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  • Review of Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg

    Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to LeadLean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg
    My rating: 5 of 5 stars

    As I read Lean In, I was intrigued at being able to get inside the head of a dynamic, smart woman who is one generation younger than me, and see the corporate world through her eyes. One of the cultural questions she answered for me was this: why are younger women so averse to the terms "feminist" and "feminism"? Apparently, Sheryl Sanders and her contemporaries believe(d) the following:

    1. Equality having arrived, there's no need for feminism anymore
    2. Feminists are man-haters who resist makeup and the shaving of one's legs

    Okay, #2 was a bit tongue-in-cheek. However, having observed conditions in the real world for a few years now, Sanders has come to see that the playing field is not and will not be level until more women occupy positions of power in the corporate hierarchy. She doesn't suggest that this is due to any malicious intent on the part of men, but rather it's simply a matter of ignorance.

    To illustrate, she describes having to park far away from her office door when hugely and uncomfortably pregnant. When she designated preferred parking spots to accommodate pregnant workers, no one complained. It was seen as logical. But prior to her taking her place in the C-suite, the issue hadn't been raised.

    Sanders talks about not slowing down out of consideration for what might happen in the nebulous future. The example she gives, now famous, is of a young woman confiding her fears of not wanting to accept a job with a lot of responsibility due to the impact it might have on her family. The woman was planning ahead - she didn't even have a boyfriend yet.

    With this example, Sanders makes the point that women, having been highly trained and educated, are waving off promotional opportunities. The jury is still out as to why, but she suggests, and I agree, that part of the reason is this: in corporate America, a woman's decision to go through pregnancy, childbirth, lactation, and child-rearing is viewed as a private matter that should not impact her ability to work long hours and irregular schedules, including lengthy and frequent travel as needed. Rightly fearing this may drive her insane, a woman who wants a family may leap off the corporate ladder at a very early stage.

    Sanders argues that if a young woman stayed on it long enough to secure a more powerful position, she would be able to exert more control over her work life (a perspective the young woman must trust will happen, since at her current low place on the corporate ladder she can only see her lack of power and control.) After a few promotions, she will be able to delegate some of her work to subordinates, afford more help at home, and influence workplace policies that unfairly impact women and families. Who can find fault with this argument?

    Sanders is honest about her own mistakes, and I found that charming. For example, I was amazed that, for all her intelligence and education, she didn't originally intend to negotiate her starting salary with Facebook. Luckily a nice man (her husband) set her straight, and she made a counter offer to Zuckerberg. Reams of guidance have been written about how this error could have impeded her in later years, both at Facebook and with future employers, yet she didn't know. For other women who have not yet made this horrifying discovery, please read Ask for It by Babcock and Laschever (http://www.amazon.com/Ask-Women-Power...) which in addition to being enlightening and entertaining, offers tons of strategies for preparing yourself to negotiate. And not just for salaries. After reading that book I saved $150 on furniture I was going to buy anyway, by asking one question.

    But back to Lean In.

    I was also surprised that she wasn't well informed about how women can sabotage other women in the workplace, particularly women in power. This is an unfortunate truth with roots in biology, and is brilliantly explained in the amazing book, In the Company of Women by Heim and Murphy (http://www.amazon.com/Company-Women-I...) which I reviewed here:
    http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/... This also suggests the reasons Sanders was hit with such a backlash for the well-intentioned Lean In.

    There is so much more to say about Lean In, but let me close with this: I enjoyed learning how this stellar corporate executive struggled, made mistakes, and ultimately learned some strategies that will enable her, her family, and the women (and men) in her corporation to thrive. It's not perfect, and sometimes it's not even pretty, but part of the lesson is to let go of the need for perfection.

    The other message, younger women, is to get as far and as fast as you can before starting your families. Don't opt out just because it looks too hard from where you're sitting now. The view improves with each rung on the ladder.

    View all my reviews

This Boomer Will Never Die

I wanted to make you laugh. Last week was pretty heavy, what with my lament on the possible extinction of the American Dream. So this week, I was going to describe funny people and situations I’ve encountered tripping around Lake Havasu and Laughlin for the past couple days.

But then on Wednesday, October 5, we lost one of the most amazing Boomers ever. Steve Jobs, Dreamer, Dictator, Tech-Boss-In-Chief, passed away, assumedly due to cancer. Apple and we are left to figure out what will replace him. Probably nothing and no one.

One of the things Jobs was known for was his motivational quotes. Here’s a creepy one:

“Remembering that you are going to die is the best way to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose.”

What do you feel when you read that?

I have two reactions. The first is that he’s wrong. Sometimes I think all we have is the certainty that there IS something to lose. The love and respect of our family and community, and the chance to leave something of good and lasting value to them, for example.

Or maybe he was saying you only have so much time. Get it done. You don’t know how much time you have left.

Jobs was an imperfect Buddhist who didn’t worry about karma biting him on the ass for his bad behavior He wasn’t warm and fuzzy. More like vindictive, territorial and secretive. Did you know he’s been married for twenty years and had three kids from that marriage? Me neither. And yet look at all he gave the world, how far he helped us evolve.

