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  • Review of Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg

    Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to LeadLean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg
    My rating: 5 of 5 stars

    As I read Lean In, I was intrigued at being able to get inside the head of a dynamic, smart woman who is one generation younger than me, and see the corporate world through her eyes. One of the cultural questions she answered for me was this: why are younger women so averse to the terms "feminist" and "feminism"? Apparently, Sheryl Sanders and her contemporaries believe(d) the following:

    1. Equality having arrived, there's no need for feminism anymore
    2. Feminists are man-haters who resist makeup and the shaving of one's legs

    Okay, #2 was a bit tongue-in-cheek. However, having observed conditions in the real world for a few years now, Sanders has come to see that the playing field is not and will not be level until more women occupy positions of power in the corporate hierarchy. She doesn't suggest that this is due to any malicious intent on the part of men, but rather it's simply a matter of ignorance.

    To illustrate, she describes having to park far away from her office door when hugely and uncomfortably pregnant. When she designated preferred parking spots to accommodate pregnant workers, no one complained. It was seen as logical. But prior to her taking her place in the C-suite, the issue hadn't been raised.

    Sanders talks about not slowing down out of consideration for what might happen in the nebulous future. The example she gives, now famous, is of a young woman confiding her fears of not wanting to accept a job with a lot of responsibility due to the impact it might have on her family. The woman was planning ahead - she didn't even have a boyfriend yet.

    With this example, Sanders makes the point that women, having been highly trained and educated, are waving off promotional opportunities. The jury is still out as to why, but she suggests, and I agree, that part of the reason is this: in corporate America, a woman's decision to go through pregnancy, childbirth, lactation, and child-rearing is viewed as a private matter that should not impact her ability to work long hours and irregular schedules, including lengthy and frequent travel as needed. Rightly fearing this may drive her insane, a woman who wants a family may leap off the corporate ladder at a very early stage.

    Sanders argues that if a young woman stayed on it long enough to secure a more powerful position, she would be able to exert more control over her work life (a perspective the young woman must trust will happen, since at her current low place on the corporate ladder she can only see her lack of power and control.) After a few promotions, she will be able to delegate some of her work to subordinates, afford more help at home, and influence workplace policies that unfairly impact women and families. Who can find fault with this argument?

    Sanders is honest about her own mistakes, and I found that charming. For example, I was amazed that, for all her intelligence and education, she didn't originally intend to negotiate her starting salary with Facebook. Luckily a nice man (her husband) set her straight, and she made a counter offer to Zuckerberg. Reams of guidance have been written about how this error could have impeded her in later years, both at Facebook and with future employers, yet she didn't know. For other women who have not yet made this horrifying discovery, please read Ask for It by Babcock and Laschever (http://www.amazon.com/Ask-Women-Power...) which in addition to being enlightening and entertaining, offers tons of strategies for preparing yourself to negotiate. And not just for salaries. After reading that book I saved $150 on furniture I was going to buy anyway, by asking one question.

    But back to Lean In.

    I was also surprised that she wasn't well informed about how women can sabotage other women in the workplace, particularly women in power. This is an unfortunate truth with roots in biology, and is brilliantly explained in the amazing book, In the Company of Women by Heim and Murphy (http://www.amazon.com/Company-Women-I...) which I reviewed here:
    http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/... This also suggests the reasons Sanders was hit with such a backlash for the well-intentioned Lean In.

    There is so much more to say about Lean In, but let me close with this: I enjoyed learning how this stellar corporate executive struggled, made mistakes, and ultimately learned some strategies that will enable her, her family, and the women (and men) in her corporation to thrive. It's not perfect, and sometimes it's not even pretty, but part of the lesson is to let go of the need for perfection.

    The other message, younger women, is to get as far and as fast as you can before starting your families. Don't opt out just because it looks too hard from where you're sitting now. The view improves with each rung on the ladder.

    View all my reviews

Your Middle Age Brain: Brilliant and Ridiculous All At Once

This is the first in a series of four posts celebrating the aging brain.

I’m looking for my glasses, but I can’t find them because they’re on my head. So I find my backups and try to put them on, but discover I’m already wearing a pair.

I would feel stupid except at times, I feel downright brilliant. This has probably happened to you, too. Maybe you’re listening to a younger person explain a problem at work or you’re reading an article in the news, and suddenly all the facts connect and you come up with such an awesome solution you want to call the Nobel commission.

Except you don’t quite trust what happened, because only yesterday you came home from the grocery store and put the bananas in the hamper. Maybe what you’re having is some kind of brain flair before the cells die. You never shine so brightly as just before, you know - pffffft.

Stop worrying. Both things really are happening. New research confirms that you’re both more addled and more brilliant than ever before in your life.

