how women can sabotage other women in the workplace, particularly women in power. This is an unfortunate truth with roots in biology, and is brilliantly explained in the amazing book, In the Company of Women by Heim and Murphy (http://www.amazon.com/Company-Women-I...) which I reviewed here:
http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/... This also suggests the reasons Sanders was hit with such a backlash for the well-intentioned Lean In.
There is so much more to say about Lean In, but let me close with this: I enjoyed learning how this stellar corporate executive struggled, made mistakes, and ultimately learned some strategies that will enable her, her family, and the women (and men) in her corporation to thrive. It's not perfect, and sometimes it's not even pretty, but part of the lesson is to let go of the need for perfection.
The other message, younger women, is to get as far and as fast as you can before starting your families. Don't opt out just because it looks too hard from where you're sitting now. The view improves with each rung on the ladder.
View all my reviews
domermom
/ April 16, 2011I’ve always found the Golden Rule to be the supreme goal — “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Besides that, I’ve learned:
1) Don’t be a follower; be a leader.
2) Wherever your passion lies, there will be your success.
3) People enter your life for a reason or a season.
4) There’s no better medicine than a dog.
5) Exercise, eat healthy, and stay away from doctors’ offices.
6) Don’t air your dirty laundry.
7) Put God first, family second, and everything else in line behind.
8) Children are your chance to “get right” what your parents did wrong with you.
9) If you knew you only had 24 hours to live, would you spend it doing what you’re doing right now?
10) Love. Love deeply, unreservedly, fully.
There’s more, but I’ll let others weigh in!
Lynne Spreen
/ April 16, 2011These are great, Deb! I especially like 2, 3 and 10.
Kathy
/ April 16, 2011All good lessons to follow, although I may not put them in the same order. One of my toughest rules is, forgive myself when I can’t practice what I preach. Recently, I opened a Chinese fortune cookie and it read, “He that gives should not remember, he that receives should never forget.”
Have a great day, Lynne!
Lynne Spreen
/ April 16, 2011Kathy, I love the fortune cookie message. And it’s so much fun when you get one that seems to speak to your own situation at the moment. When you open your particular cookie, do you ever think of how it happened to come to you? As in, how did it happen that you reached for that one, or were handed that one. Fate or coincidence?
Good to hear from you.
nanci
/ April 16, 2011Lynne, What an interesting post from you. I am surprised by your rules, not because they are strange or bad, but because they just don’t sound like the you that I have known.
I have one rule that I try to live by. It is that everything is the way it’s meant to be. I may not like what it is, but it is my job to discover, learn and make the best of it.
I am not always so good at remembering this, but it helps me to stay in the present.
Lynne Spreen
/ April 16, 2011Nanci, so good to hear from you! I have a version of your one rule: it’s what is. Not necessarily that it’s meant to be, because that implies (to me) some plan or cosmic/divine intent, but rather that things just are what they are. How we deal with that is a measure of our wisdom.
Re the me that you have known, I may be more jaded than the girl you knew back in our Jurupa Unified days. I’m more squinty-eyed (self-protective) for better or worse. Is that what came through? Or I might sound fearful, but I’m more respectful of mortality now. Lastly, I now suspect the existence of, and protect myself from, a strata of humankind to which one might ascribe the label “subspecies.” Or maybe I’ve missed your intent completely!
Good coffee this morning.
Sheila
/ April 16, 2011Perfectionism is a killer.
Lynne Spreen
/ April 16, 2011Bam, you hit it on the head, Sheila. That wise mentor/boss I mentioned above? He once told me “perfectionists fear criticism.” Up to that point I, like most other humanoids, had bragged about being a perfectionist. After that I tried to leave typos and scratch-outs in my memos to him, to show that I did NOT fear criticism!
krpooler
/ April 16, 2011Oh Lynne, you’ve got me thinking again!! This is a great discussion.Where do I start?
1. Trust in God with all your heart
2. Gratitude is essential to peace of mind
3. Find ways to forgive even if you cannot forget
4. If you have your health, you have everything
5. Make a positive difference in all you do.
6. Follow your dreams
7 Take responsibility for your life and happiness
8. Attitude matters- we’re all about as happy as we make our minds up to be
9. Sometimes we have to” fake it till we make it”
10. Respect for self and others
That’s my 2-cents
Lynne Spreen
/ April 16, 2011Kathy, that’s worth at least fifteen bucks! I believe in so many of your rules, but #9 has been especially effective in giving me some control over my world. Thanks for weighing in!
Vonnie
/ April 16, 2011Hey Lynne,
Great rules, although, how do you know when a maniac is near by? LOL I’m not making eye contact with anybody from now on!
Since I bought my little midlife crisis Miata sports car, my rule is to live life to the fullest because tomorrow I may be squashed by a garbage truck. :>
Stop by soon, I’ve missed ya.
Lynne Spreen
/ April 16, 2011Vonnie, I love Miatas! I used to rent one to drive up the coast to Big Sur along Highway 1. (http://blogs.seattleweekly.com/reverb/bigsur.jpg)
If you work it just right, you could go UNDER the truck.
And you have a good point about the maniacs!
Vonnie
/ April 16, 2011Wow – I would love to take that drive someday.
Thanks for the post. Sounds like your life is the perfect definition of the sandwich generation. I admire your strength. With both parents gone and no grandchildren, yet, I guess I better be loving life these days. Thanks for the reminder.
