Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
As I read Lean In, I was intrigued at being able to get inside the head of a dynamic, smart woman who is one generation younger than me, and see the corporate world through her eyes. One of the cultural questions she answered for me was this: why are younger women so averse to the terms "feminist" and "feminism"? Apparently, Sheryl Sanders and her contemporaries believe(d) the following:
1. Equality having arrived, there's no need for feminism anymore
2. Feminists are man-haters who resist makeup and the shaving of one's legs
Okay, #2 was a bit tongue-in-cheek. However, having observed conditions in the real world for a few years now, Sanders has come to see that the playing field is not and will not be level until more women occupy positions of power in the corporate hierarchy. She doesn't suggest that this is due to any malicious intent on the part of men, but rather it's simply a matter of ignorance.
To illustrate, she describes having to park far away from her office door when hugely and uncomfortably pregnant. When she designated preferred parking spots to accommodate pregnant workers, no one complained. It was seen as logical. But prior to her taking her place in the C-suite, the issue hadn't been raised.
Sanders talks about not slowing down out of consideration for what might happen in the nebulous future. The example she gives, now famous, is of a young woman confiding her fears of not wanting to accept a job with a lot of responsibility due to the impact it might have on her family. The woman was planning ahead - she didn't even have a boyfriend yet.
With this example, Sanders makes the point that women, having been highly trained and educated, are waving off promotional opportunities. The jury is still out as to why, but she suggests, and I agree, that part of the reason is this: in corporate America, a woman's decision to go through pregnancy, childbirth, lactation, and child-rearing is viewed as a private matter that should not impact her ability to work long hours and irregular schedules, including lengthy and frequent travel as needed. Rightly fearing this may drive her insane, a woman who wants a family may leap off the corporate ladder at a very early stage.
Sanders argues that if a young woman stayed on it long enough to secure a more powerful position, she would be able to exert more control over her work life (a perspective the young woman must trust will happen, since at her current low place on the corporate ladder she can only see her lack of power and control.) After a few promotions, she will be able to delegate some of her work to subordinates, afford more help at home, and influence workplace policies that unfairly impact women and families. Who can find fault with this argument?
Sanders is honest about her own mistakes, and I found that charming. For example, I was amazed that, for all her intelligence and education, she didn't originally intend to negotiate her starting salary with Facebook. Luckily a nice man (her husband) set her straight, and she made a counter offer to Zuckerberg. Reams of guidance have been written about how this error could have impeded her in later years, both at Facebook and with future employers, yet she didn't know. For other women who have not yet made this horrifying discovery, please read Ask for It by Babcock and Laschever (http://www.amazon.com/Ask-Women-Power...) which in addition to being enlightening and entertaining, offers tons of strategies for preparing yourself to negotiate. And not just for salaries. After reading that book I saved $150 on furniture I was going to buy anyway, by asking one question.
But back to Lean In.
I was also surprised that she wasn't well informed about how women can sabotage other women in the workplace, particularly women in power. This is an unfortunate truth with roots in biology, and is brilliantly explained in the amazing book, In the Company of Women by Heim and Murphy (http://www.amazon.com/Company-Women-I...) which I reviewed here:
http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/... This also suggests the reasons Sanders was hit with such a backlash for the well-intentioned Lean In.
There is so much more to say about Lean In, but let me close with this: I enjoyed learning how this stellar corporate executive struggled, made mistakes, and ultimately learned some strategies that will enable her, her family, and the women (and men) in her corporation to thrive. It's not perfect, and sometimes it's not even pretty, but part of the lesson is to let go of the need for perfection.
The other message, younger women, is to get as far and as fast as you can before starting your families. Don't opt out just because it looks too hard from where you're sitting now. The view improves with each rung on the ladder.
View all my reviews
lifeintheboomerlane
/ December 16, 2011A great post. You’ve reminded me of other Bad Old Good Old Days items, and that sink was the actual one I used until recently in the 1912 house I’m living in. It’s easy to romanticize any past era, although I sure would like to re-experience a Congress in which “compromise” wasn’t a dirty word. I just noticed you book reviews. What a great idea!
Lynne Spreen
/ December 16, 2011Hi Renee, I mentioned your book in HuffPo today, here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/barbara-hannah-grufferman/what-post50-women-really-_b_1151691.html?ref=poll
Pat
/ December 16, 2011Oh so true. What I remember is that girls were sidelined completely, not only confined by under garments, but by rules that forbid “strenuous” exercise, the type of movement that they encourage us to participate in now for our health!!!
Lynne Spreen
/ December 16, 2011Remember we could get out of “dressing out” in gym if we had our period?! Well, at Norte Vista HS in Riverside we could. (Thanks, Mrs. Malone!)