If you’re a typical middle-aged* person, the glasses and bananas are real, and so is the intellect.

The science of the aging brain is quite new; conclusions being drawn just in the past few years prove that we have more to be excited about than ever. For example, it wasn’t that long ago that we were told brain cells only died; none were regenerated. However, that has now been proven false. The brain DOES produce new cells, primarily in the area relative to memory.

But I’m getting ahead of myself.

In a great new book, The Secret Life of the Grown-Up Brain, author (and science editor for the NY Times) Barbara Strauch produces tons of evidence that, while our older brains definitely have some weaknesses, they also develop amazing, surprising, even beautiful workarounds. In fact, the older brain is gearing up, not slowing down. All during December I’ll be telling you what I learned, and – plagiarism alert! – excerpting heavily from her book. That’s because I can’t say it any better than Barbara did.

Here’s some good news: in older age, you’re smarter. This is because you’ve accumulated such a wealth of data, and the human brain has a special talent: deduction. Per Ms. Strauch:

The brain builds strength (over a lifetime) by building up millions upon millions of patterns, allowing us to “recognize even vaguely similar patterns and draw appropriate conclusions.”

One researcher, E. Goldberg, calls it “mental magic.”

“Frequently,” says Goldberg, “when I am faced with what would appear from the outside to be a challenging problem, the grinding mental computation is somehow circumvented, rendered, as if by magic, unnecessary. The solution comes effortlessly, seemingly by itself…I seem to have gained in my capacity for instantaneous, almost unfairly easy insight…”

According to Barbara Strauch, when faced with new information, the older brain might take longer to assimilate and use it. But faced “with information that in some way – even a very small way-relates to what’s already known, the middle-aged brain works quicker and smarter, discerning patterns and jumping to the logical endpoint.”

This is an evolutionary triumph. We’re not called homo sapiens – thinking man – for nothing.

Of course, there’s no getting around the fact that we’re more easily distracted and more likely to lose focus as we age. This is because as you get older, new information comes into the part of your brain that’s good at daydreaming. So when you’re trying to read a newspaper in Starbucks and somebody’s jabbering loudly on his cellphone and you can’t concentrate, it’s because the daydreaming mechanism is doing a crappy job of managing the new info.

You can mitigate this with discipline and practice, but you have to work on it. Personally, I think daydreaming is a treat, and I’m not sure I want to curtail it.

Remember how I said your brain gears up rather than slowing down, later in life? I can’t wait to tell you more about it but I’m already up to eight hundred words and I don’t want you to lose focus. Thus I’ll save bilateralization for next Friday. Now go have a nice daydream.

*Definition of middle age, per Barbara Strauch, is that long period between youth and old age. I like it. I like it a whole lot better than assuming you’re at the halfway point. Because as vibrant and kick-ass as I am, I’m sure as hell not going to make it to 116.

Leave a comment

35 Comments

  1. Well, we are up early, aren’t we? Love this post, Lynne. Great one as always. Good morning!

    Reply
  2. Thanks, Lynne…I feel so brilliantly befuddled now…which is a whole heck of a lot better than just plain befuddled.

    Reply
  3. Hi Lynne,
    Enjoyed this post and I feel this brilliance happening often. Oh, the other day i wrote a blog post about “emergence” theory which is another way of looking at brains and connections etc. you would like it I think (Dec. 4 post: http://heddaplace.blogspot.com/) just sharing not plugging. . .

    Reply
    • Hedda, thanks for stopping by and for mentioning your link. I’m eager to check it out – going to be a few hours until I get the kids settled but I’ll save it for my coffee break. Welcome to AST.

      Reply
  4. This confirms what I’ve been going through lately. I find that I have the answer to a question or a solution to a problem, but I’ve no idea how I figured out the answer or solution. Who knew that I was just brilliantly addled. Fascinating.

    Reply
    • It is interesting, isn’t it Ally? I’ve felt it too, and it’s magical! Unfortunately I have just as many befuddled moments, but I’ll take the good with the bad.

      Reply
  5. Great info, Lynne. I’ve been hearing about this in different places, and it makes such sense. Perhaps this is why “primitive” cultures valued their old people so much, why grandparents were relied upon and consulted regarding communal problems. Especially old women, I might add, since we usually live longer than the men. We cared for the children freeing up the younger women and men to forage and hunt. Sound familiar?
    Anyway, it’s very heartening. Looks like I can go right on writing novels for the next twenty years – if my eyes hold up. My mom is 94 and can no longer see well enough to read or write, but her hearing is better than mine. Hey, books on CD.

