• A STORY OF MIDLIFE TRIUMPH! ONLY $4.99 ON KINDLE

  • Recent Posts

  • Categories

  • Review of Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg

    Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to LeadLean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg
    My rating: 5 of 5 stars

    As I read Lean In, I was intrigued at being able to get inside the head of a dynamic, smart woman who is one generation younger than me, and see the corporate world through her eyes. One of the cultural questions she answered for me was this: why are younger women so averse to the terms "feminist" and "feminism"? Apparently, Sheryl Sanders and her contemporaries believe(d) the following:

    1. Equality having arrived, there's no need for feminism anymore
    2. Feminists are man-haters who resist makeup and the shaving of one's legs

    Okay, #2 was a bit tongue-in-cheek. However, having observed conditions in the real world for a few years now, Sanders has come to see that the playing field is not and will not be level until more women occupy positions of power in the corporate hierarchy. She doesn't suggest that this is due to any malicious intent on the part of men, but rather it's simply a matter of ignorance.

    To illustrate, she describes having to park far away from her office door when hugely and uncomfortably pregnant. When she designated preferred parking spots to accommodate pregnant workers, no one complained. It was seen as logical. But prior to her taking her place in the C-suite, the issue hadn't been raised.

    Sanders talks about not slowing down out of consideration for what might happen in the nebulous future. The example she gives, now famous, is of a young woman confiding her fears of not wanting to accept a job with a lot of responsibility due to the impact it might have on her family. The woman was planning ahead - she didn't even have a boyfriend yet.

    With this example, Sanders makes the point that women, having been highly trained and educated, are waving off promotional opportunities. The jury is still out as to why, but she suggests, and I agree, that part of the reason is this: in corporate America, a woman's decision to go through pregnancy, childbirth, lactation, and child-rearing is viewed as a private matter that should not impact her ability to work long hours and irregular schedules, including lengthy and frequent travel as needed. Rightly fearing this may drive her insane, a woman who wants a family may leap off the corporate ladder at a very early stage.

    Sanders argues that if a young woman stayed on it long enough to secure a more powerful position, she would be able to exert more control over her work life (a perspective the young woman must trust will happen, since at her current low place on the corporate ladder she can only see her lack of power and control.) After a few promotions, she will be able to delegate some of her work to subordinates, afford more help at home, and influence workplace policies that unfairly impact women and families. Who can find fault with this argument?

    Sanders is honest about her own mistakes, and I found that charming. For example, I was amazed that, for all her intelligence and education, she didn't originally intend to negotiate her starting salary with Facebook. Luckily a nice man (her husband) set her straight, and she made a counter offer to Zuckerberg. Reams of guidance have been written about how this error could have impeded her in later years, both at Facebook and with future employers, yet she didn't know. For other women who have not yet made this horrifying discovery, please read Ask for It by Babcock and Laschever (http://www.amazon.com/Ask-Women-Power...) which in addition to being enlightening and entertaining, offers tons of strategies for preparing yourself to negotiate. And not just for salaries. After reading that book I saved $150 on furniture I was going to buy anyway, by asking one question.

    But back to Lean In.

    I was also surprised that she wasn't well informed about how women can sabotage other women in the workplace, particularly women in power. This is an unfortunate truth with roots in biology, and is brilliantly explained in the amazing book, In the Company of Women by Heim and Murphy (http://www.amazon.com/Company-Women-I...) which I reviewed here:
    http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/... This also suggests the reasons Sanders was hit with such a backlash for the well-intentioned Lean In.

    There is so much more to say about Lean In, but let me close with this: I enjoyed learning how this stellar corporate executive struggled, made mistakes, and ultimately learned some strategies that will enable her, her family, and the women (and men) in her corporation to thrive. It's not perfect, and sometimes it's not even pretty, but part of the lesson is to let go of the need for perfection.

    The other message, younger women, is to get as far and as fast as you can before starting your families. Don't opt out just because it looks too hard from where you're sitting now. The view improves with each rung on the ladder.

    View all my reviews

Oprah Struggles to Reinvent Herself

O Magazine was started twelve years ago. How many articles do you think Oprah Winfrey has published about reinvention? Yet it seems even for the Big O, it’s not that easy. (Boomers everywhere hide a half-smile of schadenfreude.)

