Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
As I read Lean In, I was intrigued at being able to get inside the head of a dynamic, smart woman who is one generation younger than me, and see the corporate world through her eyes. One of the cultural questions she answered for me was this: why are younger women so averse to the terms "feminist" and "feminism"? Apparently, Sheryl Sanders and her contemporaries believe(d) the following:
1. Equality having arrived, there's no need for feminism anymore
2. Feminists are man-haters who resist makeup and the shaving of one's legs
Okay, #2 was a bit tongue-in-cheek. However, having observed conditions in the real world for a few years now, Sanders has come to see that the playing field is not and will not be level until more women occupy positions of power in the corporate hierarchy. She doesn't suggest that this is due to any malicious intent on the part of men, but rather it's simply a matter of ignorance.
To illustrate, she describes having to park far away from her office door when hugely and uncomfortably pregnant. When she designated preferred parking spots to accommodate pregnant workers, no one complained. It was seen as logical. But prior to her taking her place in the C-suite, the issue hadn't been raised.
Sanders talks about not slowing down out of consideration for what might happen in the nebulous future. The example she gives, now famous, is of a young woman confiding her fears of not wanting to accept a job with a lot of responsibility due to the impact it might have on her family. The woman was planning ahead - she didn't even have a boyfriend yet.
With this example, Sanders makes the point that women, having been highly trained and educated, are waving off promotional opportunities. The jury is still out as to why, but she suggests, and I agree, that part of the reason is this: in corporate America, a woman's decision to go through pregnancy, childbirth, lactation, and child-rearing is viewed as a private matter that should not impact her ability to work long hours and irregular schedules, including lengthy and frequent travel as needed. Rightly fearing this may drive her insane, a woman who wants a family may leap off the corporate ladder at a very early stage.
Sanders argues that if a young woman stayed on it long enough to secure a more powerful position, she would be able to exert more control over her work life (a perspective the young woman must trust will happen, since at her current low place on the corporate ladder she can only see her lack of power and control.) After a few promotions, she will be able to delegate some of her work to subordinates, afford more help at home, and influence workplace policies that unfairly impact women and families. Who can find fault with this argument?
Sanders is honest about her own mistakes, and I found that charming. For example, I was amazed that, for all her intelligence and education, she didn't originally intend to negotiate her starting salary with Facebook. Luckily a nice man (her husband) set her straight, and she made a counter offer to Zuckerberg. Reams of guidance have been written about how this error could have impeded her in later years, both at Facebook and with future employers, yet she didn't know. For other women who have not yet made this horrifying discovery, please read Ask for It by Babcock and Laschever (http://www.amazon.com/Ask-Women-Power...) which in addition to being enlightening and entertaining, offers tons of strategies for preparing yourself to negotiate. And not just for salaries. After reading that book I saved $150 on furniture I was going to buy anyway, by asking one question.
But back to Lean In.
I was also surprised that she wasn't well informed about how women can sabotage other women in the workplace, particularly women in power. This is an unfortunate truth with roots in biology, and is brilliantly explained in the amazing book, In the Company of Women by Heim and Murphy (http://www.amazon.com/Company-Women-I...) which I reviewed here:
http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/... This also suggests the reasons Sanders was hit with such a backlash for the well-intentioned Lean In.
There is so much more to say about Lean In, but let me close with this: I enjoyed learning how this stellar corporate executive struggled, made mistakes, and ultimately learned some strategies that will enable her, her family, and the women (and men) in her corporation to thrive. It's not perfect, and sometimes it's not even pretty, but part of the lesson is to let go of the need for perfection.
The other message, younger women, is to get as far and as fast as you can before starting your families. Don't opt out just because it looks too hard from where you're sitting now. The view improves with each rung on the ladder.
View all my reviews
Rebecca Rasmussen
/ October 28, 2010Excellent post, Lynne. I always look forward to them arriving in my inbox!
Debbie
/ October 28, 2010I understand tiredness. What I don’t understand is non-productiveness. I can’t imagine a life, being the gift it truly is, that doesn’t accomplish something, that doesn’t give back in some way, that doesn’t seem to mean anything other than “coasting” through to old age! Maybe middle-aged people are no longer able to do the things they once dreamed they could; nevertheless, as long as there’s breath in my body, I want to LIVE!!
krpooler
/ October 28, 2010Hmmm, another thought -provoking post,Lynne. While I do not have the inclination or energy to set the world on fire, I do feel having a sense of purpose and making a difference are important. I find as I get older , I become more selective on how I define that. You get out of life what you put into it so coasting wouldn’t be my choice. It reminds me of a quote by Teddy Roosevelt “Do what you can with what you have where you are” And I agree with Deb, I want to lIVE!
Friko
/ October 28, 2010I was brought up to believe that hard work makes up for being all sorts of a
crummy person in other ways. As long as it could be said of me ” Well; she certainly works hard”, I could be forgiven many sins (in the non-religious sense).
Now that I am a boomer+, I know that the value of hard work is much overrated.