Pat McKinzie (@PattyMacKZ)
/ December 16, 2011Pass it on ladies so the young girls now will know …We have come a long way, baby!
Lynne Spreen
/ December 16, 2011That is THEEE truth, baby!
Nanci
/ December 16, 2011Girls could only play half court basketball in a league….. How about cleaning out eraser crumbs from your typewriter?
Lynne Spreen
/ December 16, 2011Nanci, I forgot half-court! (It still kicked my behind.)
Joyce
/ December 16, 2011I remember when teachers would measure the length of our skirts if they suspected they were too short. But I also benefitted from those days of EEOC because I got my first job in broadcasting because they needed a female and I was thrilled to get in. Once in, though, I worked at proving that my gender made no difference in my abilities.
Lynne Spreen
/ December 16, 2011Yes, Joyce. Twice as hard for half the pay. I remember. And I was still grateful.
Linda Robinson
/ December 16, 2011Mandatory gloves and hat, washing diapers in the washing machine, and ringing them out in the ringer, Spoolies, being asked to take shorthand no matter your job title, Tonette permanents!
Lynne Spreen
/ December 16, 2011Linda, we used to get dressed up (in dresses!!!) to go to the shopping mall.
Queen Linda
/ December 16, 2011Being sent home from public school for wearing pants instead of a skirt, and a nun at a Catholic high school telling me no man would ever want me after I went down for the count with menstrual cramps.
Lynne Spreen
/ December 16, 2011Oh, the pants rule! Even at my public high school they had that rule. I broke it one day when it was snowing (yes, Nanci, in Riverside @ 1700 feet!) Administration looked the other way.
Laura
/ December 16, 2011Being sexually harassed at work and having to quit because of it. Wearing a maxi dress to work and being told by a male boss that it looked ridiculous, but it was okay to wear a mini dress so short you could see a girl’s rear. Going to a girl’s boarding school where I learned how to serve tea in the parlor (that has been extremely helpful in my life)
Lynne Spreen
/ December 16, 2011Laura, I remember the days (sexual harassment)? I was 16 and worked doing cold calls with 3 other girls. Our boss referred to us as the Call Girls and one girl in particular as Legs. All the guys thought it was funny. Us girls just kept dialing. We figured it was just the way they were – trash.
Kathleen Pooler
/ December 17, 2011How easily we forget this side of those good old days. Pat is so right “we’ve come along way” indeed! It makes me realize how hard we had to fight our way out of the boxes that defined us. That makes the victories we have achieved so much sweeter. When I was 18, there were three career choices- nurse,secretary or teacher. Luckily, that has evolved into “be whatever the heck you want to be” and enjoy every minute. There are still some residual gender-equality issues in the workplace but it is better. I have enjoyed seeing this evolution through my daughter’s experience.. “Back then” girls only played basketball in gym class(half-court) even though we were itching to have at it. But, I got to cheer my daughter all the way through college as she played her heart out on the court (full court). Great post Lynne. You are so good at striking chords
Debbie
/ December 18, 2011Good points, Lynne — interesting how quickly we forget those things in light of how far we’ve come. Of course, many cultures around the globe haven’t progressed at all, and to me that’s sad. To fail to benefit from the gifts and talents of all segments of a population not only wastes those gifts and talents but also deprives everyone of a chance to progress.
Ollin
/ December 20, 2011Boom! Pow! You knocked this out of the park. Haha. Obviously I’m too young to know what it was like back then. But as an openly gay man, I do know that the old days were not at all good for gay people. It really is the best time in the history of this particular country to be gay. I am grateful for that and will not go back. I agree with you as well that this is the best time for women too, and I would hate to go back to the “good old days.” Not to mention that minorities, blacks, latinos, and asians were all heavily discriminated against back then.
I guess its only old white straight males who want the good old days back. Haha.
Lynne Spreen
/ December 20, 2011I think you might be right about that, Ollin, re who is really missing those “good old days”! But it wasn’t all Norman Rockwell back then, even for them; they had no other options than to be the breadwinner. Feminism seems to be reviled today but it did open doors for men to be whatever they wanted, just as it did for women. Thanks for the attagirl!
Betsy
/ December 22, 2011Excellent reminder of the bad old days. I think the relationships between males and females at a young age is a good indicator of change. My mother (born 1926) couldn’t have a boy even come into the house – my grandmother always met my mother’s dates at the door; I (born 1952) wasn’t allowed to have any boys upstairs to my room and my daughter (born 1987) had and has lots of friends and I do mean friends who are male who and who spent a lot of time at our house, including upstairs.