Used to be the only time we had to invent ourselves was in our late teens, early twenties.

“What are you going to do with your life?” was the big question. Now we have to recreate ourselves every decade or so due to job insecurity. Capitalism depends on creative destruction, and the United States is the envy of the world in the way our CEOs can toss workers into the garbage whenever the balance sheet needs more black ink.

Most of us are vulnerable. We’re the little guy, Joe Employee. We don’t have much power, unless you’re one of the few remaining union members and even they are pretty much toast. Witness the tens of thousands of highly trained and educated teachers who stay home every day, losing their edge as opposed to educating the next generation. But I digress.

Little Guy, take heart. You’re not alone. It seems Oprah is flailing about in her new life-phase. (Warning: mute this article because otherwise you’ll be force-fed an annoying commercial.)

Apparently Oprah’s reinvention has hit a rough patch. Her new cable channel is sucking wind. I feel her pain because I’ve been there, stepping off the cliff from where you are golden into a place where you are tin. You feel as if you’re twenty years old again, but not in a good way. In your new incarnation, you have little power or authority, and must slave away to rebuild it. But this time you’re forty or fifty or sixty or more.

In my late forties, I left a profession in which I’d established a twenty-seven year history and threw myself into freelancing. After ten years of trying and failing, changing my mind, feeling lost and/or depressed, wasting time, wasting money and learning things I’ll never need, I’ve finally figured out my new career. Apparently I’m a teacher and a writer. I’m so happy, it’s obviously the right choice.

From my new vantage point, I’d give younger people this advice: think of yourself as a small business. You may have to reshape it or carry it to an unexpected place, but this will be less jarring if you plan for it. What would you do if you were suddenly tossed from your current job?

Burnish that business called You, Inc.

WHILE YOU’RE EMPLOYED, learn everything you can, network with those who can further your career, keep your eye out to alternate but related industries, think of side businesses you can build in your spare time for emergency cash, and save your money. Living within your means is the ultimate power over the unpredictable future.

For the older people, my peers, this is something you’ve already discovered. If you need tips from your contemporaries about reinvention and finding work in mid-to-later-life, here are several:

I wish you success and contentment, and I hope you’ll take some comfort from knowing that the great Oprah is struggling, too.

Leave a comment

27 Comments

  1. So many of us have been forced into reinvention, but the majority of us don’t have the kind of financial cushion that Oprah has. However, reinvention can be fun and there is not timetable in life that says we have to be at a certain spot at a certain time. I am constantly reinventing myself in so many ways.
    Laura

    Reply
    • Good for you, Laura. I’ve heard the recipe for happiness is someone to love, something to do, and something to look forward to. Reinvention would definitely take care of the latter two.

      Reply
  2. “Living within your means is the ultimate power over the unpredictable future.” Great wisdom found in this sentence. As we go through life our future changes but we seem to hang on to old habits such as spending.
    Sometimes I think we hang on to the habit of thinking we must do what we have done in the past. I admire my sister-in-law Diane who has adjusted her sails to fit the changes in her life. She trained years ago as a teacher. Now at age 75 she has found she needs extra income. She has has always loved animals so now she earns extra income pet-sitting. She meets fascinating new people, enjoys the pets and earns extra income. We are never too old to re-invent ourselves. Maybe it helped Diane that at age 95 her mother volunteered to clean bubble-gum from under school desks. If I live to be 95 my aspiration is to follow in her foot steps and re-invent myself as a volunteer joyfully doing whatever needs to be done.

    Reply
    • Barbara, with that kind of role modeling, you won’t be able to slow down, ever! Thanks for the inspiration.

      Reply
  3. I told my sister once “I hate change,” and she laughed. “Then you’re living the wrong life.” It was funny, but impactful, too. Saplings stay upright because they bend with the wind. At any age, adaptation keeps us nimble and spiritually alive. Thank you, Lynne, for another great post. In my world, the week always starts on Friday.

    Reply
    • Linda, what a kind thing to say. I’m grinning from ear to ear. Fridays are awesome just for being Fridays, aren’t they? Even though I’ve been self-employed for the better part of ten years now, I still feel happier on Fridays! Enjoy your weekend.

