Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
As I read Lean In, I was intrigued at being able to get inside the head of a dynamic, smart woman who is one generation younger than me, and see the corporate world through her eyes. One of the cultural questions she answered for me was this: why are younger women so averse to the terms "feminist" and "feminism"? Apparently, Sheryl Sanders and her contemporaries believe(d) the following:
1. Equality having arrived, there's no need for feminism anymore
2. Feminists are man-haters who resist makeup and the shaving of one's legs
Okay, #2 was a bit tongue-in-cheek. However, having observed conditions in the real world for a few years now, Sanders has come to see that the playing field is not and will not be level until more women occupy positions of power in the corporate hierarchy. She doesn't suggest that this is due to any malicious intent on the part of men, but rather it's simply a matter of ignorance.
To illustrate, she describes having to park far away from her office door when hugely and uncomfortably pregnant. When she designated preferred parking spots to accommodate pregnant workers, no one complained. It was seen as logical. But prior to her taking her place in the C-suite, the issue hadn't been raised.
Sanders talks about not slowing down out of consideration for what might happen in the nebulous future. The example she gives, now famous, is of a young woman confiding her fears of not wanting to accept a job with a lot of responsibility due to the impact it might have on her family. The woman was planning ahead - she didn't even have a boyfriend yet.
With this example, Sanders makes the point that women, having been highly trained and educated, are waving off promotional opportunities. The jury is still out as to why, but she suggests, and I agree, that part of the reason is this: in corporate America, a woman's decision to go through pregnancy, childbirth, lactation, and child-rearing is viewed as a private matter that should not impact her ability to work long hours and irregular schedules, including lengthy and frequent travel as needed. Rightly fearing this may drive her insane, a woman who wants a family may leap off the corporate ladder at a very early stage.
Sanders argues that if a young woman stayed on it long enough to secure a more powerful position, she would be able to exert more control over her work life (a perspective the young woman must trust will happen, since at her current low place on the corporate ladder she can only see her lack of power and control.) After a few promotions, she will be able to delegate some of her work to subordinates, afford more help at home, and influence workplace policies that unfairly impact women and families. Who can find fault with this argument?
Sanders is honest about her own mistakes, and I found that charming. For example, I was amazed that, for all her intelligence and education, she didn't originally intend to negotiate her starting salary with Facebook. Luckily a nice man (her husband) set her straight, and she made a counter offer to Zuckerberg. Reams of guidance have been written about how this error could have impeded her in later years, both at Facebook and with future employers, yet she didn't know. For other women who have not yet made this horrifying discovery, please read Ask for It by Babcock and Laschever (http://www.amazon.com/Ask-Women-Power...) which in addition to being enlightening and entertaining, offers tons of strategies for preparing yourself to negotiate. And not just for salaries. After reading that book I saved $150 on furniture I was going to buy anyway, by asking one question.
But back to Lean In.
I was also surprised that she wasn't well informed about how women can sabotage other women in the workplace, particularly women in power. This is an unfortunate truth with roots in biology, and is brilliantly explained in the amazing book, In the Company of Women by Heim and Murphy (http://www.amazon.com/Company-Women-I...) which I reviewed here:
http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/... This also suggests the reasons Sanders was hit with such a backlash for the well-intentioned Lean In.
There is so much more to say about Lean In, but let me close with this: I enjoyed learning how this stellar corporate executive struggled, made mistakes, and ultimately learned some strategies that will enable her, her family, and the women (and men) in her corporation to thrive. It's not perfect, and sometimes it's not even pretty, but part of the lesson is to let go of the need for perfection.
The other message, younger women, is to get as far and as fast as you can before starting your families. Don't opt out just because it looks too hard from where you're sitting now. The view improves with each rung on the ladder.
View all my reviews
Debbie
/ June 29, 2012I was stunned to hear of Nora’s death, too, Lynne. She wrote some entertaining things, and her voice was silenced too soon. Still, I find myself agreeing with your perspective, Sistah — we know we’re mere mortals, but I don’t want to dwell on that. I want to look into my female friends’ eyes and see them as the “girls” they once were, to celebrate the friendships we’ve made, to embrace life (with all its challenges and joys) for as long as we can! I don’t know if it’s “sad to be over sixty.” I know that every day, I find people younger than I am listed in the paper’s obituary column. I suspect they had regrets, too.
Lynne Spreen
/ June 29, 2012Debbie, thanks. I know we all have that “Nora side” to us, the dark side. But what’s the upside of letting it take over? We’re alive! Let’s enjoy it!
Hippie Cahier
/ June 29, 2012I need to preface this by saying that my general rule is to make my comments as positive as possible because I believe there’s enough bitterness in the world.
That said, I’m actually encouraged to read these words from Ephron. I’m really struggling with the pressure to be happy about being older. I’m not.
I know that it’s all about frame of mind and my own attitude toward it, but I’ve tried, really, really tried to stay young at heart and in mind and in body and in spirit.
I read what you and others write desperately hoping your optimism and joie de vivre will catch on, but it doesn’t.