Relax when you can and revitalize whatever you can. :>
Marilyn Jean
/ April 18, 2011Hi Lynne,
Here are some of my rules for life and some my mother taught me, which may or may not make sense:
1. Don’t sit with your back to the door in a restaurant. (mom’s)
2. Never trust a man with thin lips. (mom’s) But my husband has thin lips so I didn’t stick to this one.
3. Perfection is the highest form of self abuse.
4. Life is too short to hate your job.
5. If the man in my life doesn’t make me happier than I am on my own, it’s not worth the trouble. (used this when I was dating and young)
6. Bloom where you are planted. (sometimes hard to do)
7. It is okay for me to say no. (I’ve learned to do this especially with doctors and dentists, esp. If I don’t want to have a certain test or take a particular medication, I have the right to say no)
8. There are thousands of worthy causes. Commit to the ones that turn your head and trust that others will take on the ones that don’t. We can’t be responsible for everything.
I’m sure there are more. But those come to mind.
Marilyn
Lynne Spreen
/ April 18, 2011Marilyn, it occurs to me that the rules we make are like a Rorschach test. Your mom, for ex. Wonder what happened in her life to make her want to develop the ‘back to the door’ rule? Mine are signs of a big hurt. Yours are signs of your experience as well. Lots of wisdom there, hard earned. Thanks for stopping by.
nicki
/ April 18, 2011I have just recently found your blog and I am really enjoying it. Last year a friend shared a rule with me that has REALLY helped me. It is “Don’t assume”.
Don’t assume you know what someone is thinking. There have been many times when I assumed something that was completely wrong. I assumed I knew what an employee was thinking. I assumed I knew what my various family members were believing or thinking. Many, many times in my life I have made the wrong assumption. I have made decisions and comments based on wrong assumptions. This rule has helped me alot!
Lynne Spreen
/ April 18, 2011Hey, Nicki, you are so right with that one. I have the same, well, not a rule, but an awareness that a lot of time the assumptions we’re making are really just projections of our own beliefs, conventions, expectations, experience, scars, etc.
The way I became aware of this was (1) marrying a con man in an earlier marriage; a great education! and (2) working in human resources, where we learned to observe people’s behavior and not make assumptions about them – instead, to draw conclusions from our observations. So it’s hard to say “I think he really misses me,” without asking myself, “based on what behaviors?”
My, how I do go on. Drop by again!
Ereline
/ April 19, 2011I love to look at everyone’s rules! Isn’t it interesting to see the life behind the rules? It tells so much.
I don’t know that I really have rules except to try to love everyone I meet today. I have no idea what their day has been like or their life, for that matter, but I can leave them with a little bit of love, whether they accept it or not. I will feel better that at least I tried and, who know, maybe some good will come of it. I may never know what it was, but maybe my act of kindness will change something or someone even a little.
Blessings to you!
Lynne Spreen
/ April 19, 2011Hi, Ereline, I was raised to love everyone I met. My mom and dad had such big hearts. But I had to learn the hard way how to protect myself. So one of my rules now is to observe what people do, less than believe what they say. I make exceptions, say, for children, or I’ll give the benefit of the doubt to a new acquaintance or friend. I’m nice to everyone, but I’m more guarded now.
Nice to hear from you.
ally bean
/ April 19, 2011I recently found your blog, which I like very much. I’m intrigued by your question. Here are a few of my rules.
1) Not everyone you meet will be your friend.
2) Maximize your options/use what you’ve got.
3) Laugh often.
4) Don’t forget to floss.
Lynne Spreen
/ April 19, 2011Thanks, Ally. I enjoyed yours as well. Hope you’ll stop by again.
DazyDayWriter
/ April 21, 2011Rules for Living — excellent thought! (may I add your blog to my blogroll, Lynne?) So … yes, I guess I do have a few rules. One that comes to mind is try to value each moment … not wait for a better moment to show up … because each moment is pretty much the same, really. And why wish our lives away? Why miss our very own lives in a perpetual state of “waiting?” No thanks. So I hope that can be counted as a “rule for living.”
My best to you, as always, and Happy Easter weekend. –Daisy in Dakota 
P.S. Annie Proulx, famous Wyoming writer, just published her memoir @ 75 — it’s called “Bird Cloud” and I just started reading it. I’m sure you know her, she wrote The Shipping News, etc.
Lynne Spreen
/ April 21, 2011It’s a great rule, Daisy. As usual, we’re thinking alike. My greatest fear is sleepwalking through my life, only to realize at the end that I wasted it. Your rule about valuing the present is the antidote, for sure.
And I would be very honored to be included in your blogroll. As you can see, I’ve reciprocated.
Lastly, Annie Proulx is one of my 3 favorite writers! She is the spiritual head of our community of prairie sisters, isn’t she? The Shipping News is one of my all time favorite books, and I just recently watched the movie again (Kevin Spacey was perfect in it.)
Happy Easter, Sis.
jgavinallan
/ April 21, 2011cool politeness rule—excellent, I may steal it for a story.
I enjoyed reading your writing.
jgavinallan.wordpress.com
I have an incredible month of May. My floundering career will be tested.
Meeting a few agents. Would you mind checking out some of my work and giving a brutal critique if need be? Others have
Jaye—thanks