Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
As I read Lean In, I was intrigued at being able to get inside the head of a dynamic, smart woman who is one generation younger than me, and see the corporate world through her eyes. One of the cultural questions she answered for me was this: why are younger women so averse to the terms "feminist" and "feminism"? Apparently, Sheryl Sanders and her contemporaries believe(d) the following:
1. Equality having arrived, there's no need for feminism anymore
2. Feminists are man-haters who resist makeup and the shaving of one's legs
Okay, #2 was a bit tongue-in-cheek. However, having observed conditions in the real world for a few years now, Sanders has come to see that the playing field is not and will not be level until more women occupy positions of power in the corporate hierarchy. She doesn't suggest that this is due to any malicious intent on the part of men, but rather it's simply a matter of ignorance.
To illustrate, she describes having to park far away from her office door when hugely and uncomfortably pregnant. When she designated preferred parking spots to accommodate pregnant workers, no one complained. It was seen as logical. But prior to her taking her place in the C-suite, the issue hadn't been raised.
Sanders talks about not slowing down out of consideration for what might happen in the nebulous future. The example she gives, now famous, is of a young woman confiding her fears of not wanting to accept a job with a lot of responsibility due to the impact it might have on her family. The woman was planning ahead - she didn't even have a boyfriend yet.
With this example, Sanders makes the point that women, having been highly trained and educated, are waving off promotional opportunities. The jury is still out as to why, but she suggests, and I agree, that part of the reason is this: in corporate America, a woman's decision to go through pregnancy, childbirth, lactation, and child-rearing is viewed as a private matter that should not impact her ability to work long hours and irregular schedules, including lengthy and frequent travel as needed. Rightly fearing this may drive her insane, a woman who wants a family may leap off the corporate ladder at a very early stage.
Sanders argues that if a young woman stayed on it long enough to secure a more powerful position, she would be able to exert more control over her work life (a perspective the young woman must trust will happen, since at her current low place on the corporate ladder she can only see her lack of power and control.) After a few promotions, she will be able to delegate some of her work to subordinates, afford more help at home, and influence workplace policies that unfairly impact women and families. Who can find fault with this argument?
Sanders is honest about her own mistakes, and I found that charming. For example, I was amazed that, for all her intelligence and education, she didn't originally intend to negotiate her starting salary with Facebook. Luckily a nice man (her husband) set her straight, and she made a counter offer to Zuckerberg. Reams of guidance have been written about how this error could have impeded her in later years, both at Facebook and with future employers, yet she didn't know. For other women who have not yet made this horrifying discovery, please read Ask for It by Babcock and Laschever (http://www.amazon.com/Ask-Women-Power...) which in addition to being enlightening and entertaining, offers tons of strategies for preparing yourself to negotiate. And not just for salaries. After reading that book I saved $150 on furniture I was going to buy anyway, by asking one question.
But back to Lean In.
I was also surprised that she wasn't well informed about how women can sabotage other women in the workplace, particularly women in power. This is an unfortunate truth with roots in biology, and is brilliantly explained in the amazing book, In the Company of Women by Heim and Murphy (http://www.amazon.com/Company-Women-I...) which I reviewed here:
http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/... This also suggests the reasons Sanders was hit with such a backlash for the well-intentioned Lean In.
There is so much more to say about Lean In, but let me close with this: I enjoyed learning how this stellar corporate executive struggled, made mistakes, and ultimately learned some strategies that will enable her, her family, and the women (and men) in her corporation to thrive. It's not perfect, and sometimes it's not even pretty, but part of the lesson is to let go of the need for perfection.
The other message, younger women, is to get as far and as fast as you can before starting your families. Don't opt out just because it looks too hard from where you're sitting now. The view improves with each rung on the ladder.
View all my reviews
Jean
/ May 21, 2011Great story…great post! The kind of thing that draws you onward!
Debbie
/ May 21, 2011Iris seems like a jewel! So vibrant, so interesting, so ALIVE! That’s the way we all should approach life — eager to keep learning and experiencing and enjoying, right up until we’re called Home. Thanks for introducing her to us, Lynne!
Lynne Spreen
/ May 21, 2011Thanks, Debbie and Jean. Yes, Iris is a jewel – and an inspiration.
Kathleen Pooler
/ May 21, 2011What a delightful story of never giving up on your dreams! Iris is very inspirational,indeed and a shining example to us all that it is never too late to be the person we want to be. Thanks so much for sharing Iris with us!
Nanci
/ May 21, 2011Lynne and all,
I turned 60 in April and am retiring in June after 35 years in education. I feel like I am graduating. I went to the meeting that all retirees needed to go to and I felt like I did after college…. excited, anxious and happy. I am looking forward to doing the things I haven’t had time for in many years…. kayaking, yoga, art, quilting, travel, making new friends and finding something I am passionate about. That may have come up after the quake in Japan. I live on the Oregon coast and will join a group that will help our coast prepare for the inevitable slippage along the Juan de Fuca fault. I would love to have been a scientist who studies tectonics, or volcanoes or other earth phenomenon .Maybe I can still do it. I want to be an Iris…. or an Aunt Betty, my wonderful 90 year old relation. Go girls!
Lynne Spreen
/ May 22, 2011Loved your comment, Nanci. It’s so full of energy it practically reverberates! I can’t wait to hear your updates on The Retired Life. One of the things my other retired friends say often is “when did I ever find the time to work?!” because they are now so busy (and happy). I love musing over the difference between the two phases of life, and I look forward to your thoughts and discoveries. One issue that fascinates me is the change in our identity. Some people are more than happy to let their work-identity go. Others are really jarred by it. I hardly know anything about Human Resources anymore, but it no longer disturbs me to have lost that expertise. So again, keep me posted. If you ever want to do a guest post about retirement life, you’ll have the floor. Open invitation.
Pat
/ May 22, 2011What an inspiring woman! Reminds us all that age is a state of mind. I can’t wait to retire from teaching. Thanks for sharing this Lynn.
Lynne Spreen
/ May 22, 2011Pat, what I wrote to Nanci, above, applies to you as well. Any time.
Marilyn Ashe Wilson
/ May 22, 2011For me, at around the age of 60 and taking a sabbatical from corporate america and spending end of life quality time with my parents before they both passed on, I dropped in at our local Community Center’s Drumming Class and fell in love with the drum, the sound it elicited, the connection with community, my heart, and finally, my love of music and rhythm was back. Before long, I was sharing that passion with others by doing drum workshops for women. I stayed one step ahead of everyone else I was sharing it with and soon I was pretty good and expanded the drumming into workshops with poetry and writing activities. Through an article about my drum workshop in the newspaper, another woman found me and we joined up in business to start Blondes Drum 2. She brought years of performance vocals and guitar playing to our circles and now we perform as a duo around town and at open mic events and still do drum circles that include chanting, dancing, sounds, words,etc. We have inspired many other women and men to find their rhythm and use the drum as a tool for discover their own voice, affect their health and stress level, and build community. We are having a blast. We recorded a CD with the songs we have written and performed and one was selected to open an event in St. Petersburg, FL in June. (www.moxywomen.com the Heartbeat Concert)….we have no idea where this magic carpet ride is heading, but we are having the time of our lives. Each day when we meet to rehearse or plan, we are excited about new opportunities. We are wives, mothers, and grandmothers and we are still going strong. Find us at http://www.blondesdrum2.blogspot.com. Thanks for providing this opportunity to share…..we feel at our age, we are leaders for those women that follow.
Lynne Spreen
/ May 22, 2011Marilyn, you’re awesome! I can’t wait to go check out your blog. Thanks for telling us your really fun, uplifting story.
Patricia Daly-Lipe
/ May 22, 2011Retire? Never! I am a writer and an artist, all right brained as my husband reminds me since he is a left brain retired physician. But I love creativity. So when I found Osher Lifetime Learning Institute at George Maosn University, it was a perfect fit. I have been acting with Readers Theatre, attending classes in all sorts of things, and I have taught a class myself (with 54 “students”) on Creativity which inspired me as much as my students. I still write (books and magazine articles) and paint (oils) and rescue thoroghbred horses. I am 68. Everyone has a hidden talent just waiting to be exposed and expressed. Retirement years are the best time to let that creative muse out of her box. Iris did!
Lynne Spreen
/ May 22, 2011Patricia, thanks for encouraging us to keep dreaming! In a recent post I lamented Susan Jacoby’s downer book about aging. Your comment, and all of the comments from our other friends here, are the sublime antidote. What a simple miracle: to give each other energy! I feel better about life all over again. I hope you’ll stop by often.
Linda hoye
/ May 22, 2011Hi Lynn, my first visit to your blog. Iris sounds very wise indeed. The dreams that motivate my are the dream of seeing my memoir in print and “retiring” in a couple of years and moving to be closer to the kids and grands.
Lynne Spreen
/ May 23, 2011Hi Linda, thanks for visiting Any Shiny Thing – any future comments will go up instantly without waiting for approval. And best wishes with your memoir. Do you have a working title?
DazyDayWriter
/ May 29, 2011Iris … you are a joy! That smile says it all. And Lynne, how wise of you to post this … we do need role models that define life for us at certain points in our lives … and we need inspiration, always. Our spirits are ageless, so that must be our focus … not external appearance or cultural stereotypes. By living fully at every age, we honor the timeless within us and that is a lovely way to approach life … with an abundant heart. Thanks again for picking a topic that is meaningful and important, Lynne! — Daisy “happy on the prairie” … but flooding in my lovely hometown (links to photos on my FB page)
Friko
/ May 31, 2011Iris is an inspiration to all women of whatever age.
Personally, I don’t want to tax my brain with learning for learning’s sake. Anything I study – like creative writing – has to be fun and easy to do. I no longer believe that it only does you good if it hurts.
I want to be totally self-indulgent. be kind to people only if I like them and ignore the others.
I no longer worry about doing the right thing, the ‘what will people say’ thing.
In other words, I want to be me, finally, without guilt.
Lynne Spreen
/ May 31, 2011Friko, your comment is as luxurious as a hot fudge sundae. I love it! Good to hear from you.