Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
As I read Lean In, I was intrigued at being able to get inside the head of a dynamic, smart woman who is one generation younger than me, and see the corporate world through her eyes. One of the cultural questions she answered for me was this: why are younger women so averse to the terms "feminist" and "feminism"? Apparently, Sheryl Sanders and her contemporaries believe(d) the following:
1. Equality having arrived, there's no need for feminism anymore
2. Feminists are man-haters who resist makeup and the shaving of one's legs
Okay, #2 was a bit tongue-in-cheek. However, having observed conditions in the real world for a few years now, Sanders has come to see that the playing field is not and will not be level until more women occupy positions of power in the corporate hierarchy. She doesn't suggest that this is due to any malicious intent on the part of men, but rather it's simply a matter of ignorance.
To illustrate, she describes having to park far away from her office door when hugely and uncomfortably pregnant. When she designated preferred parking spots to accommodate pregnant workers, no one complained. It was seen as logical. But prior to her taking her place in the C-suite, the issue hadn't been raised.
Sanders talks about not slowing down out of consideration for what might happen in the nebulous future. The example she gives, now famous, is of a young woman confiding her fears of not wanting to accept a job with a lot of responsibility due to the impact it might have on her family. The woman was planning ahead - she didn't even have a boyfriend yet.
With this example, Sanders makes the point that women, having been highly trained and educated, are waving off promotional opportunities. The jury is still out as to why, but she suggests, and I agree, that part of the reason is this: in corporate America, a woman's decision to go through pregnancy, childbirth, lactation, and child-rearing is viewed as a private matter that should not impact her ability to work long hours and irregular schedules, including lengthy and frequent travel as needed. Rightly fearing this may drive her insane, a woman who wants a family may leap off the corporate ladder at a very early stage.
Sanders argues that if a young woman stayed on it long enough to secure a more powerful position, she would be able to exert more control over her work life (a perspective the young woman must trust will happen, since at her current low place on the corporate ladder she can only see her lack of power and control.) After a few promotions, she will be able to delegate some of her work to subordinates, afford more help at home, and influence workplace policies that unfairly impact women and families. Who can find fault with this argument?
Sanders is honest about her own mistakes, and I found that charming. For example, I was amazed that, for all her intelligence and education, she didn't originally intend to negotiate her starting salary with Facebook. Luckily a nice man (her husband) set her straight, and she made a counter offer to Zuckerberg. Reams of guidance have been written about how this error could have impeded her in later years, both at Facebook and with future employers, yet she didn't know. For other women who have not yet made this horrifying discovery, please read Ask for It by Babcock and Laschever (http://www.amazon.com/Ask-Women-Power...) which in addition to being enlightening and entertaining, offers tons of strategies for preparing yourself to negotiate. And not just for salaries. After reading that book I saved $150 on furniture I was going to buy anyway, by asking one question.
But back to Lean In.
I was also surprised that she wasn't well informed about how women can sabotage other women in the workplace, particularly women in power. This is an unfortunate truth with roots in biology, and is brilliantly explained in the amazing book, In the Company of Women by Heim and Murphy (http://www.amazon.com/Company-Women-I...) which I reviewed here:
http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/... This also suggests the reasons Sanders was hit with such a backlash for the well-intentioned Lean In.
There is so much more to say about Lean In, but let me close with this: I enjoyed learning how this stellar corporate executive struggled, made mistakes, and ultimately learned some strategies that will enable her, her family, and the women (and men) in her corporation to thrive. It's not perfect, and sometimes it's not even pretty, but part of the lesson is to let go of the need for perfection.
The other message, younger women, is to get as far and as fast as you can before starting your families. Don't opt out just because it looks too hard from where you're sitting now. The view improves with each rung on the ladder.
View all my reviews
nanci
/ January 28, 2011I think this is interesting. I am reading Cleopatra:A Life, a fascinating history of the ruler of Egypt and even in her most powerful days, her appearance was key. I think it’s pervasive through the ages. I work with a number of young women…. how would you like your data collected? I think the answer in Oregon might be different than in CA. It might be worth checking out. Are there certain questions you want asked?
Lynne Spreen
/ January 28, 2011I wasn’t going to be scientific, just looking for a general sense of whether the situation is true for them and why. I’d lead in with a paraphrase from Dr. Diller, e.g. “a recent bestselling psychotherapist thinks that young women are under intense pressure to look good all the time. Is this true for you and if so, where do you think that pressure is coming from?” I’d also, just because I’m curious, ask the young woman what she thinks will happen if she bucks the trend, and also, if she doesn’t feel that way herself, does she see it in other women her age.
Re the book you’re reading, the whole idea of Cleopatra having power deriving from her beauty (first, and assumedly, from her intelligence second) says something about how women are viewed historically. I wonder, has there been any real change since then?
If you would like to develop your own brief study and do a guest post as to the results, I’m sure it would be fascinating!! I know how busy you are but I hope you’ll consider it. So many of us Boomers don’t really have access to any sizeable group of younger people, so you could give us the birds-eye view.