Do the best you can, which includes being kind to yourself, listening to your inner voice. even if that tells you to coast for a while. I am far more ALIVE now than I was when I was flogging my back to achieve. achieve, achieve.
And yes, I do care about water in Africa and food in the bellies of starving children, but I can do something about that quite easily, no hard work involved.
Vagabonde sent me here, I am glad she did.
Lynne Spreen
/ October 28, 2010Friko, I used to look at the wealthy, nonworking wives in my extended family and shudder at the thought, “what does she DO all day?” These are people who no longer raise children. It seemed all they did was plan parties, enhance their bodies, and redecorate. But there is another kind of retirement, wherein a woman might live a quiet life – she might putter at her plants, watch soaps, try a new recipe, do social networking, visit her adult children, attend a book club, take in a movie with a buddy…The former seems like killing time, the latter like living. But I feel bad judging.
I guess the thing I’ve learned in my middle 50s is that I have to feel like I have a purpose, like it would matter to at least a few people if I were no longer here. Thanks for joining the discussion!
Lucy
/ November 8, 2010I just found this site and I am happy I did. As a woman of 58 who, less than one month ago left a very stressful, responsible job, I am delighted to be semi-”coasting”, at least for the time being. I am back in school, on track to finally finish my bachelors degree in English, then will go on to an MFA in creative writing. I am loving having time to relax in bed in the morning, or, conversely, jumping up at dawn to do schoolwork because the house is quiet. I used to dread Sunday evenings knowing what awaited me the following morning. Sunday is now my favorite day of the week. I love staying up as late as I like because I know I can. I run errands when I want. I have lots more time with my lovely husband and close friends. I can talk on the phone to my two daughters for as long as they want to chat. I procrastinate writing my papers or doing homework but then enjoy the process once I start. A movie on a Wednesday afternoon just because I am in the mood? Heaven. Oh, and I do give to charity. I love writing the checks and mailing them off. I, too, do not feel the need to show up at the local food bank putting in time, though who knows? Maybe I will later. It is lovely knowing I have the choice to do so without having to squeeze it into an already over-scheduled day. I am not sure if this is will be the rest of my life. I will see where my education leads me, once I finish. For now? Coasting is a gift, and I feel very fortunate and grateful to have this time in my life to reflect and to do what I want to do.
Lynne Spreen
/ November 8, 2010Lucy, I’m glad you found us, too! And any future comments you make will go right up on the web, no approval necessary, so stop by often and let us hear what you’re thinking.
I worked for 30+ years and when I retired (if you can call it that; I’m finishing my first novel) I was kind of lost for a while. I tried freelance writing, got a part time job as an events coordinator for a law firm, and volunteered at a hospital. I remember being kind of afraid of all the free time. But, man, how I have adjusted!!! Now, a good day is one in which I have absolutely no appointments. The whole day to organize as I see fit. There’s always STUFF to do, but how wonderful to organize it on your own terms.
Best wishes!
Java
/ November 11, 2010I worked for 26 years as an HR Director and then the company decided that Mexico was the place to be. So with my newly found freedom, I cooked more, enjoyed more movies, woke up later in the morning, didn’t worry about cleaning up on the weekends and actually had breakfast in the morning. At first it felt strange – having time on your hands to do stuff without rushing about, not having plans for each hour of the day.
I’m back in school going for another degree, but I can schedule the hours so that they don’t interfere with the more important things in my life: my husband, my grandchildren and my knitting.
I was having a ‘serious’ talk with my granddaughter (she’s four, but she rocks!) around a month ago regarding what she wanted to be when she grows up. She advised me that she wanted to be a astronaut. So playing along I asked her “Do you know what Nana wants to be when she grows up?” Without missing a beat she said “My best friend.” Yep, that summed up my goal for life.
Lynne Spreen
/ November 11, 2010Java, I was an HR director, too. And your little story about your granddaughter melted my heart. I have a tiny little granddaughter (6 wks) and she’s so precious. Stay in touch – let us know how it goes.
SHORESLADY
/ November 14, 2010At 55 I thought my world was tumbling down when…I was fired from my full-time job that supported me and my disabled husband…when my unemployment ran out…when I needed cataract surgery on both eyes…when employers ignored my hundreds of resumes sent…and as it turned out life just went on. We tightened our belts, trimmed budgets, and lo and behold, we simply went on day by day, bruised but far from bested. My lesson; sometimes less is indeed more. More trust, more faith, more time, more creativity and no one can take those away.
Lynne Spreen
/ November 15, 2010Shoreslady, what an amazing comment. My own circumstances, while different by degrees, reflect the same curve as yours, and my husband and I found we could be very happy away from – well, away. I’m glad you’re okay now (and I hope you’re writing a book!) PS any future comments will go onscreen instantly w/o moderation, so please stop by again.
christine nelmes
/ March 1, 2011inspirational answer! thank you from a 60 something who was bemoaning her fate…….and indeed life does just go on no matter what the circumstance. I needed to hear that. Good luck although with your wonderful attitude I think you probably make your own.
Kind regards Christine
Lynne Spreen
/ March 2, 2011Christine, thanks for the comment. Drop by again soon.