Whether you lost your job in midlife or feel the need to change/reinvent yourself for more benign reasons, it helps to see what other people our age are doing. [Read more…]
Inspired to Change in Midlife
Evolution in Three Parts
Like most of you, I’m from that awkward generation between people who grew up without computers and those whose thumbs are changing shape due to texting. [Read more…]
Hillary, When Do You Stop?
Oprah to Boomers: Drop Dead
Stop the presses! Did Oprah really say she would pursue a younger demographic because after forty, women have things figured out? Nothing more to teach us older broads?
Apparently it’s true. To shore up her biz, Ms. Winfrey said she would like to attract women
in their 30s or perhaps their 20s, to be able to reach people when they are looking to fulfill their destiny.” She added, “By the time you’re 40, 42, you should have kind of figured it out already.
Yah, us over 40s have that destiny thing all out of the way. No sense talking to us anymore.
Okay, it makes sense that she’d want to augment her customer base by adding younger people, but I get the impression she wants to distance herself from the demographic whose undying loyalty made her a billionaire, and that rankles.
Even though I fell out of love with All Things Oprah a couple of years back, I’ve always thought she was one smart cookie, but that comment about having things figured out is ridiculous and self-serving. I mean, look at all the heavy shit we still have to face! Deaths of loved ones, illness and surgeries, loss of jobs, financial challenges, helping our aging parents and/or the younger generations while still trying to carve out some happiness for ourselves, following our dreams even late in life…
Does Oprah really think we have it all figured out?
What a failure of imagination.
I understand commerce. Business is business, and she must do what is necessary to keep her financials healthy. So why would she ignore women in the second half of life? It’s a common mistake – I guess some folks just can’t accept that we older women have discretionary income and we’re not afraid to use it. You’d think that would weigh into her biz calcs.
A minor oversight!
Sometimes when you become too rich and powerful, your minions only tell you what you want to hear. Maybe that’s what’s happened to Ms. Winfrey. However, she might want to sneak off to a broom closet with her personal laptop and check out She-Conomy by Stephanie Holland to get all kinds of late-breaking info about who has the bucks in this country. Or maybe catch some of the great wisdom about marketing to women by Marti Barletta. Maybe even invite Stephanie and Marti to present. Hell, Oprah could do a gigantic segment on women entrepreneurs in the second half, from starting-out-on-a-shoestring to Fortune 500 CEOs (all 20 of them).
Oprah seems to be assuming women our age (ahem – her age) aren’t still on a path to conquer old demons and new worlds. But maybe I’m reading her wrong, and what she really meant to say was this:
By the time you’re 40, 42, let alone 60, 70, 80, and up, you’re so completely awesome that I can’t think of anything else I can tell you.
Or this:
I’m only 58. I need to restart my own growth curve and I haven’t quite figured out how to do that. Any ideas?
Yes, Oprah. Start hanging out around Any Shiny Thing, where we could illuminate a small planet with all the wisdom, friendship and warmth we generate! Ladies and gents of AST, what would you advise Miss Oprah to do, personally or regarding her business? Any ideas? And keep it friendly.
Thanks to my friend Sarah Stockton for alerting me to this intriguing article in the first place. It appeared in the NY Times on November 29.