DazyDayWriter
/ January 28, 2011This is an important topic, Lynne. And would make for a terrific book. I do think young women (women, in general) are encouraged to focus on external qualities to the exclusion of more important concerns in life. (also left you a comment under Dakota Blues) Some in-depth interviews with young women would be fascinating. Take care! Sending sun from Dakota (I think we have a sliver or 2 today) and P.S. have an artist visiting in sunnyroomstudio @ http://susanhpohlman.wordpress.com/about/
DazyDayWriter
/ January 28, 2011So here is the correct link for sunnyroomstudio @ http://tinyurl.com/6kkqne3 — but you might also enjoy Susan’s blog! So much for accuracy today!
drowningsquirrels
/ January 28, 2011Good luck on the research! I’m at the point of not caring how I look…I’m too busy trying to get published and “make something of myself.” But I’m not young anymore. My mom wasn’t into make-up. I never got into make-up or dressing up. I never feel myself in a dress, but I know a lot of women who put on their “shiny” faces and heels just to go out to dinner and movies with the girls. They act differently, carry themselves differently, and I think it’s so fake. But there is great pressure out there — mainly because of TV shows — just hanging out in the house, female characters on TV are all dolled up.
Rebecca Rasmussen
/ January 28, 2011I don’t feel that pressure anymore at 32, but I have removed myself from friendships/situations that would almost require that of me. I am a laid back sweatpants girl now, though I do like to dress up once in a while, but I do it because it pleases me.
Lynne Spreen
/ January 28, 2011Rebecca, I’m not surprised about you, because you are so mindful. My hair stylist, Casey, is also very wise about what she does and does not value in life, and she doesn’t waste time with BS. Maybe that factor (awareness) makes the difference?
Debbie
/ January 28, 2011Lynne, I think you’re onto something! Most young women I come into contact with do feel that pressure. I don’t know where it comes from, but I don’t believe it’s “other-sex” driven, having observed many of their significant others who are far from feeling similar pressure! (That’s a nice way of saying the guys look like slobs while their ladies are dressed to the nines!) Me, I’m just glad I work for myself out of my home and can throw on jeans and sneakers any old time I want!!
Lynne Spreen
/ January 28, 2011Debbie, if you get a chance to ask one or two of them, try to find out. I think it would be so interesting to know. And if we post the info, maybe younger women can garner strength from our words.
Vonnie Kennedy
/ January 28, 2011Lynne,
Living in S. Florida, I have plenty of opportunity to observe women, young and old, of many cultures, and let me tell you, they dress up. Of course, there’s plenty of designer stores down here so there’s no excuse not to have the latest skinny jeans. Unfortunately, there is a lot of peer pressure for the young women, especially in the urban areas, to be the thinnest and the most fashionable, and heaven forbid if they’re above a size zero! But, I don’t think it’s a new phenomenon. Think back to the Victorian era when they had those waist-cinching corsets?? Poor things.
Lynne Spreen
/ January 28, 2011That’s a great point, Vonnie, the Victorian aspect. Also, you make me laugh, because I lived in Palm Desert (by Palm Springs, only more expensive) for seven years, and you practically had to get a facelift before you went to the grocery store. Now I live in blue-collar Hemet, and it is MUCH more relaxing!
Vonnie Kennedy
/ January 28, 2011The great part of SoFlo is having the variety of colors and styles to choose from. I love that part, but the being teeny-tiny with no double chins, I’m too lazy and like to eat and drink too much. LOL!! I have a friend who’s constantly on weight-watchers and she already weighs 50 pounds less than me. But her idea of enjoyment is new appliances and a granite counter top. I don’t have the finances to keep up with the Jones. Talk about pressure!! Hey this could be another blog post!
krpooler
/ January 29, 2011Hi Lynne,
I work with adolescents in a pediatric practice and I also have teen nieces and I have seen both ends of the spectrum ranging from total obsession with hair,makeup,clothes to the sweats and tee shirt. Many teens are so busy with their high-tech lives (fb,texting,etc) they don’t have time to fuss with themselves. I think the 20-somethings feel it more. How sad to have all the focus be on looks. You have raised an important question though and I will be interested in your findings.
Nanci
/ February 4, 2011At lunch the other day I asked 5 young teachers ranging from 23-32 about their need to look good. All of them reported that they did not feel that pressure and hadn’t ever, with one exception. One had attended a private university in town and felt pressure while she was there. One of them loves clothes and loves to dress up, but feels just as comfortable not doing so. We all live in semi rural Oregon and there was a discussion that it would be different if they lived in a city, even Portland with it’s fleece and Birkinstock reputation. There was another teacher, my age, who has a young daughter who lives in LA. She said that her daughter was not a “dresser upper” but that she had been astonished how many of her friends there were anorexic, bullemic and spent more than their salaries buying trendy clothes. Her daughter is just naturally beautiful… and has been dating Billy Idol (May-December for sure!)for some time so she runs with a pretty expensive crowd, I guess. Anyway, everyone thought that the pressure may be geographically induced. Any other research done?
Lynne Spreen
/ February 4, 2011Nanci, I think it IS “geographically induced” or maybe Dr. D was basing her hypothesis on her clientele, which tended toward people who work in the fashion and movie industry. What you said about LA made me sick! Thanks for sharing what you learned – I will when I get the chance and I hope others will, too.