I’m grateful that she was honest. Knowing that someone as accomplished and well-loved as she was had regrets actually makes me feel better. Not that she had regrets, but that it’s ok that I do.
Lynne Spreen
/ June 29, 2012Hippie, I respect that you have feelings unique to your own reality and experience. I wouldn’t want to tell anybody what they should feel. My own deal isn’t the same as yours. I would venture that what we do have in common is the struggle to find meaning, assess value (good or bad) to our experience, and in a million different ways get through it the best we can. Thanks for your thoughts. Stop by again. You won’t have any gauntlet to run next time!
Hippie Cahier
/ June 29, 2012My comment disappeared when I tried to post it. . . I wonder if that’s a message from the Universe.:-)
Kathy Shattuck
/ June 29, 2012Lynne, thank you for your comments on Nora Ephron. Your take and her take on life may differ, just as maybe yours and mine do. I know your POV is to see the upside, and to live life in a positive manner, after a certain age, as you write in your blog, I don’t agree with you,
We all want to make that effort to be strong, healthy, and positive, but I think you know we can’t all see these same things in the same way. We can only try to do our best, with what we’ve been give, pushing that best to give life a more positive view.
I laugh as much as I can. I spin life around to see it in as much light as I can. But there are just times when the physical body thumbs its nose at you. Hurting, either physically or mentally, can weaken that resolve.
As writers, we live in all of those moments; and as writers, we are to see those moments to enable us to write about them, being careful not to be bested by our own, not so sunny side, of those words.
Kathy Shattuck
/ June 29, 2012Lynne, a typo! I meant this to read, “I DON’T DISAGREE” with you.
Lynne Spreen
/ June 29, 2012Kathy, you’re not the only one pacing the floor at 3 a.m. It’s just a matter of trying to deal with the inevitable. Sometimes I get real negative, and then I drink too much wine and wallow. After a while, I get sick of myself and shake it off until next time. We all cope the best we can.
Laura
/ June 29, 2012I loved Nora and her work, and I have to believe that she knew she was facing her own mortality and that was reflected in what she wrote. As a 61 year old woman, I try not to look back, but ahead to all the bright days yet to come.
Laura
Lynne Spreen
/ June 29, 2012There’s no downside to that, Laura.
ziggityboomer
/ June 29, 2012On any given day, it sucks to be old and it’s awesome to be an elder. I have adjusted to the face in the mirror, the batwing underarms, the butt that’s so low to the ground, it’s practically a shovel. I have not quite adjusted to the spring that’s coming soon that I may not see, the autumn winds I’ll miss, and the heavy snowfall I won’t stick my tongue out in. My mother started collecting bittersweet at a certain age. I think I know why.
Lynne Spreen
/ June 29, 2012Zig, I shouldn’t laugh but I loved your shovel comment. Yah, we die. Big surprise. I’m beginning to think the trick is to pretend otherwise for as many hours of the day as possible.
KM Huber
/ June 29, 2012For most of my 60 years, I have been such an optimist and so extremely naïve yet it has provided me with a great deal of life. Now, I really focus on each moment for what it is–as best I can without interpretation–rather than running down the road to “fix” what may or may not be coming, my usual modus operandi. I do find the change most fulfilling, and I find myself a lot less in the future or the past but I do have my moments in those, too.
Great post.
Karen
Lynne Spreen
/ June 29, 2012Karen, I have a comparison: I was a naive writer at first. I didn’t know how hard it would be or how much I would do wrong – hundreds of pages of wrong. If I had been less “optimistic and naive”, as you say, I never would have started. Sometimes that’s better. Best wishes with staying in the moment.
ansuyo
/ June 29, 2012Lol. Old age does have its perks. It’s got a lot of awful things too. I sure would never want to go back to any time previous to where I am – loose neck and all. Now I’m going to have to go read her stories
Pat
/ July 1, 2012My life too was shaped by Nora’s writing. Although, I agree that the sentiments expressed in her last book were negative, I understand the source of the bitterness. Bearing chronic pain and illness wears down one’s spirit and chips away at one’s soul. But Nora, never one to mince her words, remained honest and true to her self until the end. Thanks for sharing this heartfelt reflection on an admirable woman’s courage in her last act. I only wish she could be around to hear the applause at the last curtain call.
Lynne Spreen
/ July 1, 2012Pat, I know you speak with authority on the issue of chronic pain and illness. Would you consider doing a post on your blog about how to get through it? It would benefit so many.
Susan's Story
/ July 1, 2012An inspiration ! RIP NE and thanks, Lynne
Toni Kief
/ July 6, 2012She has left a legacy. Every one of her books were perfect at the time I read them. I gave them to a friend who just turned 50 this week. She is reading, laughing and told me that you have to be into your 50′s to come close to appreciating her profound humor. Now what will I read when I turn 70? Something you have written perhaps?
Lynne Spreen
/ July 6, 2012Toni, I promise to write something for you. If only I can write half as well as Nora!