      Reply
  4. Peggy

     /  March 9, 2012

    Wow…another good one, Lynn. I, was first a tech writer for 20 years before I got into corporate management. Then…I, too, left my last corporate job in my late 40s. I was Director of Operations for a large software firm in Denver. I made a wad ‘o dough, but hated every second of it. At 46, I said “adios,” started a Phd program in alternative health, bought a 30k electro-dermal machine (tests energy in the body) and opened an office in Evergeen, CO, “The Balanced Body.” I worked as a Naturopathic Practitioner and wrote a health column for a Colorado Magazine. During that time, I also became a metaphysical minister and officiated over weddings on the weekends. Then…I went through another transformation when we moved back home to California.

    Much more costly to open a naturopathic biz in CA, more expensive, and CA law frowns on alternative medicine (believe it or not) so I decided to open Moonforest Sanctuary and Anam Learning Center, a spiritual teaching center. We operated out of our home in Weaverville on our 5.5 acres in the forest as we looked for land and received backing…almost had it, too! Teachers and speakers lined up The local Buddhist Gonpa were set to put in a meditation garden and Quan Yin pond. A Modoc healer was going to put in a sweat lodge and medicine wheel. We were deep in negotiations with Pacific Yurts to build guest housing, and then…BAM…everything fell through. We lost our 8 million dollar funding and everything else, including our land and even our home. We lived for 2 years in a 1995 30 foot Pace Arrow, 8 feet wide, no slides. Boy, did we EVER learn to live within our means. During that time, I became a freelance writer, and taught a poetry class at a Charter School, so I guess I morphed into a teacher/writer, too. Now, I write novels…well, you know that. The end of the story is: I think women (and men, too) are called upon to reinvent themselves many times in their lives. That’s why the dragonfly has become my personal totem…even more than a butterfly, a dragonfly to me means “the power of transformation.”

    Reply
  5. Great advice! I admire the courage it took to pitch in the corporate life for a self made career and look forward to your insights each week on how to handle the one giant transition that no escapes…growing older.

    Reply
  6. Great advice, Lynne, regardless of the stage of life we’re at! Unlike Oprah, the majority of folks currently un- and under-employed don’t have a bucket load of money or time to cushion their search for the better life. You’re so right in nudging everyone to think of themselves as a small business, to save, and to be prepared for periodic reinvention. By the way, I like your new look!

    Reply
  7. We don’t have a TV, but I’d be willing to bet part of Oprah’s problem may be that she’s on a cable channel that people have to pay extra for now. Many of the women I know at this time get their news from their computers, and are not spending a heck of a lot of time sitting in front of a TV screen, but getting much of their entertainment now from computer chats, youtube, etc. Maybe Oprah should think about putting her show online where we might actually watch it?

    Reply
    • Peggy

       /  March 9, 2012

      I think you are right on the money (so to speak) Barbara. People live on budgets these days that don’t allow them to spend money on small luxuries. We don’t have t.v. in our home either, but I did see Oprah’s show a few times. I liked it, but I wouldn’t PAY to see it. I can see how being a superstar for so many years and finding herself out of the spotlight can really mess her up. She probably thought her star would never burn out, that she would never lose favor with the public, but sooner or later (albeit to a much different degree) almost all of us who have successfully climbed the ladder know what it feels like to slip down the rungs and have to find a new ladder, and start climing again. Starting over is just a little more challenging as get a little older, especially if we are inflexible and attempt to cling to a lifestyle that no longer fits ijnto our budget. Gotta change our priorities sometimes and learn to be happy no matter what. Not always easy.

      Reply
      • Right, Peggy, but after all the changing you’ve done, you KNOW you are the master of your life. Strong, yet flexible. Be the bamboo. Or some such. ;)

        Reply
  8. You nailed it, Lynne. But, the big O will survive and so will we. Congrats on the writing gig. :)

    Reply
  9. Peggy

     /  March 9, 2012

    Lynn, I read somewhere that the average person changes careers (not jobs, but careers) 7 times in their lifetime. So ain’t nuttin’ special in the changes I’ve gone through. We all have examples of reinventing ourselves. I love your advice to youngins’ and us “wise women,” too. Nicely done! Love the blog.

