Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
As I read Lean In, I was intrigued at being able to get inside the head of a dynamic, smart woman who is one generation younger than me, and see the corporate world through her eyes. One of the cultural questions she answered for me was this: why are younger women so averse to the terms "feminist" and "feminism"? Apparently, Sheryl Sanders and her contemporaries believe(d) the following:
1. Equality having arrived, there's no need for feminism anymore
2. Feminists are man-haters who resist makeup and the shaving of one's legs
Okay, #2 was a bit tongue-in-cheek. However, having observed conditions in the real world for a few years now, Sanders has come to see that the playing field is not and will not be level until more women occupy positions of power in the corporate hierarchy. She doesn't suggest that this is due to any malicious intent on the part of men, but rather it's simply a matter of ignorance.
To illustrate, she describes having to park far away from her office door when hugely and uncomfortably pregnant. When she designated preferred parking spots to accommodate pregnant workers, no one complained. It was seen as logical. But prior to her taking her place in the C-suite, the issue hadn't been raised.
Sanders talks about not slowing down out of consideration for what might happen in the nebulous future. The example she gives, now famous, is of a young woman confiding her fears of not wanting to accept a job with a lot of responsibility due to the impact it might have on her family. The woman was planning ahead - she didn't even have a boyfriend yet.
With this example, Sanders makes the point that women, having been highly trained and educated, are waving off promotional opportunities. The jury is still out as to why, but she suggests, and I agree, that part of the reason is this: in corporate America, a woman's decision to go through pregnancy, childbirth, lactation, and child-rearing is viewed as a private matter that should not impact her ability to work long hours and irregular schedules, including lengthy and frequent travel as needed. Rightly fearing this may drive her insane, a woman who wants a family may leap off the corporate ladder at a very early stage.
Sanders argues that if a young woman stayed on it long enough to secure a more powerful position, she would be able to exert more control over her work life (a perspective the young woman must trust will happen, since at her current low place on the corporate ladder she can only see her lack of power and control.) After a few promotions, she will be able to delegate some of her work to subordinates, afford more help at home, and influence workplace policies that unfairly impact women and families. Who can find fault with this argument?
Sanders is honest about her own mistakes, and I found that charming. For example, I was amazed that, for all her intelligence and education, she didn't originally intend to negotiate her starting salary with Facebook. Luckily a nice man (her husband) set her straight, and she made a counter offer to Zuckerberg. Reams of guidance have been written about how this error could have impeded her in later years, both at Facebook and with future employers, yet she didn't know. For other women who have not yet made this horrifying discovery, please read Ask for It by Babcock and Laschever (http://www.amazon.com/Ask-Women-Power...) which in addition to being enlightening and entertaining, offers tons of strategies for preparing yourself to negotiate. And not just for salaries. After reading that book I saved $150 on furniture I was going to buy anyway, by asking one question.
But back to Lean In.
I was also surprised that she wasn't well informed about how women can sabotage other women in the workplace, particularly women in power. This is an unfortunate truth with roots in biology, and is brilliantly explained in the amazing book, In the Company of Women by Heim and Murphy (http://www.amazon.com/Company-Women-I...) which I reviewed here:
http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/... This also suggests the reasons Sanders was hit with such a backlash for the well-intentioned Lean In.
There is so much more to say about Lean In, but let me close with this: I enjoyed learning how this stellar corporate executive struggled, made mistakes, and ultimately learned some strategies that will enable her, her family, and the women (and men) in her corporation to thrive. It's not perfect, and sometimes it's not even pretty, but part of the lesson is to let go of the need for perfection.
The other message, younger women, is to get as far and as fast as you can before starting your families. Don't opt out just because it looks too hard from where you're sitting now. The view improves with each rung on the ladder.
View all my reviews
Libbye A. Morris
/ November 18, 2011How liberating! I, too, think you’re on to something. At the top of my list would be worrying what other people think of me. I’ve done that all my life, and I’m tired of it!
