Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
As I read Lean In, I was intrigued at being able to get inside the head of a dynamic, smart woman who is one generation younger than me, and see the corporate world through her eyes. One of the cultural questions she answered for me was this: why are younger women so averse to the terms "feminist" and "feminism"? Apparently, Sheryl Sanders and her contemporaries believe(d) the following:
1. Equality having arrived, there's no need for feminism anymore
2. Feminists are man-haters who resist makeup and the shaving of one's legs
Okay, #2 was a bit tongue-in-cheek. However, having observed conditions in the real world for a few years now, Sanders has come to see that the playing field is not and will not be level until more women occupy positions of power in the corporate hierarchy. She doesn't suggest that this is due to any malicious intent on the part of men, but rather it's simply a matter of ignorance.
To illustrate, she describes having to park far away from her office door when hugely and uncomfortably pregnant. When she designated preferred parking spots to accommodate pregnant workers, no one complained. It was seen as logical. But prior to her taking her place in the C-suite, the issue hadn't been raised.
Sanders talks about not slowing down out of consideration for what might happen in the nebulous future. The example she gives, now famous, is of a young woman confiding her fears of not wanting to accept a job with a lot of responsibility due to the impact it might have on her family. The woman was planning ahead - she didn't even have a boyfriend yet.
With this example, Sanders makes the point that women, having been highly trained and educated, are waving off promotional opportunities. The jury is still out as to why, but she suggests, and I agree, that part of the reason is this: in corporate America, a woman's decision to go through pregnancy, childbirth, lactation, and child-rearing is viewed as a private matter that should not impact her ability to work long hours and irregular schedules, including lengthy and frequent travel as needed. Rightly fearing this may drive her insane, a woman who wants a family may leap off the corporate ladder at a very early stage.
Sanders argues that if a young woman stayed on it long enough to secure a more powerful position, she would be able to exert more control over her work life (a perspective the young woman must trust will happen, since at her current low place on the corporate ladder she can only see her lack of power and control.) After a few promotions, she will be able to delegate some of her work to subordinates, afford more help at home, and influence workplace policies that unfairly impact women and families. Who can find fault with this argument?
Sanders is honest about her own mistakes, and I found that charming. For example, I was amazed that, for all her intelligence and education, she didn't originally intend to negotiate her starting salary with Facebook. Luckily a nice man (her husband) set her straight, and she made a counter offer to Zuckerberg. Reams of guidance have been written about how this error could have impeded her in later years, both at Facebook and with future employers, yet she didn't know. For other women who have not yet made this horrifying discovery, please read Ask for It by Babcock and Laschever (http://www.amazon.com/Ask-Women-Power...) which in addition to being enlightening and entertaining, offers tons of strategies for preparing yourself to negotiate. And not just for salaries. After reading that book I saved $150 on furniture I was going to buy anyway, by asking one question.
But back to Lean In.
I was also surprised that she wasn't well informed about how women can sabotage other women in the workplace, particularly women in power. This is an unfortunate truth with roots in biology, and is brilliantly explained in the amazing book, In the Company of Women by Heim and Murphy (http://www.amazon.com/Company-Women-I...) which I reviewed here:
http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/... This also suggests the reasons Sanders was hit with such a backlash for the well-intentioned Lean In.
There is so much more to say about Lean In, but let me close with this: I enjoyed learning how this stellar corporate executive struggled, made mistakes, and ultimately learned some strategies that will enable her, her family, and the women (and men) in her corporation to thrive. It's not perfect, and sometimes it's not even pretty, but part of the lesson is to let go of the need for perfection.
The other message, younger women, is to get as far and as fast as you can before starting your families. Don't opt out just because it looks too hard from where you're sitting now. The view improves with each rung on the ladder.
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I saw the same sentiment in a book I mentioned recently, Saving the Best for Last. The authors apparently felt it was important enough to put it in chapter one. When her friend died, Renee Fisher decided that she would view every year as a gift, and she would own her age, whatever it was. If anyone tells her now that she doesn’t look her age, she looks them in the eye like, what did you expect? and says, “This is what sixty looks like.”