    Reply
  10. As the author of the first article you mentioned, “In 2012 Career Success is Up to You,” I think your advice is both helpful and accurate. There is much more freedom in today’s marketplace and we all know Janis Joplin’s definition of freedom. So it’s up to each of us to direct our choices, refocus when we need to, and keep moving forward… just like you’ve done. Kudos on your fabulous blog–you’re a role model for each of us!

    Reply
  11. Another great discussion,Lynne on a very relevant topic of using failure to reinvent ourselves. Years ago, when I was a single parent struggling to find the best job to support my two children, I ended up working in nursing administration (best pay, daytime hours=monumental stress) At the mercy of a new hospital administration who decided they wanted to clean house, i found myself without a job. Luckily I was given a severance package to find comparable position. During the transition period, I went cross-country skiing with a girlfriend who asked me a very simple question that stopped me dead in my tracks: “What do you really want to do?” It took me years later, but I eventually found my heart’s desire and it wasn’t administration, it was clinical nursing. I went on to become a family nurse practitioner and spent the last 15 years of my career doing what I loved best. Of course, life is filled with transitions and changes and now I have reinvented myself as a writer after retiring from my beloved nursing profession. Change is scary but there’s always the opportunity to grow in new ways. And if Oprah can do it, so can we. Great post and discussion,Lynne! Thank you :-)

    Reply
    • Kathy, one testimonial is worth ten “what if’s?” Thanks for the testimonial. I hope you will not miss it too badly but from where I sit it appears you’re up to your eyeballs in your new gig! Best wishes.

      Reply
  12. PS, Lynne, I meant to tell you I love your new look!

    Reply
  13. I just shared this Lynne-another timely topic thoughtfully reviewed—-I’m in the middle of editing a novel written a while ago about one woman’s reinvention—-only she took that path before it had a name—reinvention is almost sexy nowadays—you read in mags about this one and that one taking the leap and landing on their feet…but for every success story, there must be as many that aren’t—-we don’t read much about that—-if anyone had the odds in her favor, Oprah sure did—What she didn’t plan on was the economy bottoming out—back when OWN was a ‘new’ idea-in 2006-the mood was much different—-
    Reinvention is risky business—even for women like Oprah–
    thanks Lynne–you always get me going…:)

    Reply
    • Thank YOU, MM. I do know of several buddies who are striving for the joy of reinvention but mostly dealing with the horror of “it ain’t happenin’”. So much of that is due to the economy. I sure hope they find their gear soon. And yes, reinvention these days is almost a requirement. Sometimes I fantasize about reinventing myself into a patio potato.

      Reply
  14. Linda

     /  March 13, 2012

    Great article. I’ve been “forced” into reinvention a few times myself through layoffs and reorganizations. But one thing I’ve learned is that no matter how awful it seems at the time, it’s not the end of world and is actually, sometimes, a blessing.

    Reply
    • You aren’t kidding, Linda. I think I mentioned somewhere that I still have my corporate costumes hanging in my guestroom closet, because it’s the very last vestige of when I was an exec. But now I don’t define myself that way, and I am so much freer to be who I am. Thanks for the reminder.

      Reply
  15. Boy, I’m coming to this party late. For some reason, I had stopped getting your posts. Re Oprah: I think what Oprah failed to see was that people watched her show not for the subject matter per se, but for her presentation and interaction with it. I watched Oprah all the time, but I’ve never watched the O channel. Re reinvention: Interesting piece in Huff/post recently on how the over 50 brain is wired for reinvention. Agreed, agreed, agreed.