It bums me out that Jobs, only one year younger than me, doesn’t exist anymore, at least in the corporeal realm. And this leads to one of the biggest mysteries: what happens to all the material you accumulate in your brain, all the effort you exert to learn about things. Where does all that effort go? I like to believe some part of it goes with you to the next life cycle but we’ll never know. There’s at least a possibility it dies with you, that there is no reincarnation into the energy of the next soul who will be farther along his journey thanks to you.

In writing you’re told to not hold back, to give it all away right up front. Maybe that’s your hedge against dying. Just in case there is no afterlife, you can at least pass something of yourself on. It’s like insurance, and you might even be able to help a nice young person achieve greater heights than s/he would have alone.

So go ahead, mentor somebody. Share what you know. Pour your knowledge into someone else’s mind. Guarantee your own immortality. Pass it on.

Just in case.

Kindle readers can email me at Lmspreen@gmail.com.


Leave a comment

14 Comments

  1. Jobs was a poet/inventor, a dream spinner, a creative genius. All he was is in his story, which is still accessible to any kid with a bad haircut and a place to tinker. So, you’re already doing what you can, Lynne – sharing stories, telling truths and inspiring the dream spinners and storytellers who may be finding the adventure short and golden; or the young minstrels, taking their first creative steps.

    Reply
  2. Yesterday, I heard the speech that included that quote. It was a commencement speech at one of the universities, back when he had come through his first bout with cancer. I think he meant it in the more positive way. He also went on to say that he would ask himself if it was his last day, would he be happy spending it doing what he intended to do on that day. If the answer was no several days in a row, it was time to rethink what he was doing. So I think he meant, go for your dreams, even if you might fail. I found that inspiring as I have been so afraid of failing that I don’t submit my poetry to get it published. And yet, what have I got to lose? And what if I wait too long?
    As for what comes next, I think that perhaps our bodies are simply hosts for a small portion of cosmic energy. When we die, it is only the body that dies, the energy leaves the body and returns to the universe. That it will return again, in a different form, but that it never truly ceases to exist.
    Of course, I am not sure what that does for our unshared stories. I guess we have to rewrite them on the next go-round, in some shape or form. Carol

    Reply
    • Carol, that’s the big question: what happens to that energy? I was taught that earth is a closed system. No energy is wasted. So then how can all of the efforts we put into learning, maturing, and becoming better people, be wasted? The only way to guarantee it’s not is to share it. Do it, girl.

      Reply
  3. Jean

     /  October 7, 2011

    Great advice, Lynn! “Share what you know. Pour your knowledge into someone else’s mind. Guarantee your own immortality. Pass it on.

    Just in case.”

    Reply
  4. Lynne, I think the main message I get from Steve Jobs is” life is short, you can do it, get it done- FOCUS” He used his own date with mortality as a wake-up call for all of us, maintaining humility despite his iconic status. I love your advice”share what you know, pour your knowledge into someone else’s mind, guarantee your own immortality. Pass it on.” I would add my own:we all have unique treasures within to offer. All we have to do is stay still long enough to recognize it. Share your stories ( as you do!) xoxox

    Reply
  5. You pose some interesting points here, Lynne. I never really considered what happens to all the learning we accumulate when our lives here are finished. I like to think that, when we move into our forever home, we’ll find out just how little we know that really matters, though! Regarding Jobs, I think he was telling us to Go For IT! That life is brief and we shouldn’t let opportunities for good pass us by.That sharing our knowledge and experience is an excellent way of passing on something for the next generation.

    Reply
  6. Debbie, I wonder if he, like so many CEOs, went for it at the expense of his family or anything else on the other side of the work-life equation? He left us so much. I wonder what he left them? I think I’ll go read about more about his life.

    Reply
    • I think it’s a myth that anyone can “have it all,” Lynne. We women used to believe we could succeed in having a perfect home-life and a perfect working-life, but I think we realized somewhere along the line that it was impossible — something had to be sacrificed. I’m betting Jobs found that out, too. Perhaps his wife kept the home fires burning while he was off being a genius. I’ll be interested in hearing what your research turns up!

      Reply
  7. Hi Lynne, ah the great and wonderful Steve Jobs … our age in fact … and now he’s gone. It does give one pause, doesn’t it? For me the take-away from his life, his message, his style — believe in yourself not the dictates of society. Go against the grain to discover what lies on the other side. His spirit of discovery and adventure resonate with me. I recently wrote a guest blog post for The Women’s Nest, in fact, about Honoring Our Unique Selves … http://bit.ly/q85CK7 … avoiding a path of conformity. I love the fact that Jobs did it his way … and empowered individuals and the world with his products at the same time. A favorite quote of his … “I just want to put a ding in the Universe.” Great minds seem to be in tune with a force beyond sight and sound. It may not look perfect from a mortal perspective, but I think they are dancing to the beat of a higher intelligence. Thanks for sharing this post, Lynne. Great work, as always! –Daisy

    Reply
  8. I think that you are right when you say… “give it all away – maybe that is your hedge against dying.” I don’t write because it’s fun; I write because I have to. I write to preserve memories, mark passages and reclaim my soul, to leave a trace of my existence. And when I am gone, I hope my “energy” will live on in the hearts of those who have loved me.

