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  • Review of Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg

    Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to LeadLean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg
    My rating: 5 of 5 stars

    As I read Lean In, I was intrigued at being able to get inside the head of a dynamic, smart woman who is one generation younger than me, and see the corporate world through her eyes. One of the cultural questions she answered for me was this: why are younger women so averse to the terms "feminist" and "feminism"? Apparently, Sheryl Sanders and her contemporaries believe(d) the following:

    1. Equality having arrived, there's no need for feminism anymore
    2. Feminists are man-haters who resist makeup and the shaving of one's legs

    Okay, #2 was a bit tongue-in-cheek. However, having observed conditions in the real world for a few years now, Sanders has come to see that the playing field is not and will not be level until more women occupy positions of power in the corporate hierarchy. She doesn't suggest that this is due to any malicious intent on the part of men, but rather it's simply a matter of ignorance.

    To illustrate, she describes having to park far away from her office door when hugely and uncomfortably pregnant. When she designated preferred parking spots to accommodate pregnant workers, no one complained. It was seen as logical. But prior to her taking her place in the C-suite, the issue hadn't been raised.

    Sanders talks about not slowing down out of consideration for what might happen in the nebulous future. The example she gives, now famous, is of a young woman confiding her fears of not wanting to accept a job with a lot of responsibility due to the impact it might have on her family. The woman was planning ahead - she didn't even have a boyfriend yet.

    With this example, Sanders makes the point that women, having been highly trained and educated, are waving off promotional opportunities. The jury is still out as to why, but she suggests, and I agree, that part of the reason is this: in corporate America, a woman's decision to go through pregnancy, childbirth, lactation, and child-rearing is viewed as a private matter that should not impact her ability to work long hours and irregular schedules, including lengthy and frequent travel as needed. Rightly fearing this may drive her insane, a woman who wants a family may leap off the corporate ladder at a very early stage.

    Sanders argues that if a young woman stayed on it long enough to secure a more powerful position, she would be able to exert more control over her work life (a perspective the young woman must trust will happen, since at her current low place on the corporate ladder she can only see her lack of power and control.) After a few promotions, she will be able to delegate some of her work to subordinates, afford more help at home, and influence workplace policies that unfairly impact women and families. Who can find fault with this argument?

    Sanders is honest about her own mistakes, and I found that charming. For example, I was amazed that, for all her intelligence and education, she didn't originally intend to negotiate her starting salary with Facebook. Luckily a nice man (her husband) set her straight, and she made a counter offer to Zuckerberg. Reams of guidance have been written about how this error could have impeded her in later years, both at Facebook and with future employers, yet she didn't know. For other women who have not yet made this horrifying discovery, please read Ask for It by Babcock and Laschever (http://www.amazon.com/Ask-Women-Power...) which in addition to being enlightening and entertaining, offers tons of strategies for preparing yourself to negotiate. And not just for salaries. After reading that book I saved $150 on furniture I was going to buy anyway, by asking one question.

    But back to Lean In.

    I was also surprised that she wasn't well informed about how women can sabotage other women in the workplace, particularly women in power. This is an unfortunate truth with roots in biology, and is brilliantly explained in the amazing book, In the Company of Women by Heim and Murphy (http://www.amazon.com/Company-Women-I...) which I reviewed here:
    http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/... This also suggests the reasons Sanders was hit with such a backlash for the well-intentioned Lean In.

    There is so much more to say about Lean In, but let me close with this: I enjoyed learning how this stellar corporate executive struggled, made mistakes, and ultimately learned some strategies that will enable her, her family, and the women (and men) in her corporation to thrive. It's not perfect, and sometimes it's not even pretty, but part of the lesson is to let go of the need for perfection.

    The other message, younger women, is to get as far and as fast as you can before starting your families. Don't opt out just because it looks too hard from where you're sitting now. The view improves with each rung on the ladder.

    View all my reviews

Facebook Erases Me, and I Feel Liberated

A couple days ago my Timeline and Activity Log on Facebook disappeared. Three years of posts, links, and interaction erased! All that remained of me on FB were my About page and photos. I was outraged! I was in despair! So much of my life history zapped into nothingness. How dare they! (Ha ha. Like Facebook owes me anything. A good wake-up call.)

Silver Lining #1

Soon, I got my brains back. I remembered that as a Boomer, I grew up without any of this electronic crap. How important was it, really? Sure, if the photos were ever lost, that would be a bummer, but with digital photography, I’ve got so many photos on my hard drive right now, would I even notice?

Silver Lining #2

But all that Internet history erased, lost as a historical record. I would never be able to back and access it again. And then I thought – Really? Would I ever have done that, seriously? And don’t I feel better to have that big chunk of data scrubbed from their data base? Kind of a relief, even though I’m not one to post topless photos of myself smoking a bong. But still. Clean slate!

