Almost every time I buy something online, or subscribe to a service, or reveal that I am an alive person, I am encouraged to create an online account.  I have accounts for my email and virus protection, utility companies and local library, credit cards, banks, blogs, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Norton, Kindle, Amazon, Office Depot and a whole bunch more.

This phenomenon is becoming unavoidable. When I tried to help Mom change her address with the DMV online, we had to create an account. Or when she tried to cancel the call waiting feature she didn’t ask for/doesn’t want? She had to create an account on TimeWarner.com. Either that or continue to jabber with ineffectual magpies at their 800 number, or go down to the local office and wait in line for forty-five minutes. Neither of which work. So you go online and create an account with a new username and password.

I have more than seventy user name/password combos.
I do not want any more.

Perhaps sensing you’re falling out of love with this process, some companies try to lure you back by letting you personalize a little sliver of their corporate website. They do this by tacking on the cutesy “my” to their web address (e.g. “myverizon” or “mytoyota” or “myfibroids.com.”) (Okay, I made that one up.) Some of them, like my local newspaper, even want you to create personal profiles. Pretty soon you won’t need Facebook. You’ll have “mypressenterprise.com/me”. Go ahead. Put that on your business card instead of a personal website. Wait, I think I’ll delete this blog. You can just go to my page at Frigidaire.

Many of them would like to make it even easier for you to log in by using your Facebook or Google UN/PW. Isn’t that nice of them? I’m sure it’s all on the up-and-up. Very secure.

I’m not a Luddite. I love new technology, but we might have achieved critical mass of ridiculousness, and now it’s time to stop and reassess. Does it make sense that corporations are firing all their humans and then programming software to act like employees? Who needs a bricks-and-mortar bank, store or library? You just go on the Internet and, with the help of a smug little voicebot, do it all yourself. Pretty soon we’ll be performing surgery on our own bodies. The only thing we’ll need is the proper user name and password.

Kindle readers can contact me at Lmspreen@gmail.com.