Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
As I read Lean In, I was intrigued at being able to get inside the head of a dynamic, smart woman who is one generation younger than me, and see the corporate world through her eyes. One of the cultural questions she answered for me was this: why are younger women so averse to the terms "feminist" and "feminism"? Apparently, Sheryl Sanders and her contemporaries believe(d) the following:
1. Equality having arrived, there's no need for feminism anymore
2. Feminists are man-haters who resist makeup and the shaving of one's legs
Okay, #2 was a bit tongue-in-cheek. However, having observed conditions in the real world for a few years now, Sanders has come to see that the playing field is not and will not be level until more women occupy positions of power in the corporate hierarchy. She doesn't suggest that this is due to any malicious intent on the part of men, but rather it's simply a matter of ignorance.
To illustrate, she describes having to park far away from her office door when hugely and uncomfortably pregnant. When she designated preferred parking spots to accommodate pregnant workers, no one complained. It was seen as logical. But prior to her taking her place in the C-suite, the issue hadn't been raised.
Sanders talks about not slowing down out of consideration for what might happen in the nebulous future. The example she gives, now famous, is of a young woman confiding her fears of not wanting to accept a job with a lot of responsibility due to the impact it might have on her family. The woman was planning ahead - she didn't even have a boyfriend yet.
With this example, Sanders makes the point that women, having been highly trained and educated, are waving off promotional opportunities. The jury is still out as to why, but she suggests, and I agree, that part of the reason is this: in corporate America, a woman's decision to go through pregnancy, childbirth, lactation, and child-rearing is viewed as a private matter that should not impact her ability to work long hours and irregular schedules, including lengthy and frequent travel as needed. Rightly fearing this may drive her insane, a woman who wants a family may leap off the corporate ladder at a very early stage.
Sanders argues that if a young woman stayed on it long enough to secure a more powerful position, she would be able to exert more control over her work life (a perspective the young woman must trust will happen, since at her current low place on the corporate ladder she can only see her lack of power and control.) After a few promotions, she will be able to delegate some of her work to subordinates, afford more help at home, and influence workplace policies that unfairly impact women and families. Who can find fault with this argument?
Sanders is honest about her own mistakes, and I found that charming. For example, I was amazed that, for all her intelligence and education, she didn't originally intend to negotiate her starting salary with Facebook. Luckily a nice man (her husband) set her straight, and she made a counter offer to Zuckerberg. Reams of guidance have been written about how this error could have impeded her in later years, both at Facebook and with future employers, yet she didn't know. For other women who have not yet made this horrifying discovery, please read Ask for It by Babcock and Laschever (http://www.amazon.com/Ask-Women-Power...) which in addition to being enlightening and entertaining, offers tons of strategies for preparing yourself to negotiate. And not just for salaries. After reading that book I saved $150 on furniture I was going to buy anyway, by asking one question.
But back to Lean In.
I was also surprised that she wasn't well informed about how women can sabotage other women in the workplace, particularly women in power. This is an unfortunate truth with roots in biology, and is brilliantly explained in the amazing book, In the Company of Women by Heim and Murphy (http://www.amazon.com/Company-Women-I...) which I reviewed here:
http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/... This also suggests the reasons Sanders was hit with such a backlash for the well-intentioned Lean In.
There is so much more to say about Lean In, but let me close with this: I enjoyed learning how this stellar corporate executive struggled, made mistakes, and ultimately learned some strategies that will enable her, her family, and the women (and men) in her corporation to thrive. It's not perfect, and sometimes it's not even pretty, but part of the lesson is to let go of the need for perfection.
The other message, younger women, is to get as far and as fast as you can before starting your families. Don't opt out just because it looks too hard from where you're sitting now. The view improves with each rung on the ladder.
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Linda Robinson
/ March 18, 2011We live in a 55+ community as well, and I’ve never seen a more active, connected group of people. Some of the women barely see over the steering wheel, but they are off to church, raising their voices in the senior singing group, doing tai chi, caring for others older than they are, playing the piano at the nursing home, doing taxes for free at the senior center. What we observe when a natural disaster occurs is the altruism, the bonding of a community. What I see in our age group is similar, minus the event. You’re spot on, Lynne. Taking your skills and caring outside tidies up the space inside as well.
Lynne Spreen
/ March 18, 2011“Tidies up the space inside.” A delightful thought, Linda! Thanks.
Debbie
/ March 18, 2011Personally, I can’t fathom having too much time on my hands! Not now, not in my past, and (I hope!) not in my future! You’re so right in saying there are way too many things we can do to become involved in our world — the lucky retired folks are the ones who have their wits, their health, and the get-up-and-go to participate. Bless you for taking such nurturing care of your mom when she needs you most!
VK
/ March 18, 2011Hey Lynne,
Wow, what a great lesson your learned when you when to Indiana. More people should have those situations so they’ll appreciate the live they have.
Thanks!
Lynne Spreen
/ March 18, 2011I know, Vonnie, and it really stuck with me. I don’t want to be judgmental but sometimes I think the cure for “woo-woo” thinking is a bit more hard work.
krpooler
/ March 18, 2011Lynne, this post really has me thinking as I contemplate my retirement. Though I can’t quite fathom having too much time on my hands, I pray I don’t allow myself to ever fall victim to complacency or ,as you say, becoming nitpicky. I think getting outside of ourselves once in a while and facing hardships as you are doing with Mom in the Rehab is the key to avoiding that trap. And I agree hard work never hurt anyone. Thanks for another great post. You always get me thinking about relevant issues
PS- I hate to admit it but I do not remember that song:-(
Donna
/ March 20, 2011Great post Lynne. People who are too navely (to use your term) are a waste of time, space and air. In my humble opinion. Sure, it is a good thing to look towards yourself, to reflect and make positive changes in your life. But, if “you” are not participating in a community, a group of people, or a cause….. then keep your complaints about the sparkly pool to yourself. I’m busy!
Lynne Spreen
/ March 20, 2011Yep, yep, yep!
Marilyn Jean
/ March 21, 2011As someone with a busy doctor husband, and myself being in a Master’s Program for Nonprofit Mgmt, I have plenty I could do. But I often feel I have too much time on my hands as well. The key is in interacting with others. When you are alone too much, even with many tasks calling your name, you can start becoming too preoccupied with yourself. We have only lived in this area for 2 years so we haven’t made any really great friends, the kind you can really be yourself around. As spring comes, now is the time to really get out. Thanks for the inspiration, Lynne.