Laura
/ November 18, 2011Oh boy, I am getting off this computer, grabbing a cup of tea and starting on my list…….see you in a couple of weeks
lifeintheboomerlane
/ November 18, 2011I love this idea, although I have to admit if someone comes out with an adult bike that has big training wheels, I will happily jump aboard. And I have a fantasy of hiring someone to carry me up to Machu Picchu. But other things, like finishing Anna Karenina or understanding (or caring about) sports, fagheddabaoudit.
The Itty Bitty Boomer
/ November 18, 2011Oh, heck yeah! I’m with Laura …. I’m going after another cup of coffee and starting that list right now! Thanks, Lynne! For such a fabulous idea! … First off the list …. thinking that at 61 I have to keep pushing myself like I did at 41 or even 51 … to be happy .. I’m finding CONTENTMENT …. accepting life for what it is, both good and bad, and knowing that everything is all right! Just as it SHOULD be … including me and my place in this world … so … YEAH!!
F*** it!
Lynne Spreen
/ November 18, 2011You guys are awesome! I love your energy. And I’m so glad you love this idea!! Really think I’m on to something.
Re the bike, my sweetie and I bought a couple of bikes (big cruisers with soft seats and 5 gears) a few years ago. I was surprised at how shaky we were at first, but you know what? Our balance improved and now we just glide thought the neighborhood early before most people are up. Sweet! He has a horn on his, and I have a traditional bicycle bell. I also use mine for actual exercise: I wear my sneakers and walk it downhill to add minutes to the ride. We feel free, like kids again. I heartily recommend it. But if you don’t want to, F*** It!
Sue
/ November 18, 2011Love this!!!….. I also have lists like this precipitated by life changing events like my divorce or selling my home and moving to a condo. Some highlights for me… I never have to eat Mexican again, never have to rake the leaves again etc. Enjoy creating your own it’s very liberating!
The Itty Bitty Boomer
/ November 18, 2011Haha! Sue! Great “I never have to again” lists!
nanci
/ November 18, 2011Here’s a couple of my F-Its…. start a running program, feel like I have to be available to everyone for anything they want me to do. YES!!!! Quoth the raven…..
Kathleen Pooler
/ November 18, 2011Lynne ,this is a brilliant idea and,I agree, so liberating. Come to think of it,I’m pretty much living life on my own terms since I retired(Yay!) but I will keep it in mind the next time i feel obligated about something. So refreshing!!
Vonnie
/ November 18, 2011Wow, Lynne, you better patent this “F*** it list”, it’s too clever not to.
I have a tiny bucket list, but it usually ends with “when I save up enough money”, but now I’m saying F*** the money!
Curious about one item on your list though, you don’t care about how you look naked from the back? HOW ‘BOUT THE FRONT GIRLFRIEND? LOL
Lynne Spreen
/ November 18, 2011Cuz I can always distract him with a smile or drape something in front of me all casual-like, as if it’s not hiding my scars, jello-pot, etc. !!
Vonnie
/ November 19, 2011Good answer – always thinking. :>
Pat
/ November 19, 2011Lynne,
This is a hilarious and fabulous idea! As women, we get so caught up in trying to do everything and please everyone that we forget to breath and just be. Health problems already forced me to cut back to all but essentials– first to go on my F*** list was ironing and cooking.
Trish
/ November 19, 2011I’ve been heading that direction in small ways. When I was younger, I was up on every trend, news story, etc. and as I’ve gotten older, feel more pressure to stay relevant. But I’ve realized, I’m just not that interested in half the stuff out there! So much is tedious, annoying, ridiculous. Who cares about Hollywood gossip, gadgets I’ll never buy, Tv shows I’ll never watch, books I’ll never read, etc. So, F*** it! Next up, saying F*** it to the aging process…
Victoria noe
/ November 19, 2011I just obsessed over sending out a “perfect” book proposal, clicked submit, and then saw this pop up on Twitter. OMG, I laughed out loud! Shared it on my FB page. Thanks!