Laura
/ December 23, 2011As someone who is turning 61 in a few days, I SO GET THIS. We live in such a youth oriented and age obsessed world. I am me, no matter what age I am. I don’t want to be judged by, explain, or make excuses for my age no matter what it is. I have friends in their 30′s and friends in their 80′s. I don’t treat any of them differently. I just like them for the people they are. I hope you have a very Merry Christmas.
Laura
Lynne Spreen
/ December 23, 2011Merry Christmas to you, too, Laura, and happy birthday.
Diana
/ December 27, 2011I agree with Laura…I just want to be me.
Life in the Boomer Lane
/ December 23, 2011When I saw the title of your post, I thought “Hurray!,” then I saw my photo and got confused (I get confused a lot). Then I started reading, and I smiled. Thank you for the shout out, dear Lynn. Have a glorious holiday, befitting a powerful, beautiful, loving fifty-seven year old woman.
Lynne Spreen
/ December 23, 2011Hey Renee, you just have to bear the burden of having inspired this post. I was first struck by the thought when you mentioned it at your reading in Hemet. But I understand. I’ll find you inspiration from a sister. In the meantime, happy holidays, my friend.
Linda Robinson
/ December 23, 2011My sister (and I’m sad to report, Marianne Williamson) said that 50 is the new 30. I had a tshirt made for me in sparkly rivets that reads “60 is the new 60.” My mother used to say “consider the alternative” when someone was vocally displeased with any age. One day in the not-too-distant future we will be in line in the grocery store, and see age-appropriate faces on the covers of magazines. And the whole world will relax and enjoy the entirety of a life. I hope soon.
Lynne Spreen
/ December 23, 2011“And the whole world will relax and enjoy the entirety of a life.” Wow. I feel like making a sign for my office, or my front yard! A new Christmas greeting: And the tee shirt is a fab idea too, one I plan to steal. Thanks, Linda.
Vonnie
/ December 23, 2011Lynne,
The other night, I was out with a couple of friends around my age (58) and I started in about how this country doesn’t respect the elders like other countries. One friend (who has an upcoming juvederm appt) speaks up and says, “Yes they do, we’re the baby boomers!” I said, you think that younger people respect us because we’re baby boomers?” She said of course and that she’s never had a problem. Fortunately for her, I suppose, she’s forgotten the day we were out shopping and she asked a guy in the parking lot to move his cart out from behind her car. He said, “Wow, what a bitch, no wonder you have so many wrinkles!” She went home and cried the rest of the day. Oh yeah, that’s respect for ya.
Lynne Spreen
/ December 23, 2011Vonnie I can’t believe your friend thinks people respect us cuz we’re boomers. Kind of the opposite, I would think, since with the purity of youth and an as-yet-unlived life, they can look at us (as we did our parents’ generation) and think, wow, what a bunch of self-serving, materialistic bastards! But more to the point, I am hoping that one benefit of our age is we don’t care what people think of us…no more Juvederm, no getting rattled by rude people of any age. That’s my Christmas wish anyway. Thanks for the comment, my friend.
Libbye A. Morris
/ December 23, 2011Lynne, I always enjoy reading your posts! My sister died of breast cancer at age 45. I was 41 then, and I decided I would never complain about my age if I lived longer than her. I am now 50, and I no longer apologize for my age. Each new year is a gift! She would have given anything to see 50.
Joyce Bell Kramer
/ December 23, 2011Lynne, I couldn’t agree more, and I appreciate your sharing my quote from Saving the Best for Last. That was at 50. Next month I turn 70 and my sentiments are the same! I love aging, despite the challenges and my random memory. I am blessed. And yup, 70 is the new 70!
krpooler
/ December 23, 2011Lynne,When I was 50 ,I was diagnosed with Stage 4 NonHodgkins Lymphoma so each year after that when I have been graced with yet another birthday, I have rejoiced in being around for another year. Life is a gift and age a minor detail. I love your message of “saving the best for last.”I’ll take whatever I can get. My Mother just celebrated her 89th birthday and I’m lucky to catch her on the phone in between her going to the YMCA, visiting friends and volunteering at the local Foodbank
Love your posts,Lynne!
Lynne Spreen
/ December 23, 2011Kathy, your mom is an inspiration. Tell her Merry Christmas from me!