Silver Lining #3

Have you ever wondered what you’d do if one of your networks became unusable, say they started charging or went belly-up or redesigned the site in a way that you hated?

When I thought FB erased me, I quickly made an alternate plan. I would leave my page intact, but add a referral to my profile on Google+, LinkedIn, or somewhere else. Who cares where? There’ll always be a place to “live” on the Internet.

Because here’s another stupid situation that suddenly provides a brilliant solution: Have you ever felt frustrated that you’re connecting with the same people on multiple networks? (i.e. Twitter, FB, LinkedIn, Pinterest, Goodreads, Google+, etc.)? Doesn’t it seem like overkill? What good is all that duplication?

However, it could be useful, because if you left one platform, you could go somewhere else and most of your friends would still be in touch with you. (If you’re one of those people with 20,000 Twitter followers, I’m sorry. I guess.)

Maybe that’s how this saturation of social networking is going to end up. The people who really like what we have to say, or want to keep up with what we’re doing, will always be with us. The rest? They’ll churn and reattach, to us somehow, or to someone else.

The upside of all this crazy profusion of platforms is we’re all cross-networking. And the result of that? I think we become our own presence, our own brand. If one platform is sold or shuts down or becomes a corporate asshole, we pivot to another. Our followers follow, because we’ve made it a point to be WORTH following. And life goes on. This, I think, is the future, and the only path to true independence as a web-reliant entrepreneur.

For what it’s worth, Facebook restored my life. And I just really don’t care.

Leave a comment

43 Comments

  1. Great perspective! It’s amazing how quickly we decide the news feed, updates and history are necessary…when we’ve lived our entire lives without that source. Thanks!

    Reply
    • Cindy, our age gives us an amazing gift of perspective that the younger peeps don’t have, doesn’t it? I remember party lines and black rotary-dial phones, for example.

      Reply
  2. On Facebook, I’m definitely not worth following. I’m surprised they haven’t removed my profile for lack of a social life. I considered making one up, but I can’t even manage that. I quit LinkedIn because I had nothing to say. Sometimes I wonder why I even use these social media sites. Blogging is the only one of them all that I can sustain.

    Reply
  3. I am one of those who love all this Internet stuff. Losing what you did would be right up there with the Patriots losing in the playoffs. I commend you for you fast recovery. Maybe you have the makings of a new counseling website.

    Reply
  4. Ha! Hilarious, Lynn, and so true. I long for a week (at least) away from the E-monster to write, think, read, play (gasp) offline. Then again, I love being in touch, however remotely, with people I might otherwise lose track of. The important thing, I think, is to retain balance, and, as you so eloquently point out, to know that there are many options. Who knows what we’ll have in 5 years, or 10?

    Reply
    • Sheila (and Bob “Fitz”) I love the toys. When my babysitting gig lightens up a bit, I look forward to creating a robust channel on YouTube, even. But we get wedded to any one network at our peril. Better to be light on our feet.

      Reply
  5. Lynne,
    After taking workshops and webinars on Social Media, I’m still clueless. The other night, I discovered that I had 38 views on Jan. 27 on a blog I haven’t used in two years! That’s more than I get on my current blog. WTF? Just a couple of years ago, I felt like a technical whiz, but today, it’s like staring into a black hole of the unknown.

    As long as you still have your pics saved on your hard drive, you’re good. To be honest, I’m thinking of clearing out my own FB. It’s time to reinvent myself…for like the 17th time. Teehee.

    Reply
    • Reinvention is great, Vonnie! You’re always on top of life that way.

      Reply
    • Vonnie, I have the same thing! A blog I abandoned still gets more hits than my current one.

      Reply
      • Reminds of my traveling days-Marriott points and the United Gold card. Kept me traveling in the style I was accustomed to, but followers? Followers are for my writings, whether 140 digits or novels, and of course eventually followers are my gold card, for they too will keep me in the style I am accustomed to. I used to worry if heaven included books, but now I also wish for Twitter, Amazon, The Wall Street Journal, The Boston Globe and Any Shiny Thing. Do you think this is asking for too much? Oh, and one more thing shining thing, cats and dogs. Maybe that is two. Amen?

        Reply
  6. Pennie

     /  February 15, 2013

    I love the way you always find the positive in a negative situation.

    Reply
    • I’m a happy girl at heart. But the dark side is this: I hate being played, and I WILL find a way to prevent it in future. PS babysitting ends June 1. Hope to see you more then!!!

      Reply
  7. Ah, Lynne, this is quite thought-provoking. While we writers need social media (for the “social” aspect of being in touch with people in our otherwise-solitary existence, as well as to build our “platform”), putting ourselves out there definitely takes time away from what we say we want to do, WRITE. I’m finding it especially hard because I’m still working and running my own business (meaning I’m duplicating social networks, for my writing and for my biz). So no, I don’t do FB, but I still meet myself coming and going, ha!

    Reply
    • Oh, I know, Sis! I wrote this on my whiteboard the other day, but I have not yet adhered to it: 3Xday: check email. 2Xday: social netting. 1Xday: write. And the writing was supposed to be a giant chunk. Bummer.

      Reply
  8. Love your perspective. I don’t know if I would notice if they erased my personal things, but I use it for business for others…so maybe I would…hmmm….if they erased me would I not be able to post for them? Conundrum. And, I spelled that right! Wow!

    Reply
    • Lee, since they only removed Timeline and Activity Log, I still had my About page, so figured I’d use it as a billboard, referring all viewers to my blog. And then I thought, cripes, I could do that with ANY network. Long as I have a place to refer them to. It was so freeing! As they say, a paradigm shift.

      Reply
  9. Like how someone used to feel if their home burned down. All their history. Journals, hand written letters, pictures…there are advantages to being on line and yet, as you’ve noted here, our history can be erased in a flash on line too.

    But it often leads to, as you’ve so positively spoken to here, a realization that it’s not all necessary.

    Reminds me of Mazuta Mazahide’s line, “Barn’s burnt down, now I can see the moon.”

    Reply
  10. It’s easy to get caught up in it all, but you’re right. The people who are genuinely interested in you will follow you where they can.

    Reply
  11. The same thing happened to me on Facebook, and it made me angry–especially since the little box on my page asked “What’s going on, Sandy?” Gee, if they didn’t know, we were all in trouble! Eventually everything was restored, but it sure made me realize how much I rely on Facebook to keep in touch with some people.

    Reply
  12. I’m with you, Lynne. While I do use FB, it is not my main platform though I do enjoy the social connections and photos. I use LinkedIn, Google+ and Twitter and that keeps me busy enough. It is a huge challenge to minimize distractions enough to get the actual writing done. And you are right. It’s not the end of the world.

    Reply
    • Kathy, you are the tech queen. There was a time in my young adulthood wherein my brother and I “competed” re salaries. When I’d get a raise, I’d tell him and vice versa, and we happily kept neck-and-neck for years. You and I are that way with author-tech. I love that you surprise me with new ideas and new tech accomplishments. Thanks for the inspiration.

      Reply
  13. Dawn Kohler

     /  February 15, 2013

    Hey Lynn

    Are you going to the conference this weekend.?

    Sent from my iPhone

    Reply
  14. OMG Lynne…this is a great post! My brain wires are so scrambled trying to keep track of all the social media that I can barely function in the real world. I think you are right, once we find the links we like, we never lose them even if the platform collapses due to technical difficulties. I love Any Shiny Thing and will track you down, not matter what happens out in cyberspace!

    Reply
    • Thanks, Pat. Ditto! And sorry about introducing you to GenFab. Now you’re even busier than before – but what a dynamic bunch, eh?

      Reply
  15. Lynne, I also miss snail mail, rotary phones, phone calls (where are my nickels?) – those were the days! I am curious why FB did they to you – do you know?

    I admit I am addicted to FB because I have a huge learning curve for gather information on the tech side of widening my audience for my blog. I read comments, read blogs, leave comments, share blogs. I need to WRITE more. Agh!

    I love your attitude and wisdom. Great post.

    Reply
    • Cathy, I don’t know why they did that but have since learned that it’s not unheard of! Kind of like a brown-out with home electricity. It flickers and then is restored. And I too am addicted to FB, for this reason: sometimes you just need to say something to a bunch of buddies, and hear back. Like yesterday, watching that cruise ship limp into port, my husband said, “They should load Congress onto it and tow it back out into the Gulf and leave it there until they solve the budget problem.” I just HAD to shoot that into the universe, and FB complied. Thanks for stopping by.

      Reply
  16. I appreciate this. I thought I lost four years of blog history and was devastated to think such a record of life experiences and relationships had vanished. Connection through social media is another story. I respect it, but I have to manage it. It can take over.

    Reply
  17. I have been surprised lately by my children (in their 30′s) leaving FB and deleting their profiles. My daughter got tired of her friends knowing her business- and my son had a funny picture of himself posted on a restaurant blog and voted the best picture. He was embarrassed. It’s funny because they got me on FB, and now they’re gone. i miss seeing their photos updates so much- it was an easy way to stay connected.