    Reply
    • And Kathryn, there’s something called the Grandmother Hypothesis wherein a certain gift of old age is considered to have evolved to preserve the tribe. It’s about regulating our emotions, and you can do this better with age. I’ll write about that – I think it’s the third Friday in Dec. but off top of my befuddled head, not sure! PS by the time you’re 94, we’ll be able to apply a Think Strip to our forehead, think the words, and see them appear on the screen. You won’t even need hands!

      Reply
  6. Now I know there’s hope for when I have my snazzy progressive lens glasses on and I try to put my computer glasses on over them while I look for the post-it note I had in my hand a moment ago. I’m waiting for the brilliant moment …

    Reply
  7. There’s so much bogus information out there about aging and the brain. It’s harmful–in part because of the asumptions of other people–and in part because it can become a self-fulfilling prophesy.

    I find that if I get stuck on a name from the past, I don’t force it. It’s there and will pop into my head shortly. My tongue-in-cheek theory is that all the info I’ve ever learned is on a mental rolodex. As the years go by, there’s more and more information, so it takes longer to retrieve.

    Reply
    • Hi Madeleine, good to hear from you! That bogus aspect is why I felt so good about this book. Barbara Strauch compiles results of research, and much of it is downright impressive, like the 40-year Seattle longitudinal study, or the “Nun Study.” So I feel her stuff is solid. BTW, she calls what you’re describing a TOT (Tip of the Tongue) experience; says it more often happens with names as opposed to common nouns, and happens less with occupational information. This is because the names are (to the brain) more arbitrary, whereas occupations automatically come with associative triggers. Ex: you might not remember the name of John the Accountant, but you’ll associate his face with accounting.

      Reply
  8. I spent two minutes looking for my glasses that were on my face yesterday and then went down and conquered the crossword, so this makes perfect sense to me. Now, where are those bananas? :)
    Laura

    Reply
  9. cydmadsen

     /  December 7, 2012

    I bought that book in a hurry! Now I’ll turn on my Kindle in a few minutes and wonder where the new book came from :-) It’s nice to hear good news about my aging, addled brain. I don’t have too much trouble keep track of my glasses, but I do miss having my daughter around to point out I forgot mascara on one eye.
    Hmmm, the part of the brain involved with daydreaming. I must’ve sneezed out that part some time ago. For a long time I had no dreams of any kind, but that’s slowly returning. The first to return were night dreams, and it was a whopper. I saw a naked Elvis (from behind, thank God) standing on a windowsill with his arms held up to the sky, screaming, “Give me my sandwich! Give me my sandwich!” Lately I’ve been nurturing myself back to daydreams. If they’re anything like that first night dream, it could be fun. Ah, perchance to daydream…and remember a name.

    Reply
    • You crack me up, Cyd. But about daydreams…I find I can now sit quietly (when I have the chance, which is rare, dang it) and my brain is like a pleasant sieve. Things flow in and out, and nothing sticks unless I work at it. Bad for actually working on something – in that case I have to write things down and draw diagrams for myself. But good for relaxation.

      Reply
  10. Oh, Lynne, this is wonderful news. I can now think of my absent-mindedness as “mental magic” and revel in the intellectual brilliance of the aging process. Now where did I put that banana?? :-) I love it! xo

    Reply
    • I have more good news in the next three Friday posts, Kathy. We do have limitations but they’re manageable, and the good that comes from the changes really is a blessing. Thanks for saying hi, Sis. I miss you.

      Reply
  11. My husband and I sometimes argue over the silliest things because he is brilliant when I am daydreaming, and I am brilliant when he is ridiculous. Next topic — aging relationships!

    Reply
    • Donna, I hate when I’m trying to make a point to my husband about something he did wrong, and as I’m blathering, I suddenly see, in some weird place in my mind, that I do exactly the same things wrong. I don’t know if I found my soulmate, if I finally have the wisdom to see my own failings clearly, or if at this age I realize nobody’s good enough all the time, including me, and we should all just relax!

      Reply
  12. Fascinating, Lynne — thanks for doing what you’re doing to make us boomers feel better about getting older! So many of us are on “brain overload,” trying to juggle a little of this and a lot of that, that sometimes we find ourselves wondering if we’ve still got it. This new research seems to indicate that, despite the challenges, we do!

    Reply
  13. Glad to hear there is hope for my menopausal mind!

    Reply
  14. I completely agree with the concept that I am getting smarter as I age. Partly it’s because I’ve learned so much over the years, and partly I’m sure it’s because my bullshit detector is on high. I intend to keep learning as long as I’m alive. Also, the Sunday NY Times crossword is a great exercise each week!

    Reply
    • Hi Sharon, I’m going to do a separate post on this as part of my Fridays in December thing, but you actually can generate new brain cells, and they tend to grow in the hippocampus area (good for memory); the two things I remember off top of head that cause regrowth are exercise and brain challenge (ie crossword). Good job!