Debbie
/ December 23, 2011Merry Christmas, my sistah, and enjoy your brief respite! Once again, you’ve penned a truly meaty post. I experience the same thing when people tell me I don’t look my age. I’ve had this all my life (must be the blonde hair!). What does age say about someone, other than perhaps more experience? And why don’t men get this kind of comment? Hmmm…
Lynne Spreen
/ December 23, 2011Oh, good point, Deb. On a not very related note, I once heard Willie on Morning Joe say to Katty Kay, “You look rested.” Katty blanched, because that’s code for facelift, and it was clear to anybody with eyes that she had just had a fabulous one…
Betsy
/ December 24, 2011Thanks for this Lynne. As someone about to turn 60, I’m looking forward to using the ‘This is what 60 looks like’ if anyone makes a comment on my age. You’re right about the ‘rested’ comment as well. If people say ‘You look tired’ you know they mean ‘You look old!’ I must also say that I have the fabulous example of my 93 year-old mother-in-law who never used or uses any creams, potions, etc. , has had beautiful very white hair for years and was still driving herself to her volunteer job at age 91. Go Beryl!
Lynne Spreen
/ December 24, 2011Betsy, I love your examples of your MIL. Thanks for the inspiration. In our culture, we’ve conflated the toll that the years take on your body with a decreasing value. NEW, NEW, NEW!!! is good. That’s the message we get across the media. So no surprise we look at a 60-yr-old and think “valueless”. Because her skin isn’t as pretty as an 11-yr-old’s. It’s us. Bravo for your MIL! We need to read more about women like her. Here is one. A 93-yr-old blogger on the Huffington Post: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rhoda-p-curtis/beginnings-endings-and-tr_b_1140548.html
The Itty Bitty Boomer
/ December 24, 2011My personal favorite is “How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?” …. age is simply a number … and who the heck cares anyway??? It’s all a state of mind … and this is what 61 looks like to me …
Happiest of Holidays to all …. you are such a fabulous group of women … I learn from you all daily!
Marie
Lynne Spreen
/ December 24, 2011Right back atcha, Marie. It’s a great group, isn’t it? Glad to have you along.
Mary
/ December 24, 2011Hi Lynne,
I’m so happy that I found your site. Wishing you a very Merry Christmas. May you always have love to share, health to spare and friends that care.
Warm regards,
Mary
Cyndy
/ December 25, 2011Ah, aging. How about turning 66 in 3 days? Ho! Ho! Ho! Actually, I am quite happy at this age–the most secure in myself than I have ever been. But I get the weird reactions, too. Like the pharmacy assistant who looked at my medicare card, then at me, then back at the card. I didn’t think her astounded look was a compliment.
Lynne Spreen
/ December 25, 2011She probably thought you faked the document! Glad you stopped by, Cyndy. Best wishes for a wonderful 2012.
Diana Crabtree
/ December 27, 2011This is the site I have been looking for….I like Facebook but no one is actually talking ……about feeling 61,being 61 or what might challenge you at 61.
Jean | Delightful Repast
/ January 3, 2012Reading this post was a fabulous way to start my day! Sadly, I am in the same situation as Libbye (a commenter above). And, much like Libbye, I often think “Janice would have been happy to be [whatever age].”
My husband and I once entertained a couple who were young enough to be our children. We were really hitting it off and I thought we were going to be friends. Until … something one of them said made my husband estimate their ages, and he said “Wow. I could have a kid your age.” You should have seen the look on their faces. They had thought we were much younger. And now that they knew we weren’t, forget about it! Never heard from them again.
Lynne Spreen
/ January 3, 2012Jean, I am never going to say that to anybody! When I have heard it, it makes me feel a sense of filial responsibility toward the person, and even though that feeling passes, it’s still there, hanging over us. I think this is a failing of mine, and also of the kids you refer to, but my sense was that I had something my friends couldn’t have, youth, and it made me feel guilty and fidgety. I have a couple of buddies who ARE my parents’ age, and I deliberately avoid any references that would make them aware of that, so age isn’t a factor and we can just be friends. That probably makes me look wimpy but so be it.