    Reply
  16. Renee, I love hearing from you. I saw your flurry of comments. Hope you are well. But yeah, about Oprah, she goes from being a dirt-floor, outdoor-plumbing kinda girl to one who doesn’t know how to pump her own gas (as depicted in the road trip she took with Gail a few years ago.) If I were as successful as her I admit it would be hard to avoid getting into the bubble.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

  • Lynne Spreen

  • Follow LynneSpreen on Twitter
  • my read shelf:
    Lynne Spreen's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
  • Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

    Join 2,269 other followers

  • Review of Fierce with Age: Chasing God and Squirrels in Brooklyn

    Fierce with Age: Chasing God and Squirrels in BrooklynFierce with Age: Chasing God and Squirrels in Brooklyn by Carol Orsborn
    My rating: 5 of 5 stars

    When I saw the blog post, "Why You Should Treat Aging As A Mystical Journey"(http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-8682/w...), I thought I might have found a kindred spirit in the author, Carol Orsborn. When I read this book, Fierce with Age: Chasing God and Squirrels in Brooklyn, I knew for sure. Carol Orsborn is on to something that I, at age 59, am really hungry for. I want to know how to feel valuable, powerful and at peace in the second half of my life, while still fully functioning in a society that demeans, caricatures, and negates older people.

    Carol, who is a good writer, describes a story arc that begins with everything falling apart. She is unwanted and then fired from her job in a world that worships youth. She tries to fight aging by staying in the ring with the younger people, but it gives her no real sense of security. She keeps coming up with ideas for holding back time, only to fail over and over again. Telling of her disappointments, Carol does a good job of layering the blows, one atop the other until we are reeling with her. When everything has been tried, every avenue exhausted, what the hell do we do next? Lie down and die? But we’re old, not dead! How do we navigate this new country?

    Nearly immobilized with discouragement, Carol struggles with the questions I’ve wrangled with: So now what, at this age? Who am I without the accouterments of my earlier life? My job, my youth, my expertise in a particular field? If I’m not running the race, do I even have value?

    One night, in the middle of a furious electrical storm, she stands on her balcony, screaming and shaking her fist at God, daring Him to kill her now.

    And He tells her to get over herself.

    From this point, Carol begins to glimpse another, more powerful reality. A gigantic paradigm shift later, the unfurling of which she describes in the second half of the book, Carol is once again back on top, no longer burdened by but rather fierce with age. And we’re fierce right along with her.

    Carol is very skillful in using metaphor to describe her journey. Particularly satisfying is her change of heart regarding the story of Moses, wherein she finally understands that God was saying, “It's okay to get old. I love you just as you are. So should you.”

    The only problem I had with the book was the spiritual, God aspect. It’s not like Carol misled me. God is in the title. Since I am not a believer, however, some points left me a bit frustrated until I got a brainstorm and began replacing the term "conscious growth" with God, and it worked fine! Here's an example:

    Carol: To stop "doing" my personality and leave space for God requires...

    Lynne: To stop "doing" my personality and leave space for conscious growth requires...

    At some point on our nation's timeline, I believe people our age will stop trying to be young and start seeking and finding the intrinsic value of age. It takes courage, though, because so much of it is beyond our control. Carol makes the point that we have to develop the ability to be at peace with that, and with the strength of maturity, we ought to be able to.

    The reward is freedom to become our true selves, unbound by the constraints of society as currently drawn. As Carol says, "The one thing that is up to you is whether you will make getting old a tragedy, or embark upon it as another of life's great adventures."

    View all my reviews

  • Blogs I Follow

    1. beyondthea64's Blog
    2. Lead.Learn.Live.
    3. Not quite at my wits' end...yet
    4. Waiting for the Karma Truck
    5. Deborah Batterman
    6. bobsbooksblog
    7. Guerrilla Aging
    8. krpooler.com
    9. Rock the Silver
    10. The Woman Doctor's Guide
    11. Life in the Boomer Lane
  • This Blog Got Five Stars!

beyondthea64's Blog

A great WordPress.com site

Lead.Learn.Live.

David Kanigan: Inspiration, Ideas & Information

Waiting for the Karma Truck

Thoughts on work and life and everything in between

Deborah Batterman

there is a crack in everything . . . that's how the light gets in – Leonard Cohen

bobsbooksblog

A place of Elegant Review

Guerrilla Aging

Navigating the Third Half of Life

Rock the Silver

MIDLIFE MAGIC

The Woman Doctor's Guide

A guide to good health, women's wellness and getting it all done

Life in the Boomer Lane

Musings of a former hula hoop champion

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 2,269 other followers

%d bloggers like this: