We middle-agers like to think we’ve changed, but what if you got proof that you haven’t?
I was going back through my boxes of journals recently, and it gave me nightmares. I may not have changed at all. Well, okay, I now believe you should aim for more than a 10:90 ratio of happiness-to-unhappiness in marriage, thanks to finally landing a great husband. (And it’s for life this time. In California they have a “three strikes” law.)
But I wrote about writing (30 years later, still not published), and about dieting. Most of it was about dieting. Now that I’ve reached goal and Lifetime status with Weight Watchers, I have to face the realization that my lack of style wasn’t because I was fat. It’s because I lack style. But anyway.
Do you keep a journal? Everybody says you should, but maybe here’s a reason not to.
I’m kidding, of course. Journals are valuable. By the time I die, I will have written enough of them to fill the back of a pickup truck. My son should be delighted.
I like your idea ,Lynne about touching base quarterly to reassess where we are at. It’s called accountability to ourselves. I’m game . It will force me to be disciplined and self-aware. Let’s do it!
Kathy
OMG, Lynne, you have hit the nail on the head with this one! I have several journals that I looked through a while back and it’s the same old whining!! I woke up in a bad mood, I’m feeling kind of down today, yada, yada, yada!! My God, what a whiner!!
I wrote down notes about my writing, too. But later on, I’d wind up using them to write shopping lists. LOL!!
It’s nice to know I’m not the only one. Is 2011 going to be our year?? I’m willing to try again if you are.
Vonnie, you crack me up! But YES, this is going to be our year! And here’s why: after I looked over my calendar for 2010, I had noticed themes. The most popular one was “took care of stuff.” As in, BUSY, BUSY, BUSY, but what do I have to show for it? Groceries? Yard work?
Jon Kabat-Zinn says, “there is more to life than getting things done.” So I made a list of goals for 2011. Not “what do I have to do” but “what do I dream of doing?” I made a list of what I dream about accomplishing by the time 2011 is over. To get there, on the last day of every month I am going to plan for the month ahead, asking myself, “what can I do in the next 30 days to move the ball farther down the field?”
Did you read what Rae wrote? I want to follow her example of staying focused every day. So I wrote up a good plan for January. But then instead of starting my plan today I went wine tasting and even flirted with the cute middle-aged guy behind the counter. He looked like Keith Richards without the extreme drug history, and no feathers.
But back to my idea: maybe we could make it kind of a group thing. I am half-playing with the idea of having you, Kathy, Marina, Rebecca, Nanci, Debbie, Rae, Amy, and all of my other readers touch base at the end of each quarter and see how we’re doing, working toward our dreams. Because my greatest fear is of wasting my life!! I’m 56. What about when I’m 76 – will I have another 20 years of accomplishments? or will I have just crossed stuff off on my “to do” list, like buy groceries, make dentist appt., etc. THAT’S what scares me. Happy new year, Sis!
Hi,
I also have 30 years worth of journals, which I have used mainly as a place to vent, complain and whine. And yes, most of my complaints are EXACTLY the same as they were 20 years ago! Boy, is that an eye-opener!
Would you ever throw them away, Amy?
I’m with Kathy on this one, Lynne. I tossed out journals when I was ready to move on with my life, heading in a different direction with a more supportive, encouraging group of people! And I don’t miss them one bit! The last thing I want to burden my son with when I pass on is a wagon-load of my ramblings. Now the only value I can see in journals is that they force us to WRITE, when we all know writers are great procrastinators and will do anything to avoid writing!
I stopped writing in journals the day I came home from school to find my mother reading them. Now I’m afraid that my kids will read them and hear truths about my mothering of them — and I’m not sure they need to know what I really think — you know? Now I just blog — but I would love to journal, someday. Did the Jenny Craig thing for a year — lost weight, but got tired of the food.
Marina, my late father once said, “Only a fool puts everything down on paper.” (Great thing to say to a kid who was born writing!) So when I am writing in my journals I try to bear in mind that my kids, family or friends may read them after I’m gone, and sometimes I modify what I say but only if I think they would be surprised by the painful revelation. But if they’re aware and deserve it, the heck with ’em. They know they’re guilty.
Except sometimes I write about having a very nice experience with my husband in the biblical sense, and I don’t ever want them to read that, but these are for me, too! Like when I’m too infirm at the end of life to do anything but relive my life thru my journals, I want to laugh and sigh about such times. So if they read that and get grossed out, well, at least they’ll know I was happy.
Thanks for the mention,Lynne. In line with this discussion,here is a great link on writing meaningful goals:
http://www.projectsmart.co.uk/smart-goals.html
BTW I threw out a cartload of my journals in 1990 when I was ready to move on in my life. Turns out, it was not the end of the world
Happy New Year and good luck with that 2011 list!
Kathy
I think you are a gorgeous soul inside and out — if your son doesn’t want your journals, send em’ on out to me 🙂 I just love reading about your thoughts, honey. So wonderful and refreshing somehow! Happy New Year!
The idea of comparing notes throughout the year is inspiring!! Thanks!
Such comfort in knowing that someone understands AND has a solution! Thank you for Kathy Poolers post!!!
After “looking back” at the many posts in my journal ( more years than I care to admit!) I became frustrated, depressed and down right angry at myself!
Each year I planned the very same strategy with the very same steps Blah! Blah! Blah! I found that I had really not accomplished any of the plans that I had made about building a flourishing business. The problem was that I wrote, and I wrote, etc….etc….etc.. BUT did nothing!
The conclusion I came to is that in order to move forward in my life I ACTUALLY HAVE TO DO SOMETHING~ Now armed with years of those same ideas, I have stopped writing in my journal and have actually started DOING.
I now have a “DAILY NOTE TO SELF” on my home page., check off what I accomplished and add new things for the next day.
I won’t talk about what I PLAN to do anymore but working towards discussing what it is that I have DONE.
I’ll be LOOKING FORWARD TO THE END OF 2011 to check my progress~
Exactly, Rae. That’s what I saw in my journals, same thing every year, whining about the stuff I wanted to do, and not getting it done. Then I read Kathy Pooler’s post this morning (http://krpooler.wordpress.com/2010/12/30/resetting-your-inner-compass-in-the-new-year/) and it motivated me to make two lists: what did I accomplish last year, and what do I dream of doing this year? And I’m going to do like you say, to be more focused on specific, concrete steps to get there. And next year I’m also going to recheck that 2011 page. Let’s compare notes throughout the year, okay?