Lynne Spreen
/ November 19, 2011Victoria, you are so welcome. My mom always says, “Life’s too short.” It’s her catchphrase for just about everything. Meaning, life’s too short to worry if you got all the commas in the right place. But good luck anyway!
jeannevb
/ November 19, 2011I totally love this! As an overworked writer pimp, I am absolutely endorsing the F*** It list!
Lynne Spreen
/ November 19, 2011Hey, Jeanne, we’re all overworked pimps of some kind, so at least you have company. And thank God for the F*** It List – in a hundred years we’ll all be dead so a lot of it really doesn’t matter. May as well dance, right?
Corinne
/ November 19, 2011Love it love it love it!!!!
Shelly Immel
/ November 19, 2011Lynne, I have a rolling list of Should’s that I consign to my Opposite of a Bucket List on a daily basis. (Some Should’s keep jumping back out, but I figure if I toss them in that bucket often enough, they’ll eventually stay put!) Love this idea. Posted it on my blog tonight.
Kristy K. James
/ November 19, 2011Oh wow…my brain went into shock while I was reading this, making up a crazy, wonderful NOT-to-do list. Don’t do laundry anymore. No more cleaning the bathrooms or litter box. And windows…forget it!
I had to put a stop to it though because those are on the HAVE-to-do list, not the bucket list. Too bad…
Now I just have to wrap my mind around this lovely thought and start my list. My brain is still in shock, so it might take a day or two. A NOT-to-do list… Fantastic idea!
Debbie
/ November 20, 2011What a wonderful idea, Lynne — you’re so clever to come up with it! First on my F***It list is making a conscious effort to slow down a bit. I’ve always been a “hurrier,” rushing from one task to another and deriving extreme pleasure when I can wrap up something, tie it with a bow, and set it on a shelf. But hurrying distracts me to the extent that I’m not cognizant of what I’m doing (usually two things — or more!) at once, and then I wind up injuring myself (paper cuts, silly falls, etc.)
Ann alka WorkingBoomer
/ November 22, 2011Now you are talking! People have always told me that I work and worry too much also. After my heart attack this year, that had to stop. My list is not written but it is in my head. Actually, I am enjoying this new way of life. It sure is less stressful. Hey, it is even fun at times. Thanks for writing about your list. Maybe I will write mine on paper too.
Jeff
/ November 28, 2011Excellent! I do have a bucket list but also have an anti-bucket list on my blog as there is so much stuff I see on lists that I don’t care to do. I have to say, the title of your list has sooo much more attitude.
Lynne Spreen
/ November 29, 2011Jeff, I looked at your blog and it’s an intriguing place to spend time. I’ll dig deeper.
Joyce
/ November 29, 2011Way to go! I love a f*** it list! I’m never gonna…
* clean my house
* learn to bake
* be skinny
* color my hair
oooh … this is fun…
quillfyre
/ November 29, 2011Yesterday, before I read this post, I offered something for free on a Freecycle list.
I used to do “interpretive Eastern Dance” just for fun. (Belly-dancing without the strict rules of motion) I had purchased a little “kit”: CD, DVD, stick on belly jewel, finger cymbals… but I never got around to using it, and surgical scars and new plumbing means those outfits won’t work anymore anyway… I hadn’t thought of a To Don’t List before, but that’s perfect for getting rid of the excess accumulation of stuff that I’ve collected over the years. If I say, I have to get rid of this, I resist. But if I say F*&* it, whoa! a whole ‘nother feeling. Thanks Lynne!
Carol
Lynne Spreen
/ November 29, 2011Love this: the “To Don’t” List! Thanks, Carol.
Melanie
/ January 3, 2012Trying to explain myself or justify what I say or do. If you don’t get it or it doesn’t work for you . . . . F##k it! =) Ahh, feels good.