Rossellini younger
The world is a magical place limited to some extent by our low expectations. Today while I was meditating these ideas bubbled up: [Read more…]
What If We Didn’t Consider Aging a Problem?
The Opposite of a Bucket List
You know what a Bucket List is: that list of the things you feel you absolutely must do before you die.
By definition, that would have to be one heavy list. First of all, it ends with your death, and second, there’s probably stuff on it like sky diving (Nanci can cross that off hers) and start a literacy program and reconcile with that icky family member you’ve been avoiding for the past fifty years.
Well, I’m tired of the pressure. Life is hard enough without having a giant existential To Do list, so I’ve decided to rebel.
I’ve decided to start a “F*** It” List.
On this list, I have itemized all the things I’m not going to do, ever. I’m having so much fun with my list. Every time I add something, my shoulders relax, like I just had a good massage, or therapy.
This list has another fabulous purpose: cleaning out your inbox. Like the other day I was doing that, and there was a stack of recipes I was planning to try. Except I found myself thinking F*** It. And I threw them in the trash.
It felt so good that I figured I’m on to something.
Here are two things people (starting with Mom) have always said about me:
You work too hard.
You worry too much.
Not anymore, girlfriends! Because I have discovered the F*** It List.
Ahhhhhh.
Go ahead, try it. But first, tell us, what would you put on your very own F*** It List?
Do Appearances Matter?
In this article, Ellie Williams says New York police have started warning girls with too-short skirts that they could attract sexual predators. Williams is annoyed, because she feels the police are blaming the (potential) victims.
I agree with her that we shouldn’t assume sexual assault is the fault of the victim, but I do think people don’t always think about what their clothing says about them. Like the underwear models in the picture above. Maybe I’m old, but I don’t get what the girls in the thong panties are trying to say. Any ideas?
We love laughing at the “People of Walmart” pictures, and HR people always have a half-dozen funny stories about people who come to an interview in appalling outfits. Appearance matters.
This prom dress got a lot of attention a few years ago.
Believe me, I rebelled against this as a young woman in the 60s and 70s. I thought it was superficial to judge people based on appearances. I’d go into a nice clothing store in faded jeans and feel offended when the clerks treated me like an unserious customer, which I was, in view of the fact that I was poor, but I thought they were snotty and elitist.
In my thirties, I was waiting for a guy to come by the house and pick me up for our first date. I saw his car from the bathroom window. It was an old, faded, Fiat with torn upholstery and bald tires.
I should have stayed in the bathroom. Instead I ended up marrying and supporting that man. We divorced seven years later. The first impression I got from his car said everything, but I had been taught not to judge by appearances. Now that I’m older, I realize that humans really don’t have any other way to draw first impressions.
We respond to visual cues
We humans respond to visual cues. While dressing like a streetwalker – or going naked – doesn’t entitle a criminal to use your body, at the same time it’s wrong to say that people don’t look at what you’re wearing and draw conclusions. Those conclusions might turn out to be wrong, but the chance to demonstrate that fact may never come.
What do you think the young woman in the cowboy hat is saying with her choice of clothing? To me, it says I’m sexy and fun. Let’s play. That’s her decision – she’s a grown woman – but I’m hoping she’s also a martial arts expert.
Ah, well, she’ll probably change as she gets older. When I was a teenager, I applied for a job. The prospective employer called my current boss and asked for a reference. Vick praised me to the hilt. The prospect kept pushing. “Come on, she can’t be perfect. Tell me one single flaw.”
Finally Vic relented. “I had to be honest,” he said later. “I told him your skirts are too short.”
Kindle readers can contact me at Lmspreen@gmail.com.
Saving the Best for Last
If you’ve ever wondered how other women face the challenges and weirdness of aging, this book is for you. It’s a reassuring read.
Know that I am objective. I paid to hear Renee Fisher speak, and I also paid for my copy of the book.
It was only after I left the event and read the book that I realized what a gem I’d purchased.
I am a little obsessed by the process of aging, in case you hadn’t noticed, so a lot of books on the subject have crossed my desk. Many are very good. I referenced a few of those good books at the end of this post about how Jane Fonda is afraid of the aging process (but not afraid to sell us a book about how to be brave and authentic.)
In Saving, Renee, Jean and Joyce are not unafraid, but they are smart and tough enough to face it with their eyes open and then come back to tell us about it. They are thoughtful and introspective.