    Reply
  9. I only wish I’d known more about Jobs’ background before he died. I knew he was a visionary, but didn’t realize he was a college drop-out. It’s unfortunate that he had to pass away to make us pay attention and reflect on our own lives.

    Thanks, Lynne. As usual, you make us think.

    Reply
  10. Lynne, I like your subjects and the way you write. I’ve thought a lot about Steve Jobs’ recent death – my first reaction being: I’ll never be as accomplished as he and be the historical public figure postmortem he’ll become. I feel quite accomplished until I compare myself to the likes of Steve Jobs and Oprah Winfrey (with whom I’ve worked and share a similar professional background).

    That egoist viewpoint gave way to an admiration of his accomplishments and the recognition that with all his great achievements and his great wealth – he was still robbed of his life way before his time. And it’s along that line of thinking that his quote makes sense to me and provides inspiration. We have just this one life in this human form and it will be stolen at a time unknown to us. Allow that mystery to inspire us to do what we want, be who we want to be and reach for our personal stars.

    Reply
    • You know what, though, Joyce? I wonder if what SJ and OW accomplished is worth it to them. Both have so much but gave up almost an equal amount. SJ was driven and was often very cruel. He was bullheaded and felt the rules didn’t apply to him, which may have led to him dying earlier than necessary.

      And Oprah’s biography was unauthorized, but if you only believe half of it, you get the sense she’s given up a lot, too. At the risk of sounding negative, I think she’s in it for the glory (or love, to put it charitably). She has gone to great lengths to squelch negative revelations about her life, and can be heavy-handed in dealing with competitors and adversaries. Sure, that’s business, I guess. But I’m just pointing out that for all she has done, I wonder if she is truly content.

      Not to say I’m not grateful to both of them, though. Very much am. And thanks for stopping by. Hope to hear from you again.

      Reply

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  • Review of Fierce with Age: Chasing God and Squirrels in Brooklyn

    Fierce with Age: Chasing God and Squirrels in BrooklynFierce with Age: Chasing God and Squirrels in Brooklyn by Carol Orsborn
    My rating: 5 of 5 stars

    When I saw the blog post, "Why You Should Treat Aging As A Mystical Journey"(http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-8682/w...), I thought I might have found a kindred spirit in the author, Carol Orsborn. When I read this book, Fierce with Age: Chasing God and Squirrels in Brooklyn, I knew for sure. Carol Orsborn is on to something that I, at age 59, am really hungry for. I want to know how to feel valuable, powerful and at peace in the second half of my life, while still fully functioning in a society that demeans, caricatures, and negates older people.

    Carol, who is a good writer, describes a story arc that begins with everything falling apart. She is unwanted and then fired from her job in a world that worships youth. She tries to fight aging by staying in the ring with the younger people, but it gives her no real sense of security. She keeps coming up with ideas for holding back time, only to fail over and over again. Telling of her disappointments, Carol does a good job of layering the blows, one atop the other until we are reeling with her. When everything has been tried, every avenue exhausted, what the hell do we do next? Lie down and die? But we’re old, not dead! How do we navigate this new country?

    Nearly immobilized with discouragement, Carol struggles with the questions I’ve wrangled with: So now what, at this age? Who am I without the accouterments of my earlier life? My job, my youth, my expertise in a particular field? If I’m not running the race, do I even have value?

    One night, in the middle of a furious electrical storm, she stands on her balcony, screaming and shaking her fist at God, daring Him to kill her now.

    And He tells her to get over herself.

    From this point, Carol begins to glimpse another, more powerful reality. A gigantic paradigm shift later, the unfurling of which she describes in the second half of the book, Carol is once again back on top, no longer burdened by but rather fierce with age. And we’re fierce right along with her.

    Carol is very skillful in using metaphor to describe her journey. Particularly satisfying is her change of heart regarding the story of Moses, wherein she finally understands that God was saying, “It's okay to get old. I love you just as you are. So should you.”

    The only problem I had with the book was the spiritual, God aspect. It’s not like Carol misled me. God is in the title. Since I am not a believer, however, some points left me a bit frustrated until I got a brainstorm and began replacing the term "conscious growth" with God, and it worked fine! Here's an example:

    Carol: To stop "doing" my personality and leave space for God requires...

    Lynne: To stop "doing" my personality and leave space for conscious growth requires...

    At some point on our nation's timeline, I believe people our age will stop trying to be young and start seeking and finding the intrinsic value of age. It takes courage, though, because so much of it is beyond our control. Carol makes the point that we have to develop the ability to be at peace with that, and with the strength of maturity, we ought to be able to.

    The reward is freedom to become our true selves, unbound by the constraints of society as currently drawn. As Carol says, "The one thing that is up to you is whether you will make getting old a tragedy, or embark upon it as another of life's great adventures."

    View all my reviews

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