    Reply
    • Virginia, that is one of the most interesting things I’ve heard in months. Your kids are really smart. And your last sentence proves how this “new” tech stuff really does get under our skin. When my data was deleted, my first thought was, “I am bereft.” As if my cabin in Big Bear had burned with all the memories. And then I realized how dependent I had become on something over which I have no control, and the part of my brain that craves independence started working. Now I’m tempted to start deleting things, too.

      Reply
  18. I secretly hope the same thing happens to me….

    Reply
  19. I want to take a break from Facebook, just for like a month or two. I read somewhere that if you still have it deactivated after 30 days, all of your stuff will be erased. I have no idea if that’s true or not, but I wanted to make sure before I did it. I have years of pictures, notes, and messages that I really don’t want to be deleted. And when I reactivate it, will everything be there like nothing happened? Thanks in advance!

    Reply
    • Mike, I don’t know, but you might check the help tab on FB. Meanwhile, I’ll ask and if I learn anything, I’ll send you an email.

      Reply
  20. I’m a keeper, notes, letters, cards, all stuffed in crumbling boxes. I figure my “digital” life is a lot safer online, especially with the cloud access from anywhere. Looks like I’m odd man out here, because I would seriously mourn the loss of my collective electrons!

    Reply

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  • Lynne Spreen

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  • Review of Fierce with Age: Chasing God and Squirrels in Brooklyn

    Fierce with Age: Chasing God and Squirrels in BrooklynFierce with Age: Chasing God and Squirrels in Brooklyn by Carol Orsborn
    My rating: 5 of 5 stars

    When I saw the blog post, "Why You Should Treat Aging As A Mystical Journey"(http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-8682/w...), I thought I might have found a kindred spirit in the author, Carol Orsborn. When I read this book, Fierce with Age: Chasing God and Squirrels in Brooklyn, I knew for sure. Carol Orsborn is on to something that I, at age 59, am really hungry for. I want to know how to feel valuable, powerful and at peace in the second half of my life, while still fully functioning in a society that demeans, caricatures, and negates older people.

    Carol, who is a good writer, describes a story arc that begins with everything falling apart. She is unwanted and then fired from her job in a world that worships youth. She tries to fight aging by staying in the ring with the younger people, but it gives her no real sense of security. She keeps coming up with ideas for holding back time, only to fail over and over again. Telling of her disappointments, Carol does a good job of layering the blows, one atop the other until we are reeling with her. When everything has been tried, every avenue exhausted, what the hell do we do next? Lie down and die? But we’re old, not dead! How do we navigate this new country?

    Nearly immobilized with discouragement, Carol struggles with the questions I’ve wrangled with: So now what, at this age? Who am I without the accouterments of my earlier life? My job, my youth, my expertise in a particular field? If I’m not running the race, do I even have value?

    One night, in the middle of a furious electrical storm, she stands on her balcony, screaming and shaking her fist at God, daring Him to kill her now.

    And He tells her to get over herself.

    From this point, Carol begins to glimpse another, more powerful reality. A gigantic paradigm shift later, the unfurling of which she describes in the second half of the book, Carol is once again back on top, no longer burdened by but rather fierce with age. And we’re fierce right along with her.

    Carol is very skillful in using metaphor to describe her journey. Particularly satisfying is her change of heart regarding the story of Moses, wherein she finally understands that God was saying, “It's okay to get old. I love you just as you are. So should you.”

    The only problem I had with the book was the spiritual, God aspect. It’s not like Carol misled me. God is in the title. Since I am not a believer, however, some points left me a bit frustrated until I got a brainstorm and began replacing the term "conscious growth" with God, and it worked fine! Here's an example:

    Carol: To stop "doing" my personality and leave space for God requires...

    Lynne: To stop "doing" my personality and leave space for conscious growth requires...

    At some point on our nation's timeline, I believe people our age will stop trying to be young and start seeking and finding the intrinsic value of age. It takes courage, though, because so much of it is beyond our control. Carol makes the point that we have to develop the ability to be at peace with that, and with the strength of maturity, we ought to be able to.

    The reward is freedom to become our true selves, unbound by the constraints of society as currently drawn. As Carol says, "The one thing that is up to you is whether you will make getting old a tragedy, or embark upon it as another of life's great adventures."

    View all my reviews

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    9. Rock the Silver
    10. The Woman Doctor's Guide
    11. Life in the Boomer Lane
  • This Blog Got Five Stars!

beyondthea64's Blog

A great WordPress.com site

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David Kanigan: Inspiration, Ideas & Information

Waiting for the Karma Truck

Thoughts on work and life and everything in between

Deborah Batterman

there is a crack in everything . . . that's how the light gets in – Leonard Cohen

bobsbooksblog

A place of Elegant Review

Guerrilla Aging

Navigating the Third Half of Life

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The Woman Doctor's Guide

A guide to good health, women's wellness and getting it all done

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