Merry Christmas, my loves, and happy new year! Here’s a goodie for you. See you in oh-fifteen!
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Any Shiny Thing - Life after 50
Midlife Fiction
Are you over-committed? Do you feel as if you’re stretched too thin, and you hate yourself for not having the guts to say no?
As a person who is almost pathologically responsible – a textbook reaction to growing up with domestic abuse – I think I have a harder time saying no than “normal” women. But recently I’ve been more careful, and practicing saying no, and thinking about it a lot, and I realized this shocking truth:
I feel like I’m going to get in trouble if I say no.
By whom? What kind of trouble? How could that possibly happen? Hell if I know. It’s just a general feeling of gloom, or guilt. Very uncomfortable. It’s probably a logical reaction to how we are raised: to be good girls (or boys). As you mature, you should be able to make the choice without it being so fraught. Think of how great that would feel. As if you had the sole authority to decide what you will and won’t do.
The last time this came up and I was (over)thinking about it, I got this weirdly empowering vision:
I imagined Anna Wintour, famously frosty editor in chief of Vogue, making a decision. She’d say to her assistant: “Tell them no. Next item.” And that would be that. The assistant would scamper out of the room, and Ms. Wintour would return to her work without further thought, worry, second-guessing or hand-wringing.
How empowering it would be to keep that mental picture in our heads – our Inner Anna.
As a result of this fabulous moment of clarity, I came up with a mental checklist for being able to say no.
Here are some thoughts to bolster your courage under fire:
I hope this is helpful.
I know it’s not Friday, but my friend Steve just shared this with me and I wanted to share it with you. It’s fantastic. Gave me a lot to think about, and a gift: a new way of viewing our lives. See you tomorrow.
You’re probably counting your blessings right now. So am I, and you are at the top of my list. I’m grateful that we can talk together about issues of concern, and share each other’s journey. I’m grateful for your comments and thoughts, and for your support when I get sad or whiny. (Did you ever notice if you change one letter, it’s AnyWhinyThing?)
If you enjoy Ellen Degeneres as much as I do, you’ll want to bookmark this website. It’s EllenTube, “the place for hilarious and family friendly videos, from Ellen and her friends.” I might even substitute that for the morning paper.
Happy Thanksgiving, my friends!
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