Aging with Grace
I asked my friend Nanci, at long last retired from her career in K-12 education (as a teacher and principal) how she is adjusting to all her free time. Nanci, in her early sixties, has a brilliant, introspective, ethical and spiritual mind. You might remember her from these skydiving pictures. She’s no wuss. Here’s what she wrote recently, and I think it exemplifies transitioning with grace as we age:a
Last week I went to a kayak class in our local Ocean Kayak Clinic. It offers lots of classes from kayak surfing, rolling, expeditions, crabbing and rescues. My neighbor, Roy, and I thought that we might take rescue together, since we often kayak and it would be good to be able to help each other and ourselves should we capsize. I had taken the same class 8 years ago and felt that it was a good class to have and to repeat.aIt was a cold, rainy day… there were eight of us in the class. I was one of two women and the oldest in the class. I feel that I am a pretty accomplished kayaker, but in this class I was terrible. I was able to help others, but every time it was my turn in the water I could not get back into my boat, except with a ton of help. I remember being in classes with other “lame” (IMO) people and was embarrassed for them and wondered why they were even in the classes.aEventually the class ended and I took my very chilled and soggy body home. I then ruminated on what exactly this means for me. Should I work to regain upper body strength (although I do yoga regularly and it’s not usually a problem for me) or should I just not do any hard kayaking where I might get in trouble or perhaps there may be some other ways to think about the experience.aI hosted a Tapas Party a few days later with a bunch of “foodie” friends, including my wonderful yoga teacher. During the conversation, someone asked me about my class…I laughed and said, “True confessions”, and told the group of my struggle.aLaura, my teacher, said, “Well, Nanci, what I hear is benevolence of spirit.”AAnd she was right…and this is my real learning from this experience. Because for most of my life I would have been totally humiliated and would have slithered home and berated myself for days. I would never have shared my experience for the sheer embarrassment of it. For once, I had accepted and loved myself enough to be able to just contemplate what this meant in the realm of my life, without severe judgement. And it felt good. I’m not sure if this is a gift of age, or if it is a late learning for me. It is something I wish I could pass on to young people who live in the shame and embarrassment that I have carried with me all these years. Imagine what we could accomplish as humans if we could be self loving. Benevolence of spirit, what a wonderful term and a life expanding concept!
Nanci, I’m inspired by your words, and happy you’ve found that sweet place of self-appreciation. Unfortunately, it probably is something the kids will have to wait and work for, because I think it mainly comes with age. Thanks for letting me share your story.
Boomers Renegotiate Old Ties
Recently, I was surprised when my sister asked me to start using her formal name – something I’ve rarely done. She said the family nickname has been bugging her for fifty-six years. At first I felt kind of weird about it, even though of course I knew she had the right. Then I thought, hey, pretty cool. She’s at That Age. No more compromising on this point. She’s renegotiating her relationship with the family.
I checked with my friends at Kevorkian Estates, and this renegotiating thing seems to be going around. “I never really got along with my brother,” said my friend Joan. “For years we avoided each other because we have nothing in common and frankly, we grate on each other. But I’m older now. We’re family, and I miss that. I’m willing to make some concessions.”
It’s not just distant siblings who are renegotiating long-time relationships. Wives are throwing down the gauntlet.
“We either change or I’m out of here,” Maureen told her husband. Now that they were retired, he was getting super-clingy. She loved him, but needed more space. After some heated discussions and a bit of cold shoulder, they thawed out enough to agree that she would take a few solo weekend vacations every year, and he wouldn’t get mad or feel unloved. It wasn’t perfect, but it works for them.
Some of my buddies said they feel more whole within themselves, or more confident; they no longer need the affirmation of others, or compliance from others, to feel respected. But there was no solid agreement! For example, Kathy said, “I’m sixty-six and I’m more mellow. My friends don’t have to be 100% in tune with me. Now, I can settle for less and be cool with it.” Her friend Sandra stared at her, indignant. “I’m too old to pretend. If they can’t handle me, the hell with them.”
Sometimes an issue might be a deal-breaker, causing a long-time relationship to fade away. That happened with me, and I’ll never stop missing my dear friend, but as we matured, I got frustrated with her heroic resignation to martyrdom. She’s “happy” and it’s her life, but I can’t hang with her now. I get frustrated. I keep wanting to fix her! So now we live separate lives. I’m sad about it, but we both have the power to choose.
But in regard to my sister, her demand for authenticity sparked my own. What might I ask of her? Is there something I’ve been soft-pedaling that I might be able to come clean about and ask her to respect now? For example, I might ask her to stifle the politics, since we’re polar opposites on that score. She might agree, and then we can move forward, respecting each other’s choices.
Have you renegotiated an old relationship? How’d that go for you?
Recent Comments