The book is structured in a very useful way. Each of the chapters begins with information about a particular topic and then all three of them write about their personal experiences with it. Examples of chapters are Rational Women Repeating Irrational Patterns, Our Mothers, Dating and Mating, and Sexuality and the Big Five-Oh! At the end of each chapter are exercises you can do individually or with friends, maybe even a book club, to explore that issue and how it is affecting you. I gather from listening to Renee that this is a good way to find yourself, or the pieces of yourself that went missing in your early years. When you find those pieces, they aren’t always pretty or smooth, but they’re valuable for self-discovery.
Because of this book I was able to ask my mom some sensitive questions about body functions and how she has aged, and thus what I might expect. We also laughed when I read some bits out loud, like when a lover fondled Joyce’s mastectomy prosthesis. It didn’t do a thing for Joyce, but the lover got all excited. Luckily they laughed about it.
From that example you can tell that these authors pull no punches. Aging can be scary and isolating, but they lay out their experiences for you and invite you to join in. It’s entertaining and informative. I laughed and I cried, literally.
Joyce, Renee and Jean did us all a favor by writing this book. You might want to do yourself a favor and read it.
Kindle readers can email me at Lmspreen@gmail.com
This Boomer Will Never Die
I wanted to make you laugh. Last week was pretty heavy, what with my lament on the possible extinction of the American Dream. So this week, I was going to describe funny people and situations I’ve encountered tripping around Lake Havasu and Laughlin for the past couple days.
But then on Wednesday, October 5, we lost one of the most amazing Boomers ever. Steve Jobs, Dreamer, Dictator, Tech-Boss-In-Chief, passed away, assumedly due to cancer. Apple and we are left to figure out what will replace him. Probably nothing and no one.
One of the things Jobs was known for was his motivational quotes. Here’s a creepy one:
“Remembering that you are going to die is the best way to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose.”
What do you feel when you read that?
I have two reactions. The first is that he’s wrong. Sometimes I think all we have is the certainty that there IS something to lose. The love and respect of our family and community, and the chance to leave something of good and lasting value to them, for example.
Or maybe he was saying you only have so much time. Get it done. You don’t know how much time you have left.
Jobs was an imperfect Buddhist who didn’t worry about karma biting him on the ass for his bad behavior He wasn’t warm and fuzzy. More like vindictive, territorial and secretive. Did you know he’s been married for twenty years and had three kids from that marriage? Me neither. And yet look at all he gave the world, how far he helped us evolve.
It bums me out that Jobs, only one year younger than me, doesn’t exist anymore, at least in the corporeal realm. And this leads to one of the biggest mysteries: what happens to all the material you accumulate in your brain, all the effort you exert to learn about things. Where does all that effort go? I like to believe some part of it goes with you to the next life cycle but we’ll never know. There’s at least a possibility it dies with you, that there is no reincarnation into the energy of the next soul who will be farther along his journey thanks to you.
In writing you’re told to not hold back, to give it all away right up front. Maybe that’s your hedge against dying. Just in case there is no afterlife, you can at least pass something of yourself on. It’s like insurance, and you might even be able to help a nice young person achieve greater heights than s/he would have alone.
So go ahead, mentor somebody. Share what you know. Pour your knowledge into someone else’s mind. Guarantee your own immortality. Pass it on.
Just in case.
Kindle readers can email me at Lmspreen@gmail.com.
Controlling the Negativity, Part 2
You try not to be negative, but here’s a news flash: the human brain is built for negativity! It’s a survival skill.
Rick Hanson, Ph.D, who wrote Buddha’s Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love & Wisdom, says our brains are designed to scan for danger. When we see something to worry about, the negative information makes a big impression and we’re more likely to be affected by it, because that’s going to help us stay alive. Positive information, on the other hand, isn’t so sticky.
Blue sky, big deal. Saber-toothed cat? BIG deal.
To make matters worse, our fast-paced, information overload-culture increases the amount of scanning our brains do. So we’re constantly gathering more and more negative data.
And we’re stressing the hell out!
On the one hand, it’s kind of cool to think that my brain has a good reason for focusing on the negative. (And here I thought it was just me.) I appreciate the evolutionary necessity of this tendency.
But now that we understand why it’s happening, we can perceive some of our anxiety as an unreliable narrator wringing her hands. Just because the murder rate went up in Texas last year doesn’t mean I have more reason to fear.
Tell your inner worrier to chill.
Kindle readers can email me at Lmspreen@yahoo.com.
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