      Reply
  15. The brain is remarkable. I always remember the Agatha Christie Character and his ‘Little Gray Cells’!

    Reply
    • Haralee, it IS remarkable, and here’s a tidbit: we have more control over the amygdala and our emotions later in life, even though it’s more difficult! It’s why we don’t get sucked into drama so much anymore. Not only have we been there/done that, we’re cooler and calmer.

      Reply
  16. Fascinating. I reserved a copy at the library before I finished your post. Thanks.

    Reply
    • Smart move, Robin. The thing I really liked about this book was that the author gathered up tons of legitimate, long-time, comprehensive, respected research to back up her statements. So I felt it was real, and I could believe it. Good stuff.

      Reply
  17. Lynne: Thanks for the info on cognition and the overview of Strauch’s book. I’m going to link this post to my GenAboveMe FB page. Because I taught college English for 30 years and because I still have a lot of friends who are professors and because I’m graduating in May after 3 years in a gerontology grad program, I get a lot of request for information about age-related changes to cognition. And this book looks like it will help expand my knowledge in this area. Thanks for sending me the link at the #GenFab FB page! Have a warm and cozy week.

    Reply
    • Karen, the Strauch book really impressed me because she doesn’t just pump out these happy little platitudes; she quotes dozens of authorities and cites the particular studies. So I felt it was pretty authoritative. Plus she’s the science editor for the NY Times so she’s around science a lot. Your blog is powerful, BTW.

      Reply
  1. Aging: One Long Downhill Slide? | Any Shiny Thing

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  • Lynne Spreen

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  • Review of Fierce with Age: Chasing God and Squirrels in Brooklyn

    Fierce with Age: Chasing God and Squirrels in BrooklynFierce with Age: Chasing God and Squirrels in Brooklyn by Carol Orsborn
    My rating: 5 of 5 stars

    When I saw the blog post, "Why You Should Treat Aging As A Mystical Journey"(http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-8682/w...), I thought I might have found a kindred spirit in the author, Carol Orsborn. When I read this book, Fierce with Age: Chasing God and Squirrels in Brooklyn, I knew for sure. Carol Orsborn is on to something that I, at age 59, am really hungry for. I want to know how to feel valuable, powerful and at peace in the second half of my life, while still fully functioning in a society that demeans, caricatures, and negates older people.

    Carol, who is a good writer, describes a story arc that begins with everything falling apart. She is unwanted and then fired from her job in a world that worships youth. She tries to fight aging by staying in the ring with the younger people, but it gives her no real sense of security. She keeps coming up with ideas for holding back time, only to fail over and over again. Telling of her disappointments, Carol does a good job of layering the blows, one atop the other until we are reeling with her. When everything has been tried, every avenue exhausted, what the hell do we do next? Lie down and die? But we’re old, not dead! How do we navigate this new country?

    Nearly immobilized with discouragement, Carol struggles with the questions I’ve wrangled with: So now what, at this age? Who am I without the accouterments of my earlier life? My job, my youth, my expertise in a particular field? If I’m not running the race, do I even have value?

    One night, in the middle of a furious electrical storm, she stands on her balcony, screaming and shaking her fist at God, daring Him to kill her now.

    And He tells her to get over herself.

    From this point, Carol begins to glimpse another, more powerful reality. A gigantic paradigm shift later, the unfurling of which she describes in the second half of the book, Carol is once again back on top, no longer burdened by but rather fierce with age. And we’re fierce right along with her.

    Carol is very skillful in using metaphor to describe her journey. Particularly satisfying is her change of heart regarding the story of Moses, wherein she finally understands that God was saying, “It's okay to get old. I love you just as you are. So should you.”

    The only problem I had with the book was the spiritual, God aspect. It’s not like Carol misled me. God is in the title. Since I am not a believer, however, some points left me a bit frustrated until I got a brainstorm and began replacing the term "conscious growth" with God, and it worked fine! Here's an example:

    Carol: To stop "doing" my personality and leave space for God requires...

    Lynne: To stop "doing" my personality and leave space for conscious growth requires...

    At some point on our nation's timeline, I believe people our age will stop trying to be young and start seeking and finding the intrinsic value of age. It takes courage, though, because so much of it is beyond our control. Carol makes the point that we have to develop the ability to be at peace with that, and with the strength of maturity, we ought to be able to.

    The reward is freedom to become our true selves, unbound by the constraints of society as currently drawn. As Carol says, "The one thing that is up to you is whether you will make getting old a tragedy, or embark upon it as another of life's great adventures."

    View all my reviews

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